Thursday, April 30, 2009


First off, let me tell you how disappointed I am in the lack of good images from Pigs in Space.

The likenesses of Link Hogthrob, Dr. Strangepork and Firstmate Piggy are beyond bad. The best I could do was get a shot of the Swinetrek!

But my post isn't really about the Muppet Show.

No, it's about pigs. Or Swine Flu. Or H1N1.

From NPR to my friend Jon to any number of bloggers (many of them queer - but not you Torn, never you), folks have been reacting to and questioning the reaction of this outbreak. Mostly that the information is overkill. I hear them, I really really do. But only to a point. At first it seemed like a slow news day when this broke last week(end), but you know it is all valid.

Let's forget that the WHO (no, not Roger Daltrey & Pete Townsend) upped the level to orange, or moved down to Defcon 2 or whatever they call it. Yes, the perception that there is too much information is partially due to a 24 hour news cycle that somehow must employ Dr. Sanjay Gupta 13 hours per day (how do his patients in regular hospital-land ever see that man?), but I like to think that all the info is just and needed.

There are even certain gay bloggers who talk about the hype. They are also the first ones if this "flu" killed 16 gay men and no one did anything about it, they'd be all over that shit (no Torn, not you). As well they should. But 91 (or whatever the number is now) of others who died of Swine Flu are no less important than us gay men. Depeche Mode even said, "people are people".

And no offense to the people who expired from this flu, but now this situation is about containment. It's good places like the CDC and WHO have learned from past experience. SARS, Mad Cow, and let's not forget GRID back in 1981.

Having worked in Emergency Medicine and disaster preparedness for a decade, I am really ok with this exposure - of the media, that is. I think it's important that the word gets out. Sometimes you need a 2x4 to beat the public into listening - and this is one of those times.

Cough and sneeze into your sleeve, folks. And for g-d's sake people, wash your fucking hands!

Not that I'm asking you to loiter in public restrooms (unless of course you're Larry Craig), but stand there for 5 minutes and watch how many people don't wash - it's disgusting. And it's no wonder illness is spread so easily. They are the pigs!

Song by: matchbox twenty

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Rock in this Pocket (Song of David)

I was out at MicroCenter the other day trying to spend some hard earned gift cards, when I stumbled up on this:

You know I have an eye for the absurd ( know...what's in the mirror!), so it didn't take me too long to see what was wrong with this "book".

Now take note: my hands are of normal size. I do not think they are bigger or smaller than your average male. We're just talking about hands here, people.

Anyway, now take your also average hand and place it on or over a pocket......any pocket. Is this book fitting in anywhere that would be convenient for you to carry? Je think not.

Oh, it's also like 200 pages long. My pockets ain't that thick/wide.

A side note: I was going to call this post Pocket of a Clown and then realized I had already used the Dwight Yoakam tune almost a year ago. If you remember (and if not just click on the hyperlink in the last sentence) a friend told me about not going a week without a clown reference - and it really does hold up. And right now, this was yours for this week.

Song by: Suzanne Vega

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


I'm still not totally sold on Facebook by any means. I even got unfriended by one person - but to be fair, he was not totally sold on FB and just unfriended all and then deleted his account, so it wasn't totally personal. Or so he says.

But I've slowed way down on my Twitter stuff too, but I got this from one of my Twitter peeps. It's humourous, but not laugh-out-loud funny. But really - isn't it always that way when videos are done in that 1961 educational filmstrip style?

Song by: Pearl Jam

Monday, April 27, 2009


It's like Birthday Central this last week.

My oldest niece turned 18. I swear it was like a nano-second ago she was born. Her parents had a party for her - well a cookout with just the family. It was nice....and great weather. 80s at 21:00. You gotta love that in April. Four years ago on that same day we got about 14" of snow, so it really can go either way.

But she modeled her prom dresses for us. Only one stays - the rest go back. She didn't want to show us, but I did an impromptu Kelly Kapoor-ism "fashion show! fashion show! fashion show at lunch!!!" which made her parents burst out laughing. Who knew they'd remember an Office episode from like three years ago?

Both were nice, but prom dresses are not what I thought they were - at least they're not now. I didn't go to prom for a number of reason - one being unsaid and yet still fairly obvious. The second being I went to an all boys school and knew no girls - which ironically enough has/had nothing to do with the obvious reason.

Our prom theme was Bruce Springsteen's "She's the One", which I never understood. I thought prom themes were supposed to be timely from the year of the actual prom - not a song released six years earlier. I provided a write-in vote: Nick Lowe's "Cruel to be Kind". It wasn't picked.

Denton's birthday was yesterday. It was a low key event - him and me. Usually we do a combined thing, but he wanted my niece to have it all to herself. He really just didn't want undo attention. So he got none. I mean - we went out for lunch and made a nice dinner and I got him a nice present. I thought. So did he.

Yup, I bought him art. I saw this at a local exhibit and purchased it - without his prior approval. Risky, I know, but I really really liked it. And hell, I have known him so long I was 87% sure he would too....and he did.

Denton has a background in architecture and city planning so anything with buildings usually gets a pass.

But I thought we needed more original artwork in the house and it is from a local artist, so I thought it was a good move. We're not sure where we are going to hang it, but it is safe to say it will most likely go in the living room.

