Death

My dreams have been slightly more vivid as of late. And by late, I mean the last few months. 

Years ago, I used to have very vivid weird dreams, which I'm sure you if you search here, you'll find a handful that I discussed long back. I still remember those, even without having to reread my own entries. 

Over the last half year, or so, many of my dreams have related to loss - and that's putting it nicely. 

One, the other day, was the most concerning - as in it, I lost Shep and looked for him furiously with no resolution. I woke up in a foul mood. 

The others? Oddly less traumatic than losing a dog - but they'd all end in my death, be it by the hand of another or of my own doing. Clearly, Shep is more important to me. And why not. 

But at the end of last week, I don't actually remember the dream save for the ending. Someone like a Death Rider, Dementor or Death from Family Guy.....

.....appeared next to me - scythe and all and turns to look at me. 

Ok, he looked more Lord of the Rings-ish than a cartoon voiced by Norm MacDonald. 

How I think I reacted:  I yelled, aloud, "death!!" and sat bolt right up in bed. 

How I might have reacted:  In my head / dream, I think I yelled "death!!", and then sat up in bed. 

Either way, I sat up in bed. 

It is unclear to me where the dream actually stopped and when reality began. If I actually yelled anything aloud, 710 never stirred. Shep did not come running in.   ....but Blobby did not go back to sleep. 

To be fair to me, sometimes 710 sleeps with earphones in playing a show that time out after x amount of time to get him to sleep (usually Downton Abbey.....because if anything is gonna put you to sleep it's Lady Edith!). My recollection is that I said the word loudly, but again, I'm not sure it happened outside my head. 

I mentioned the dream to my psychiatrist yesterday. I've mentioned a few along the way. g-d love him, but let's be honest, he has to see me for my medication management, not for dream analysis. He's never offered any, but summed it up with he did not think it was anything from which to be alarmed. 

He says it nicely, professionally and reassuringly, so at least I feel "better".  But then he asks me if I need adjustment in my meds. Isn't that his job?

I "love" the pharma ads that say "tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection".    

NO! THEY should be telling ME that. How the fuck do I know if I have a parasitic infection? 

Or, "don't take if you're allergic to (enter name of the drug they're selling)".  Um...how would I know if I'm allergic to it unless I take it? 

Deep down I know what Dr. F is getting at: do I feel like they're helping. I get that, but you know, I just gave you a bunch of info on my current state on the dosage I'm on - please give me guidance. He did, and we'll stay the course for now. 

btw.....the post title, the post itself and the artist have not escaped a sense of irony. 

Song by: Mt Joy