Yet another installment in the drudgery that is everyday shopping. The camera-phone makes it a bit more fun - though I get looks whenever I take pics of products. Like I care what people think!
I'm a semi-normal gay man.
I have wants. I have needs. Most of them go unmet.
For instance: I have not found the perfect pillow. Nor do I ever expect to at this point.
To a degree, the same can be said about underwear.
Yes, as a gay man, I wouldn't say I have an underwear fetish, but I do like to be comfortable in them, and like them to potentially look good on me - not that anyone is looking.
But like pillows, locating a good pair of boxer briefs is challenging.
Yes. Boxer briefs.
Sure, I've got the goods to parade around in briefs, but that's just for the package. There are other factors - such as the cut of the leg and where it sits and how heavy those legs might be at any certain time.
Boxers - well, I may as just well go commando. I do that about once per week as it is, as invariably, I will forget to put underwear in my gym bag. I don't think there is anything Freudian to it, but one never knows....at least until one goes to a therapist. I forget belts and socks now and then too.
The problem is: there are too many choices Even if you found THE pair, upon going back to the store, 187 different styles and brands have taken the place of whatever you might have had.
I currently have some decent pair - and some really bad ones. Yet, I don't throw them out. You know.....in case.
Actually, Morty taught me something years ago. I took all my outgoing underwear on trips - for work or pleasure. And I'd throw them away in the hotel room trash. It purged the stuff that needed tossed and provided a bit more room in the luggage.
So anyways, I was at Dicks (yes, the irony is not lost on me) yesterday and saw a pair that looked ever so comfortable.
Yeah - I saw them. TJMaxx doesn't put underwear on mannequins. Dicks apparently does.
They looked good. They felt good. I opted to reach for a box, you know.............because....this could be the one! ......and that's when I saw the price.
Fuck. That. Shit.
$55 for a two pack?
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
I totally get that I'm cheap. You read TJMaxx above. That wasn't even written tongue-in-cheek. I mean, I can get like 37 pair of underwear for $55 there. Even a pair I bought at Lululemon eons ago (and sill hold up) were $17. Maybe if you factor in inflation, they'd be the $22.50 that, whomever Tommy John is, is charging per pair.
Maybe they'd feel like pure bliss, but there'd be a Tell-Tale Heart thing going on every time I wore them that would drive me insane.
Actually, I'd probably think I didn't deserve to wear them even if I bought them and they'd sit unused for years. "Oh, they're too nice to wear", I'd tell myself.
I politely put them back in their place and left with what I actually came to purchase in the first place.