Friday, June 30, 2006

COLLEGE. MAMMAL. BEER.

Sometimes I just love advertisers. Especially non-US ones. The things they can get away with in the name of humour....and yet still actually get away w/funny. We (america) just get lame-ass commercials (see 99% of all Uberbowl ads). ...not that one ad has ever ever made me buy anything.

Morty sent me this Molson commercial - so he gets the credit. All of it.

The word always reminds me of a time when my sister Adrienne was on some interview committee while at an all-girls college and how she couldn't stop laughing when screening a male candidate from Beaver College. Even as she relayed the story to me weeks/months later on a drive back from the airport she was laughing so hard she was in tears.

Eventually, "aiming to shed a source of ridicule and boost enrollment", Beaver College changed their name to Arcadia University. Probably not b/c of Ade.

Probably.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

THOU SHALT NOT.........um....umm...hang on...give me a minute...

I love the Daily Show. I've said that here before. I loved Steven Colbert. He is great in limited doses, which is why he worked so perfectly on said show. I have not been able to get into his show. (though he was always funny in Strangers w/Candy!)

I have seen something on the web about an interview he had done w/congressman Lynn Westmoreland, a republican from Georgia. Of course, in true GOP fashion, he focuses on things that supposebly tug at one or more of the diversions hot topics that the far right most Americans find to be the biggest issues our country faces : Iraq Flag burning, economy gay marriage and/or national healthcare the 10 Commandments.

As I flipped channels (which I am apt to do), I actually came across the interview I had read about. Dumbass picks the latter topic to sponsor a bill about. Hilarity does ensue! Ruckiry (not Jon's boss), You Tube had it out there.

Enjoy. I know I did.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

HI YA HI YA HI YA

....and this is surprising...............................how?

I guess it was a 50/50 shot that I could have been Statler and/or Waldorf!


You Are Fozzie Bear

"Wocka! Wocka!"
You're the life of the party, and you love making people crack up.
If only your routine didn't always bomb!
You may find more groans than laughs, but always keep the jokes coming.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

SEPARATED AT BIRTH

I swear I've blogged this earlier, but I went back to my last 300 postings and could not find it. Per Per Boy George. The Boy was never a looker, which I guess is why the '80s and the make-up counter suited him so well. And here's what happens when you don't use a good foundation!



btw.....it was kind of amusing to myself to look back over some of those postings. I'm not advocating you all go back and read all of my postings.....however, if you'd like to, who am I to argue?

Monday, June 26, 2006

SHOPPING w/BLOBBY

Yet another installment in the drudgery that is everyday shopping. The camera-phone makes it a bit more fun - though I get looks whenever I take pics of products. Like I care what people think!


"mmmmmmm........it's Crap-tastic......um...Crab-tastic".


Sunday, June 25, 2006

SMELL YA LATER

Here is an important Public Service Announcement that everyone should listen to and abide by.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

THE PERFECT PROM GIFT

What does one get that prom queen who decided not to wear a skin tight dress to the big shindig? In fact, all of her clothes this last half of the school year have been quite unflattering!

....and what was all that ruckus coming from the last stall? I mean, courtesy flush, Susie!!! If you don't hurry you're gonna miss the last big dance!!!!!! Well, I can't be bothered, Skip and I got a hotel room!



The scary thing is......this isn't even the scariest thing! You MUST look here. Though I debated telling my readers to scroll down to see "Mitchell", I really think you should. No, you must! I insist. If you click on him - it takes you to MORE pictures. EEEEEEEEK. Is this supposed to be endearing in any way???????

My mother always said, there's no such thing as a cute newborn
(ummm......thanks (?) mom), but no such thing as an ugly puppy. "Mitchell" has just proved her right!

Friday, June 23, 2006

SITE OF THE MONTH

It's not a great SOTM. It's an ok SOTM.

Actually, it is one for people w/ADD. ...I mean all it takes is 4 Seconds....that is, if you have the time.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND

If you're not familiar w/the Elton John song, let me just say I have heard it enough to last a lifetime (pun completely intended!).

