Friday, April 25, 2014

Black Leather

If you remember, last year I volunteered (actually filled in for a friend) at CLAW.

This year, since I was on a list, I got the invite personally and not as a second tier hanger-on.

I thought about it for months on whether to go back. It was certainly interesting, if you remember, but I'm not sure it was "my scene".  But clearly it's someones.

Like policemen, truck drivers and men fixing your cable, porn has also lied to us in regards to men in leather and uniforms. In those "movies", men have at least seen the inside of a gym, are fairly rugged looking and purses don't fall out of their mouths upon opening.

In real life.......not so much.

You know how I feel about my own looks, so it's tres disconcerting to be one of the top three best looking guys there.  ...and I'm not even in leather.  And even more disconcerting? Not one person looked my way (especially the two guys ranking above me in this category).  {sigh}

I can't win for losing.

Last time my job was all administrative. This time it was all physical (let's get into physical). I was on the crew for set-up.

Ohhhhh....that's right. Last time it was on the first full day of CLAW. People were checked in, or in the process of doing so. This time I was pre-kickoff, which means some poor schmucks had to set up registration tables, stuff welcome packs, unload materials from the loading dock and carry stuff.

That schmuck would have been me.

My job was all lifting and carrying. But still it was better than the mind numbingness of stuffing welcome packs.

I still laugh when people call each other 'master' or 'boy'. I try not to out loud, but I'm not always successful. And still there is that pup / dog thing. Still freaking me out.

And it's totally sexist of me to always be surprised so many women (I'm assuming lesbians) attend. I guess they can like leather and flogging as much as the guys. Or some of the guys.

The irony was not lost on me when carrying a long, heavy wooden table assisted by some 'master' while others were setting some dungeon room with St. Andrew's Crosses, some paddle stations and such, and I got a splinter.....and semi-cried "ouch".

I think it was my friend Jeremy (who I subbed for last year) and I agreed in a place like this, "ouch" would not make a good safe word.

As you can see from the title image, they give you a badge - and now I can use that at no cost for all weekend, though I can't see me going back. I did my job.  And I'm not sure I need a educational session in "Erotic Negotiation", "Hypnosis", "Flogging 101.5" (is it a radio station?), "Tickle Torture" or "Fisting 101 and 201" (at the same time in the same room - that seems like you're learning too much too soon, if you ask me).

I laughed (and not to myself) with the lunch being a "leather cook-out".  Well, what other kind would it be?

But notice the logo on the badge. That's also on the free t-shirt they give you - which I can wear nowhere. Ever. And aren't they humorous about 'gate 69'??

I did get one laugh of the day that no one else seemed to think was funny (what's new?).  This was the event in the room directly next to where the Leather Banquet would be held:

Honey Boo-Boo is in for a shock.  Though honestly, those leather guys might be in for a bigger one. Those girls have more gear than they do.

Song by: the Runaways


Anonymous said... can post a pic of you in that t-shirt here....we might not object

Brett said...

Hysterical!! And the Sheraton logo is similar as well.....

Need to be careful, otherwise the leather men will be in the audience of the beauty show open call squealing and clucking. But, they could do wonders with the hair and make-up for the girls!

Unknown said... year I will volunteer with you and your friend (if you like) and I promise to laugh.

cb said...

My safe word is always "pamplemousse". It pretty much guarantees a halt to all activity.