Sunday, December 31, 2006

(unless something really fuckin' good happens!)

Continuing from my Billy Idol post a few weeks back - I cannot stop laughing at both David and Morty's other track selections. Yet no one could come up with a holiday take on "Eyes Without a Face" or "Cradle of Love". For shame readers!

But it all comes back to Morty. ...and now it is surpassed by Rebecca. Click here to see me actually "Dancing With My Elf"*.

I have NOT been able to stop laughing for about the last 25 minutes!

* please wait until the entire routine has been completed. It is important to see how I just stand there doing my warm-down.

I've never been a huge fan of New Year's Eve. The night always seems so forced. I learned to tell time months ago and I certainly don't need to be told when to kiss someone, though 12:00 mn does give one an opportunity to try to plant your lips on someone whom you might not have a chance with otherwise. I don't remember actually doing that, but it's an option to keep open. Or was.

It has been a while since I've ventured out on this night. I've alluded to here before that I don't drink as much as I used to - actually, barely at all (but I guess that's all relative). Even when I partake, I'm usually at home. But it dawned on me that almost everyone out on the road during the early morning of January 1st is drunk drunk drunk. Who needs that?? I've done my share of driving while intoxicated and (thankfully) never got stopped or had an accident. On a night like tonite, you're kind of just axing for it. I'm happy staying at home, fixing a good dinner and throw in a DVD. Chances are I'm in bed well before midnight.

Two NYEs in particular stand out for me. One kind of funny - one kind of not and both good examples on why to stay in. Let's start with the latter.

About 10 yrs ago, Denton and I were out with my boss (at the time) and his wife. Completely low-key night of beer, wings and darts. Not the crappy electronic ones - but real ones which I had purchased for a store that sold only darts. I learned the art of the double-in/double-out. I never punctured anyone with a stray shot.

Anyhoo....we were sitting in Pacers drinking and I noticed walking in a girl woman I had known since I was in 6th grade. We were inseparable for years. Scarily, we were a lot alike. After she left OSU we didn't have much contact, though I did drag Morty to her wedding. She married a man I had never met....some former Army guy....all of 5'4". I intercepted Ann and her husband, John (?) as they walked in. She was glad to see me, but they were in a 'rush'. Soon they were to rush right back out.

It turns out that John didn't like me much and wasn't going to be in the same establishment that I inhabited. Lord knows what he had heard, but apparently he was jealous of me. ME?!!

Going by stories I had heard after their divorce, my guess is she got the crap beaten out of her later that night. Probably not because of me, I was just a reason to do it. Apparently it happened quite a bit. Years later, we'd catch up and she told me all about it. Then the evening just deteriorated: why didn't I love her? why was I with Denton? why couldn't it have I have been with her instead? How do you answer these questions? I didn't need a psychology degree to see that this was a fall-out of her abuse and divorce, but I couldn't get her to see that. It ended badly. We haven't talked or seen each other again. Oy.

The other story is on a different end of the speculum spectrum.

I was checking with Morty the other day about a trip we made to Chicago for NYE. We both have some shared memories of said trip - but for the life of us we don't know a year or who may or may not have gone with us. I do know Denton was there - but we can't remember if Mitchell was. Our discussion got to the point where Morty emailed me: 'Did this trip actually happen, or did we make it all up!?'

A goooood and legitimate question. Truth be told - we had a few of these trips. Here's what we do agree on - or at least pieced together:

It was COLD. The night was 12 below zero, without the wind! We were told the L didn't run after midnight - and we believed whomever told us. It was a lie. After some party we walked and walked and walked. I had an illicit substance in a pocket that I would have gladly shown to any police officer just to feel the warmth of the back of a squad car. But there were none to be found - it was too cold out for the cops! Naturally, being our (read: queer) culture, one wore things like jeans ripped in the right places....and shirts with the sleeves ripped off and wife-beaters underneath those. Not much protection against the Windy City elements. We were morons.

I certainly can't won't comment on anything my traveling companions may or may not have done, but I could for me and it's not pretty. I do remember meeting up with some Chicago friends at Manhole the next evening. To really get in, you needed leather or to at least be shirtless. Well we didn't own leather - so in subzero temps, the shirts came off. UGH. Not pretty and not fun. Manhole is closed now and I have no doubt it was probably the result of something we did there that night. It's hard to say.

I do remember outside the Manhole running into an old Columbus resident, Dan Stain. Oh how he went on and on about a friend of mine, Jon. "Jon this. Jon that. Blah blah blah." So, I go on to update him on where Jon is (oh oh oh Morty, I just realized after writing this - this trip had to be after 1992, since Jon S. had moved that year!) and what he was doing. Dan looked at me quizzically, then said, "I'm talking about John C." It never would have occurred to me he was talking of 'John/Sheba'. I immediately lost interest in the conversation and just moved on. I'm like that.

So, I figured this many details had to come from a real excursion. I would venture to say it was a fun trip, even if we don't quite remember it. But I am way too old for that kind of weekend now.

Yeah, dinner and a DVD sounds good for tonite. I'll hear the gunfire when it hits midnight.

UPDATE: Rebecca is quite right. The first New Years in Cleveland (which was 2 days after moving here), I went with Rebecca and her brother to a Public Square celebration. We relied on public transportation (which Homer Simpson says is for 'losers' and 'lesbians'). That was fine on the way down - not so much on the way back. Getting on a train was like getting into a Who concert in Cincinnati! Then there were no taxis or busses at our stop. A good 2-3 mile hike in unshoveled shin-deep snow back to Paul's house. How could I forget that???? Make that three incidents just to stay warm and cozy @ home.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Maybe there is a job for me after all

Dith was nice enough to find me this nice job - or one of the Top 10 Worst Jobs in Science.

Semen Washer
It's a job that separates the boys from the men

OK, OK, their real job title is usually something like "cryobiologist" or "laboratory technician," but at sperm banks around the country, they are known as semen washers. "Every time I interview someone I make sure I ask them, 'Do you know you'll be working with semen?' " says Diana Schillinger, the Los Angeles lab manager at the country's largest sperm bank, California Cryobank. Let's start at the beginning. Laboriously prescreened "donors" emerge from a so-called collection room that is stocked with girlie mags and triple-X DVDs. They hand over their deposit, get their $75, and leave. The semen washers take the seminal goo and place a sample under the microscope for a sperm count. Next comes the washing. The techs spin the sample in a centrifuge to separate the "plasma" from the motile cells. Then they add a preservative, and it's off to the freezer, where it can stay for 20 years. Or not. Thanks to semen washers (and in vitro fertilization), more than 250,000 babies have been delivered in the U.S. since 1995.

