Tuesday, April 11, 2023


I'm not saying I'm a victim of identify theft, but I'm not not saying it. 

A few weeks back, I got two separate letters from two different banking institutions on two different dates, that I'd been declined for a credit card. 

I was a little miffed. A.  I have an excellent credit rating. B. I didn't apply for any credit card - and hadn't in I dunno - three decades. I have a debit card and an Amex. That's it. 

Some years back, someone hacked into the government personnel records and took 1.5 million peoples identity - mine included.  I was a vendor for a number of government agencies, so they had my background check - including my finger prints - on electronic file.  

For that inconvenience, I get a lot of years of free credit monitoring. It's been pretty stagnant until Sunday. 

Oddly, the two credit card notifications didn't seem to trigger a thing, so - yay for government oversight into their own identify theft processes. 

Yesterday, I got a "Welcome!" letter to my new credit union. One of which I did not join. Of course, I got the letter after getting home and naturally, the place isn't open. Blobby was cranky.   ......but not as cranky as he was about to be. 

I'm not the most suave fraudster out there, but does one open an account at a credit union. "He", at leat, seems like a sensible thief. 

I logged into the credit watching thingy and saw nothing. So I called. After 437 phone trees, I finally talked to a living breathing person. She said, I had activity on my JP Morgan Chase account.    ........except for the fact that I don't have one of those. 

She gives me a number to that area. They had 892 phone trees - all requiring your account number, of which I do not have, because I do not have one. The circular logic when calling their fraud department astounds me. 

More astounding?  What does the Fraud Dept want?   My SSN. 

Fuck.  You. 

And I said as much to "Eddie".  And hung up on him, after he told me I'd have to go to branch (go IN a bank??  Is it 1978?) and show them my SSN.  Then I hung up on him. 

I cooled down (well, kind of) and called back and got Typhoon (you'd have to have seen Parks & Rec to get that reference).  I acquiesced and gave my SSN.  I'll paraphrase the next part:

"There are no open account - checking, savings, or credit in your profile".    Great............but......"you have a profile one me?", I says    "Just your name, address, DOB and SSN" Typhoon replied.  


Blobby was immediately hyper-cranky now. 

I didn't give you any of those items - how do YOU have them?   He couldn't tell me. 

710 asked if I verified the info with them. I did not. I wasn't about to give them more of my info, but I get his point - if my SSN is attached to another address etc where cards might be sent, it would be good to know. 

Typhoon was just like Eddie - I have to go to a physical branch to get this sorted out. 

I'm beginning to think it's a ploy to force me to open an account at JP Morgan. I'm so beyond pissed. 

By the time I get to the middle of this - not even the bottom - there are gonna be accounts in the Grand Cayman's with my name on it, and I'll be on the hook for every penny. 

Song by: Bush


Old Lurker said...

Uh oh. No good, this. Those scammers don't know who they're messing with. It would be awful if they woke up one day sharing a pillow with a decapitated horse's head.

Travel said...

Oh my