Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Nobody Wins

You know how yesterday I said I needed time to craft a potentially witty post?

I'm thinking - but only thinking - it was time well spent on holding off that extra day.

At the last minute, Mike came through - kind of. And only Mike. Again, we scared everyone else off. At least we're consistent.

I mean, he did submit his selections for the 3rd Annual Oscar Guessing Game®, but not in blog form - which turns out not to be a bad thing.  ...more on that in a bit.

Perhaps blogging is a dying art. I mean, if Mike is (unofficially) abandoning it, should we all be sitting up and taking note?

Perhaps we should - but do I want him really being a tastemaker for any of my life decisions? I'll have to marinate on this for a while and make my choices without giving him any credit - no matter on which side I come down.

Mike missed the Oscar telecast due to travel. He "claims" to this being the first one he's missed in history.

Since this was the 86th ceremony, I will go on record as saying that he looks damned good for his age. Maybe it's a Benjamin Button thing he's got going on.

Even if he just meant to say he hasn't missed a televised one, the first being in 1953, we really need to find out what kind of moisturizer he's using (Creme du Ponce de Leon, perhaps?). Though to be fair, the restaurant at which we met was dimly lit. Possibly on purpose.  But I saw no gauze or vaseline. Who knows what tricks are used for his purported  "youth".

Mike says he was leaving it up to me to be "honest" on who wins. I think I should be horribly horribly offended that he even felt the need to bring this up in the first place. He can audit - and might want to - if he feels the need.  ....more on that in a bit.

Results are below - recap is even farther down, but make the effort, you'll be glad you did.

The easiest (?) way to do this is:

Blobby selection wins
Mike selection wins
We both made the correct selection
Neither of us made the correct selection

Best picture
"12 Years a Slave" 
"American Hustle" 
"Captain Phillips"
"Dallas Buyers Club"
"The Wolf of Wall Street" 

Alfonso Cuarón, "Gravity"
Steve McQueen, "12 Years a Slave"
Alexander Payne, "Nebraska"
David O. Russell, "American Hustle"
Martin Scorsese, "The Wolf of Wall Street"

Lead actor
Christian Bale, "American Hustle"
Bruce Dern, "Nebraska"
Chiwetel Ejiofor, "12 Years a Slave"
Matthew McConaughey, "Dallas Buyers Club"
Leonardo DiCaprio, "The Wolf of Wall Street"

Lead actress
Amy Adams, "American Hustle"
Cate Blanchett, "Blue Jasmine"
Judi Dench, "Philomena"
Meryl Streep, "August: Osage County"
Sandra Bullock, "Gravity"

Supporting actor
Barkhad Abdi, “Captain Phillips”
Bradley Cooper, “American Hustle”
Michael Fassbender, “12 Years a Slave”
Jonah Hill, “The Wolf of Wall Street”
Jared Leto, “Dallas Buyers Club”

Supporting actress
Sally Hawkins, “Blue Jasmine”
Jennifer Lawrence, “American Hustle”
Lupita Nyong’o, “12 Years a Slave”
Julia Roberts, “August: Osage County”
June Squibb, “Nebraska”

Animated feature film
“The Croods”
“Despicable Me 2”
“Ernest & Celestine”
“Frozen” *
“The Wind Rises”

“The Grandmaster,” Philippe Le Sourd
“Gravity,” Emmanuel Lubezki
“Inside Llewyn Davis,” Bruno Delbonnel
“Nebraska,” Phedon Papamichael
“Prisoners,” Roger A. Deakins

Costume design
“American Hustle,” Michael Wilkinson
“The Grandmaster,” William Chang Suk Ping
“The Great Gatsby,” Catherine Martin
“The Invisible Woman,” Michael O’Connor
“12 Years a Slave,” Patricia Norris

Documentary feature
“The Act of Killing”
“Cutie and the Boxer”
“Dirty Wars”
“The Square” 
“20 Feet from Stardom”

Documentary short subject
“Facing Fear”
“Karama Has No Walls”
“The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life”
“Prison Terminal: The Last Days of Private Jack Hall”

Film editing
“American Hustle,” Jay Cassidy, Crispin Struthers and Alan Baumgarten
“Captain Phillips,” Christopher Rouse
“Dallas Buyers Club,” John Mac McMurphy and Martin Pensa
“Gravity,” Alfonso Cuarón and Mark Sanger
“12 Years a Slave,” Joe Walker

Foreign language film 
“The Broken Circle Breakdown,” Belgium
“The Great Beauty,” Italy
“The Hunt,” Denmark
“The Missing Picture,” Cambodia
“Omar,” Palestine

Makeup and hairstyling
“Dallas Buyers Club,” Adruitha Lee and Robin Mathews
“Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa,” Stephen Prouty
“The Lone Ranger,” Joel Harlow and Gloria Pasqua-Casny

Original score
“The Book Thief,” John Williams
“Gravity,” Steven Price
“Her,” William Butler and Owen Pallett
“Philomena,” Alexandre Desplat
“Saving Mr. Banks,” Thomas Newman

Original song
“Alone Yet Not Alone” from “Alone Yet Not Alone”
“Happy” from “Despicable Me 2”
“Let It Go” from “Frozen”
“The Moon Song” from “Her”
“Ordinary Love” from “Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom”

