Stick Season

We are a little over a week away from the Cleveland Marathon. 

I don't know what to think. Or overthink, in my case. 

Theoretically, I know the pitfalls of the mental part of my taper and yet I'm still falling prey to them. 

Unlike the last marathon, my setbacks were all mental. This time I have physical added. 

My ortho doc (well, a training Fellow) loaded me up with one cortisone injection to my left hip. He was the 19th medical professional to tell me how tight my IT bands were. That said, he said something no one else ever had:  "some people are just built this way and there is little to no loosening some of these".  It oddly made me feel better 

Let's hope the shot does too. I wanted a second one in my right hip as well, as that is now being somewhat affected. Everyone (myself included) believes it's due to overcompensation due to pain on my left side. It's mechanics. Period. 

My last few runs have felt horrible. Timing is fine, but the body hasn't liked it. The 90% and up in humidity has not been helpful. Or the temps in the upper 70s. Tough tackling 5-6 miles, or even the 12 I did last Saturday. Not sure how I'll conquer 26.  The temps need to drop. Or I'll need strategically placed people throwing ice water on me as I pass them. 

Good news:  my ortho guy will be on the course manning the mile 14.9 aid station. My chiropractor will be at the expo the day before. I should be good. 

Deep down I think I will be anyway. But I also know the last three miles of the route are all uphill. Well, maybe not the last third of a mile. That's brutal. 

Hopefully the injected steroid kicks in before my last long run (tomorrow). That is all hills too. My final week will be easy runs for me. I will save my energy - physical and mental - for the "race". 

I still need another hour or two in my playlist to build. And to pick out what I'll run in. The shorts are easy. The shirt - well, it will be somewhat weather dependent. 

Blah.  I'm just venting here more than writing. This is for my own psyche. 

Song by: Noah Kahan

Heartworms

The NYT report on Robert Kennedy Jr is somewhat laughable - if you ask me. 

Not their reportig style exactly, but printing whatever the fuck that campaign is feeding them. I'm very tired or news outlets "reporting" what is basically a press release and they do no actual reporting or investigating 

I'm not saying for certain the NYT did any of that, but concerning a dead worm in his brain........it seems fed to them. There seems to be no questions asked or answered that weren't in a mandatory disclosure. 

First off - it was disclosed during divorce proceedings - and Kennedy said a doctor said.And the doctor said he "believed it was caused.....".  I see zero information that there was any conclusive evidence the man had a worm in his brain.  It seems vague, at best. It also seems self-serving for bringing out the violins while he manipulated his second wife before she killed herself. 

Originally the doc said he had a brain tumor. So - they got that wrong too? 

Of course, maybe the worm (should it have existed at all, as there is nothing in any article saying he got treated for anything!) at away any semblance of normalcy. He seemed good with neurologists, at least at one point - for mercury poisoning to which he was quoted “I have cognitive problems, clearly. “I have short-term memory loss, and I have longer-term memory loss that affects me.”

Yes, by all means. He should be president. Not that I actually believe a word that comes out of his piehole. 

But he can stop with the age / illness shit with Pappy Joe and VonShitzinPants. He's 70 and has Tremors in his own head.  Oh - and has suffered from atrial fibrillation, a common heartbeat abnormality that increases the risk of stroke or heart failure. 

I think he doesn't believe in Covid and vaccinations as then he'd have to outwardly admit his own health and the realities of it all. If he makes voters skeptical of one medical issue, he can hopefully make them doubt the others. 

He's a douche. 

Song by: the Shins

Zero

It's a little early in the month for this, but I got nothing. 

I know Stormy was supposed to testify today - I think, but, I didn't even gander at headlines. 

I'm on a bad bend in my mental taper for the marathon, which is in 10 days. So I won't delve into that - if only for my own sanity. 

I'll leave you with a few of former Cav, Kevin Love - also a zero.  

Song by: Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Die Already

Reading only headlines, if that, is somewhat freeing. 

I can backstory just about anything - good or bad. Usually I go dark. It's my nature. It's certainly my nature for the last few years. 

These last eight years have been dark. They have put me in a funk - and not like Bootsy Collins. I see no respite from this, even if Pappy Joe wins. 

