Thursday, April 09, 2009

Wash Me Clean

What is it about people wanting to talk about their colonoscopies?

Seriously, in the last two weeks I have had three people tell me in detail about their bowel prep, their twilight anesthesia and the post-procedure cramping. Yayyyyy. This does not count the men in the locker room of the gym who yak about theirs either.

Yes, men of a certain age are supposed to get this done. I'm one of these certain-aged men. But I'm not chomping at the bit - or the mag citrate - to get this off my 'to-do' list.

My doctor alludes to that men my age should be getting them. He's also alluded to I'm way overdue for a tetanus shot, but he's never told me I had to get one. And unless told, I'm not really asking for one. Ever. Of either - in fact. I ask for my annual flu shot and that's about it. The rest has just got to be dictated to me or I ain't doing it.

So, I have this ex-co-worker who was telling me about his. I have no idea how it came up, but it did. I'm not a friend of Martin - and at some point I'll get that in another post (though somewhere four of my friends are snickering already), so it is anyone's guess why he told me in detail about his.

He's not even of this certain age bracket who needs one and trust me, I did not ask the rationale behind his getting it. Rest assured, he told me he'd be happy to be my Colonoscopy Buddy when my time came - because apparently you need someone to help you through this (queue more snickering from said friends). My friend Cara thinks he was just flirting!

Really? Is this how gay men flirt? (yes, Martin is gay.)

Or more to the point, is this how straight women think gay men flirt? It has to do with the ass, so it must be. Right?

Mind you, Martin once pushed a bowl of pretzel/peanut mix my way, or out of his, while we dined out (work event!) because I had touched some with - get this - my bare hands!

So, he won't share a humanly touched bowl of trail mix with me, but he'll be my Super Colon Blow Buddy?

Hmmmm.....maybe Cara is on to something.

When the time comes (yes, not 'if'), I'm sure I already have my Super Colon Blow Buddy. And it is highly doubtful it will be Martin. I mean, unless he springs for a really really nice meal.

Song by: k.d. lang


Dith said...

Blobby, honey...2 am colon talk?

rebecca said...

I'm so right about Martin.

Kris said...

Uh, you just need someone to drive you home, you don't need a "buddy." (I will spare you the details of Bret's "procedure" as you have heard about too many others' experiences.)

Birdie said...

I miss Phil Hartman.