One of the two summers I worked at Sea World (yes, keep laughing.....get it out of your system) at a beer stand that was strategically located between two open-air auditoriums. One was the Shamu pavilion - w/their Jaws 3D show. Going back in the time/tie-in machine - Jaws 3D was partially filmed at the Orlando Sea World. The other shell had the seal & otter show: Clyde and Seymour's Spooky Kooky Castle. The show began w/Elton's song, but in the middle of the show, they played "Puttin' on the Ritz", the one from Young Frankenstein, b/c if Clyde (or was it Seymour?) had the ability to sing, presumably he would sound like Peter Boyle's monster.

Number of shows per day were based on park attendance. The shows alternated (i.e. not on at the same times), sometimes up to nine times per day! Needless to say, I knew every word, every pause, every sound effect and could countdown the seconds till there was a splash of Shamu and/or Namu hitting the water (side note: 'the breeding pool' really wasn't. Shamu and Namu were both females!). Janine, the girl who worked at the gift shoppe across from my stand, and I would take parts and mouth out each performance. During shows we were pretty fuckin' slow.

But I digress. I didn't really plan on blogging on Sea World.

Yesterday, as I sat in Temple-Tifereth Israel, at the funeral of a great aunt, I reflected on death as one will in these situations and other funerals I had been to. Martha was a kind and accomplished woman - not that the rabbi seemed to be able to convey that. At least one of her sons did - and the eulogy came out quite nice. Quite the turn-out too. I'd estimate 400-500 people.

I didn't reflect on how many would show to mine (22), but just how funerals say they are to celebrate the life of the deceased but inevitably they end up just mourning it....or themselves.

As they took the casket out to the hearse, I had what has become a recurring thoughts of some of the previous funerals I'd attended:

The tainted memory of my grandfather's funeral. One of my uncles insisted that I be a pall bearer. I was in 6th grade!!! No kid should have to do that. And those caskets are heavy! I wasn't doing my part - there's no way an 11 year old could. It warped me for all other funerals. I was however fascinated that the backs of hearses have little rollers. Who knew?

Or Mitchell's funeral. Maybe I hadn't developed any more upper body strength in the 20 yrs after my grandfather's funeral - but that casket was just as heavy. The weight I really carried was that of guilt. My lack of contact w/Mitchell the last month of his life was unconscionable. For my own fears and inability to look in that mirror (so to speak), I couldn't be there for someone I cared about and with whom I shared so many things. His 'wife', Midge, forgave me - but I've never forgiven myself.

At a cousin's funeral, my mother and I had a little row about her wanting me to go up to the open casket. I had no intention of kneeling in front of the coffin and looking at a body that didn't barely resembled the woman who was my cousin. In the middle of the funeral hall she told me to 'grow-up' and just do it. My response was that I was a grown-up and had made my decision.

I'm not afraid of seeing a corpse - but it is not the last memory I want to have of someone I know. The old adage of 'they look so natural' or 'they look at peace' if just hooey. Maybe others can talk themselves into that - I can't.

At my brother-in-law's mother's funeral (following me?), I really don't think anyone gave a second thought to playing Frank Sinatra's "My Way" at the end of the service. I'm sorry - but it was all I could do not to burst out laughing. I know Denton got it b/c we exchanged glances as the Frank began w/the lyrics: "....and now, the end is near, and so I face the final curtain..." Oh l-rd! I know they were trying to say that she did things her way......but really people, listen to the lyrics!!!!

But in temple, I had this recurring realization: I'm no longer the youngest person in the room. Perhaps mentally I am. I keep thinking, for whatever reason, I don't look/feel as old as I am. And that I'm not as old as 'them'. But in truth, I am 'them'.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

DANCIN' 'CROSS THE USA



create your own visited states map
or
check out these Google Hacks.

I've never had the ambition to visit every state in the U.S. like some people I've met.

If I never make it to Idaho, the Dakotas or Nebraska, I somehow think I'll live. Most of my undone travels are a little 'red' for my liking...and I'm a little too 'blue' for theirs. They are probably just as happy to see me not cross their borders anytime soon (though I bet they'd welcome any tourism revenue I'd throw their way!). I'm sure they all have something to offer, but I think there are other destinations I'd rather see than hitting the Circle K in Montana.

Of the other 36% of the states I have not stepped foot in, I would still like to see New Mexico, Washington, Alaska and Hawaii though.

...and at least I can name/place the correct state on the map, which more than I can say for most americants.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

THE CONCERT

I can finally post about the Rosanne Cash show.