The turmoil that will come with another BLOTUS loss will be worse than 2020. They are gearing up for that. We should as well. 

That said, this headline yesterday momentarily made me joyful. 

When I say momentarily - I mean a nanosecond. 

I don't know what BLOTUS said or did - and it really doesn't matter - because I didn't read past the headline. 

What I will say is: anyone else held in contempt 10 times wouldn't be threatened with jail time. It would BE jail time. And B.T Wbs - anyone else isn't getting 10 chances. 

I saw last week some Rep or Senator has said they would put forth to Congress that Von ShitzinPants gets his Secret Service detail removed should he be found guilty of any of the number of federal crimes in which he is charged. 

I wholeheartedly agree. You can't have Secret Service in prison with this fat fucker protecting him. And I ain't paying for it. 

Just die already. 

Actually, can you imagine him dying in August? September?  No way for the GOP to truly get another candidate up and running for a November election. 

Yes. Just die already.  September 30th would be optimal. 

Song by: Prodigy

My Music Monday

I have a new song for my running playlist. 

Music is odd this way. Songs you think will work don't, but you might not know it until it's loaded and you're out on the road. The Pretender's "Mystery Achievement" was one of those. Great song, but it didn't work. 

Nothing But Thieves has a new-ish song out with "Oh No;; He Said What?". 

Admittedly, when I first heard it a month or two ago, it didn't click with me. Normally, I'm not a falsetto kind of guy, but with this song, it works. It has a good energy with which to keep momentum and pace.  But I'm finding it just as good to listen to while in the car. 

Depends

I have to admit, there are days I almost regret avoiding most news.  I said "almost".  ....and a lot of social media things. 

Like - I have no idea about this man/bear thing is supposed to be about and I can't be bothered to figure it out. 

I know the Cleveland Cavaliers are still in the basketball playoffs, so in theory, I know they've won some games, but not how many or even where in the series we are. 

Oh - and I totally missed Michael Cohen tweeting (of X'ing?), calling BLOTUS "Von ShitzinPants". 

That tweet from a few weeks ago was funny enough.  I don't have X so, I certainly didn't see it there. But I hadn't encountered it elsewhere either. 

Know what's funnier even? 

Discussing gag orders in court, the judge mentioned that Cohen should stop poking the bear (or man?) or a gag order regarding BLOTUS would / could be reduced so BLOTUS could go after Cohen. 

But in these proceedings, BLOTUS' own lawyer read out the tweet. 

Know what's better than 'open court'?   "Von ShitzinPants" is now in the official court record. 

Von ShitzinPants (which now might replace "BLOTUS") must have been livid that it was said, repeated and repeated and repeated - and then on newscasts and now blogs!

I. Could. Not. Be. More. Pleased. 

Song by: Blink 182

Outsider

We are a little Shep deficient this week. I know the feline lovers here won't care. 

While we haven't had Simon a year yet, we assume he is a year old now. 710 arbitrarily selected April 1st as his birthday. I think it's at least three weeks after that, but who is to say. We'll leave it as April Fool's Day. 

As it is, pet day does not lend itself to Star Wars Day. I wanted to make something work, but it's not happening. 

May the Force be with you. 

Simon has found a duster and decided it is a toy and drags it all over the house. 

It probably gets more use that way. 

Now that it's Spring, Shep spends about 50% of the day outside. And when I say 50%, I mean 12 hours. Sometimes more. 

A rare occasion indoors found him sunning himself while he napped. 

Simon likes the windows. He has many from which to choose. 

Lately, it's been our bedroom window, which we open the blinds in the morning, so he can come and go all day as he sees fit. 

It's not like Simon is blocking Shep to come in. 

Shep isn't coming in unless ordered. ....and even then, he'll balk at the idea. 

Song by: Julianna Hatfiield 

the Beekeeper

Hot dogs. Apple pie. Baseball. 

All-American things, no? 

Rarely do I eat apple pie. Hot dogs are usually only consumed at baseball games, and only if a brat isn't the better choice. 

But I am happy not to have a political post today. I don't know why, but this story just tickles me. 

