I'm On Fire

I've mentioned here a time or two that way back when, I was in a fraternity. 

Well, that fraternity has made national news. 

No. No. Not the national fraternity, but the actual chapter to which I pledged at THE Ohio State University. 

Not being a reader of news, 710 had to bring it to my attention, not realizing or remembering that it is to where I belonged. 

I still don't have the deets, as I haven't really read a thing, but I know it made the ABC, NBC, CBS national evening news programs. So....yayyyyy. 

Whether it was hazing or just drunk (or stupid - or both) fucking around a number of people were lit or caught on fire. 

Yes. Fire. 

Oh, there's video. How could there not be? All those people standing around, All of them with phones. I will assume the ones who are on fire didn't stop to hit 'record'.  ......but I've been wrong before. I mean, it's would have been a great POV for their insta accounts. 

Fun note: my cousin and I both joined ΣΑΕ at different times and different colleges not knowing the other had done the same. Just another way we are that bonded. 

ΣΑΕ is the largest national fraternity out there. Statistically, the could (and might) be in the most trouble just due to their expanse.

I myself have not been back there for 11 years (and 32 before that). I shan't go again. Even if they continue to exist, though I think this last thing will be curtains for them. Not to say they won't go on in some unofficial form. 

Clearly, I don't condone hazing or people being set on fire, but you know, it's also not a gang rape at Cornell that no one talks about anymore either.  The two are not equal, but both should have the same outcome: get rid of them. 

I don't know that my time there brought be any leadership skills or networking ability. I was mostly drunk or high the majority of the time. I only interact with a handful of people from that place and time - these last few elections cycles have had me just block contact with a number of others. 

No doubt those I have blocked would be the biggest supporters of keeping the chapter in place. Probably even with the "boys will be boys" comment added. Which is exactly why it'd be ok for OSU to kick them off campus and for the national branch revoke their charter. 

I won't hold my breath on at least one of those. 

Song by: Bruce Springsteen

On the Outside Looking In

It seems every two years I head back to Columbus for not a friend's weekend, but a friend's weekend.

Yeah - that sounds.........confusing.

You always read about my Columbus friends. The ones I've spent the last three decades cultivating and nurturing: Georty, Becca, Jon and Dith.

But just like 30+ years ago I was living a double life, so to speak. While I was knocking boots with a guy from Beta Theta Pi, my actual fraternity brothers knew none of this.

Eventually I broke off from the place, but with the advent of the Facebook, I got roped back in. And it's not bad or anything, just weird playing catch-up after such a long time.

Now some of these guys I've seen more than other over the years. The ones in these pictures?  Not since 1984! There were other guys who separated from this pictured group - those were the ones I see or to whom I talk.

Two years ago I went down for some fraternity event - kind of. I went down for some of the folks, the event was just the excuse, one of which bailed. That would be Bono Jeff, in the sunglasses.

Jeff, of most all of us, is the least changed. He was a frighteningly handsome man in his 20s and is in his 50s. Though Tim and Dan are remarkably similar. Maybe it's only I that have changed.

Like my fraternity days, this weekend I felt just out of place.

We had - and have - great stories, but it is amazing how theirs eventually revolve around women....and girls (well.........not mine!). Then and now.  While at the Out-R-Inn (yes....that's what it's called), Jeff talked-up just about every female he saw. And a number of guys too, but mostly chicks. He was an ex-fraternity president and really knows how to schmooze and turn on the charm. He's like Eric Stratton personified.

Still, I told him, one ill-placed 'daddy' or 'grandpa' comment from the under 20s co-eds was going to massacre him. He told a story of some chick he met that while doing some mundane thing, it gave him a semi.  He laughed and laughed and laughed when I said, "you're 56.....a semi is your best case scenario". 

I love Jeff - and his brother. I can honestly say, Jeff's brother (Gary) is the only person I know who was custom fit for his job and his passion. The rest of us fall into what we do and trudge through. Not Gary. Jeff couldn't be prouder of him.

Dan was the biggest surprise. I never felt he liked me back in college. And at first the conversation between us was stilted. But it had been 33 years.........and that whole not liking me thing. That might have just been in my head, as he couldn't have been better. But maybe that's just aging and maturing.

Tim - another ex-fraternity president and my 'big brother' (and who went out with one my sisters a few times) -  showed up almost unexpectedly. He's almost never participated in anything, even though he's been asked and even though he says he will. Talk about a guy who has not changed.......in looks or demeanor.  Or possible misogyny. You expect talk like his from a 19 year old.   .....well, a 19 yo in 1981.  Today's 19 year olds are a little more enlightened.