Being a free concert in the park, I had no idea the size or type of crowd that would attend. Even w/name recognition, since the late 80s, she just doesn't move that many albums. She also has only toured twice in the last 15 yrs - and only a handful of dates at that. We arrived in mid-performance of the horrible horrible opening act. It was seemingly a good space.

It didn't take us long to figure out why the space was probably left open. Two....um.....well.....dorks. Drunk dorks. Drunk dorks w/lots of missing teeth. Possibly hillbillies (honest - I learned from a doctor from Kentucky who was one, that to true hillbillies, this is not a derogatory term). Right in front of us.

You know the kind of guys. Claps to the music - but not in time. Hoots and hollers at all the wrong times. Screams out things almost in a Tourettes-like fashion. ...and probably not showered in days.

For those who don't know - I really like music. I go to concerts for the music - not the event. So Blobby gets annoyed at the talking, cellphoning, or worse - the utter lack of knowledge of the artist or their work by the people who attend. Once at concert by a then unknown Sarah McLachlan, I told the people standing next to me that I didn't pay $16 a ticket to listen to them talk. They looked at me and then just walked out of the venue. Score one for me!

Oddly enough - no beer or alcohol with them, but clearly drunk drunk drunk. Now, I could put away the beer - and lots of it, but I swear I was never a bad drunk. Denton will say 'how would you know' - which is legit, but I knew. Ecstasy?.......well, that's a complete different story! But we/they sat there for a while and I kept thinking - 'how long does this kind of drunk last?'. I seriously considered moving to a less desirable position - but figured it might be a crap shoot (is that one word?) on what other kind of patron of the arts was sitting there. I also thought I'd bide my time thinking they'd go looking for hootch. ...at first the prospects looked grim b/c they ran into Mr. Kunkle - their old high school shop teacher!!!! Great!

Things looked up when in a drunken misunderstanding between the three of them, Mr. Kunkle didn't understand not to hold their seats while they went to get......(say it w/me).......beer! Mr. Kunkle held on to em, and for a long time we had no one in front of us. (Later that woman in the pictures from yesterday's post would claim a seat.)

Behind us we had two college aged guys. Maybe just post college. I had a real low tolerance at this point (I know...I know......but it's true), but every sentence had the words 'sweet' or 'that's cool....that's cool'. For the record - Nicholas Cage movies are not 'sweet'.

The concert itself was great. She did an outstanding job. Granted Rosanne is not that smooth w/the stage moves when she's not playing guitar, but for her lack of touring, it's acceptable. Her voice I swear was strong that it is on her recordings. There were three other musicians and one backing vocalist. No drums. If I have a complaint it's about the material being too heavy from her new disk. Yes, I know she's out promoting it to sell. But when one tours so infrequently, throw in something for the fans. But the group was so tight and the sound so good, it could make a good live recording (and I'm not a big fan of those).

Perhaps the reason she doesn't do older material is b/c she forgets the words. On 'Runaway Train' she completely started the song on the wrong verse - and caught herself....a line or two into it. After being able to settle her laughter and some funny stage patter, she finally got into it.

I might be getting old, but it was nice to have a concert start while it was still light out - and end just after sunset. Here's a setlist (as if anyone cares):

  • Black Cadillac
  • Radio Operator
  • G-d is in the Roses
  • Burn Down This House
  • September When It Comes
  • I Was Watching You
  • Tennessee Flat Top Box
  • Dream Are Not My Home
  • World Unseen
  • Runaway Train
  • House on the Lake
  • Sea of Heartbreak ( a good, Don Gibson Song I've never heard of)
  • What We Really Want
  • Seven Year Ache
  • Big River (encore)
  • Wouldn't It Be Loverly (encore)

Monday, June 19, 2006

C'MON - GET HAPPY!

So a little about Pittsburgh. Technically we went to see Rosanne Cash - as it was the closest she was coming to Cleveland while she tours. ....more on that in the next post. This one is about Pittsburgh.

Other events were happening in town that weekend too - so we had 'opportunity'. One being Pittsburgh Pride.....which we didn't know about until after it was over. The other being the Three Rivers Arts Festival.

I've determined if you've seen two arts festivals, you've pretty much seen them all. Half of what they exhibit is stuff that restaurants buy and throw a bunch of crazy crap on the wall and call it kitsch. It's not. It is usually crap. There are only so many colour-tinted black and white pictures of neon signs or adobe doorways that one can stand. Half the stuff we saw a week ago at the Chagrin Falls arts festival. Have shit will travel! (more on this in a future post.)