Wednesday night, the Arizona Diamondbacks and Los Angeles Dodgers game was delayed due to a swarm of bees that had taken up residence behind home plate. 

They called the beekeeper. A beekeeper. One who left his son's baseball game to come save the day for the major league teams. 

While he was capturing the queen and getting the bees, the stadium was playing Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out for a Hero". 

Afterwards, he was asked to throw out the first pitch of the game. 

I'm sure they had someone else planned to do it, but they got 86'd.  Or maybe just rescheduled. 

Matt Hilton took to the mound and got the pitch over the plate, but graceful it wasn't. Though I'm not saying I'd have done any better. 

Speaking of better.......it gets better. Topps - for anyone who ever acquired or traded baseball cards, along with shards of "gum" - is creating a baseball card of Mr. Hilton. 

I love everything about this. 

I love how he is into it. Walks up to the mound and flings back his beekeeping hat. And of course, he's all-American handsome too. None of this hurts the storyline.  ....and it looks like he has big feet too. 

Here's a link to a 21 second clip. 

I need to do more feel-good stories here. 

Song by: Tori Amos

Police on my Back

May1st is traditionally the day one must commit to a college, if one had applied and been accepted. It's a national deadline.

Many will pay the deposit on more than one and even wait until their orientation at each of them before actually deciding where they actually will attend. With rising costs, those numbers aren't overwhelming. And universities plan that into their enrollment numbers as well. 

Disruptions on 200+ college campuses are having some people (re)thinking their decisions. 

I guess the question is: why? 

I suppose it would come down to the university's stance on the matters of Gaza and Israel, but more so on how they act (or don't) on that and the protests at hand. 

Depending on the day, there are (or have been) 13-42+ political parties in Israel, almost none on the same page as another. Only 13 have seats in the Knesset (Assembly). They are the ones who pass laws, elect prime ministers and presidents - and approves the cabinet. 

The majority of Israeli citizens don't necessarily have a voice here. 

I've said before - Israel is not innocent in their current situation, but that most certainly does not permit or absolve Hamas (not Palestine) of their actions. 

Anti-Semitic violence has rocketed in the U.S. since October 7, 2023. Jewish students on campuses do not feel safe - and the policies already in place on campus protecting them have been ignored for years, only to be highlighted since last year.  You saw three university presidents just trip over themselves with bullshit answers when questioned before congress. 

I get the pro-Israel protests. I get the pro-Palestine ones as well. 

For all my foreboding on US politics, there is a sliver of me who thinks social change can happen and help political change. I think college protests - peaceful - can bring awareness and education where it is lacking. I don't know US college protests change a thing in the mid-East, save the possibility of how (or if) the US financially funds the on-going strife over there. 

As both parties here are not that far away in terms of warmongering, I don't see the DoD stopping the supplying of Israel with weapons. I think they should cease that action, but that's my opinion. I don't think Pappy Joe will put a stop to it and his predecessor would only increase funding. He's butt-buddies with Netanyahu.

Speaking of. Irony (or brains) aren't BLOTUS' strong suits for sure, but his criticism of Pappy Joe's handling (lack of - according to BLOTUS) turmoil on college campuses is in a weird way, hilarious. 

Let's pretend - just pretend - for a second that he wasn't in control of January 6 violence at the US Capitol. Hey!. I said "pretend"!  His lack of handling that pales in comparison. 

The response by college leaders is uneven at best. Some with campus security; some with police. None yet - yet! - with National Guard and the likes. 

But I think we've all learned (well, I'd like to think) historically that government / security interference on college campuses hasn't really gone well in any way shape of form. It has not been lost on me that we are two days away from Kent State's 54th anniversary. 

This isn't going to end well. At this point, I'm just not sure for whom. 

Song by: the Clash

Cunt

 

CUNT !!!!!

I'd like to leave that there alone, but historical purposes:  this is Kristi Noem, governor of South Dakota. 

She shot and killed her puppy because she deemed him untrainable. 

Didn't give him to a shelter. Didn't attempt to rehome him.  

SHOT HIM.  Dead. 