I hate the title of the piece though: Gossip in the City. Of course I think of Sex and the City - which makes me think of Brian on Family Guy saying: "so....this is basically about three hookers and their mom?"

We have two kitty birthdays this week too: Kylie would have been 18. We lost her almost three years ago, but we still honour her in any way we can. Tovah turns 15 !!! She'll get wet food (which totally grosses me out) and some extra treats.

Now the focus is on a next year. It's a big birthday for Denton, so we do have to honour and acknowledge it. We're planning on doing it with a trip. We have it narrowed to two places so hopefully it will all work out. It seems a long way off, but we really do need to just buckle down and do it.

Song by: the Jesus & Mary Chain

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Get Right With G-d

I loved this bumper sticker I saw in a Panera parking lot the other week.

Do you think there are ones that say "Don't Honk if You Hate Ugly Jesus"? All that non-honking is deafening!

What makes Jesus sexy? And is Jesus being sexy a conflict of interest for the catholics? I mean - not for the priests, because they certainly like their men to be sexy. But usually they are relegated to altar boys and not lord and saviour.

And I guess with altar boys it is more "vulnerable" than "sexy"....though it might be a fine line with that sacrosanct group.

Of course, it is not too hard to find hypocrisy elsewhere when it comes to religion either.

Take this story from CNN today. A frickin' rock formation in the form of the hand of g-d. As opposed to the hand of Paul - the guy down the street. Or Charles, the accountant over at H&R Block.Anyhoo....the guy who found this is selling it on eBay. Since it is a rock formation, clearly it can't really be moved - so what is to sell? it is: The buyer will "basically be buying the rights, complete and exclusive rights" to the rock, including literary and movie rights.

LOLLLLLLL. I. AM. DYING. ....but not to be resurrected. Just of hysterics.

I'm not even sure the WB could pull off a crappy bio-pic of.....a rock slide? Mel Gibson's schedule seems to be open right now.

But even more laughable of course, are these so-called believers who will sell out their lord for a quick buck. Because Jesus wants his uncopywrited image auctioned off on they did with that grilled cheese sammich and potato chip.

Apparently eBay is the new Temple and yet these douchebags don't see the similarities.

Song by: Lucinda Williams

Saturday, April 25, 2009

(If You Were) In My Movie

Well if you or the police needed to know where I was on Saturday, 4/18 at 7:35pm - I have my alibi.

Denton and I have two separate ways of seeing what else is on TV (because guys don't care what is on - just what else is on). I use the remote to scroll through the stations. He uses it to scroll through the menu - never actually changing the channel until he gets to something that interests him.

But the descriptions are usually cut off and you have to click on the actual channel to know what half of it is anyway.

That is most likely not the case with Blow Me Sandwich 3. Clearly Denton was the one scrolling via his method, since I'm 99% sure that Ron Weasley probably wasn't about to receive fellatio from Hermione......or Draco.

I'm not sure where the sandwich comes in. Maybe it's like American Pie and they do it with a ham & cheese on rye. (suspected dialogue: "Hey! That's not mayonnaise!")

We didn't watch. It would have been too hard to pick up the plot without seeing Blow Me Sandwich 1 and/or 2.

Song by: Suzanne Vega

Friday, April 24, 2009

Record of the Month

I figured I'd do a monthly 'what I'm listening to' kind of thing. This could be viewed as a lame placeholder kind of post. And probably it is. But it's my blog! So there!

Let's face it - if nothing else Morrissey has always had the best song titles - "You're the One for Me, Fattie", "Hairdresser of Fire", "Lucky Lisp" and "We Hate it When Our Friends Become Successful".

Ruckiry (not Jon's boss), he has the musical chops to pull those off as real songs and not just throwaway music. He did with the Smiths and on his own. He kind of stepped the game with his last disk, You are the Quarry, and he continues it with his new one, Years of Refusal.

Actually, I am really digging the disk. Morrissey is in fine form with his writing and vocals.

When I said last month that Raul Malo had one of the best songs of the year, Morrissey has the other with "All You Need is Me" (though Annie Lennox's "Shining Light" is right up there!). It is possibly the most rocking song he has ever done. Yeah - you read that right. Morrissey. Rocking.

Actually, there are a number of jammin' tunes (man!). "That's How People Grow Up", "Sorry Doesn't Help" and "I'm Ok by Myself".

Don't get me wrong, there are still the trademark What Would Morrissey Do? songs (write a song about how lonely and miserable he is. The answer is always "C". - some of my readers will get that, but not many) like "You Were Good in Your Time".

But I'm a big fan of "Black Cloud" - that and "All You Need is Me". And liking the entire disk - and you know often I don't say that!

And even if you don't like his music, you can at least appreciate the inside jacket photo. Morrissey looks pretty good for a 50 yo man.

Of course, I'm working out to look like the guy on the left. Or to get him. Either/Or. I can live with it.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

You're the Storm

The attached video is ok. Nothing more. Nothing more, nothing less. But so far, I've found that true of about 94% of all Funny or Die videos. It's a bit sad when their two best bits were a Lindsay Lohan spoof of an eHarmony ad or Paris Hilton's bid for run at president.

This one is a parody of the National Organization of Marriage's viral video. The one that includes "real" doctors and parents. And by "real", of course, I mean "actors". At least with Funny or Die you get real actors playing fake people and know it - not that you've actually seen Alicia Silverstone in anything since Clueless so it's hard to remember she acts. But a girl's gotta work.

