Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Brothers on a Hotel Bed
So I mentioned the other day that when I was in NYC, that I took an evening to have drinks with an old friend, Pat.
Pat was actually in my fraternity.
It was fun, sad and a little weird to catch up with him. He clearly keeps in contact with more of our brothers - a little too much so, but that's just me. Except for a handful of them, I've left that life behind me like I did high school.
Actually it was a lot like high school, just with more alcohol.
Pat talks with the few people I still converse with (and a lot more), so he is up on what I have been up to, since clearly they all talk..........about me!
I'm sure not just about me, but it obvious I have come up in certain context: where I work, my cancer "scare" (was it just a scare??), one of my sisters...............and that's about it.
The big pink elephant (yes.....pink!) in the room, while they know it, just never comes up. I'm not sure how to take that. Is it a non-issue, or is it that no one wants to talk about it.......myself included.
We talked about his kids, but barely his wife. I asked. He never asked about.....well.....my personal life. And I didn't bring it up. What is the proper protocol for this?
I'm gay.......and it's part of who I am, but it's not who I am. So, I wasn't sure why I should make it a big deal.
Pat clearly loves his kids, but again, not much about the Mrs. Actually, not anything. And while we talked about his kids, he made an off-handed comment that he wouldn't be less happy not having any. Is that the ugly truth about parenthood?
So while the visit was fulfilling in some ways, it seemed empty in others. I feel I got to catch up with Pat, but not have him do the same with me. I didn't want to force the issue, if there even was an issue.
It was great to see him and have him catch me up on his brother too. Maybe next time I'm in the city or he's in Ohio, we can have that conversation. It had been a long time between visits and a short time to catch up. I guess you can't expect to have it all in a two hour period - right?
Song by: Death Cab for Cutie