She is a grade A cunt. Or is it grade Z.  Whichever the worst is. Honestly, if there is a worse word, please let me know. This woman is an insult to cunts everywhere to be lumped into their grouping. 

I hope the same fate awaits her.  I stand by that statement. 

I'd make the font on my first line bigger if I could. But it's as large as Blogger allows. 

Song by: Go Fucketh Thyself*

*I don't own or even know the song. I normally take my titles from my own music liberry, but this one needed some searching.  TONS of songs with this name. But I went with the band name that made it even more worthwhile. 

Record of the Month

I figured I'd do a monthly 'what I'm listening to' kind of thing. This could be viewed as a lame placeholder kind of post. And probably it is. But it's my blog! So there!  

I'm finding Ohio Players, the new album from the Black Keys, to be more of a mixed bag than I'd like. 

They're lead "single", "Beautiful People" just seems a re-re-rehash of some of their other work. Artists like to lead with their strongest material, but this time, this isn't the one.  Not digging their opening song on the record either - "This is Nowhere". It's like the title is ripe for reviewers to use in an unflattering light. 

And "On the Game" is just blah - but I notice it's been fed to the XM stations, which I think if' you're trying to draw people in, this isn't the one. This is a shame, as Noel Gallagher, formerly of Oasis, did co-writing on the tune and performes on it as well. 

They're bigger collaboration here is with Beck - who cowrites about half the material and performs on it as well. Overall, it doesn't change the tenor of the disk until you get to "Paper Crown" which sounds just like a full-blown Beck song. That isn't the plus you might think it is. 

It's not all bad news, of course. There are some stellar tracks here (see? mixed bag). 

"Don't Let Me Go", "Only Love Matters" are great.  "Candy and her Friends" seems different enough from most anything they've ever done. It's not an out of the park song, but it captures my attention for sure.  Ditto with "You'll Pay". The falsetto kind of works on this. 

I think the biggest issue with the disk is that it's busy. As the Black Keys technically are a band of two, they've always augmented their sound as needed with some additional musicians. This one has upward of two dozen additions. The boys almost get lost in a few of their own songs because of the crowd. 

Maybe some of this will grow on me the more I listen. I enjoy the band, so that they have a handful of good songs here is really good. I wish it had been more. 

My Music Monday

I'm in the midst of creating a new playlist for the marathon. 

I have like five songs that make every running playlist, but the rest are open to change. I haven't made a new one since last October and it's time. I'm bored with my selections. 

Oddly, lately, I have not even played music while running,  just trying to tap into my breath. But no one - especially me - wants to hear that for a full five hours. 

At this point I've got about half of it built, though I'm a little ruthless when it comes to cutting something. 

Right now, Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters" is on the list. I love the song. I know, right? Me and Metallica?  But it doesn't quite lend itself to running. I used it last Saturday in that race, and it kind of works, but more for a recovery kind of momentum. 

It's not a fast song. Everything is in 4/4 time. And that can work with certain songs, but I'm not 100% sold on this. 

Still, I thought why not give it's day with MMM. 

I first heard and saw this back in 1992 when I was at my parent's house for weeks recovering from a ruptured appendix, so it's got that correlation too. 

BTW - the video has 1.3 BILLION views.  Who knew? 

Over the Hills and Far Away

Running.  Racing. 

Sorry - it's all I got for today. Yesterday was race day. A race. Not THE one.  

A year ago, I did my first big race - a 10 miler. People talked me into it as a good training exercise before I did my first half-marathon. The weather was shitty and I did ok........considering it was the longest I had ever run. 

When registration went live for this year's run, I signed up day one. It's a challenging course for sure, but also it's like $20 cheaper if you sign up early. 

It seems this weekend is a big race weekend:  Columbus, Toledo, Nashville, something in Iowa. I know people going to all of those places. I would have done Columbus had I known it was happening. 

Anyhoo - as I drove to the race, I'm looking out over Lake Erie to see tons of lightning. After I park, it's a downpour and sideways at that. Crud. I mean, they might have called it off due to lightning, but I was there early and 40 minutes before the start, the bad weather just stopped, save the 30 mph winds. 

