Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Hello, I'm Gone

I'm just in a melancholy mood these days. One could chalk it up to the holidays being here for the next 30-40 days, but that's not really it.

Not that he's far from my thoughts much, but lately I've been thinking more and more about my friend Fred.

As you may remember, he passed away quite unexpectedly this last August.

Even if I wanted to put him at the back of my mind, I can't seem to. Facebook won't let me. In the upper right corner of my page, it tells me to reconnect with him. Or to get him to update his FB page. Or to help him make FB better for him. I can't do any of those things.

Fred's wife hasn't taken down his page (if she even can) and I can't and won't "unfriend" him. It seems like total disrespect, which is odd, as it is only Facebook. For all the flaws this social networking site might have, there is a connection part that just grabs on to those you are not in contact with regularly.

I'm fairly choosy about whom I accept as friends on FB. I chuckle at these people who have 300 or 1500 friends. I don't even know that many people let alone want to share my life or thoughts with them. I think I have under 80 - and I'll keep it that way.

But it is all so voyeuristic. I visit Fred's page often and another one dedicated to his memory. I've contributed to them once or twice, but usually go to see how others are or are not coping with the loss of him. It comforts me not one bit. I keep thinking it should and it really doesn't - possibly it does the opposite. You think I'd learn, but I continue to go back now and again.

This will all pass, I know. I can only imagine how hard the holidays are on Fred's wife and kids. I wish I really knew them so I can do something for them that doesn't seem intrusive. Sometimes I'm just socially inept that way.

I'll get together with our friend Mitch to see if he has any brilliant ideas.

Song by: Trisha Yearwood


Birdie said...

Revisiting grief does not bring comfort, but it does help in a strange way to express what remains inside. We need that expression when it pulls on us, so don't worry about how many times you visit Fred's Facebook page. Allow the good memories to come with the grief and honor your friendship with smiles and tears.

Write his family and tell them a story that you remember fondly. They will cherish it.

rebecca said...

I was just going to say what Birdie said.

And add, do something nice for that family. Everyone's afraid of doing the wrong thing, and there is no wrong thing. Their Dad is gone. Anything you do will be seen as a gesture of love. Well, anything nice, I mean... ;)

So sorry about Fred. Write about me here a lot when I die too, ok? I'd like that.

catrina said...

My Mom passed away in May, and I'm having a hard time getting in the 'holiday spirit.' I know this isn't what she wants me to do, but what I really want to do is talk to her one more time---how do I make the dressing that you've brought to dinner for the last 30 years? Guess what I heard about your neighbor the other day? So many things I want to ask, just to hear her voice.
My heart goes out to you on your loss. It's been six months (and ten days) for me, and I'm still waiting for the overwhelming grief to let up a bit.

A Lewis said...

Holidays are hell. For anyone who has lost someone. I send out nothing but good wishes -- for happiness and comfort and peace -- if not this year, then next. At some point. Hugs.

And, BTW, are we friends on FB??

Blobby said...

My lord, Rebecca - do I NOT write about you enough?

Go ahead and die and I'll throw in one or two more posts. Sheeesh.