I'm more amazed at how much exposure Sarah Chalke keeps getting. She sucked so badly as the second Becky on Roseanne, who knew she'd be the go-to person for any number of sitcoms. I love her in Scrubs.

Some of the dialogue is pulled directly from the NOM video. If anyone can truly explain the line to be about the doctor and faith, more power to you.

Anyway, the video makes the point. I just assume had they put some more thought into it, that it would have been funnier.

Hopefully it plays well for you. I had buffering issues - and I'm not sure if it is Funny of Die or my every so slowly dying laptop. I think the latter.

Song by: the Cardigans

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I Feel the Earth Move

David G sent this to me four and a half months ago and I've been holding onto it for Earth Day - which is today. Or as he said about Little Democrats: I love this book - so over the top! Even the right kind of brainwashing is still brainwashing......

Nothing against Democrats, as I am one, and while we might make it feel better again, I'm not sure we'll make it better again.

The thing is, all of us regardless of political affiliation, have fucked it up for so long, it will take all of us to make it better - even if it is a little bit at a time. Ok...ok.....the republicans with their lenience to environmental law have fucked it up a bit worse than we have.

There. I feel better.

Song by: Carole King

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


As g-d is my witness, I did not tamper with this box.

Yes, I think Christie Brinkley is vapid and has all the dance moves that barely beats a blind paraplegic (c'mon, have you seen the "Uptown Girl" video?). And Chuck Norris, that right wing nut job? The pair makes it hard not to fuck with package.

But yet, there we were at Dicks Sporting Goods (for g-d's sake, do not type in if you're looking for sporting goods. You won't be finding them. Not there anyways!). And while we looked for new gym clothes, I stumbled upon this and took a closer look:


I can see why anyone who knows me, or reads this blog, would think I did this work of art, as it so is my style. But I swear, I never even shop with Dixon Ticonderoga #2.....anymore.

Naturally, I started making comments about Christie and her failed Hormone Replacement Treatments.

...and I'll still take that over Norris' threats to run for president in 2012.

Song by: Juliana Hatfield

Monday, April 20, 2009

Warmth of the Sun

Saturday was our first truly truly warm day. Actually, the second day in a row that it has been nice. It was great since we have had so much rain.

But it was so nice, the first windows and storm windows were flung open.

The girls loved it. Naturally Sophie tried to keep the window for herself, but Tovah made attempts and her nose was going a mile a minute to smell all that the outdoors has to offer.

It's weird....for the cold winter months, when we go upstairs, Sophie races ahead of us to the top. And waits. But she never tries to leap up onto the closed window and its sill. But in the last few weeks, as it's gotten nicer out, she races up and makes half-hearted attempts to see if it's possible to get to the window.

I guess she knows the weather is turning.

Now it is where one or both cats will be until we close up in October. They love that one window - mostly because we can leave it open all the time. No one can get in that way and for some reason, it is sheltered enough that rain never comes in. I'm 90% sure Sophie sleeps there - uncomfortable as it is - during most of the summer.

Me? I'm still convinced there is one more snow to be had. It happens to often here. And if I'm wrong, then I can be pleasantly surprised.

Song by: the Beach Boys

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Technical Difficulties

I am having definite difficulties getting images to upload here - and let's face it, almost all my posts contain images. You didn't get one yesterday due to the same issue, but I had stuff to put into letters and characters, so all of your lips could move while you read.

But today's post was more about an image. I hope it resolves itself soon (as opposed to me having to resolve it). It was happening yesterday, because I did have an image to go along with the post, but figured I could work around it. Not so much today. Fudge.

Come to think of it, the posts were taking forever to go-live. Double fudge.

Please stand by. We'll try to have this issue fixed as soon as possible.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Never Going Back Again

What can I say - I'm a glutton for punishment.

Last night I agreed to take my 17 year old niece and one of her friends to go see Fleetwood Mac in concert. Not that anyone is counting - but this would be the 8th time I've seen them in my life.....and the last four really should have just not been done.

Had it not been for Katie, I would not have even entertained the idea. But, I'd taken her brother to concerts, but never her. This is something she wanted, I well, I want to do well by her. I almost forewarned her that this was not the band of the music she listened to. That band was in their 20s and 30s. Not 60s. But I kept my mouth shut (I know, right?!) and let her have her moment.

Let's start out that it is possible that Katie and Marsha were the two youngest folks there. I'd say the mean was my age or slightly higher. I'm sure some of these people were at the Richfield Coliseum, along with me, back in 1977 for the Rumours tour. Scary....on all levels.

I will give them this, three of the four remaining members (no Christine McVie again/still), play incredibly well. And then there is Stevie Nicks. I pine for the days before her three pack a day habit, klonopin and coke rehab stints ravaged her voice. Or even for the days when she could sing higher than Lindsey Buckingham. We're about a decade or two beyond that.

Nicks had her moments for sure, but the songs have been rearranged to meet her ever shrinking vocal range. She tackled "Storms" from Tusk - which was a first for me. And I've always rated that as one of my favourite Fleetwood Mac songs. This version almost ruined that for me. At least she looked good - for 60.