This is where I felt out of place, as I did back in 1981-84. I have almost nothing to add to these conversations about Sandy's 'perfect tits' (though I could comment on her multiple personalities) and trust me, they didn't want to hear me talk about the cute male co-eds that were at the bar.

While I've known them forever, and they are friends, they are not FRIENDS. They're not the ones I'd ever go to talk about anything substantial or to bounce ideas off of.  Oh - and for some reason, they are now all calling me 'Bob'.  Never have I gone by that. Never have they known me as that. It was fine and all.

Still, we had a lot of fun, a lot of laughs and a lot of 22 oz beers. ...and Fireball shots, of which I did not partake.

The game itself?????    ehhhhhhhh......I'm sure these Buckeyes could have beat almost any Division III high school team.   ....but on the plus side, we couldn't have had better weather.



I'm planning on having b'fast with two other brothers who could not make the game. I think I'll like that scenario more.



Song by: Alison Krauss + Union Station

Unknown Brothers

Greek life has changed. And it hasn't.

I know - right out of the blue, I start with that.

And I don't mean life in Greece, though with their economic turmoil, no doubt life has changed there too.

Normally, this last weekend's events would have been something I did for the blog's sake only. Just a subject to write about. But in reality, while I knew I would touch on it, I went for other reasons.

A few months ago, one of my fraternity brothers passed away. Chapter Eternal, if you will. Oh yes, that is a thing. One of the other members, a former roommate of mine, started a private Facebook group and organized what was to be a remembrance of Dave - but at a fraternity alumni event, and the Ohio State - Penn State football game.

I agreed to go.

I agreed for a few reasons. I love going back to Ohio State and Columbus. I really wanted to see a few of the guys from the house. But only a few. I knew I'd have to deal with the dickheads that I hated back then and still dislike now. I did the cost-benefit analysis in my head and weighed that the pros outweighed the dickheads.

Now, as it turns out, I probably ended up pledging SAE, one of the more racist and anti-semitic houses on campus, but of course, didn't know it at the time. That and being gay in a kind of not gay house always held me back with many people - of course, after the fact, it turns out a number of people in my house were homos besides me. But that all came much later in life that this was found out.

After agreeing to go and actually getting a hotel room (though Georty graciously offered me a room in their house, I knew my schedule would be sporadic and late, and that seemed rude of me to do that to them). I didn't go down on Friday, but Saturday morning, as what was supposed to be the main event was Saturday afternoon, before the game.

As it turns out, only a few folks showed to Saturday's event. Quadruple that number went to a bar the night before. That probably would have worked out better for me in some aspects, but that wasn't in the cards. And earlier in the week, two of the biggest draws to get me to come back out. Bastards.

Allegedly, my name came up a lot on Friday night. I never asked in what context, and it was never offered - but I can't imagine it was always in positive light.

Others who said they'd be there Saturday never showed, texting hours later, "where are you?" Really???

Saturday was a fraternity alumni thingy. A pig roast. The agreed meet-up time was 13:00 and I was kind of second-guessing going, but I was there, roaming around campus waiting to head up to the house. I love campus on game days. Not that it isn't always alive, but much more so the day of a big game.

As I traipsed up 15th Avenue - or Sorority / Fraternity Row, and arguably the one time main entrance to the University - a number of things leaped out at me. Many of the biggest, most popular houses (in my day!) were gone. 'For Lease' signs posted on them. Other, smaller houses, which could not have occupied the bigger structures on 15th now had moved there. Door after door had been shuttered. It was an odd sight to see.

Houses on Indianola were no different. Our house, looked the same - for better or worse.

I had not stepped foot in this house for 31-32 years. As I was getting closer, one of the folks I was to meet up with was across the street on his way. I hadn't seen Michael for that long either - and I was happy not to have to walk up the step alone.

It was great seeing Michael, who basically looked the same. His curls were gone and had some weight, but that's about it. His wife seemed nice, though very meek.

The current brothers at the house had something we never did - gumption. Most were all too eager to come shake our hands and know when we were there and how things were then.

When we had alumni functions, I would say we all went out of our way to avoid the returning brothers. I'm not sure how we weren't equipped for that, but we just weren't. Maybe social media and the internet age make things way way different in how people socialize.

Mike, Pat (who eventually showed) and myself talked about how different things were for them - and yes, I'm sounding like an old man. In our day, to invite anyone, you had phone banks, or had to copy letters, fold them, stamp them and mail them. Now it's a FB page, an email distribution list - it's all very very easy.

I joked that we were the old guys we use to try to avoid. Truth be told - I'd say about 3-4 older alumni showed, who were a few years older than us. And I met a few who graduated in 2012 - so I don't count them.

Mike, Pat and I roamed the house. The rooms haven't changed that much. Things were cleaner - though that's the other change. University Housing has taken ownership of all Greek houses - they maintain them, they clean them, etc. Which explains why the floors were never that clean when I lived there.