Invariably I make a comment about the art (or lack thereof) and find the artist sitting not in the booth - but directly behind me. I can't believe they haven't heard it before.........and worse.

The hotel should have been nice, sitting directly across from a park at the confluence of the three rivers. The same park where Rosanne's free concert was to take place. We really figured it would be decent since as we were checking in, overheard a promoter/manager making Cash's arrangements to stay just two floors above us. I'm not one for being starstruck - but I really thought it would be neat to run into her (it didn't happen).

The room and floor are ok, though quite dated. But on a return trip after walking around, the entire floor was odorous. I says to Denton, I says: "did the entire Partridge Family get rooms on this floor?" This being a less than vague reference (to those old enough to remember anyway) to the episode where a skunk gets on their bus and sprays them all. Hilarity ensued (at least to an 8 year old). Yes - the entire 22nd floor smelled of skunk! Denton thought maybe it got pulled in by the HVAC system - but aren't those usually on the roof?

...and yes, I will go low here, but say it as nice as possible: people of Pittsburgh are not attractive.

I do not say this lightly. I clearly have my own issues w/self-presentation, but save one crown, I at least have my own teeth. Or, I have teeth. A surprising number of residents don't even have any.....let alone their own.

I remember eons ago when Morty and I went out in Pittsburgh and I mentioned that I never felt so attractive. It was a joke. Kind of. But as years went by and I remembered that 'joke', I chalked it up to being young. No longer young - I realize I stumbled upon a horrible realization that I was right the first time.

For whatever reason, this 'arts fest' had booths for Sensodyne toothpaste and Lady Shick. The latter being a huge pink semi. I wasn't sure if they were shaving everyone's legs and pits or not (I mean, it was pride weekend!) - but they kept saying they were giving makeovers.

Below is one proud Proud PROUD makeover 'victim'. How do we know? She told anyone who'd listen. For the record, I'm not making fun of anything other than how she dressed - which well.....is suspect at best. I don't know what they did during the 'makeover', but clearly it had nothing to do w/apparel or appropriate use of.














The faux embroidery on her pant leg is a nice touch - but personally, the peach Hanes Her Way panties really make the outfit.....which of course, is off-set by the (b)acne!

The funniest thing actually came from Denton himself. He turns to me and says: "remember in the Simpsons when Patty or Selma sees Homer naked?" (it was Patty) ..and it was all he really had to say b/c I knew the follow-up line (DUH): "There goes the last lingering shred of my heterosexuality . "

Sunday, June 18, 2006

PRE-POST

Listen, it's Sunday night. It's been a rougher few days than it should have been. A whirlwind trip to Pittsburgh (which are going to culminate in a good three posts.....not necessarily three good posts. But until then, this is what you get.

We're back. Well, I'm back - Denton is off to someplace equally as hot as Cleveland is today (92f).....Gainesville, FL.

One of my sisters rang my cell right as we were walking out to breakfast. No, I didn't tell anyone I was going out of town. I'm forty-frickin-two years old. Did I have leave an itinerary? Apparently I might have to (though I kind of thought that's what cells were for).

Dad is back in the hospital w/pneumonia. Still as to unsure how he got it, but he does. I have to say, he looked the best he has in months - since before his heart attack. Go figure. We drove from PGH to the hospital. 1hr 50min. Ok, I sped. Big whoo!

So, I let my youngest sister know, but only b/c I really called w/another question. Mind you it's 1p at this point. She gets all bent out of shape b/c my mother never called her to tell her. I ask if she was coming over to the parent's house today and she says she has other plans.......w/a cook-out at her house (she lives 25 minutes away - and that's driving IN the speed limit).

After the call I got my panties a little bit in a wad. She's upset that my mother didn't call? She has other plans for the day. Father's Day! ...and it's 1p. umm..........had she bothered to call (or try to) to wish her father his wishes, maybe she'd have procured some of this information. But no........she feels inconvenienced that no one told her.

...and this people, equates to the grown-up reason I chased her around the house w/a butcher knife. I'm just sayin'.........



But Dad is doing good. He's in only for the night (supposebly). IV antibiotics. He's 85 and let's face it, pneumonia is right up there w/the top reasons the elderly end up dying. Better safe than sorry. He was glad to see us - and in good spirits. Wait till he sees the wireless network I set up in his house this afternoon for when he gets home!