I just wonder if it has a 401k or 403b plan. ...and Dental.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Thursday, December 28, 2006


In 2006, I've purchased a number of cds - legitimately, I might add! Some were from the brick & mortars, but about half were through iTunes. Until this year, I had never bought an entire disk off of the site - only individual songs here and there.

From the 15 or so disks I've shelled out cash for this year, I thought since I do an album of the month, it only stands to reason I do an album of the year.

The Chicks get the nod for 2006. Hands down.

I can only say I was ever a half-fan. On each cd, half their music was good and half was just ok....sometimes not even that. But they kind of won me over on this record. And though I'd like to talk about the music and not "the incident", but the Chicks make that a tad bit difficult.

Musically, the songs on Taking the Long Way are very strong - or most of them (Honestly, I skip right over "Lullabye" and "I Hope"). Yeah, regarding the comment, they went for the dig with "Not Ready to Make Nice", but it works. There is stronger material on the disk, but unfortunately radio would never hear it. The pseudo title song, "The Long Way Around" is possibly the best they have done in their career. Songwriting, harmonies and vocal arrangements are tight!

I don't care what the press releases led anyone to believe, Taking the Long Way is not a radical departure from their previous albums. Rick Rubin's production is solid, but he doesn't greatly deviate from their style. How can he when fiddle, banjo and guitar are your mainstays? The songs weren't that serviceable to non-country radio (I love "Lubbock or Leave It" - but how is that gonna play on MOR or AOR radio?) and country radio wasn't gonna touch it, well, because they are small minded.

Some songs stand out instantly - like "Voice Inside My Head", "The Long Way Around", "Everybody Knows" and "Not Ready..". As with a number of their other disks, I had to do mutliple listens before appreciating some of their songs - this cd is no exception. I've come to really like "Lubbock" "Favorite Year" and "Easy Silence".

On a the non-musical side, I love how they have carried themselves. True, they might have gotten more mileage out of this disk if "Not Ready.." wasn't the lead single. It opened old wounds with radio - but on the other hand, there was no way to avoid it. They went in with all guns blazing. And it probably hurt their sales with less than 2 million sold vs the over 10 million sold for each of their first two disks (and 6 million for their last, when 'the' comment was made).

I do love that they are also up for five Grammys (though it's an award I think holds very little merit) - and some of them are for Country album and song of the year. Wouldn't it just kill Nashville if they won?

For fun - you should read the amazon reviews of this disk...especially the one star and five star ratings. Almost none of them are based on the disk or music - just political rants.

My (very close) runner-up: Rosanne Cash's Black Cadillac.

What's your favourite disk from 2006?

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

2007 Calendars

When you see the thousands of 'bound date-telling pages' to choose from at Borders - you kind of, sort of expect to see this:

You don't really expect you? Or is it just me?

As much as you probably can't hang the first one up in your work office now & days (unless you work in an auto body shop or something) - it's more than likely you have a lesser chance of putting up the least without a derogatory name (or two) being lobbed your way.

And really - how many does one have to sell to get an ROI on 'Brokeback' calendars?

Tuesday, December 26, 2006


Believe it or don't - but for some reason, it never occurred to me to take out the camera during our dinner party last Friday. It was also Sophie's first holiday....which btw...she was the big hit of all the people who came over - family and friends. So here are some of other holiday pics...and thankfully none of me!

Sophie liked to help deocrate the tree

Sophie liked to play in the tree

Sophie liked to be by the tree

Sophie liked to just look at the tree

The tree itself. It represented better in real life

My spinach parmesan balls. Ok Ok, they're not my recipie....but I did make them. Again, something else that represented better in real life. Now I know why Bloghungry says it takes so long to photograph his food. But they tasted great!

Oh - and Soph liked the wrapping paper - a LOT!

Monday, December 25, 2006


...that I have not watched Pee Wee's Christmas Special - which IS the bestest holiday special of all time.

Actually, it used to be that once a year was never enough, which is how I used to have my Christmas in July party. I believe the last occasion for this party, while in Columbus, most attendees ended up bringing me wrapped fruitcake bricks. It did get to the point where almost everyone who attended knew all of the lines....all of the inflections...all of the pauses. It's rare that an email isn't exchanged at the year's first snow-fall where the subject isn't: "It's Sno-oh-oh-oh-oh-ing".

Of course, for some, it got to the point where there was an internal collective sigh when the show wasn't viewed - at least in a group, where the tape almost became secondary.

The guests are fun and funny - too many to name and too out there to adequately due justice in a blog. The whole thing is gettable, even if you weren't a Pee Wee's Playhouse fan (though it helps a bit). And as implied earlier, the entire things is quoteable. Every. Single. Line.

Thank g-d that it finally came to DVD a few years back. My VHS copy was worn out. I was going to buy a new one on eBay, but didn't have to. And as the ultimate xmas gift, I had a copy sent to all my good friends.

So, I missed viewing it before xmas this year. No biggie. I think I still have a week timeframe to get it in before the holidays are over.

If you haven't seen it - you must. You MUST.

Sunday, December 24, 2006


"....and what do YOU want for Christmas, little boy?"

Man - I suck the life out of any holiday, can't I?

Oddly enough, Michael looks more like the Tin Man in a Santa suit than he does just a pervy St.Nick. I think it's the nose.

Well, if this doesn't keep you awake tonite, here's hoping that everyone enjoys their holiday.

Saturday, December 23, 2006


Betcha didn't think I'd make a post today - did ya?

Last night we had our holiday get together. Lower key then last year, but no less special (except for the fact that Jon, Dith David & Duck couldn't join us*). 10 people just hanging out, enjoying food, wine, beer, cookies and lots of good conversation and laughter.

The cocktail/hors d'oeuvres party turned into a sit down dinner....courtesy of Rebecca. As a mother of two young girls, sitting down to the dinner table is a luxury for her. At first I was concerned that guests were not expecting this, nor were we situated to seat 10. But we had a card table, we put up and though the inevitable jokes about a 'kids table' surface, they also quickly passed. We were left with food and talk.

