I know - right?
But as luck would have it - for him - Mike is a "winner".
Somewhere in my walnut sized brain, I keep thinking those few victories I had were more than they were. I also keep second-guessing myself, which it seems is never good.
And somewhere along the lines, the people who vote for the Golden Globes aren't as quirky as they used to be. So I got left in the dust.
Honestly, One hour and fifty-five minutes in, before I won one fucking category. And yes, I timed it. And yes, that includes Seth M(e)yers' lame-assed monologue. Emphasis on the 'mono'......so it seemed a LOT longer.
Not that he's ever been funny, but there was winning this year. He was right in saying that it should have been a female host. It's the only way some of the "jokes" (and I'm being generous there) could have flown.
And do NOT start me on Oprah. No, I did not see her. Even if I didn't have laundry to get out of the dryer, I would have muted her. I am not a fan in any way. Mike claims she was good. There is some CNN article saying she is contemplating a 2020 run for president.
g-d fucking help us.
"You get a sewer system, YOU get a sewer system, you ALL get sewers systems!". Oh, it's the only way to make infrastructure fun, isn't it?
But srsly. Like we need another unqualified television gasbag in the White House. One is fucking enough. For fuck sake, she gave us Drs. Phil and Oz. Can her Cabinet selections be any better?
Oh - and she got an award for her "acting". But she's Oprah, so..........let's toss her a bone, so she doesn't get mad at us? Was Beloved that successful? (no......no it was not.)
Anyhoo.....let's see, the rest of the awards. Well first off, Sharon Stone. How do you get such round boobs?
and better yet, from where? You're 60. Those dirty pillows - whosever they are - are 24. Are they like your earrings: borrowed and you have to return them at the end of the show? #timesup on those.
I'd say, way to put it all out there, you know, with some of the dirtbags banned the ceremony and Hollywood.
....and poor poor Kirk Douglas. The poor guy didn't know where he was. Or who he was.
...and his daughter-in-law. Honey, this was a night about not being allowed to be sexually harassed, not for asking for it.
I suppose you kind of are asking for it when you buy your "dress" at Frederick's of Hollywood. Have you not one gay you can consult before stepping out of the house and in front of a wheelchair?
Ashley Judd was even there.......and let's face it, it's only because of scandal she helped break. It's not like she's starring in Double Jeopardy II....or anything else for that matter.
Enough about them. This was Mike's night. Aren't they all. And no, there was no question mark in that last sentence.
I'll give him credit. Considering he's only seen like one movie this year, he has not let that subscription to Entertainment Weekly go to waste. He must have devoured every word of their Awards Issue.
What? I mean, how can you expect him to best me, when this is how he starts his day:
Still a win is a win. And he won. He's not getting cookies. I have to drop a stone, so why should I make them if I cannot partake? I figured something better.
The winner of the best picture was one I wanted but for one in which I didn't think anyone would vote: Three Billboards.
Mike and Peter have not seen it. Mike will tell me a date / time / theater where they will see it, and tickets will be waiting at the kiosk for them to pick up and view the movie. If I can find a way for Sno-Caps and popcorn to be waiting, it will happen. Maybe Jujubees, but those might tug on his partial.
Here's the breakdown, if anyone cares...........the awards were not in this order, so some of my
Best Motion Picture - Drama - Both Lost
Best Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy - Mike. Mike. Mike.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama - Both Lost
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama - Blobby wins.
Best Actress in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy - Mike wins.
Best Director - Mike wins
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy - Mike wins
Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture - Mike wins
Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture - Mike wins
Best Original Score in a Motion Picture - Both Lost
Best Screenplay in a Motion Picture - Both Lost
Best Animated Film - Mike......yet again.
Best Motion Picture - Foreign Language - Blob wins. One.
Best TV series - Drama - Mike.....again.
Best performance by Actress in a TV series - Drama - Both Lose
Best performance by an Actor in a TV Series - Drama - Both Lose
Best TV series - Musical or Comedy - Blob wins. YAYYYYY
Best performance by an Actor in a TV series - Musical or Comedy - Blob wins
Best performance by an Actress in a TV series - Musical or Comedy - Both win
Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - Both win
Best Performance by an Actor in a Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - Both Lost
Best Performance by an Actress in a Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - Both Won
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - Mike wins
Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - Both Lost
All hail the victor.
(is my smirk showing?)
Song by: Alan Parsons Project