Saturday, June 17, 2006

FROM THE DOCTOR'S DINING ROOM...

The other day while eating in the physician's dining room w/two co-workers, I heard a brief, yet (to me) exchange:

Kathy: "Is tonight 'date night" for you still?"
Mike: "Yeah. What are you doing?"
Kathy: "I have to go to Carol's and sit Shiva then go get new tires"

(pause)

Mike: ".....what kind of tires?"


I started laughing...I couldn't help it. On so many levels this was funny. Mike never inquired about the deceased or this Carol person. Just knowing what I knew about these two - neither could possibly know what Shiva was in the first place. I would have assumed that would have been THE follow-up question.

But most of all - Mike's delivery was flawless.

Friday, June 16, 2006

ANN....YOU IGNORANT SLUT!

Ok, you have to love Henry Rollins.

I mean - you do! And for sooooo many reasons. I'll be the first to say I'm not a huge fan of Black Flag or the Rollins Band. I'd say his acting is ok, but in reality the only thing I've truly seen him in is in some horrible movie that "starred" (and I use that term loosely) Charlie Sheen and the chick who played Buffy (the movie Buffy, not SMG-Buffy).

Rollins' spoken word tours are great. Those spoken words that have turned into books are good. We no longer get the Independent Film Channel, where Mr. Rollins has his own show, but ruckiry (not Jon's boss), you can few shorts/clips on-line. This one segment of Letter from Henry made me smile/laugh/feel good.

I'd say it's work-friendly, and for the most part it is - but in truth, he drops the f*bomb a few times.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

GO JAKE, GO!

I cannot stand to read that Shrub went to Iraq or how his polling numbers are up slightly b/c of a bombing that took out al-Zarqawi. I can't stomach that Rove got off when we all know he's guilty as sin.....and about so much more than the Valerie Plame leak.

...so I have a better news item I'm psyched about. Jake! He's a 15lb tabby who protected his territory / yard by chasing a black bear up a tree. Twice.

You won't find my cats doing that. They look at squirrels and yawn.

In the attached pic - you can see little Jake at the bottom of the tree looking up.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


ALL OVER THE PLACE. again.

As loyal-ish readers will know - whenever I wake up w/a song already in my head (not one I think of after I'm up - but already playing), well...I blog it.

This morning: Hey St. Peter. I didn't even know who did it. I had to Gooooogle it. Turns out it's Flash & the Pan. Imagine MY surprise!

True to my split personality.....once again, I'm all over the place musically. Yeah, I probably still listen to more "good......but down" music - and probably even still gravitate towards the female.

I've really liked Nelly Farturdo's song Promiscuous. I think anyone who knows me would say it's not my style - and I love it. ...and her voice is incredibly weak on the recording. It really could be anyone.

But I stumbled across Sam Bush this last week. His song "The River's Gonna Run" is a great folk/country diddy. I love Julie Miller (who wrote it) and Emmylou Harris who sings/plays on it.

Joe-Blob says check 'em out.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


.....and would you believe.............?

it's not even a gay bar.

This almost beats Tom Green's idea for a gay bar at the Grand Canyon:

Boy Gorge

Monday, June 12, 2006

ka-CHOW

We went to go see Cars over the weekend. The plan was to take some of the nieces and nephews, but they went out of town w/their parents. But we still wanted to go and decided that maybe going by ourselves first and taking them later isn't such a bad thing. When taking them to Finding Nemo, the squirming, the trips to the bathroom, etc - well I never even knew Nemo was missing, let alone needed to be found. This way we'd actually get to see the movie.

As Pixar movies go, it was pretty good. It is not as humourous as Toy Story 2 or as clever/engaging as The Incredibles (I never really cared for Nemo and definitely not for, as I call it, Monster's Ball Inc). Though Cars' storyline could have been beefed up a bit, I guess you have to appeal to the masses (i.e. the tots) and not get into something they don't understand and has to be explained. As it is, at two hours in length, the last twenty minutes had almost every kid in the place losing interest and chattering out loud.

The good thing about going to the movies w/out the kids is to be able to enjoy them for the little things: the quick references that make me laugh (the verbal and non), or that NPR's Click and Clack make an appearance that most would overlook. Though there are so many quick/missed references, it make the movie ripe for DVD viewing/pausing.