A simple meal of salad, fruit and beef tenderloin with lots and lots and lots of wine. LOTS. When Bob & Matt were leaving, Bob confided, "I think I had an entire bottle of wine." My response was, "don't worry, so has everyone else!".

Ruckiry (not Jon's boss), the conversation never deteriorated too much...though we did go on about SNL's Dick in a Box, but could you blame us? With some of us old-timers, who have known each other for almost two decades, well....we know each others stories. That's a nice way of putting it. With this familiarity, I think we've been known to accidently shut others out - but we were soooo good that this time it didn't happen. I don't think. I may have consumed a bottle of wine...or more.

The only embarrassment of the evening came early on. Hardwood floors, me in socks and leaning against the back of a leather sofa is (and was) just a recipie for disaster. Talking with a friend, I found my extended feet begining to slide...and there was nothing to stop me. Damn Sir Isaac Newton! On the upside, I only spilled the wine I was holding and did not drop or break the glass. The only thing hurt was my pride.

However, during dinner I was being a blogger. Surprisingly as it sounds, not everyone knew this fact. And going by the number of hits I don't get, it's not a complete shock either. (sigh)

* full disclosure: I didn't actually invite, Jon or David & Duck - since I knew they weren't crossing state lines to just join us for dinner. It does not make them any less missed. Dith? Well....she just blew us off!

Friday, December 22, 2006


I'm not a scientist, nor do I play one on TV. It doesn't take Dr. Science ("I have a masters!") to determine that the Bush administration has skewed actual science - from AIDS/HIV Education to WTC air particulants - for their own benefit.

Andrew provided me a link to the A to Z Guide to Political Interference in Science. It is brought to you today by the letter Q
Union of Concerned Scientists. The table stops just short of Bush & Co. showing g-d forming man out of dirt and ribs....but give it time, they still have two more years in D.C.. I guessing more and more of the table will be filled-in before the next administration takes their oath.

Seriously, take a look at the table. The UoCS' findings are not hooey. For example, H (HIV education): Abstinence might make the heart grow fonder, but it makes the hard-on grow less fond. Though W would like for sex only to happen with married couples wanting to concieve children - that is never going to happen. So why not face the reality and help deal with the problem that actually produces results? They are fighting the wrong fight. (this also goes for the St - Sexually Transmitted Disease block).

Ns: Neurostimulation is great for some things - and shows great potential for physical and behavioral disorders. However, there is nothing concrete to show that VNS (or even DBS) are viable (let alone long term) treatments for depression. I know this because I worked in this area. FDA approval (through device manufacturers lobbying) does not prove medical necessity.

These are just a few examples, but I'm sure you can find 'experts' who will discount each and every one of these. But if you look close enough - I would wager they have conflict of interest written all over them, whether it be with lobbying, device manufactures, faith-based organizations, etc.

How about just listening to some good and healthy debate without the fear of government manipulation?

The title of the post is mine. Andrew would never be so crass as to say something like that. His wife however.......

Thursday, December 21, 2006


I prefer "conscientious objector".

But that name probably doesn't sell pieces of stuffed fabric to block the wind from under your doors. The ones we own are much more clever. We have a 'cold duck' and a 'chilly dog'.

...and speaking of drafts....

Do I support pulling the troops out of Iraq? Yup! Is Shrub hellbent on sending more troops to Iraq (and an additional $100 $99.7 BILLION to do it)? Yesindeedy. Of course, he still thinks we can "win" this. He should look around....he/we lost "it" and quite some time ago at that.

He wants more troops? Fine! I say - reinstate the draft!! No exceptions for educational deferments. No exceptions for people of priviledge. No exceptions for gender. But by all means - keep the queers out! Oh wait, I'm over the military's upped age limit - I'm good. The queers can serve! A mandnatory draft is the only way the people are going to go 'oh shit! WHAT the fudge are we doing?!' ....but I didn't mean 'fudge'.

Soon, we are going to be in Iraq longer than U.S. troops were in the WWII arenas. Think about that. ...and we got something done there. Sure it involved an atomic bomb or two - if you must nitpick!!! (and lordy, I am NOT advocating that now!). Oh, and there is no timetable to pull out. Dates of 2008 and 2010 have been thrown out here and there, but putting more troops in now will surely extend those timelines.

Listening to the BBC yesterday, there was a panel on who the moderator could not quite control - it was like a Fox "news" show of Britian. Iraqi, U.S., U.K. and an asian woman, whose country of origin I missed, representatives were the guests.

Underlying agreements ran across the board - the U.S. has already run out their goodwill, we have no plan and our strategy isn't working. You didn't need a talk show for that!

Oddly enough, a few people brought up some interesting, if not flawed, points. The asian woman was adament that while she conceded that we didn't have a strategy, but we needed more troops. Isn't the definition of insanity to keep repeating the same thing over and over expecting different results? More troops just means more resentment from the Iraqis and more deaths on their side and on ours.

Another item brought up - from a U.K. woman - was that the Iraqis did in fact want democracy and that they have turned out in greater percentages than anyone voting in the U.S.. I could argue that - but I won't. It's not that they don't want democracy - but their factions are warring. Saying that X% of one side voted for a leader leaves another X% out. While this is true in all democratic elections, usually the other side doesn't use roadside bomb and IDEs to blow up the ones who won (but don't count the GOP out just yet! 2008 is around the corner!). Anyhooo...this is not the liberty the troops were expecting to bestow upon Iraq.

So, let's reinstate the draft and bring the war to an end. Or at least help boost the population of Canada!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006


I figured I'd do a monthly 'what I'm listening to' kind of thing. This could be viewed as a lame placeholder kind of post. And probably it is. But it's my blog! So there!

These may or may not be newly released disks. They might not even be a good disk - just what is been in heavy rotation in my car (as usually the iPod is playing anywhere else).I love(d) the Eurythmics.

First off, that they were the ones to knock off "Every Breath You Take" from the #1 position in 1983, makes them stars in my book. Most of their disks are pretty good, but overall, I don't think any of them beats Savage.

