Tuesday, August 05, 2014


I know I really shouldn't be posting this, but it just made me laugh and laugh and laugh - not that it made my friend who is living through it do the same.  ...and to be honest, I truly needed the laughs yesterday. My friend always provides them when he relays stories of his mother.

But he doesn't know about the blog, so no harm; no foul.  I hope.

A little background:

To tell you that "Jerry" is Jewish is only important to the story due to the High Holidays references and because, well, his mother has just about every other stereotypical Jewish mother beat in the Guilt Dept. She could teach a Ph.D level course in the subject.

Doesn't every mother try to lay guilt onto their kids???  My mother tries, but I can - for the most part - let it roll off my back. Not all children can be as callous as I.

"Jerry" travels a lot for work. And I mean, A LOT. He might be home for 36 hours a week. Maybe. And not even in a row. Oh, and he's 36.

I call my friend "Jerry" here to protect the innocent. This is not his real name. And not that he's innocent. But for this purpose, he is taking a mental beating. He sends these exchanges to me for consolation. I'm not sure what he thinks when I reply with "RORRRRRRRRRRRRR".

The poor guy.

Below is their latest email exchange. Mom is in black text. Jerry's is in blue. Anything in quotes (save a referenced one) are mine to change some details not crucial to the content of the story, but the overall matter factors in somehow.

....and Away. We. Go.  (say like Billy Eichner.)

I was wondering what your plans are for Yom Kippur (I need to get you a ticket if you are coming home, yes RH & YK are a package deal in my world) - are you really skipping it bc of "Foley"? Yom Kippur Friday night and Sat. - you can still be in Dallas on Sunday, I am sure Delta flies there from LGA. Please let me know your plans. I really do not ask much of you, but not being alone this one day is very important to me.

I believe I have to sleep in Dallas on Saturday night to be ready to go Sunday morning. That agenda has not yet come out, and won't for a few weeks yet. If YK is the more important of the two (and I understand why), I will do what I can to make that work. I simply can't do two separate trips to New York and get my job done.  

The last flight from New York to Dallas on Saturday is at 6:30 out of JFK. When does SSTTE do Yizkor? I do not remember.

Yizkor is the same time as last year 4 pm - sorry to ask so much of you I forgot you are no longer Jewish - don't come "home" at all - I clearly understood where I figured in your life on a certain day that meant something to me but nothing to you - "du min isht contervers" Just call when you need something, you're good at that - and I do remember you telling me you told them there are 3 days per year you do not work - guess you got over that in a hurry. Go with the goy
Home in quotes (above) is his mother's doing - not mine.

Please dial down the mean words. I'm doing what I can. I don't know where I am 2 weeks from now, much less 10. I don't have data around where I need to be and when as it relates to the "Foley" Project - some of it is dictated by the "security", and is not up for debate or negotiation. 

I'm doing what I can. It doesn't make me a goy.

You are really good and flipping things - it is not mean - it is hurt - just do what you want and please do not insult my intelligence with the "dictated by security" - yeah "where is Jerry" #1 on their list - I did not say you are a goy, I said you are not Jewish it was "go with the goy" - just take me out of the equation and your life is easier 

If your intent is to hurt me you have done a good job - not one that I am proud of but I am sure someone is

"Roberta":  For. The. Win.

I think my favourite part of it all was that she was going to pay his airfare to come "home" until I realized it she meant a ticket for shul.

To be honest, this is one of the more mild stories that have been told to me. This barely scrapes the surface. But normally I get verbal accounts, never written documentation. I struggled using it for about 19 minutes and then realized I had nothing else to write about today.

....and I needed the laugh. And Jerry told me he was happy to give it to me.

Song by: Marianne Faithful


anne marie in philly said...

OMB, catholics are good at the the guilt trips, but not like THIS! this wins the academy award for drama queen 2014!

reminds me a bit of the mrs. peterson character in "bye bye birdie", so wonderfully played by maureen stapleton in the film.

Bob said...


That's all I got.

rebecca said...

Oh man taking notes!!!

Mark in DE said...

Ugh, I can't stand people who try to send others on guilt trips. Personally, I refuse. Guilt trips are nothing short of manipulation, which should NOT be done by people who "love" you.

Fearsome Beard said...

I have to ditto on the Oy!