SAE's are a troubled bunch - nationally. Always getting kicked off of campus, no matter where they are. But that is true for so many nowadays. When our chapter got kicked off Ohio State's campus in the early 2000s (for the second time), the then brothers trashed the place, setting fires to all the old composites that hung on the walls. So much of the history vanished like ISIS in Syria.

One composite remained from my day. Michael and Pat had been gone a year, so I was on one.

Oh - that was unfortunate that this didn't perish in the fire. I don't even remember owning a convertible. As I looked at the others in the picture, I maybe knew one-third of them. It was funnier to watch the current brother's reactions see someone from the oldest composite on the grounds.

While there was plenty of beer there, the guys were well behaved. Walking up 15th, other places had rap blaring. Which is fine, and I smiled the 731 times I heard the word 'fuck' coming from their PA systems. SAE's made me smile and comment, that of the music they chose, not one of the current members was alive when the songs were released.

One of the alumni, who came at the end of my stay in the house, yet I don't ever remember, was kind of a dick. And by 'kind of' I mean 'was a dick'. He is the one who parked his Hum Vee (so you know he's got a small dick) on the lawn. He carried an ammunition case to hold his cigars. He talked about how he married and divorced the same woman three times. By all accounts, he was a bigger dick the night before, so I'm glad I wasn't there.  Some men just can't grow up and live that life they did in college.

It was fun to bring up people's names and tell stories - some I hadn't heard that were disturbing, but it was about one of the dickheads to which I earlier referred.

I have to say, one of the current members seemingly took a shine to me. I thought it was my imagination until Pat said something to the same effect. I was invited to attend any Chapter Dinner (every Monday!). Just to stop by. And when I ran into him later in the street after leaving the house, he was equally attentive. And very cute.

Pat just laughed at me. I laughed at me and the situation. Where was he when I was 19?  I mean, besides 20 years away from being born.

So we got one shot in front of the house and then headed to Varsity Club for beer.

I got chastised by that dickhead I mentioned earlier (though via FB - though I'm not friends with him there...or anywhere). He said, seems like I didn't get the message about it the game being a Black Out (wearing all black). I go to one game every few years - fuck if I was plunking down $60+ for a sweatshirt for one game.

He's a dick.

BTW, we did raise a glass to Dave. He was a nice enough sort.

Sunday, I met another brother / friend for breakfast. He couldn't make it Saturday, and he was one of the few I really wanted to see. I got to apologize to him for introducing him to his first wife - which did NOT end well. He laughed at me for that. He never once blamed me for that introduction.

He asked a lot about 710. He liked the fact we were married.

So the cost-benefit analysis still came up on the positive side. It was worth the trip - and we won the game, so, there is that too.



Song by: the Black Keys

Treason

I've been very unsettled the last few days - and yes, it has to do with the GOP.

Shocking.

The 47 members of congress' more than likely treason-like activities have inflamed some of the Facebookers, myself included.

Their signed letter to Iranian officials places them in direct violation of the Logan Act.

While that act might be well intended, it is unclear whether it has ever been enacted. Reagan did nothing to Jesse Jackson when he discussed things with Cuba - though it was threatened. Ditto with Bonzo and the then Speaker of the House, Jim Wright.

Maybe it is toothless, maybe not. I suppose it was there for a reason - even if going back to 1799 (though amended in 1994).

It's a good time to test it out. Jackson and Wright didn't really put the U.S. in harm's way. These 47 douchebags could quite be responsible for long term last effects in diplomacy, if not outright military actions.

Senator "Nobody who just made a name for himself" Cotton put forth this letter attempting to circumvent any deal or plan that the President is negotiating. They are making 'threats' that a plan will be reversed upon Obama leaving office.

This means (to me) that they're assuming that a democrat won't win in 2016, or will side with them should that happen. This GOP group is even covering bases inviting Hillary to sign the letter as well - which of course is a huge Catch 22.

If she doesn't sign: she'll be on Obama's side. If she does, they'd call her a traitor.

But Clinton isn't sitting as a public servant. Though it could be argued that none of these guys are either.

Now, you don't seem attempted group treason very often, but look closely kids: it's happening.

And you DO have to look closely.

For all this fucking "liberal media' that the GOP bitches about, I'd like to know where it is. Enlarge the top image for CNN yesterday. Go ahead. I'll wait.

It's not even in the top 11 stories. And if I took another screen capture, it's not in the next 10 either.

But a friend on FB wondered aloud who these people illegally representing foreign policy for the U.S. might be and how they're getting away with it.

My reply was (because, you know I just couldn't hold back):

I'm not advocating what they're doing, but why shouldn't they?? 