Buckingham though - I say this everytime: wow! He is the most underrated guitarist out there. And while his work on the live version of "Big Love" is innovative, I always find myself smiling (I know, right?!) when he does his incredible solo during "I'm So Afraid". After 30 years, it has never gotten old.

There were some highlights for sure - but I'm not sure for the larger group (almost a sell-out) - and all of them from Buckingham. The aforementioned "Big Love and "I'm So Afraid" for sure, but the never before seen and perfectly peformed "I Know I'm Not Wrong" and then a marching band less "Tusk". He also did his solo "Go Insane" - which was pretty frickin' good.

Then there was the bad - other band members attempting to do Christine McVie songs and "World Turning". I've always liked the song, but hate it live - mostly for the insufferable 15 minute drum solo by Gandalf the Grey Mick Fleetwood.

Oh, and then there were the six girls/women sitting/standing next to me. The screams that came from them - they weren't as much of enthusiasm as if they sounded like the last sound Nicole Brown Simpson may have made.

The set was simple but the show was slick. Too slick, in fact. Where are the says of unscripted anything and just deviating from the set-list? The video screens and camera work was DVD ready worthy - and you half expected them to sell it on disk on your way out of the arena.

I could see that Katie enjoyed it though - and that was the important thing. She'd watch the video screens to see Lindsey Buckingham's guitar work. I'm glad I went for her, but I don't think I'll be going back again.

Song by: Fleetwood Mac

Friday, April 17, 2009

Day Off

Believe it or not - I'm taking a day off from a real blog post. I mean, you're still getting this one, which means my streak of 4+ months without missing a day is still intact.

I win. Or lose. It is a fine fine line.

I'm traveling today. Not for work. Well......not exactly. I suppose there might be more on that later. Depending.

The killer is, I'm in my old stomping grounds but have to return home the same day, so I can't even stop and see friends. You know these guys - well, kind of: Morty, Dity, George. You read about them here - but you never really see them. I could never post a pic of them without their approval and they have good representation and demand creative control. ...and I just can't do that.

So anyhoo.....enjoy the day off.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Site of the Month

I am stealing this directly from Curtis. But I put in a bit of a buffer time between his post and mine to
make it faux and still seem like it was actually my idea. It totally wasn't. Curtis was much more creative than I would have been with it - so you can read his post here.

He might have LA and NYC booked up with his modeling gig, but I got Tokyo. They love us guys with the round eyes - meaning me and Speed Racer.

In my world - I'm just a model for Apple. As if! I wish. ....oh, and they pay me in product instead of cash. I'd just use the money to buy stuff at their store anyway.

It's really just PhotoFunia that can make you a star. But for that moment we can pretend we're stars.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

To a Stranger

I considered having this be my Site of the Month, but I think I have pretty much decided on what that will be. And I also decided this one isn't worth enough to hold onto for another few weeks for the May (omg, is it pushing May already?) SotM.

Omegle is this site where you randomly talk with a stranger. And by talk, I mean chat - like IM. Not like Twitter, or weirdos who find you on Facebook. It's like (well not "like" so much as "is") IM with somebody out in cyberland. They cannot identify you, or you them.

As the site says, there is nothing stopping you from exchanging information - but "ick" - on so many levels.

To vet the system for you, I tried it.

Stranger: I was born in a bucket
You: What?
Stranger: I was born in a bucket of paint. How about you?
You: I was born in a hospital. Not nearly as exciting.

Your conversational partner has disconnected

I think I was dissed by an anonymous FREAK!

You all know my self-esteem is fragile at best. This doesn't seem to help. But in reality, it is just kind of freaky - and I don't assume I'll ever be that lonely or that removed from my friends or other random strangers.

Hell, I'd rather talk to folks on the elevator.

Song by: the Golden Palominos

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Record of the Month - Classic

Another installment of a disk I have enjoyed over the years. I'm trying to keep the Record of the Month posts to be fairly new releases. Classics are going to be ones that are at least 5 years old.

Of all the 10,000 Maniacs disks, I opted to go with In My Tribe. Mostly because it was the first one I purchased way back - get this - 22 years ago! Fuck I'm feeling old. I remember getting ribbing from Denton and his friends about a group with such a weird name. Mind you - these guys were more used to Shalamar and Evelyn Champagne King, so what the hell did they know?

In My Tribe wasn't their debut disk - hell, it wasn't even their major label debut, it was just the first time I had heard of them. And for 1987, it was a pretty unique disk. They are a tough group to define if you've never heard them before. Maybe like R.E.M., but with a more snooty attitude and more jangly guitars.

They touch on lovely things here like child abuse, alcoholism, illiteracy and greed. On paper, they can seem a bit full of themselves, but they pull it off. And by 'they', I'm pretty sure we're talking about Natalie Merchant. I'd been to a number of concerts where she admonished the audience/city about their woeful ways.

That all being said - the songs still work. I'm not a fan of "My Sister Rose", but other than that all the songs are good. If you don't have a first edition of the disk, you'll be missing one song - a cover of Cat Stevens' "Peace Train". The Maniacs and Elektra Records pulled it after they found Stevens became a Muslim and there was false information regarding him supporting terrorism.

Peter Asher did a good job with the production (mostly known for his work with Linda Ronstadt and James Taylor - and lesser so for being part of Peter & Gordon'). I have favorite songs though - "A Campfire Song", "Don't Talk", "Gun Shy" and "Like the Weather". And I like "Peace Train" too.