There are a lot of bad movies out there - so Cars was good fun. If you can overlook Owen Wilson's (shock!) mediocre voice acting (yes, acting! see Holly Hunter's performance in The Incredibles) it's probably even better. For what it's worth - Jeremy Piven and Tony Shaloub were great. ..and I somehow found the ability to separate Mater, the tow truck, from Larry the Cable Guy (who actually pretty much steals the movie). Even Sheryl Crow's song didn't suck (!!!) (and lately, that's not a small thing!. Though the Randy Newman penned/James Taylor sung, what I dubbed the "Love Theme from Cars", is a blatant blatant blatant bid for Oscar contention.

Joe-Blob says check it out.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

MISSED EVENTS

The weekend brought some missed events:

No Kidding - which is a group for childless and (more importantly?) child free people/couples. NPR's Weekend America had an interesting segment on a couple who had known they had no parental tendencies and opted not to have children. The man, amazingly enough, had a vasectomy at 23 years old, he was so sure.

Of course, that always brings thoughts of my choice never to have kids. I know...I know what you're thinking.....but it's not because of my sexuality that I don't have kids (well, it's ONE of the reasons). I feel like I've relayed this story somewhere in the blog before, so suffer through it again.

At 16 I had to babysit my sister, 3yrs younger than myself. She got on every frickin' nerve I had. The straw breaking my hump was putting a pack of cream cheese in the microwave....in its foil. For those who might not know the outcome, this causes a fire!!! She just refused to assist in doing anything about that or take any responsibility. I snapped. There was a butcher knife handy. Fortunately she was quicker than I was. Honestly, I could be cellmates w/Charles Manson had I caught her.

...but after she locked herself in her room and as I was cracking her doorframe trying to bust in, I had an epiphany: "I am never ever ever going to have kids! (That really sounded more violent and icky than it really was - or that I remember.)

(BTW....if you Goooooogle 'no kidding' and go to Images, one of the first images is of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman! LOL!!!)

The other event was the YearlyKos, a liberal blogging conference/convention/gathering in Las Vegas. I think it would have been an interesting, fun and frustrating time. This blog isn't reaching the audience of DailyKos, so I don't really know how or if they incorporate the small blogs into this event. Maybe it would be fun to go next year.

....and so you know........what happens in Vegas is immediately blogged from Vegas!

Saturday, June 10, 2006

TIME OUT

It was a little short film (was that redundant?) I saw on Showtime a few years ago. It's a little over 7min long and pretty much work-safe. It might take a minute to load.




I know I'm posting a video. It is an easy-out for a weekend post. I mean, does everyone want to hear about the really crappy waitress we had at mexican resturant last night???

Friday, June 09, 2006

THE YEAR OF MAGICAL DRINKING

Long ago, in a city far far away (ok....like 2 hrs west of here) we had a great house to grow-up in, as I remember. We moved to Sylvania when I was two or so and I wasn't six when we moved from there, so I didn't really have much to compare it to. Oddly enough, the house was a similar set-up to where my parents moved in Chagrin. The difference was we had stools to sit at the kitchen counter.

The neighbourhood was lively w/lots of kids that ranged from my oldest sister down to my youngest. I remember most everyone getting along (I guess except for that kid who ran over another sister w/his bike, breaking her collarbone).

Our house seemed to be a gathering place for kids closer to my age...and my mother welcomed them all.

On some hot days my mother served Magic Water (trademark pending...............not). Sure, now we're told to drink eight 8oz glasses per day, but this was 1965-68. I'm not sure we knew that back then. We always kept a pitcher of water chilled in the refrigerator. Again, w/the year! There were no water dispensers in the fridge itself.

I'd say 5 or 6 of us would come in from playing and my mother would pour us water. Magic Water. Before she'd poor the water, she'd go into some gibberish about making our water turn colour. From the clear pitcher (or perhaps the tap if she really wanted to throw us off), into a clear glass, she'd pour. And the water would be blue! or green! or red!!! Each glass a different colour. Just as quickly she'd wave her hand over the pitcher and pour a clear glass of water.

FREAKY.

All the kids were astounded.....including us. The mothers in the neighborhood would call my mother asking what was going on, obviously after the kids ran home babbling about my mother's Magic Water. I have no idea what, if anything she told them. She probably kept her secrets.

Kids being kids would beg to know how she did it. She definitely didn't tell them. And kids being kids w/their short attention span never caught on.