Production design
“American Hustle,” Production Design: Judy Becker; Set Decoration: Heather Loeffler
“Gravity,” Production Design: Andy Nicholson; Set Decoration: Rosie Goodwin and Joanne Woollard
“The Great Gatsby,” Production Design: Catherine Martin; Set Decoration: Beverley Dunn
“Her,” Production Design: K.K. Barrett; Set Decoration: Gene Serdena
“12 Years a Slave,” Production Design: Adam Stockhausen; Set Decoration: Alice Baker

Animated short film
“Get a Horse!”
“Mr. Hublot”
“Room on the Broom”

Live action short film
“Aquel No Era Yo (That Wasn’t Me)”
“Avant Que De Tout Perdre (Just before Losing Everything)”
“Pitääkö Mun Kaikki Hoitaa? (Do I Have to Take Care of Everything?)”
“The Voorman Problem”

Sound editing
“All Is Lost,” Steve Boeddeker and Richard Hymns
“Captain Phillips,” Oliver Tarney
“Gravity,” Glenn Freemantle
“The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug,” Brent Burge
“Lone Survivor,” Wylie Stateman

Sound mixing
“Captain Phillips,” Chris Burdon, Mark Taylor, Mike Prestwood Smith and Chris Munro
“Gravity,” Skip Lievsay, Niv Adiri, Christopher Benstead and Chris Munro
“The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug,” Christopher Boyes, Michael Hedges, Michael Semanick and Tony Johnson
“Inside Llewyn Davis,” Skip Lievsay, Greg Orloff and Peter F. Kurland
“Lone Survivor,” Andy Koyama, Beau Borders and David Brownlow

Visual effects
“Gravity,” Tim Webber, Chris Lawrence, Dave Shirk and Neil Corbould
“The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug,” Joe Letteri, Eric Saindon, David Clayton and Eric Reynolds
“Iron Man 3,” Christopher Townsend, Guy Williams, Erik Nash and Dan Sudick
“The Lone Ranger,” Tim Alexander, Gary Brozenich, Edson Williams and John Frazier
“Star Trek Into Darkness,” Roger Guyett, Patrick Tubach, Ben Grossmann and Burt Dalton

Adapted screenplay
“Before Midnight,” written by Richard Linklater, Julie Delpy, Ethan Hawke
“Captain Phillips,” screenplay by Billy Ray
“Philomena,” screenplay by Steve Coogan and Jeff Pope
“12 Years a Slave,” screenplay by John Ridley
“The Wolf of Wall Street,” screenplay by Terence Winter

Original screenplay
“American Hustle,” written by Eric Warren Singer and David O. Russell
“Blue Jasmine,” written by Woody Allen
“Dallas Buyers Club,” written by Craig Borten & Melisa Wallack
“Her,” written by Spike Jonze
“Nebraska,” written by Bob Nelson

Forget 12 Years a Slave.  Try 3 Times a Tie.  Seriously. 

4 for him.  4 for me.  4 for neither of us. 12 for both of us. 

But if you look up closely under 'Animated Feature Film' category you will find an asterisk. Almost a starfish...as in E Plurabis Anus.  

As in, Mike's going to feel like an asshole. 

Since he put me in charge of being "honest", Magic Mike had a snafu  - he neglected to vote on best Animated Feature Film. This is something I didn't catch in his submission (was it my job to proof his work?) until they called the winner and I went to check his answer.  Or non-answer, as the case may be. 

I wonder how many questions he left blank on the SAT. 

Now let it be known that I did provide him the template for voting you see above. He did not use it.

Let it be known he submitted via a comment (that I cannot edit) on my blog - you can look yourself. I did. Several times to make sure.  So if he had blogged it and forgot to include, he could have easily edited his own blog to make me (look like) the loser - which I am not. 

But I'm not the winner either. 

And silly silly Mike thought I would lose on Best Adapted Screenplay and the joke is, he might have been correct.  ...though he's probably not laughing right about now.

Now, I've been pondering this for a few hours at this point and it's become clear I didn't take Psych 101 for nothing.  I've come up with four possible solutions to his voting exclusion:
  1. Like John Ravolta, he simply cannot remember the simplest of things. Like names on a cue card. In front of his face. That he had read at rehearsal.  Multiple times. 
  2. Like Taye Diggs, Mike has an aversion to Adela Dazeem Idina Menzel and the way she sings like she has a swimmer's nose plug firmly in place and he wanted to forget all things Frozen. This is somewhat understandable. 
  3. He has some Failure to Thrive complex.
  4. (and the most likely)  If Mike were to win, the contest could, in effect, be over - and he cannot bare the thought of losing me and wants to continue this little dance year after year. 

I really have no other explanation. Though I'm sure he'll have a ton...................of excuses.

I guess when you're all looks, like Mike is, also having brains would be too much to ask or hope for.

Well here's looking forward to 2015, should he dare.

Song by: Radney Foster

1 comment:

anne marie in philly said...

don't care about the oscars BUT I LOVE the song (blog title). it came out whilst I was breaking up with ex-spouse. radney foster (hunk) and mary chapin carpenter (great).