Facing Traffic, and the ending of his life this last Friday.
This was oddly upsetting for me, mostly because I had never actually met David.
David and I were linked - blog-wise - when he was writing Another Mile Marker. It's not linked here, as that blog was removed years ago.
We kind of lost touch when he shut down that blog, and it took me a long time to figure out he started a new one - Facing Traffic (though he stopped that writing that almost two years ago).
David was a blogger whom I wanted to meet, but it never happened. We had made attempts both in Columbus and Pittsburgh, but our schedules never quite met up, or they changed last minute. I would have very much liked to have made that connection.
I actively participated in some of his blog questions / posts. The only one I can find is here.
David was a trades guy, I guess. Bartender. Construction. Landscaper. Creative in work and writing. Our written interactions made him seem very amiable. He's someone I think I would have really liked in real life.
I'm not speaking out of school when I say that he suffered from bipolar depression. He references it in his last Facebook post (don't bother searching it out, you won't be able to see the actual post).
David's final post on FB, and perhaps in life, were unsurprisingly well crafted. I suppose the combo of skill and the medium add to my unsettledness. That and he either posted it before committing suicide or had it scheduled to publish after it happened. He talks about it in the past tense - another unsettling aspect.
Perhaps it should not surprise me that people use social media to convey choosing to end their life - they do it for every little thing. But it did.
In a way, I commend him for being up front about his mental and physical pain. Due to those circumstance, he did not have the financial means to seek or get adequate physical or mental health care. ....and then, perhaps that is what is also unsettling me.
While I might have him as a victim to the way the U.S. repeatedly throws up barriers to any kind of treatments, David did not - or at least seem to - take on the role of victim. His writing was very specific and clear - and that upsets me too. All very sound-minded, yet he had logically gotten to this point, one of no return.
2019 has been a harsh year when it comes to death. David's was the second acquaintance I had who committed suicide. Of course, there was my mother's death, and I will be attending a funeral this week for the mother of a close friend of mine.
I won't begin to pretend I understand David's decision, but I don't have to. I am sorry he had, or felt he had, no options. I feel for his friends and family. He knows the pain that would be left behind, but in his writing, he was very comfortable with death.
Most of all, I hope he is at peace.
Song by: George Harrison