Her trick? Either knowing we'd be coming by soon (or just in front of us, but we were too distracted to know), she'd put a drop of food colouring in the bottom of each glass. When water hits the glass - presto!

It was such an easy thing - and such a crowd pleaser. It still makes me smile.

What I find interesting is that. as far as I know, she's never done it for her grandkids. And I'm not sure any of my sisters have done it for their kids and their friends.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

MOTORCYCLE MAMA (well.....I'm assuming)

At 12:40 this morning, Denton and I were awoken by some lady yelling. Not 'HEP ME! HEP ME!' yelling, but just general screaming. It sounded like an argument at first, but the words were pretty much inaudible - partially due to the distance (100 yds away or so) and my sleepiness.

...but since I was up, hell, I may as well pee - right? I could still hear the 'talking' from my bathroom and the window was shut.

For those who don't know - our house sits up on top of a hill at the edge of the heights (should any of that be upper case? probably, but who cares). Our 'front' yard (really, don't axe about the quotes) goes down a hill to MLK - which is a 3 lane, one way road. It can get a little loud w/traffic, especially as it is a route to two major hospitals (read: lots of sirens). We're pretty much use to the noise.

Anyhoo, through the trees, I could see what little traffic there was, slowing down. Even a city bus slowed down and changed lanes when he saw/heard the ruckus. I heard the word 'fire', but that's about it.

When I got back to the bedroom, Denton was looking out another window, but we really couldn't' see anything. We went back to bed, but I wasn't sleeping. I think he was in dreamland about 2.5 minutes after crawling back in.

...but then the sirens came.....as I knew they would. It sounded like one fire truck. The rumbling of the idling diesel engine bothered me more than the yelling or the sirens. I finally slept after the truck left. Honestly, they could have been there 10 minutes or 2 hours - I have no frame of reference. I do know I slept until my alarm went off, which I never do. Blobby was (and is) tarred.

So, I have to go down MLK to get to work (one of those two major hospitals, dontcha know) and what do I see about 100 yds from our street on the sidewalk? A motorcycle burned to the core.


How the fuck did THAT happen? Was it being driven by a drummer from Spinal Tap?? Do these things just catch fire?

How did these folks not get burned? I heard no ambulance....and trust me, I know that sound like no one else! I'm waiting to see how many days or weeks it will take for someone to actually move the burned out mess.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

SHAVE & A HAIRCUT - TWO BITS

Naughty Bits, in fact. Ok, implied naughty bits.

Norelco Noelco finally ditches that frickin' ad from 45 years ago w/Santa riding a razor for something more contemporary and hilarious (or at least humourous) that will never play on TV. Ever. The web is a wonderful marketing tool - isn't it?

...and here I am schilling for something I don't own and won't buy. Someone in marketing/advertising will tell you it's not to move more product, but for brand recognition. Whatever. I probably just proved them right.

It's work appropriate. At least there is no nudity or bad words. How's that to pique your interest?

A few tips on the site (not to imply that my readers are not savvy enough to figger this out on their own - but just call it a time-saving tip):

  • After you think the ad is over, the 'actor' will prompt you for things - or at least make cocky gestures.
  • When you think you're through the initial piece, make sure you go to the lower left corner main menu and work your way though each menu item. (hint: on 'testimonials' - you have to hit the next button on the Razor phone for next message)

Watching this - I couldn't help flash back 10yrs or so ago, sitting in Barbary Lane (yes, a bar) w/Morty and Tom G openly discussing who shaves what and how frequently. Becky was there too - and since she knew us all too well (oh - and we were DRUNK!) she wasn't too too shocked or appalled by the conversation. Most of the time I just sat there drinking my beer out of a mug shaped like a boot. .....I kid you not.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

6/6/06 = SNORE

If I have to fuckin' see one more article on this I'm gonna vomit. However, in some paper I read over the weekend, the theological takes on it were amusing.......in a good way. How numerically, it is more likely reference would be 616 - and how there is little or nothing associating it w/the anti-christ.

And let me tell you, the anti-christ is here already. And he/she/they have the perfect disguise: 'christians'....tearing down decency, 'morals', human and civil rights, etc all in the name of their saviour.

Monday, June 05, 2006

PEOPLE FROM THE PAST

For whatever reason, the last week or so I've been thinking about people from my past (just as the title says). Maybe other people go through this little ritual. Normally I do not, but when I do, it comes out of nowhere or for no apparent reason.