I first met up with my training group. The idea was to warm up together, but there weren't many there. No one was organized. And then I ran into peeps from the running group, so it was a weird confluence. I felt like I was cheating on both with the other. 

Add to it, I ran into the guy - Joe - whom I met and ran with at last year's 10 miler. As it would turn out, with all the people I knew from all the running groups, I ended up with Joe for half of the race. Bethany, from the running group also ended up with me.  They are in the above image.  They'd both finish just before myself.  Bother. 

If I got any boost from my new fueling routine, I couldn't quite tell. I was fast for the first 6 miles, and then the hills started. The second half is all elevation. Two major hills and two medium ones. The knee wasn't having it. 

On the big hill, I had to walk most of it - and that fucked up my time. Even my tape started to come off the knee, so without even breaking stride, I reached down and yanked it off.  Ouch. 

The bad mile hurt my time, but not horribly so. As it would turn out, I still shaved over 8 minutes off last year's run. 

I know I started my taper for the Cleveland Marathon, and I know I told myself I have a handle on the mental aspect of it, but I'm not so sure. I said (in my head) often during the challenging parts of this run, "you can't make 26 miles!". 

There is a need to drown those out over the next three weeks. 

The plan was to do at least three races this month, but I scaled it back to two. It seems more reasonable in lots of aspects - though right now, mostly the knee. Everyone was talking about their fall races - and I have yet to make a decision.  Since all of them our out of state, I might just let 710 decide where he'd like to travel and I'll go with that run. He should get something out of this hobby of mine. 

Song by: Led Zeppelin

the Unidentified Flying Tuna Trot

The week was so-so. No use rehashing that. Let's just get to the animals, shall we???

Simon's first tuna. 

Kylie and Tovah LOVED when I made tuna. Sophie never cared. I opened a can this last week, and Simon was weaving in and out of my legs. I think he enjoyed the treat. 

Just an outing to Horseshoe "Lake". 

There is some water in it currently due to some heavy rains. 

The idea is for Simon to be on the blankets, not under them. 

I don't care about the cat hair, it's his claws - and it's a brand new sofa. 

Other end of the table - from last week. But he found the sun. 

Supervisor Simon and lowly worker Shep. 

_____________________________________________________________

As the 'spying' comments from the last two days continues - yesterday?  10,000+ hits on the blog. They're out there............

Song by: REO Speedwagon

Fuel

Gruel.  The breakfast of champions? 

For those who have read me for any amount of time have known I've been a Honey Nut Cheerios guy for years and years. Before that, Honeycomb.  In the last week (a little less), I've been trying something new. 

Oatmeal. 

I could say it is in a quest for being healthier, and in a way it is. The reality is: my fuel for long runs still comes up short. But I listen to people in the training group who say "oatmeal was a game changer for me".  This was after a 20 mile run where I struggled the last few miles (granted, they were all up hill). 

So, I consulted a running expert: Morty. I don't now he used it to fuel for running, but I knew he ate it daily. 

Growing up, we never ate oatmeal. Now and then my mother made us Malt O Meal or Wheatena. Both would have a generous helping of brown sugar to make it palatable. 710 goes through instant oatmeal kicks, but I've never really tried. 

With Morty's guidance, I got oatmeal and a topping - granola. 

This is tricky. Most granola has nuts in it - and worse, almonds. I'm not a fan of the smell or taste of those. But I found one with no nuts and some dried-ish fruit. 

I went further with toppings though: real fruit. Fresh blueberries and dried cranberries. It helps. 

Oatmeal has the consistency - and possibly taste - of wallpaper paste. The fruit gives it some flavour, the granola some texture. 

I can't say it's "yummy" (besides never using that word), but it's not unbearable either. The first few days it filled me up. The following day I was starving an hour later......and it wasn't even Chinese oatmeal!

I'm not noticing anything as of yet in terms of fueling, but I've only done 3-5 mile runs since starting this routine. Tomorrow is 10 mile race, so we'll see. 

My thought was to do this three weeks prior to the marathon to adjust my body (and poops) well in advance of that run. 

Here's hoping for a 'game changer'. 

____________________________________________________________

Additional Note:  I don't wanna say "told ya so", but..........

