Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Baby Got Back

This is a blog entry that usually only Tornwordo could write. I don't know whether to be proud of the fact that I've joined his league/rank, or horribly horribly ashamed. ....but here it goes.

So, there I was yesterday morning, doing my bidness, as I am apt to do, pre-dawn, you know: Shower, Shave and Shinola. Except we all know no one is really buffing their shoes when they use that phrase - right? Need I really clarify? Huh?? Torn, care to set them straight on this?

Well, anyway, I went to 'shinola' before going out the door, which is my usual routine. Yes, I have patterns - you can't be shocked by this, can you?

Granted, I have been working out a lot in the last nine months, and have been tackling all parts of my body, so many parts of me are much firmer than they once were. Including my, uh-hum, backside.

But I have must have one big fat ass strong as hell gluteus maximus, because as I was sitting (no 'h') there, reading the CB2 catalog (not a euphemism), there was a shift (yes, there is an 'f') in my seating arrangements.

Some people can bend spoons with their mind. Some can move a quarter across a counter. I can crack a seat with my crack. Smell me! Wait - maybe in this scenario, you don't want to do that.

By the way, skin and hair can get caught easily, WAY too easily, in that crack. ...and now, for your moment of non-zen! It does wake you up in the morning. Who needs coffee?

Do you want to know the sad thing about all of this? This isn't the first time my center of gravity decimated a toilet seat. At least I'm keeping an entire industry in business.

...and just because I can, the blog title totally made me think back to one of the first iPod/iTunes commercials. I love when white guys do rap because it's so relateable for them and their life. But it was a fun(ny) commercial - I thought.

Song by: Sir-Mix-A-Lot


Larry Ohio said...

On behalf of all your readers, thank you for flushing first before you took that pic.

"This isn't the first time my center of gravity decimated a toilet seat." I may regret asking, but was there a Blumpkin involved?

Birdie said...

Amen, Larry.

While I really do NOT want to picture you, uh, shining your shoes, I can totally see you rapping to "Baby Got Back." That can be your next video.

A Lewis said...

So, ahh, er......umm, uncomfortable here.... ahh, who the hell am I kidding....I'm not afraid to ask..... Was there a built-up explosion at 5,000 PSI that rocked this bad boy into a full-fledged crack? I just had to ask.

Blobby said...

Give me a little credit - I'm not scatologist. I have a little tact. Not much, but some.

I found it a funny post and well written, if I say so myself. You guys just have to take it down to your level.

How.Very.Sad. :)

tornwordo said...

I approve this post. Well done!