Monday, October 18, 2010

The Emperor's New Clothes

Oh, how I hate to shop.

As my friend Jon pointed out via the comment section the other day, I don't know chintz from Chinoiserie and I can't tell the difference between a Champagne from a prosecco.

I don't like frou-frou food. I do like sports. And I loathe having to shop - especially for clothes.

I'm a gay man, not gay-acting. Yeah - you can all shut your pie-holes.

Yesterday, between yard work, exercise and well, lunch, we went and did some shopping for clothes. Mostly bum-around clothes.....or as I call them, non-work clothes.

But even buying jeans, socks and underwear, to me is just a painful event. Like museum fatigue, I get store fatigue, but faster and a more acute case. g-d help us all whenever I have to get suits and dress shoes!

It was just the casual wear where we dropped way too much money. I guess not really. We just do not update wardrobe that much. We're kind of lesbianic that way. But I was in need of jeans and sweats. Winter's a-comin'.

But oy, I hate trying on jeans - as you can see in the above picture. I didn't even keep my old pair on. btw.....I do have briefs on, so I'm not nekkid under that flannel and t shirt.

I did have this very brief supernova of seemingly good luck with the first pair of jeans I put on: a 32" waist that fit! The rest of the jeans were "loose fit" and I didn't like the overall look. But I can't tell you how long it's been since 32" even remotely fit me. Over a decade for sure.

I remember back during the 1980 Winter Olympics reading the Eric Heiden's thighs were 29" wide. My then-scrawny waist wasn't yet 29", let alone my thighs. Oh, how times change.

I tried a more "regular cut:, and well, I could get into the 32" version and they looked good, but you know it wouldn't take much for them to be a wee bit too tight (probably one cookie), so I went to 34", which are just fine.

Still - 34" isn't bad. For me. Lately. A few years back, I had made it up to 37" at one point. I did make it to back down to 35" last year, but most places do not stock odd sized waist sizes. So I'm now down a little further and wouldn't mind getting down to a comfortable 32".

Of course, many clothes manufacturers now fib about the size of their clothing to make folks, like me, feel better about themselves and their purchases. Hell, I might still be a 37" waist, but I'm not about to take out a tape measure to find out. Ignorance is bliss, so they say. Let me have my moment.

The bottom line is I got a pair of jeans, two pairs of sweats and some new underwear before I called the little outing to be over, no new shirts be damned. It was less painful for me to go cut the lawn and do the laundry.

Now I don't need to go back to a store until, like, April!

Song by: Sinéad O'Connor


tornwordo said...

I always have to poop when I shop for clothes. It's a curse.

Birdie said...

Nice legs.

I laughed when I saw your pose. Anyone who looks only at your pictures would think you're a curmudgeon. You're all smiley and friendly in person, but no one can tell that on your blog. Post puppies and kittens.

A Lewis said...

"Not gay acting"??? I don't even want to delve into what that means.

Malls make me nervous. I last about 30 minutes.

Cubby said...

Can't really tell from this pic, but with other pics you've posted of yourself I've seen a narrow waist that I am very envious of. And you got a bit of a "V" going on, which is very impressive for someone of your advanced age.

Jonny said...

So, I guess it's safe to say that you don't care that Michael C is a HORRID designer and didn't deserve to go to Fashion Week? Excuse me...Mercedes Benz fashion week..

anne marie in philly said...

(wolf whistles at the pix) hawt stuff!

will we be seeing some of the new undies on sean's "undie monday"? I can only hope!

I HATE DETEST DESPISE shopping (go figure and I'm a woman)...malls are to be avoided at all costs.

don said...

I hate shopping too, especially for clothes since buying to suit fashion is really not aligned with my eco values. I suppose that is one of the many reasons why my gay card was revoked years ago.

Ur-spo said...

As they say in my family, " you put your pants on and face the facts!"