In My Tribe probably isn't their most cohesive, most listenable or most successful disk, that would be Our Time in Eden, but this disk put them on the map - which is why it's getting the nod right now.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Non Religious Building

Yesterday was the first time I broke with my work-out routine since starting two months ago. I wanted to go, but Jesus wouldn't let me. It's his fault. Isn't it always?

Can you believe they close the gym on easter? What's that all about?

If Jesus actually did come back from the dead, don't you think part of the reason would be to tell me to get healthier and get a better body? I'm assuming that would be on his top 10 list - considering in 2000+ years, he hasn't really done much more than put his image on water towers and potato chips. Allegedly.

When you come to think of it, the son of g-d is kind of a slacker.

When it comes to the gym I try not to be a Jesus slacker. Ironically enough - I have been religious in going. Four days a week, every week since joining. When you add it up, I've been 34 days in the last 59. Not that I've been counting.

Depending on whom I listen to, results should start showing any day now. Hmphf! We'll see.

I'm trying to keep my expectations low as to not get discouraged - but I think we've been all over this before with an earlier post. I am not making this a work-out diary. Just now and again I have to write about it to humiliate motivate myself to keep going.

I keep saying this is not about losing weight and I'm trying to believe it. I only weigh myself once every week and so far it's been about a pound per week that have been shed. Honestly, I'm ok with that. Slow and steady - and all that crud. I guess if I wanted to really do a weight loss program, I'd change my eating habits a bit more. And I like cookies and booze (not at the same time........usually).

No, my goal was/is to tone and tighten things up. I think it's working. Like I said, I keep expectations low, but sometimes in the mirror I that........muscle? And we all know that weighs more than fat, so it's no wonder I'm not shedding the pounds - right? RIGHT?

I wish I could say I love the gym, but I don't. I like it. Some days more than others. I've always been one who could never find their center, or hit their zone. Years of running in cross-country and I hated every single minute of it. I'm so amazed and in awe of Morty and his umpteen marathons and triathlons.

Some of the stretching I do is now the best part of the work-out, but I don't think I'm a candidate for yoga. At least yet. I'm not that bendy. And there is that centering thing that they kind of focus on.

My mind would more than likely wonder to what I looked like to the person behind me and what things were on my work 'to-do' list (are you listening Jesus???). I guess it is another goal to work on.

I always questioned how Denton and Todd could hit the gym for two hours daily. Now I can't figure out how to get out of there in under 90 minutes during the fastest routine.

Next gym post - when I get to it: Best Songs to Work Out To.

Song by: Maria McKee

Sunday, April 12, 2009

I Only Wanted Sex

It is not that I don't care about my blog public when I do a video post. It's that I care too much. I could rattle off some crappy bunny/christ post today and probably get away with it, but I'd be going through the motions.

This way you know I'm going through the motions.

Disclaimer I: I've never seen any of the Fast & Furious movies. Nor do I plan to - even if Vin Diesel is somewhat hot. Yes, I admit it. I don't love him for his thespian skills. To paraphrase Aretha Franklin, I just want to go for an extended throw-down with him.

Disclaimer II: I can't tell you the last time I saw a full episode of SNL. I still don't. And since the Tina Fey/Sarah Palin thing is over, I don't even bother to tape and fast forward through it.

So thanks to Hulu and the likes for being able to watch clips you hear are funny. This one is funny in a way. I think they could have kicked it up a notch or two, but you gotta love Seth Rogen. Or I do. I actually think I might have to.

And yes, the two disclaimers come together in this clip.

Song by: Jann Arden

Saturday, April 11, 2009

The World is Full of Crashing Bores

My friends told me this is what happens when I drink. And it would be good advice - if I had been drinking. Not even a sip I had, let alone drunk.

Clearly, just distracted after I got home from work two days ago.

The Culprit

The Result
You can see the cabinet is kind of hard to miss. Not only that, it goes on for another eight feet beyond what you see in the picture.

It was not dark out. Natural light still streamed in the windows. And I was not drunk. Or drinking.

Yet I ran full-on into the cabinet corner. I have no excuse. What you see in The Result picture is my upper thigh. And this image is two days after the event. It was not only much worse initially - but looks worse in real life than the photo suggests. And it felt like an immediate scar.

You know how when you have surgery (what? I can't be the only one with multiple surgeries here - can I?) and a scar will harden and raise above the skin line? That is what this did - in a matter of minutes. Of course, let us not discount the rigidness just came from my multiple work-outs per week and all I was feeling was solid muscle.

Stop laughing. It could happen!

Oh well, at least I'll look manly at the gym.

Song by: Morrissey

Friday, April 10, 2009


I thought this was hilarious and I make no apologies for it. So save your indignation if you actually have any. And save your breath.

Personally I'm surprised at how many organizations are closed on this day. My place of business isn't. Hell, I have a meeting that starts at 16:00. And on this the holiest of days: Opening Day!!

I should be in a bar watching the Indians play their home opener. For g-d's sake, Travis Hafner is off the disabled list!!! (seriously, click on the hyperlink. you'll be glad you did!)

And.....and....and...since so many of these people can't actually eat meat today, the line at the concession stand wouldn't be nearly as long as it would normally be. Not that those hot dogs actually have an ounce of meat in them, but still...... These people believe in the resurrection, so they can certainly believe that hot dogs aren't just full of snouts and entrails.

