Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Cruisin' Love

Facebook is a funny thing. You get invites from friends of friends whom you have never met. Clearly I'm not accepting them just to build my numbers. I'm ok having the lowest number of "friends" within my closest circle.

The other day I got a message (not an invite) from someone who said: It looks like we have some friends in common. I used to live in columbus 83-96 and you look very familiar!

Never a really good sign, is it? Normally it is a recipe for pseudo-disaster. I saw his name - nothing registered. I saw his picture - ditto. I looked at our mutual friends and nothing seemed out of place. Two from Columbus and one from Cleveburgh. Stupidly, or not, I confirmed I had lived in Columbus roughly the same time as he. I was a social being (i.e. drunk most of the time) so it is possible he saw me out.........a lot!

But it gets a little worse: i think we used to "play" on campus. LOL!

This was quite a possibility - back in the day.

Then something clicked in for me: his first name and one of our mutual friends: Morty.

"Dale" was his name. "Dale" was the name of one of Mort's roommates back before we knew each other. I asked Dale if that is how he and Mort knew each other. It was confirmed. At the same time Dale asked if I used to live in a certain place off-campus years later.

Ugh - another hook-up years later. I'm pathetic.

So I have known Morty for about 23 years. Morty has known Dale a little less (I think). I have "known" Dale longer - though I don't know who the fuck he is or remember him from Adam, at least via one FB pic.

Just because I'm me, I did say something to Dale, via email, that I'm not sure how or if we should tell Morty any of this. I hit 'send' and then immediately called Morty - and set the story up WAY better than I did here. He had no idea where I was going with it, and why should he? 15 minutes before, I didn't even have a story.

We were laughing so hard, I was crying.

I sent Morty an email message after the call that was vague enough as a follow-up, but I sent to the wrong person. A good friend, but still the wrong person. Ooops.

The second I realized it was sent, I emailed Mort telling him what I had done - all very funny btw. Enough so that I got an email back from Mort that said, "Oh now I'M crying!!!" .....and then my phone rings - from said accidental email friend.

"Are you talking about Dale XYZ?"

WTF? Does everyone know Dale?? "Oh, Dale's ex boyfriend used to cut so and so's hair".
Screw Kevin Bacon - it can now be Six Degrees of Blobby. Or more accurately, Six Degrees of Dale.

Oh the tangled webs we weave. And by "we", I am only talking about myself.

I can't take all credit/blame for some stuff that goes on within FB. Get this - and this one kills me:

I have two friends, in two different states (not even cities!), who have never met. I get an email from one, saying, "so what's the deal with your friend "Jim"?"

Yes, it turns out one had seen the other in my FB friend listing and contacted the other - basically on-line cruising via the largest social networking site in history. And apparently, I'm their unwilling and unwitting pimp.

I haven't figured out who made the first contact or what the intro was - but don't think for a second I'm not gonna find out. I don't have discreet bone in my body when it comes to this shit. If they are going to use me (well, ok, not really) that way, I at least get the goods on the 'how, when and why' stuff. I want all the dirt.

When I joined Facebook, Morty's partner, George, who might have been my first message when he said "welcome to the vortex". I had no idea how bad it was or how deep it goes.

I'm not even sure if I took the red pill or the blue one.

Song by: Rachel Sweet


AJohnP said...

Excellent story.
It really is a small, scary, world, isn't it?!?!

Breenlantern said...

I love posts like this and to know that even the mighty, composed Blobby can have an off-color(?) moment in his life. Thanks for sharing and for revelaing that even sexy smart bloggers have oops moments. :-)

wozzel said...

haha. I loved this.
must admit. the world is much smaller since facebook! I get loads of straneg requests. I've become real good at just clicking "ignore"

Morty said...

I was absolutely clueless about Dale when we were roomies. Neither of us were out yet. But I should've been more curious when he was working on 'class projects' and be gone all night long. He was with YOU!!! And I didn't even know you yet. This'll be a great story for the grandkids.

rebecca said...

Hysterical! I had a guy friend cruise a girl friend on my FB page -- which I nixed asap. I think I used to try to seduce Dale -- if only we'd been better friends, Blob!

Blobby said...

LOL Mort!

As if I'd let ANYONE stay over all night!

tornwordo said...

Another reason I don't use my real name on there. I shudder to think who would crawl out of the cracks of my history.