I really had to struggle whether Savage is better than Touch - but I came to the conclusion that I think it is. It has a bit more depth and cohesiveness. It doesn't hurt that it's a stellar disk that was sandwiched between two of their weakest albums (Revenge and We Too Are One).

For the most part, Savage goes back to the groups beginnings. Sweet Dreams (are made of this), Touch and 1984 were all pretty much just Dave & Annie - no (or few) supporting players. Just them doing their thing - all the writing (save 'Wrap it Up') and most (if not all) the playing and singing.

There really isn't a weak song on the disk (though "I Need You" can get you running for the razor blades and "Put the Blame on Me" can wear thin), which is not to say it was a radio friendly disk. If anything on it hit the commercial airwaves, I missed it. A few of the songs "I Need a Man" and "You Have Placed a Chill in my Heart" made MTV rotation.

Stand-out cuts (for me) are: "Shame", "Beethoven (I Love to Listen To)", "I Need a Man" and "Brand New Day". Overall though, Annie Lennox is in fine vocal form and this is truly an overlooked disk.

And though I've seen some of the video cuts - it was always my understanding that there was a video companion piece (a video for each song on the cd) of this at the same time (1988), but I've never seen it. That is another great thing about the Eurythmics: they were just as effective visually as aurally, and the videos were built around the music - not the other way around (which became typical mid-late '80s MTV).

Discover or rediscover Savage. You'll be glad you did.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


I don't usually watch SNL. Granted, I am rarely up that late, but if I am, it's not for some lame-ass comedy. I always flash on when Krusty the Klown was on it and the first skit was "The Big Ear Family" and it wasn't going over - then Krusty mutters "oh g-d, this goes on for 14 more minutes!" THAT is SNL.

So imagine my surprise when they did have a funny skit on last week. Mind you - it wasn't live, but pre-taped, so they had many times to get it right. ...and it happens to be the best thing Justin Timberlake has ever sung.

Oh - and NSFW.


Do your work.

I'm rollerblading down a produce section of a really upscale grocery store. I mean, I was in full pushing-off and gliding mode on their pristine hardwood floors. All of the sudden, Martha Stewart appears from around the top of the aisle. For some reason I know she works there, but then she starts tossing crackerjack onto the floor. (No doubt she has grown, harvested and popped the corn herself - then maked the simple syrup to carmelize before gently folding in the popped corn!). She smiles the entire time, but I deftly avoid those hazards that could make me take a tumble.

All of the sudden, I'm in front of the office of Alanis Morissette (in the grocery store still) and she magically adorns herself with a gold lame bustier while singing "That I Would Be Good".

Then I stand to the side while she talks to this man who has Retinitis Pigmentosa. I don't know how I know this - I just do. But I catch him in "lies" as he says he 'saw' Rod Stewart last night in concert and mentions 'seeing' the blimp! I couldn't get Alanis' attention to let her know I was on to his game!

After that, I either woke up or changed dreams. I certainly don't remember anything else. Like THAT wasn't enough?

Monday, December 18, 2006


As much as I cannot wait for Shrub to be GONE - I shudder at the thought of a new presidential campaign season. 2004 got me engaged so early, it just lasted forever. But like the moron on the highway who can't help but gawk at the accident on the other side of the median, here I am again.

Honest to g-d, I have no strong feelings one way or the other on Obama, Edwards or Clinton as Democratic candidates. Kerry, I have very strong opinions on (stay out!). It will be interesting to see who joins the race.

As for the GOP - oy! Each one is worse than the last. I think we can rule out George Allen. So who does that leave: Bloomberg? Giuliani? Pataki? Bush (Jeb, that is)? Romney? and McCain? ....yes, there's a handful of true fundies out there who aren't going to have a chance at the electoral college or even getting past New Hampshire.

With the failures of the current administration, I can't imagine Condi even seriously be considering a run. And while middle america MIGHT be ready for a black or female candidate (note - I did not say 'president'), I don't think they are ready for the combination package.

That being said, I'm ok with calling these guys out for what they are or are not. Two cases in point - Romney and McCain.

If the GOP wanted to call Kerry a flip flopper - both of these guys should be dead at the gate.

In 1994, Romney wrote: "As a result of our discussions and other interactions with gay and lesbian voters across the state, I am more convinced than ever before that as we seek to establish full equality for America's gays and lesbian citizens, I will provide more effective leadership than my opponent."

Well what the fuck happened? Oh that's right? HE LOST. So nothing like jumping aboard the hate-wagon at all costs to get elected. ...and don't you just have to respect a man for that? And Mitt had a similar reversal on his abortion stand. Asswipe.

As for McCain - he's just painted himself into a corner that he shouldn't be able to get out of, but he will. George Snuffelupagous actually pinned him on gay/civil unions.

McCain claims to be against discrimination and yet supported AZ's bill to add a state ban for gay marriage and unmarried domestic partners. Geo call him on it. When asked outright if he was against civil unions for gay couples, McCain said, "no I'm not". When George re-asked the question with - 'so you are FOR civil unions', McCain replied "no". Now I'm not a master(de)bater, but I'm pretty sure you have to come down on that question one way or the other.

Having it both ways is fine when it's me. Because, well, I'm ME! But this politician stuff has just got to stop. I was fine w/Kerry's flipping on the war....because let's see, when he voted for it, no one knew (well, not no one) Bush lied through his icky little teeth. Kerry just didn't turn the tables and call W and out-and out liar. He was way to civil.

Honestly, I don't care if they are dem or republican. But for g-d's sakes....when are we going to call them all on this shit?

I understand that this post is for Lord of the Rings geeks only.

The post title is a South Park episode that coincidentally (ummmm-hmmm) was showing the last half hour that Return of the King was being broadcast.

But it's South Park - so there was no ring. The 'precious' was the adult film "Back Door Sluts #9" (which makes "Crotch Capers 4" look like "Naughty Nurses 2") which was mistakenly put in a LOTR video box and this was their quest to return the 'one true tape' to the Two Towers Video Store. Butters, who had possessed the tape, offers to lead them to the store, in hopes of acquiring the tape again, before he's cast into the video drop box.

The sixth graders, who also want to acquire the tape, ride around on bikes and are similar to the Black Riders - and they discuss the tape at the storefront of More Door Doors (think about it....think about it...).