But yes - TGIF. Indeed.

It's been a shitty week. No details needed - I'd bore you. I'd bore me. No reason to relive it. Next week is a short one for me. Kind of. Four days in the office anyway. One day of travel - but more on that later.....after the fact. You people are on a need-to-know basis.

Song by: Tori Amos

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Wash Me Clean

What is it about people wanting to talk about their colonoscopies?

Seriously, in the last two weeks I have had three people tell me in detail about their bowel prep, their twilight anesthesia and the post-procedure cramping. Yayyyyy. This does not count the men in the locker room of the gym who yak about theirs either.

Yes, men of a certain age are supposed to get this done. I'm one of these certain-aged men. But I'm not chomping at the bit - or the mag citrate - to get this off my 'to-do' list.

My doctor alludes to that men my age should be getting them. He's also alluded to I'm way overdue for a tetanus shot, but he's never told me I had to get one. And unless told, I'm not really asking for one. Ever. Of either - in fact. I ask for my annual flu shot and that's about it. The rest has just got to be dictated to me or I ain't doing it.

So, I have this ex-co-worker who was telling me about his. I have no idea how it came up, but it did. I'm not a friend of Martin - and at some point I'll get that in another post (though somewhere four of my friends are snickering already), so it is anyone's guess why he told me in detail about his.

He's not even of this certain age bracket who needs one and trust me, I did not ask the rationale behind his getting it. Rest assured, he told me he'd be happy to be my Colonoscopy Buddy when my time came - because apparently you need someone to help you through this (queue more snickering from said friends). My friend Cara thinks he was just flirting!

Really? Is this how gay men flirt? (yes, Martin is gay.)

Or more to the point, is this how straight women think gay men flirt? It has to do with the ass, so it must be. Right?

Mind you, Martin once pushed a bowl of pretzel/peanut mix my way, or out of his, while we dined out (work event!) because I had touched some with - get this - my bare hands!

So, he won't share a humanly touched bowl of trail mix with me, but he'll be my Super Colon Blow Buddy?

Hmmmm.....maybe Cara is on to something.

When the time comes (yes, not 'if'), I'm sure I already have my Super Colon Blow Buddy. And it is highly doubtful it will be Martin. I mean, unless he springs for a really really nice meal.

Song by: k.d. lang

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Radio Radio

I would be remiss if I didn't make some kind of post for Ms. Rebecca Flowers' latest segment on NPR's All Things Considered.

g-d, I write about her a lot, don't I? Her agent should be forking over some cash to me.

Becky: author, mother, wife, gamer, friend, commentator has been doing sporadic ATC spots for the last decade or so. Sometimes she is really really good about letting me know they are coming. Sometimes, not so much.

Take Web Site Story. Denton and I were going to meet my parents for dinner (Corky & Lenny's - dontcha know!) and it came on as soon as we got in the car. We howled. At the end, Robert Siegel or possibly Noah Adams read off the names of the NPR Players - one of them being Becky. We had no forewarning.

Oddly enough (or not so much) my parents heard it too. At least we had something to talk about over kosher pickles and deli sammiches.

Other spots, I got to see drafts of before she recorded them. And the piece for Father's Day a few five years back was just golden. It probably didn't hurt that I know her dad, but it is a good piece even if you've never met Jim. You'll feel like you have after you listen to it.

So anyhoo - yesterday, Becca had a new ATC piece for their Three Books series. I think I got 4-5 hours notice - which can be a considerable head-start with her, but I wasn't in a car to hear it. So I had to listen to it on-line. Here. Actually, I got a few weeks notice - kind of. She put out Twitter and FaceBook and email messages asking for book suggestions that were a bit more out of the norm than the ones most would think of.

She does a good job (as always). But the more surprising thing to me is that Tama Janowitz is still writing books - and that someone is still publishing them. Hasn't 1986 already come and gone? I'm sure Becky nails it when she states "it's not great literature".

Mr. Becky might want to take the advice of I Capture the Castle. He can lock Mrs. Becky up in the cellar until she turns out her next book. Or at least until she includes me in it as a character.

You can find all (or most) of Rebecca Flowers' NPR work right here. ....and of course, feel free to comment on her works and recommend it via the NPR site. Yes, it's a shamless plug. I'm not above it.

Song by: Elvis Costello & the Attractions

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Shopping with Blobby

Yet another installment in the drudgery that is everyday shopping. The camera-phone makes it a bit more fun - though I get looks whenever I take pics of products. Like I care what people think!

OMG! That thing I started doing at like age 14, in the privacy of my own room, now comes is packaged in a spray can. Like Redi-Whip. Which, in a certain way, isn't too much different than what I used to do up in my own room at like age 14.

I mean, I don't like pancakes anyway (you know - with IPF and all: icky pancake feeling), and the Blaster of Batter does not make me crave them any more. They might have a marketing niche somewhere, but it is not working with me.

The making of pancakes in not that difficult - how much easier could it be to spray them out of a can.

.....I guess I'll never know.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Smells Like Teen Spirit

It's Monday - I'm tired and I got almost nothing. But this is where the sub-title of this blog comes in handy: stuff & nonsense. I can throw almost anything up here and pass it off as a post.