Yesterday's post on apps and such spying on or listening to us might be too on the mark. I inferred they were already spying / listening, and to pick on on app seems ludicrous. 

My normal blog volume ranges between 1,800 - 2,300 hits per day lately.  Yesterday?  8,970.  It seems the NSA and all had their agents turn their eyes on me for calling them out.  

That's my story, anyways. 

Song by: Echo & the Bunnymen

Tik Tok

It's 21:00 and I have nothing planned. 

Pappy Joe disappoints once again by signing that stupid fucking TIk Tok ban.  

I don't even have or use the app and I know the ban is bullshit. 

China (and the U.S.) are spying on each of us 87 different ways. .......including all the apps you already have, along with Goooooogle and the likes of which I'm typing on right here, right now. 

We've all complained about our conversations and then any one of your feeds or ads are now exactly what you were discussing. 

Yes, Tik Tok has stupid shit on it - as does X, IG, Facebook and the likes. But unlike a lot of those, Tik Tok is used as a marketing tool - sometimes the lone one - for a LOT of independent businesses. It's cheap (if not free) and lots of exposure for small business. 

Pappy Joe is trying to score points with lord knows who(m). Again, he's syphoning off zero votes from the GOP on this - or anything. 

To paraphrase Jay-Z, we got 99 problems but Tik Tok ain't one of 'em.  Education. Debt. Wars. Immigration. Voting Rights. Women's Rights. LGBTQ+ Rights. Gun Control. Insurrection,  

Should I do the entire 99 list?  Either way, Tik Tok ain't gonna be on it. 

It's a cheap political point, one Biden can't cash in......ever. 

Song by: Key $ HA

Joe

While I think everyone here knows I'm not a fan of Pappy Joe in general, we still need him to prevail come November - plus the subsequent two years of insurrection and SCOTUS rulings.

And it is about time that Joe - or let's be honest, his campaign team of young 'uns - has stepped up to the social media plate. 

None of this will get anyone to switch from BLOTUS to Pappy Joe, but maybe it will get a few people who just don't go to the polls to do just that. 

Maybe. 

Here's hoping they keep it up and kick it up a notch or 231. 

Song by: Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers

Passover

I am amused when people will say "happy Passover". 

What????

I think people think it's like Easter where one gets Peeps, eggs and chocolate. Instead of plagues and bitter roots. 

I guess the only overlay in the Venn Diagram of the two observances is that the first born son is killed. If only Jebus had some lamb's blood above his door. 

If only. 

There ain't nothing 'happy' about it. 

But it seems that people don't get the movie - as cheesy as it is - the 10 Commandments. I don't truly think they associate it with Passover. 

I mean pre-cable TV, for years it was lumped into being seen once a year, the same weekend as the Wizard of Oz. All of it fantasy to most. 

I can guarantee you, 99% of the people who saw the movie had heard of "Moses" and no other character in that movie. Though you gotta laugh at Edward G. Robinson playing any role in that. 

Honestly, Jebus was a Jew and is there any mention of Passover in the New Testament?  There are people who will say that the last supper was a Seder, but..........I dunno. 

A quick Gooooooogle search will say the NT "suggests".......fill in the blank for your own cherry picking. I'm beginning to think Jebus wasn't a very observant Jew. Yeah yeah - he died on "Good Friday" before sundown, but.........that just seems convenient for storytelling. You gotta back that "three days" (really, 36 hours) from your contrived "Easter Sunday". 

Of course, it would all be contrived. 

None of it is the word of g-d. It's the word of men. And I go with the Tracy Chapman lyric on this:

There is fiction in the space between / The lines on your page of memories / Write it down but it doesn't mean / You're not just telling stories.

Song by: Joy Division

My Music Monday

I gotta give it to my oldest nephew. Eons ago, maybe before he was even in college (he's 30 now), he attempted to turn me on to the music of Hozier. He ever burned me a cd.  Yes, if you date time by technology, it was a while ago. 

At the time it didn't speak to me and I let it be. But lo and behold, 15 years (or so) later, Hozier had an album that did ok on the alternative music scene. I could look up the tune I liked, but that seems like work. I liked the music and the melody - and to sound like an old fuddy-duddy, I couldn't understand a word he sang on that song. I liked it nonetheless. 