I had great fun flipping back and forth between Frodo fighting off Gollum at Mount Doom while Kyle was fighting off Butters at the video store. The entire episode is here. I wasn't really looking for a line-by-line version of it - just for a picture to go w/the posting...but there it was.

Sunday, December 17, 2006


I was in a bathroom stall yesterday minding (and doing) my own business....when a father and son entered the bathroom. I'm going on voices only, so this is only my assumption of course, but I'm pretty sure I'm correct.

Dad: Why don't you go in there.
(son enters stall next to me)
Son: Hey, someone wrote on the walls in here.
Dad: (laughs) It's a good thing you can't read yet.
Son: It says - 'D.I..."
Blobby: (starts chuckling)
Dad: (chuckling). Ok! Ok! That's enough. for the attached image? I snapped that in a resturant bathroom a few weeks back. I don't get it. Gooooogling only made it that much more confusing. Anyone care to clarify?

Saturday, December 16, 2006


Last Sunday we went to a guitar recital that a niece and nephew participated in, though not at the same time. G-d forbid they been seen with each other. This is the third one of these I've attended.

It's just another version of the dance recitals - where it becomes more about the instructor than the kids. It's very frustrating - at least for me. I don't know exactly how the kids see it. My brother-in-law thinks I have a 'Marlin problem'. He laughs at me because I seem to care more than anyone else does.

Marlin is the guitar instructor, and he has the nerve to say, 'don't pay attention to me. I'm up here to help them out, but it's about them'. Oh yeah? THEN DON'T STAND CENTER STAGE AND PUT MOST OF THE KIDS BEHIND MUSIC STANDS!!!

Considering he usually picks the songs and takes over the vocals (which by the way, are PAINFUL. My vocal chords hurt just listening to him strain) and that the program says 'thanks for making MY dream come true', I have a hard time believing it's about the kids. As Helen Lovejoy would say - "won't somebody please think of the children???!!

Matt likes to play with the other guys and always pairs up with someone else. This way they get to perform two songs. The choices were a little predictable for 8th graders: Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin. I thought Matt did well, and he did the singing on 'Wish You Were Here' and got away with singing the word 'hell'. Oh - did I mention Marlin is heavy into religion and makes them change words like that to 'heck'?

Katie, on the other hand, is a slight rebel and I love it. She refuses to be paired with any of the other students (so much so that she sat out last recital rather than be forced to perform with others who were subpar). She picked her own song too - Suzanne Vega's "Luka". She wasn't playing with anyone else so she saw no reason to go to the rehearsal. She had a chemistry test to stud for! She couldn't be bothered. I loved it.

Since it was just Katie and her guitar - and she was doing her own singing, there was no need for this Marlin character. It was the ONLY time he left the stage all night. ....and Katie did wonderfully. Arguably, she was the best one of the night. Though her vocals could have been a bit better, her acoustic guitar playing was extremely strong and she was very confident. I was very proud of her.

Marlin also has always had Katie and Matt on in the late second half of the show...which sucks, because as soon as the other kids are done, their families pack up and leave. Hey, we had to sit through your kids version of 'A Horse With No Name'....suck it up!

This time they had a true stage to perform on and had lights (albeit crappy ones). As the first group played, Katie sat behind me grumbling about not wanting those lights on her. I said she wouldn't notice, but they were extremely distracting, as the above was the best picture that came out (without flash - which negated any of the stage lights).....which would be fine if you had a tab of window pane, was just annoying for the grandparents. And uncles.

Song by: Steve Earle

Friday, December 15, 2006

G-d! Death is D-pressing!

A woman who worked for me over an eight year period up and died this last weekend. People I used to work with called to tell me. Visiting hours (?) were today. I don't even know where to begin with this.

I did cover this before - but I don't like funereal type settings (I know, who does?) even in the best settings. This was not one of those settings.

To start with, I had to Goooogle Map the funeral home. It was not an area of town with which I was that familiar, but seemed straight forward. I must have circled the block 4-5 times. There were no addresses posted on any of the buildings in the area and the name of the funeral home must have been in 2 point font! To the unobservant eye, you would have assumed this a soon to be abandoned building. An old store front that had aluminum siding put all over it....and I mean ALL over it....including whatever windows it used to possess.

Initially I parked in the small lot, which was nothing more than a double-wide driveway. I soon realized I'd be blocked in, for g-d knows how long. I opted to park on the scary street. To me, illegally parked or a broken-in or stolen car was better than being stuck at a funeral home.

As I was walking up to the door (which still had the Masterlock dangling off it - a nice touch!), I ran into some of my former employees who were clearly shaken with the death. I went in and immediately ran into another former worker. She was annoying as hell when she reported to me - and clearly nothing had changed. She was needy. Anything that could be said in 10 words, she's use 100. Whenever I'd get my voicemail and it would start with the automated message saying "two minutes", which was the maximum recording time, I knew it was her. In the three minutes (or was it hours?) I talked with her, I got her thoughts on life and death and how all the petty stuff just doesn't matter - and then her thoughts on her new boss. All of the sudden, I wanted to be the one in the casket!

I signed in and noticed the lack of activity in this hall. The board in the "lobby" clearly indicated that there were two viewings. But I heard nothing nor saw any movement. From where I stood between the two rooms, I could see Pam laid out. I peaked my head in the room and one. Not just no one I knew, but NO ONE. Where was the family? Where was the funeral director? There was an organ and organ music piped in overhead, but no organist.

Looking around the room, I was just so sad. I'd say I don't know how to describe it, but I think I can. Imagine the house you grew up in, with the unfinished basement that was never cleaned out. And that your parents moved out 12 years ago. And no one had ever moved in. This was two steps below that. The unmatched metal folding chairs were THE nicest thing in the room. The embalming room at Fisher & Sons was nicer. THAT is how bad!

I don't do dead - not close up. It's just not my thing. In reality, I'm glad no one else was there, as I didn't have to do my dance of talking with folks and avoiding the big white coffin pink elephant in the room. The casket seemed 'nice' from 20 ft away, but even from where I was you could see someone had put flowers in it. Dying flowers. Oh, and stitched (?) into the casket lining on the inner lid (in pink) was "In G-d's Hands". UGH! Oh oh oh oh!!! And all caskets, of course, rest on a cart for easier transport, but don't most have some type of skirt around it? You know - so it's not sitting out in the room looking like this:
I hung around for what seemed like forever, but was probably less than ten minutes. I passed the time by flipping through the sign-in book to see who from my old work had been by. Not many. As I did this, a few people came in whom I didn't know. They start asking me about the person in the other room and about their I stood there in my dark suit, white shirt and black shoes. OMG!!! They think I'm the funeral director!!!!!