Take the accompanying image. A random shot while going to get toothpaste at CVS. The other side of the isle was almost nothing but deodorant. And trust me, I could not get the entire stock into this shot.

With my zany stream of consciousness I thought (to myself) of David Letterman's first Film Festival. I think he only had two. Bette Midler did one of the short clips. It was funny and honest to g-d, I think we still have it on VHS from when we taped it way back in 1987 or so. It is nowhere to be found on YouTube or even referenced in Goooogle that I can find.

But in it she laments (and I probably am directly quoting from my freaky memory): "the deodorant section in any drugstore in the United States is larger than the largest meat market in all of Russia. Tell me - do we as a nation smell that bad?"

Naturally I was just chuckling to myself, because there was no one around to tell.

I wish I could find the movie, it was funny. Actually what was funnier was the interview before they screened the film.

Song by: Nirvana

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Rock and Roll Hootchie Koo

Another year - another induction into the Rock n Roll Hall o'Fame. Another year of being almost non-plussed.

Last night was the second time since the Rock Hall began that induction ceremonies have been in Cleveburgh. All other umpteen hundred times have been in NYC - even though the actual Hall resides on the Mistake on the Lake.

I really don't think Cleveland is a mistake - but it definitely needs some sprucing up and some major city planners to come in and overhaul the place. Obama's entire stimulus package could be used up on this project alone.

But seriously - we hold no street cred to have these ceremonies here. I think it is a no-brainer that the inductions should be held here if they want to get in. All baseball players must go to Cooperstown and all NFL folk make the trek to Canton.

We now are slated to get every third induction year to be conducted here in town. Whoopie. Naturally, this year, the one we get, we are treated to the likes of Run-DMC (HUGE rockers that they are!) and Bobby Womack! Really? I think they just let anyone in. But I've said that in previous posts.

Ok ok....we are getting Metallica. I'm not a huge fan, but a few million folks like them. And....and....and.....I sat next to the lead singer, Jim Hetfield, (see pic at top of post) yesterday at lunch! I missed his entrance, since I was in the restroom, but I came back to the table and there he was facing me. I knew him right away.

Denton quietly asked me who he was, since a few people had come up and said 'hello'. (How long was I in there?!) I wanted to casually aim my iPhone and snap a pic, but Denton nicely scolded me not to do it. And I listened. He couldn't stop me from entering a quick Tweet though. Score a win for Blobby!

I searched high and low (ok...more than a slight exaggeration) for a decent picture of the man. He looks positively heinous in most of his photos, but in real life, he is a fairly handsome man. Maybe it's the stage lighting that makes him look that way. The above pic is the closest I could come to showing what he looked like yesterday. He ordered hot tea - since I know you were all wondering.

Truth be told, I would have rather to run into Rosanne Cash. She is going to be inducting Wanda Jackson. I'm a huge Cash fan and would have loved to just seen her speak, but I'm not paying the price of the ceremoies for just that. And sorry - I know a LOT about music and I have no idea who Wanda Jackson is. Zero. Zilch. Nil. Nada. Nothing.

This is why Corey Hart will seemingly be a shoe-in within a couple of years.

Anyway, it was nice to run into Mr. Hetfield. Other than peeing next to Jeff Goldblum at a Broadway play, or buying my ring from Little John, eating lunch next to Jim is my closest brush with greatness.

Well, there is Rebecca Flowers, but she likes her privacy. You know those arty types.

Song by: Rick Derringer

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Ok Computer

I'm seeing some issues with my PowerBook G4. You might remember that about a year or so ago I had issues as well - to the point I lost everything on my hard drive and just had it replaced.

But now I'm getting the same slow down, the same spinning beach ball of death and the whir of either the hard drive or the fan (or both) that goes on almost continually. I'm also seeing problems with my battery....or the power, I should say.

That all being said - my G4 is five and one half years old. Not bad for a laptop - or any computer, I dare say. I think it's past its life expectancy. I think. Denton thinks too.

...and that last part is important. Because I won't get too much flack for going out this weekend and buying a new Mac. I also have to get something to back up what is on my current one before it goes to the big Apple Farm in the sky.

I'm sure Denton will try to play with it after I'm done with it, and maybe recycle it to his parents or something.

I'm a little sad and a little excited. I'll keep you posted.

Song by: Radiohead

Friday, April 03, 2009

Ode to My Family

I'm still on the fence about this whole Facebook thingy. People coming out of the woodwork and all. Some of them are very welcome, some middle of the road and some are just immediately....or eventually ignored.

Judgmental? Possibly. Pick and choose? It is what we do. Life is an extension of high school - but you all knew that.

One good thing has come from it though. I have reconnected with a cousin of mine. He was connected to another friend which is how we found each other.

Bill, like most of my cousins, is fairly older than myself - pushing 20 years my senior. His kids are closer to my age.

We went to lunch yesterday. And we had a GREAT time. We had not seen each other in eons and just chatted during lunch. I guess it could have been weird, but it totally wasn't. We got along so well, I loved it and I could tell he did too.

We just sat there, him telling me things about my side of the family that I had never known and me doing something similar about his. Clearly he had more reference material than I not only being older, but had the capability and willingness to take it all in. And clearly he was not a fan of my grandfather - but truth be told, I have yet to meet anyone who was.