It took that song for me to realize Hozier is a dude and not a band. 

Hozier has a new song out - "Two Sweet" - about a month old. It's melodic and extremely catchy, especially the chorus. 

He mentions whiskey, which I don't drink. Maybe it's good, but I cannot get past the smell. Ditto for bourbon or scotch. Maybe now that I'm an old man, I should give it another shot.  .......though if I were in AA, I'd be earning my 90 day chip next week. 

I also don't drink coffee. 

I still like the song. 

Now that he has some popularity, I'm guessing my nephew no longer likes Hozier. 

Cooking with Blobby

Today we are doing a patty melt. 

Oddly, until a few months ago, technically I've never had one. I know, right?

Actually, until a few years ago, while loving onions, I loathed grilled onions. Or thought I did. 

If I brought it up to my psychiatrist ever, I'm sure we'd quickly get down to my mother's love for liver and grilled onions. For decades I would avoid both. I still avoid liver. 

Still, patty melts we'd only get when out - and rarely at that. While I love hamburgers on the grill, sometimes you just want something a little different. While this is more labour intensive than throwing meat on a grill, it is totally worth it. 

INGREDIENTS 

Yield: 4 servings 

4 to 6 tablespoons unsalted butter 

2 large onions, peeled and thinly sliced 

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste 

1½ pounds ground beef, at least 20 percent fat 

8 slices seeded rye bread 

8 slices Swiss cheese, approximately ½ pound 

Let's start with we basically cut everything in half here, though we had about 2/3rds of the ground beef which was 15% fat. I get where 20 could have been better.  So our reduction made us three melts

The main photo has Worchester Sauce - which I thought we'd use but didn't, though it would have been fine. 

 PREPARATION 

Step 1  Caramelize onions. Melt 2 tablespoons of the butter in a large skillet set over high heat. When it foams, add the onions and sprinkle with salt. Do not stir immediately. Wait 1 minute, then begin to stir frequently over high heat for 5 minutes or so, or until the onions have released some liquid and started to become translucent. 

Step 2  Reduce the heat to medium, and cook, stirring often, for what will seem like a very long time, until the onions are fully melted and dark golden brown, approximately 30 to 40 minutes (30 tops!). Remove onions, and set them and the skillet aside. (You can caramelize the onions a day ahead of time and reheat slowly when you’re ready to cook.) 

The reduce to so little, but taste and smell so great. 

Step 3  Cook the burgers. Add the remaining butter to the skillet in which you cooked the onions, and place it over medium heat. Gently divide the ground beef into 4 small piles, and then lightly form these into patties that are like flattened meatballs, roughly the shape of a slice of rye bread. Season aggressively with salt and pepper.  (I assume it doesn't mean throwing spices at the meat!)

Step 4  Increase the heat under skillet to high. Put the patties into the skillet with plenty of distance between them, and allow them to cook, without moving, for approximately 2 minutes. Use a spatula to turn the patties over, and continue to cook for another 2 to 2½ minutes, then remove the patties from the skillet, and allow them to rest. (They will at this point be rare inside.) 

Step 5 Decrease the heat below the skillet to medium, and put four pieces of rye bread into the butter and fat that remains from cooking the patties. Top each piece with a slice of cheese, then a patty, then some of the caramelized onions, and finally another slice of cheese and another slice of rye.

I forgot to take a pic of putting onions on it.  Oh, and we used sourdough, because ironically, I'm not a fan of Jewish rye bread. 

Use the spatula to press down on the packages, and after about a minute or so, carefully turn over each patty to begin to brown the other side. (You may need to add the additional butter.)   We did. 

Cook until the cheese is fully melted and the bread is golden brown and crisp on both sides. Slice in half before serving.

Yeah yeah, the plate is messy, but the sandwich was SO good. The ones we had while ordering out were good, but not as good as this. 

This is more labour intensive than a hamburger, but to me, the pay off was worth it.  We shall be doing these again. 

Note:  this might be better in a cast iron pan, but we don't have one. They seem like a LOT of work.