I decided right then and there that Pam doesn't care if I stuck around or not. I don't think I'm even showing up to my funeral!

Thursday, December 14, 2006


You know, as TV goes, some things sound better on paper than ever come to fruition. Wait - did I just say that?

Take Two:

You know, as TV goes, 99.999999% of things sound better on paper than ever come to fruition. Yes - that sounds better. 30 Rock is no different.

Tina Fey might have been the first female head writer on SNL, but is that supposed to be a feather in one's cap or just an embarrassment to follow you around the rest of your life? Not so much the female thing, but the SNL thing. Overall, the show did stop being funny in 1979 - right? Oh - and Tina Fey as the Weekend Update anchor was just not funny. At all. Ever.

Yes, they had some shining moments and characters, all of which they'd eventually run into the ground!!!

One of SNL's highlights has always been when Alec Baldwin hosts. When he did, I would always think that he missed the boat by not doing comedy. Even in the sketches that would bomb, he'd really put himself out there no matter the cost. He was also the funniest thing on Will & Grace when he appeared. ...and even when he didn't. So it seemed logical that he do a least in theory.

Baldwin is by far the best thing on the show. The problem is, he's not on enough. Or more to the point: the SNL folks (Fey and Tracy Morgan) are on too much - and are just not funny. At all. Ever. I think only Alec could deliver what amounts to a throw-away line to his secretary: "It's only five inches....but it's very thick", get away with it and make it funny.

I'm not advocating anyone running to DVR this - but because of the show, you can have Alec Baldwin send a personalized email or phone message to your friends. Sure it's an ad for the program, but he can almost pull it off....and he deserves better.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


Yet another installment in the drudgery that is everyday shopping. The camera-phone makes it a bit more fun - though I get looks whenever I take pics of products. Like I care what people think!

This one isn't a grocery store item. Go figure. But it is something I've never seen before.

Mens undergarment packages are all about the buffed and hairless man with only the slightest of bulges. Anyone who has ever shopped for these items knows this. You certainly don't expect a fully inked guy, pseudo-attempting to expose himself to be selling you tightie whities. At least I didn't. certainly don't expect a fully inked guy, pseudo-attempting to expose himself to be WEARING tightie whities.

...maybe TJ Maxx gets a different crowd.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


I love Aimee Mann, but thought it a little odd that she put out a holiday album. She doesn't come across as being the celebratory sort (though she does cover "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch"). But nothing, and I mean nothing, tops this!

If you thought the botox'd Billy Idol, in the Wedding Singer, was eerie, haven't seen the Xmas Billy. Two covers (one an import): Billy tinkling (hehehe, I said 'tinkle') the ivories. Billy in his best Rod Stewart poses! EEEEEEK.

Idol has completely missed the novelty of this. Billy went traditional, but he could have gone all Weird Al on us - and probably it would have been with better results. Why oh why did he not go with doing 'White Christmas' to the tune of 'White Wedding'???? I'm telling you - it would have assured radio airplay!!!!!

Another horrible marketing snafu? Release date is 12/15.

WTF? Who the hell is buying this ten days or less prior to xmas? But really - who is buying this album at all??? I means, besides the people who subscribe to Mr. Idol's fanzines.

I took the liberty of doing a quick draft of how it could have been:

Hey little Santa what have you done?
Hey little Santa are you the only one?
Hey little Santa you fly like superman
I have been good for so long (so long)
I've been so good for so long (so long)

It's a nice day for a White Christmas!!!
It's a nice day gifts!!!!
It's a nice day for a White Christmas!!!

Clearly I didn't put a lot of thought into it - and yet I still put too much.

Monday, December 11, 2006


Two separate, but somewhat (kinda, sorta) related sites this month. In my estimation, at least the first site if fatally flawed.

How Many of Me.

The site supposedly has data from the U.S. Census bureau. It claims there are 37 of me in the United States.
LogoThere are:
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?


Anywho has 41 people who have my name - and those are the only ones who have listed phone numbers (yes, I looked it up state-by state!). My partner has a very uncommon name - and the site says there are none of him. I'm looking at him right now - I can vouch there's at least ONE of him. (Rebecca, Jon and David - there are none of you either. Dith has a few dozen. Morty has an ARMY....but he has an 'interesting name'.)

Of course, when you click on 'Accuracy' you get a number of disclaimers, including this one:

Not every name is on the list. A certain number of instances of a name were required to even make the list. About 10% of all responses were not included on the list because they appeared too few times. So, uncommon names are not represented on the list.

Uncommon names? Would that be first and last, or first or last? If the the latter, then wouldn't that possibly bump up the inaccuracy rate to 20% if both names are 'uncommon'? The U.S. Census bureau - not counting correctly? I thought only weathermen could be that off in their jobs. Or CFO's who overstate their company earnings. Even 10% seems high for this kind of thing.

The other site is a little more interesting - though I'm not sure any more accurate. Baby Name Wizard chart the popularity names. DUH! Blobby comes up with zilch, so I actually had to put in my given name! It confirms what I've always believed - I'm less and less popular as the years go by! {sob!}

But play around with it. Even if you just put in a first letter and see how the names appear and graph. I find it fun.

Sunday, December 10, 2006


Rudolph was on the other night. Clearly a classic - but I'm pretty sure I can deconstruct it...if that's the right word.

First off - how is it that Rudolph and Hermie aren't gay and on their way to life-partnerhood? Christmastown deems them as outcasts and drive them from their homes and offices - misunderstood and disliked. ...and honestly, does this world need another gay dentist?? What is up with that?

Rudolph, takes off after being maligned and humiliated by that asshole Coach, Comet!!!! He is the P.E. teacher we all dreaded having. Intolerant, and not only does he spew hate, he does nothing to discourage poor sportsman-like behaviour among his athletes.