Bill was thrilled, for some reason, to know I had a partner - or as he said "mazel tov!". He was much more engaged after he found out I wasn't married or had kids. Again, it wasn't weird. "I can't believe I have a cousin who has a partner"! I guess as opposed to "I can't believe I have a cousin who is gay!". But it was in an excited way, not the disappointed way many say those kind of lines.

He was so into it, he wants us to have lunch with one of his cousins. I know - you'd think Steve would also be my cousin, but he isn't. Exactly. How do I say this nicely? My aunt and uncle were first cousins who go married. They both had the same last name. It sounds all so Kentucky - but I don't think it really is. So this cousin of his isn't really mine. I don't think.

Are you following any of this? Are you even caring?

Maybe I should go on record that I like some of my extended family, but not a lot of them - and I'm certainly not close with any of them - especially on my father's side. We just all lost touch when my grandmother died 20 odd years ago, not that we were ever that close before that. It wasn't that kind of family.

Bill's family was always very active in the Jewish community - and his big thing now is to take me to the Jewish Federation to see some of our family things over there. His wife (his second) is a Cantor at a nearby temple. Bill is also active in the arts community, just like his mother - so he knows a lot of "us". That's probably what makes him so accepting.

I'm looking forward to more lunches and to have him and his wife over for dinner and just reconnecting. He is alone now - as both his parents have passed as have his brother and sister, so I think he appreciates this too.

Ok, I'm babbling a bit. But I'm a bit drunk too.

Song by: the Cranberries

Thursday, April 02, 2009


Today is World Autism Awareness Day.

One of my nephews is autistic. One of my friend's sons is autistic. Oddly enough, the kids (both boys) were born three days apart. Total coincidence since they had never met at this point and lived states away.

Each one of my four sisters (including the somewhat aforementioned one) has had a speech delayed son. It might be a coincidence, but maybe it is just a sign of the times. About 1 in every 162 children born has Autism. Isn't that fucking crazy?

I'm sure it existed when I was a child, but I will assume we never saw those kids. I never did. I think families hid them away.

Max, my nephew, is a great kid. He is fun, funny, social and loving. He has his moments of meltdowns, but he's a kid. Maybe they are a bit more severe because of the A word. (btw...when you see a kid having a screaming fit in public, don't just assume they are some kind of a brat. Sometimes it is something so out of their control you would not believe and the parents can't possibly be equipped to control as well.)

He is what I'm assuming clinical folks would call "high functioning". That has more to do with his mother than anything else, I imagine. She was smart enough to figure out the signs early - and she was his biggest advocate and champion.

She lobbied the state (NY) for services - and at no cost, other than her time and temporary hold on her career to do this. Getting these services can be a full-time job on their own. But Max had in-home treatment at least five days per week and six hours per day. One-on-one care with a behavioral, speech and occupational therapists. Unthinkable when you really think about it. No school in the world gives you that much attention.

But I do believe due to that it has made him much more mainstream. I know there are groups out there who do not believe in mainstreaming their Autistic kids, but I cannot see how this is doing them a service in the long run. It's hard to say - since I'm not a parent, and not a parent of a special needs child.

There is no good explanation on what causes Autism. Too much heavy metals in the blood system? Immunization? Genetics? All good thoughts, but no one agreeing on this. Which does not help the cause of these advocates trying to find cures.

It simply amazes me that insurance and social programs (local, state and federal) are so slow to respond to the needs of these kids, these families - if they respond at all. Treatment is so frickin' expensive in the best of circumstances and the families I see with multiple children in this situation is horrific.

And by 'treatment' I mean therapy. There is no treatment or cure. Not yet.

I have talked with some neurosurgeons on this. There is preliminary development of using Deep Brain Stimulation for some cases - the way they are currently doing for Parkinson's Disease and doing trails for OCD, Chronic Pain, Depression and Addiction. Different parts of the brain have certain responding mechanisms. So there is hope, but this is not a cure either - just a treatment. And probably a decade away.

It'd be nice if people would lobby their local and state leaders. The parents of autistic kids can't do it all. They don't have time. How could they. And let's face it - Jenny McCarthy can't do everything for these kids.

Song by: Delerium featuring Sarah McLachlan

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Nobody Does it Better

It's April 1st.

I have no fools prank to pull. And I have no words of wisdom regarding some worm that is supposed to infect all of our PCs (this is why you should have an Apple, folks!).

As promised, I have a Site of the Month entry, but not using it so early in the month - in case something better comes along. It's kind of like holding out till the bar closes before making your man-selection. Choose too early and you might miss 'the one'.

So I have a nothing post. Not nothing, but not anything.

Two weeks ago, I stumbled upon some new series called Better Off Ted. It's not bad....and Ted is cute (see pic). Cuter than his pic actually. Maybe it's in his acting style. The premise revolves around a working think tank that develops things we don't need or want, but you know these places exist. Scientists and marketers who push weird-ass shit down our throats, literally and figuratively.

This last week they made cowless meat. Or, meat grown in a test tube. A meat blob. Or as they called it: Blobby. "It's like Bobby, but with an 'L' ". They try not to name their experiments so not to get too attached to them - like Chester the Carrot (they all nod their heads knowingly).

But how can you not love or become to attached to a Blobby? I know you all do and have.

Song by: Carly Simon