As previously posted here - I've never sought out anyone from high school. I've never been back, never attended a reunion and never intend to. Now and again I get mailings from said school - usually addressed to my parents, but coming to my address. Just another indication that even though it's been 25 years since graduation, a faction of my past does not consider a grown-up.

But something the other day triggered a thought of one of my teachers: Clem Caraboolad. Mr Caraboolad was one of those people who pass through ones life, but makes a significant impact. He taught Geometry and Eastern Religions. He was cool. Too cool to pay any attention to some dorky freshman. Yet when in his room, he wouldn't treat the seemingly social outcasts (read: me) any different than the popular kids.

His room was strung w/xmas lights - and no overhead lights were ever on. His classroom had no desks. The chairs were ripped out car seats, recliners, bean bags and the like. The first and last five minutes of class he played rock music (of his choosing). The room had a dart board too. Students would congregate there after school while waiting for their bus.

It was during these times my first year (at that time, one took Geometry sophomore year) that he would subtly encourage me to play darts or be part of a discussion. He treated every student the same - popular kids fared no better in his eyes. To someone who always felt different (and probably every teenager did - but I'm all about me!) this was a huge thing. He showed potential of what a just world could be. This is no small thing - even if another 4 billion people didn't live up to this ideal.

Do not get me wrong. He did not single me out or spend any significant time w/me. But for the time in his class (for work or play) he made me feel included. In high school, that is probably the best one can ask for.

Mr. Caraboolad was young - less than 20 years older than myself....but he was old/wise enough to know how to psychologically incorporate equality in student development and young enough to understand where we were coming from and be able to relate where we would trust him.

The seemingly unruly environment of his class worked to his advantage - and to mine. After the opening 5 minutes - it was down to work. I would get As. IN MATH. That never happened to me - before or again. He'd teach w/fun. How better than to learn Geometry than to put it to practical use - how to play pool? Personally, I think it was equal parts his teaching style along w/a teacher one liked and respected, so students rose to the occasion to do good work. It makes all the difference.

We'd have other days of fun. Very Tiny Car Races. Basically, Hot Wheels track set up all through the class. Or Rock and Roll day. We go to vote on the best music (and worst) and he'd play some of it - educating us on music too.

A few years after I graduated, I understand he actually left to teach at another school....so he could coach football. Hearing this years later kind of floored me. This was a man who seemingly cared nothing for sports. He did nothing w/any organized sport at my school. One almost felt betrayed that he ended up trading his career to hang w/the jocks. Did popularity win out......again?

He died in 1988 at the age of 43, whic is just a little older than I am now (ok ok....two months older.....off my back!), and though this post doesn't adequately convey exactly how he impacted me, he could be confident that he did.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

GOTTA LOVE THE GOP

Ok....actually you don't.

I continue to open mail from a former tenant of the former owner of our house (c'mon Alberto Gonzalez.......come and get me!). If you remember from a previous post the former tenant is seemingly on a major right right right wing list. Of course, middle of the road conservatives, to me, are the FAR right.

So this mailing is for Greg Parke, who is running for U.S. Senate in Vermont. The letter starts off like this....

It was May 24, 2001. That's the day Sen. Jim Jeffords of Vermont stole a Republican Senate seat. You haven't forgotten, have you?

...and it goes downhill from there. Words and phrases include: malicious orbetrayed or turned his back on and willingly handed liberal Democrats control of the U.S. Senate.. Not unlike that last WV GOPer I blogged about (who btw...lost their primary), the letter is four pages long! I know I have a short attention span - but the most attentive person you would have lost in a two page letter (me: it just takes one page).

Mind you - Jeffords isn't running in this election, but why not dredge up something like that. Are there swift boats in Vermont? And you see how well that Jeffords' defection gave the Democrats sooooooo much control of the Senate! IF you can find a 'liberal Democrat' in the senate....a true one who won't move to the middle to keep their seat or to not seem unpatriotic, PLEASE show them to me.

btw....Greg is 100% pro-life!!! Though he doesn't mention it - anyone care to wager he's pro-death penalty. And wouldn't that cancel out his 100% pro-life stance?

Ugh. Maybe it's not the way I should have started my Saturday morning.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

YOU MUST ASSIMILATE

.....actually I don't. ....and I won't.