Donner, his father, is no better by turning his back on his own son. Mrs. Donner (who btw is so beaten down, that she not only doesn't have her own name, but is told that searching for Rudolph is 'man's work'). Only Clarice, Rudy's fag-hag, is understanding. This is after poor Rudolph, earlier in the show, tries to conform to societal norms by trying to do "it" with a girl. He protests a tad too much with the "I'm cute! I'm cute! She thinks I'm cuuuuuuuuuute!!!!". He's fooling no one.

Yukon Cornelius is the older bear sage who helps guide the youngsters to a more accepting life. I'm sure the end of his pick-axe isn't the only thing we was licking.

And where do they end up? Why, the Island of Misfit Toys, of course. A land filled with misunderstood folks who are basically forced to create their own world just to feel any normalcy in their situation. We call them: gay bars. But as in gay life, those on the island are judgmental and cast out the three strangers. You'd think they'd understand the predicament of Hermie, Rudolph and Yukon.

...and of course, you can't go to one of those "islands" and not stumble upon a methed-out queen monster! It's only a matter of time before the crystal destroys teeth anyway. Hermie was only doing him a favor by removing all his chompers.

The part that is pure fiction is the acceptance of the town. In reality, the other reindeers would have beaten the crap out of Rudolph, tied him to the sleigh and dragged him around for 20 miles and left him alone on the frozen tundra.

Wasn't this fun?

I still love Rudolph. Honest. Though I will say, Burl Ives' snowman still creeps me out a bit.

Saturday, December 09, 2006


The photo is not mine. Morty (or George) supplied it when they were going or going from St. George (no relation), Utah. Morty was doing his marathon thing, I'll assume Geo was doing his bug-huntin' thing.

The resturant is actually in Mt. Carmel Junciton, where I'm guessing that all of the male customers are named 'John'.

I'm farily disappointed that I'm not brimming with prostitution/dessert jokes. Why is this? It should be easy. Maybe it's too easy and I'm just missing it. Though the words 'mince meat' keep popping into my brain.

I also keep coming back to a skit that Jan Hooks and Alec Baldwin did umpteen years ago on SNL, where she was a ceratin kind of waitress who offers a free slice of 'pie' to his customer character. "You shouldn't give away your pie with breakfast.......makes ya look CHEAP," say he.

Oh....and the pies are served with Ripple....not Thunderbird!

Friday, December 08, 2006


For g-d's sake, won't somebody PLEASE love me???

I'm ever so adorable!!!

Sophie chose us well. She's still really adorable and curious. I swear I've never had any of the other cats knocking over lamps - but she does.

If the other cats got up onto counters I only knew about it once. Sophie....she's cute, but she cannot be trusted. But she gets away with it.

She still loves to snuggle, but mostly between the hours of 3-6 a.m. And like the other cats, I'm willing to wake up to do whatever they want. She's also a realllllly long kitten. I'm guessing she's 3.5' long. Denton thinks she has to stretch out her full length because of a growing thing.

She's funny about her purrs. Kylie and Tovah would purr constantly, Sophie seemingly is a bit more conserative with her purrer. I think she's happy. She seems to enjoy it here.

I also don't have her stimulus-response mechanism figured out - if she has one. With Kylie, I could always get to come to me by singing. Usually, I'd make up songs that would have her name in it, but she'd respond to anything. Tovah - you just have to call her name or make kissy sounds (or pat a piece of furniture) and she comes, as long as it is Denton or me doing it.

Sophie has none of these that registers even a recognition. And it goes for saying 'no'. Snapping our fingers usually had Kylie and Tovah stop what they were doing. No such luck with the Soph-monster. She barely looks up, let alone any cease and desist.

On the other hand, she's not afraid of much. Kylie and Tovah could be identified as 'scaredy cats'. Sophie is fearless - which in a way is great, but scares me what she'll get into things that she shouldn't.

...and poor Tovah. She's been pretty accepting...but Soph will take almost any opportunity to attack her. Since she's smaller than Tovah, Sophie spends an inordinate amount of time on her hind legs making her seem taller. Tovah is not amused or impressed. It will work out.

So, that's my bi-weekly Sophie update.

Thursday, December 07, 2006


I've never been one for using memes in my blog. But I'm a music freak, so I thought this one would be ok to do. ...not that you'd ever want to see this movie based on the soundtrack! Thanks to Chromewave's blog.

The rules:
  • Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc.)
  • Put it on shuffle
  • Press play
  • For every question, type the song that’s playing
  • When you go to a new question, press the next button
  • Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool...
Opening Credits:
“Good Enough” by Sarah McLachlan
Good for an understated openers, I guess.

Waking Up:
“Over There” by The Housemartins
Way too peppy for any waking-up that I'd ever do.

First Day at School:
“Birth-Day (Love Made Real)” by Suzanne Vega
"don't touch. don't talk.....don't listen down the halls". It could fit.

Falling In Love:
“Johnny Come Home” by Fine Young Cannibals
It might work - I mean, if I'd ever fallen in love, in love with someone, ever fallen in love, in love with someone I shouldn't have fallen in love with - and who was named Johnny.

Fight Song:
“Revenge” by Freedy Johnston & Jules Shear
The opening line? "Your drunk now. Sit on the bathtub and we'll talk". The first part might be me - not so much the second half.

Breaking Up:
“Going Back Home” by Lucinda Williams
The title is more apropos than the lyric.

“Ideas Are Like Stars” by Mary Chapin Carpenter
A good song for ending a high school career I guess. Introspective. But I never went to prom. I voted for my prom theme to be 'Cruel to be Kind'. It wasn't picked.

“Gravity” by Alison Krauss + Union Station
"I left home when I was 17". Technically, I was 18.

Mental Breakdown:
“Michelle” by The Beatles
If you really want me to have mental breakdown, force me to listen to "Hey Jude".

“Madman Across the Water” by Elton John
It's got a certain rhythm that I could see in a sparse civilization driving setting.

“This is Us” by Mark Knopfler & Emmylou Harris
Yeah, it can work, though it's one of my least fave songs on their disk

Getting Back Together:
“On Top” by The Killers
"the velvet sun shines on me and you". I like it.

“Only a Memory” by The Smithereens
"I search the room - but you're not there". Was I stood up??

