Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Born with Teeth

Yesterday was my bi-annual dental check-up. Semi-annual?

I love my dentist, but since year three of going there, I swear I have never had the same hygienist twice. And they only have two rooms - and one of them is where they do the 'work'.

The one I'm in - usually - is the cleaning room. So really, I only have access to one hygienist - it's just that they're constantly changing.

Dr. Dorothy seems like she'd be a nice boss, but maybe the profession is transient.

There seems to be no continuity in how they work. Some still scrape with tools that the cro-magnon men forged. They leave your gums hurting for hours. Some use the ultrasonic scraper - it's like a water pic, and while it shouldn't hurt, well, sometimes it hits a nerve in a completely different way than the scraper-thingy.

Either way - they never ask which way I want. They just do it. I just let them.

Yesterday it was the scrape method. Which means blood.

I don't give a fuck how good your oral hygiene might be, these bitches will make you bleed.

And every.fucking.time:   do you floss?

Yes, you wench. At least once a day - every day!

But I got a clean bill of dental health - and sent on my way with a new toothbrush.  "Is orange ok?". Like I give a fuck.

But the below video was on the Simpsons.

Remember the days when you never missed an episode of that show? Now I've missed complete seasons.  But some station has done a marathon of all 20-something seasons of them back to back. I accidentally caught (part of) one I have never seen - it was a PSA for dental hygiene:  Menace Tooth Society - featuring Ludicrest.

This is exactly what I assume goes on in the microscopic world of dental hygiene.

Baby Got Back-teria.

I think that made it for me. 

Song by: Cock Robin


(the other) Brett said...

Oh joy.....I have my cleaning scheduled for this evening. Not sure how it will go as I've not been to the dentist in over 8 years, but at least when the doctor did the prelim check last week all she indicated needs to be done is a replacement of 3 fillings which are almost 30 years old, so I guess that's good news.

NOT looking forward to the appointment.

Anonymous said...

Every time I go to the dentist I think of Laurence Olivier in The Marathon Man. I have this compulsion to say "its safe".

Bob said...

My hygienists use the pressure washer method and I like that one!

Living in a smalltown, hence a smalltown dentist, I always have the same hygienist!

Anonymous said...

I would much rather get a tooth drilled or extracted than cleaned! At least then they numb you up! I always find myself humming Be A Dentist, from Little Shop of Horrors every time I go. My answer to how often do I floss: every time I come here!


Ur-spo said...

I just had my choppers cleaned as well. I too never seem to have the same hygienist twice. I dislike going to the dentist.