Hit Me With You Best Shot

Ouch. 

Let's just go with "ouch!".  

Blobby got spanked, and not in that good way. 

......and not in the way that Chris Rock did either.  

Christ - you go to bed early and really miss the "good" things.   GIRL FIGHT!!!    ...and as I pointed out to Mike the following morning, "I don't mean you and me". 

Honestly, if I have to pick sides - and I do - I'm siding with Rock. 

Smith proves he is a Karen. A faux one at that.........so maybe still just a Karen. He laughed at a joke about his wife, until his wife had to tell him it wasn't funny and then, and only then, did he "spring" into "action". He's a hypocrite. But more importantly, we are now at the point in society where a joke or statement - at an event that thrives on jokes and statements - begets violence. 

Smith is a MAGA Karen. 

I don't know who earlier in the evening cracked the joke of Smith's and his wife's "open" marriage, but they both laughed at that. Apparently, alopecia is NOT a laughing matter. 

And here is the thing on that. Reports AFTER the fact, that allegedly Jada Pinkett Smith has discussed her alopecia before and it's a well known fact that she has it.   That is IF YOU EVER READ ANYTHING ABOUT JADA PINKETT SMITH.   .....which I'm guessing 99.92% of the population of any and all nations do not. 

The joke is kind of on Rock, when he cracked wise about GI Jane II.   ....as if Piknett Smith could ever carry that would-be horrible piece of cinema.  Smith was grandstanding and showboating, plain and simple. He wasn't standing up for his wife, since she had to tell him to do it in the first place. Dude, tallies for the awards were already finished, don't do an encore when no one asked for one. 

Still.........the violence without consequences and disproportionate to the joke. 

Oh - and a slap! A SLAP.  Didn't this dude play Ali a few years ago?  Maybe he's gearing up to play Alexis Carrington Colby in his next feature film. If he had then thrown Rock into a wading pond afterwards, it would have been spot on. 

Ok - I'm done with that shit. Let's talk about MY beat down. Well, Mike's beat down OF me. 

According to the verified results of the CPA firm Dewy, Cheatem & Howe, Papa Mike won handily (see what I did there???  did ya?  did ya??).

I didn't go back and tally per se, but this might have been the farthest off on what we picked that did not match up.  And that courage got him the win.  

Let's be up front though: I saw two of the movies here - two! - and that's still more than Mike saw. Yes, his husband saw Belfast, so I supposed he saw a movie adjacent, because you know they discussed it over drinks. Well, Peter did. Mike pretended to listen as he swirled his olives mindlessly around the glass. 

Still, it's called the 11th Annual Academy Award Guessing Game®  for a reason: guessing. He probably went on research while I went on instinct. I had some logic, but I still go with emotion. I knew that Rock Em Sock Em Smith was going to win, yet still could not abide highlighting him in red as the winner. 

Really - yes, you had Smith and Rock..........and what seems to be a sad sad sad Liza* (really, how many knee and hip replacements can one person have!?!), and the "stars", but the night belonged to Dune. Not the audience-facing folks but the ones who actually make the movie a movie.  Good for them. Now I need to see if it's still on HBO. 

Congrats to Mike. And I mean it.  And congrats to me. I remembered last year I got him FOUR bottles of gin. so technically I pre-paid my debt this year and for the next two to come!

As DC&H, CPA insists, below are the categories and the winners. I only selected two winners which Mike did not. He selected seven (!!!!) that I did not. He bested me: fair and square. 

Best Picture - Mike won

Actor in a Leading Role - both Mike won

Actor in a Supporting Role - both won

Actress in a Leading Role - Blobby won

Actress in a Supporting Role - both won

Animated Feature Film - both won

Cinematography - both lost

Costume Design - Blobby won

Directing - both won

Documentary (Feature) - Mike won

Documentary (Short Subject) - Mike won

Film Editing - both lost

International Feature - both won

Film Makeup and Hairstyling - both 

Music (Original Score) - both won

Music (Original Song) - Mike won

Production Design - both won

Short Film (Animated) - both lost

Short Film - Mike won

Sound - both won

Visual Effects - Mike won

Writing (Adapted Screenplay) - Mike won

Writing (Original Screenplay) - both lost

*I was trying to craft a comparison of Mike to Liza, as he is older than I, but then that would put me square in the middle of a Blobby to Gaga comparison, and I could not bring myself to do that. Liza doing "Single Ladies" in Sex and the City II, is SO cringe worthy, I insist you click here.....and watch the entire thing. (That said, she is brilliant in Arrested Development.)

Song by: Pat Benatar