Birth of Child:
“In My Command” by Crowded House

Final Battle:
“I Don't Know Why You Don't Want Me” by Rosanne Cash
Shouldn't this be the 'break-up song?'

Death Scene:
“Blasphemous Rumour” by Depeche Mode
...somehow, this works!

Funeral Song:
“Unhappiness” by Chris Isaak
It's not as sad as you'd think - even for Isaak. In real life, I swear it's going to be Vickie Sue Robinson's "Turn the Beat Around"

End Credits:
“The Sensual World” by Kate Bush
Decent song for scrolling credits. It'd sit through it to see who the staff accountant and catering services were.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


Look!!! It's Daniel Powter. But....20 yrs older, slightly more talented and not nearly as annoying. (if you haven't seen his annoying song/video, you might have to YouTube it or something.)

See the knit cap? Dity made it for me. She claims she did it to prove that she does indeed knit. Was that ever really in doubt? I just questioned why anyone would. Knit one, purl two is just not my thing. Dith presented me with the gift when I was in Columbus two weeks ago - and I know she's been eyeing this site, anxiously waiting to see when, oh when, I'd be posting this item.

While taking pics for this entry, I finally realize how hard it must be for Madonna ('the prettiest girl in the mirror is me. But am I still pretty when there's no one to')! If you think none of these pics are great (and I don't) - you should have seen how many I had to take to get these few that I'd even allow to be posted. And I did it all without a stylist or make-up person (clearly, someone to 'do' hair was not an issue). Madge also probably doesn't hold her own digital camera at arms length. I'm just guessing.

I don't even want to hear from people on why I don't smile more in my pics. I got an entire asian thing going on as it is. I already have more Chins than a chinese phone book and when I smile/laugh in the pics I've taken, I start looking more like Long Duck Dong than Blobby. I don't know enough make-up or lighting tricks to squelch this.

But the cap is nice and looks good. Dity did a good job - no???? I thought it a very nice gesture. ...and Sophie likes it too. She finds it on tabletops, etc and lo and behold, I end up finding it on the floor in the sunroom. At least she hasn't unraveled it. She just likes carrying it around.

Oh - also a little known fact about unemployment: you don't have to shave! I've had a goatee since something like 1992, but haven't had a beard since....oh....1991(?)....or whenever Garkawe came back to Columbus to move his shit stuff (maybe one day I'll post those pics - when I had more hair). Yes, I know it's not fully in, but it's only been like four day, but I don't know that I'll keep the beard. I doubt I will. When interviews come a-callin', I'll most likely shave back to the goat.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


Before the weather turned bad, we finally went across the street and down the hill to explore. It is a heavily wooded area that has a ravine, or as the neighborhood insists on calling it: Doan Brook.

I have biked around the Shaker Lakes dozens of times, but never gone into the woods and along the trails, or down to the ravine. It is quite fun to hike through. Some uber-skinny trails that hover over a 40' drop. Wouldn't you know it, I was accosted by a 50lb golden retriever puppy along said ledge - but he was cute as hell and neither of us fell to our death, so all was right with the world.

...and quiet unexpectedly, I also stumbed upon the all elusive 'penis' tree.

Sadly, the rare rare rare 'vagina' bush, was nowhere to be seen.

Monday, December 04, 2006


(click to make bigger)

If this place isn't screaming for an AA Meeting Centre right next door, I don't know what is. Or at the very least, a permanent taxi stand!

Yes, back in the day, it could be easily claimed that I said those exact three words 4-5 times per week. Hell, and on those days, I probably repeated the line 3-4 times per night. But I don't drink anymore. (I don't drink any less!!)

Ok, I do drink less. MUCH less. But I never drank enough to think that calling a bar by 'Just 1 More' would ever be a good idea - and this is coming from a guy who, coming from an Indians game in 1997, tried to bleach his hair (in a bar) right after Charlie Nagy did his. Who knew that pouring a few bottles of hydrogen peroxide wouldn't do that? (nowhere on-line could I find a picture of a blonde Nagy.)

Sunday, December 03, 2006


....and sometimes funnier.

But she is self-professed to be on the prepetual D List...and maybe I am too.

C-List Blogger
The Middle Authority Group [C-List Bloggers]

(10-99 blogs linking in the last 6 months)
This enjoys an average age of 260 days and which posts 50% more frequently than the D-List. There is a clear correlation between posting volume and Technorati authority ranking.

My old URL has a C-list rating. It says I had 18 links in 180 days. I'm not even sure what they are considering a link. From other blogs? From comments I leave on other blogs where my URL is/was attached? ...and even on the old URL, I had more than 2x as many posts that get you on a D-list. I'm not sure how they determine this. I do not think it's a clear-cut as they'd like one to believe.

D-List Blogger
The Low Authority Group [D-List Bloggers]
(3-9 blogs linking in the last 6 months)
The average blog age (the number of days that the blog has been in existence) is about 228 days, which shows a real commitment to blogging. However, bloggers of this type average only 12 posts per month, meaning that their posting habits are generally dedicated but infrequent.

The new address has a D-list rating. It says I had 3 links in the last 180 days. It says I had an average of only 12 posts per month. LIARS!!!!!! I know this is not to be true - especially with the number of posts per month. The links I know to be incorrect...even if they only count other bloggers who link to me (Becca not included, since she only updated my URL the other day).

Worse case scenario, I should get an average of a C minus.

Saturday, December 02, 2006


Sorry to have to do this - but it seems I have to enable word verification for the few of you who actually leave comments. It seems I'm getting spam comments - which is more annoying than getting no comments at all.

After you write your comment, you should then see a box similar to the above image and will need to insert the correct sequencing of letters for your comment to post.

Variations on the theme. I was never big on the original commercial to begin with, though I did find the Ivy League one to make me smile. But nothing says 'Wazzzup' like the Teletubbies.

Friday, December 01, 2006


25 years! What's there to say?

Remember the ones who have gone
They were here. They were loved. Never be them.

Support the ones who are here
They are friends. They are strangers. They are you. They are me.

Fight for more resources and treatments
Contact your congressman and representatives. Make sure they're funding research, education and working with drug companies to provide affordable pharmacuticals.

Educate the others
Will there be a cure in my lifetime? Doubtful. Education is the key to slowing the disease progression.

There will be more World Aids Days. Let's make sure there are not another quarter century of them.