NO ONE IS DOING A THING ABOUT or TO THEM. They have, and continue to, walked all over the American public and the Constitution, and not only have we let them, "we've" ELECTED AND RE-ELECTED them.   

Why would they stop?

And seriously - why would they?

Once again, the GOP has got the Dems and the country by the short-hairs and no one does a thing and except for some papers (the Washington Post), no one has it on the front page complaining.

But no one notices, because print is dead no one reads the papers anymore. And no one - myself included - has faith in the system anymore that anyone can or would do anything to stop this behaviour. Hence, my unsettled mind.

This mentality is just fucking soul-crushing.

But the GOP is good at this tactic - getting away with robbery in plain daylight. No one held them accountable for shutting down the government and adding $24 BILLION to the deficit in the process. Nope, they actually gained seats in the House and Senate.

They also know that if the Dems had attempted this, it would be front page news....EVERYWHERE.
Instead, the GOP has gotten people to look at Clinton's email habits - which not only were the same at Colin Powell, but any changes to the email policies were enacted after Clinton left her office.

Still............they made you look. You're distracted.


The Dems, as usual, are castrated little bitches. And after they're cut off, you cannot grow a pair.





On another news note: I'm not sure I could be more ashamed to have been an ΣAE.




Song by: Lindsey Buckingham

Brother

Yesterday, I went and had coffee with one of my old fraternity brothers / roommates.

Well, he had tea. I had the shittiest hot chocolate ever. Swiss Miss would have been better. (well, I'm guessing.)

I'm not 100% sure what possessed me, but he was in town taking his son to a college visit and he was free for hours on a cold cold day.

Well...he and his wife.

I guess curiosity got the better of me.

The year I moved into the fraternity house, I lived with Pat for most of the first year. Yesterday, he says he saw the house not long ago and our room was quite small, but I don't remember it that way. It wasn't spacious by any means, but it was not small.

Both Pat and I were thinner. Both of us had hair.

While I wasn't out at this time in my life (well at least to anyone in my house), Pat seemed to have this confluence of gay-dom around him, even though he was (and is) straight.

His big brother in the house was a flamboyant dance major. Yes, nothing says "gay" like a dancer named Jorge.

(side note: to bring the six degrees of separation closer - blogger bud, John, actually knows Jorge from some other point in time. From the theater. Shocking.: )  )

Pat's roommate before me was named Terry. Somehow, someone found Terry's stash of Blueboy magazines and he kind of fled from the house. That left a room open for me - another gay man in Pat's immediate existence.

I spent more than a few nights on the sofa in the living area of the house, as Pat would leave a tie on the doorknob. That frustrated me, but what kind of tramp would even want to sleep over in a fraternity house?

I mean - c'mon - show some self respect. Whore!

But Pat brought his wife yesterday - whom I had never met. And while we didn't talk a lot about ourselves today, it was more reminiscing which stands to reason. It was more about re-establishing our baseline.

I mean, he asked about and was genuinely interested in  710, which was nice. He asked if this girl who really liked me in college ever got over her crush. Me, being me, gestured to myself and said, "c'mon - does anyone really ever get over this???"

It was good for a laugh.

But it looks like his son will be coming to college less than a mile away from where we live, so the potential to see Pat is greater than it has been for the last three decades.

Before we parted, and while his wife was using the powder room, I made mention to Pat of Jorge, Terry and myself. He was light-hearted about it all and said, "well you know my dad was gay (I did not know that), so that pretty much makes me half-gay."

He went on to say how is dad claimed (humourously I'm sure) that he invented gay.

It was a nice way to end the visit.




Song by: the Kinks

Brothers on a Hotel Bed

So I mentioned the other day that when I was in NYC, that I took an evening to have drinks with an old friend, Pat.

Pat was actually in my fraternity.

It was fun, sad and a little weird to catch up with him. He clearly keeps in contact with more of our brothers - a little too much so, but that's just me. Except for a handful of them, I've left that life behind me like I did high school.

Actually it was a lot like high school, just with more alcohol.

Pat talks with the few people I still converse with (and a lot more), so he is up on what I have been up to, since clearly they all talk..........about me!

I'm sure not just about me, but it obvious I have come up in certain context: where I work, my cancer "scare" (was it just a scare??), one of my sisters...............and that's about it.

The big pink elephant (yes.....pink!) in the room, while they know it, just never comes up. I'm not sure how to take that. Is it a non-issue, or is it that no one wants to talk about it.......myself included.

We talked about his kids, but barely his wife. I asked. He never asked about.....well.....my personal life. And I didn't bring it up. What is the proper protocol for this?

I'm gay.......and it's part of who I am, but it's not who I am. So, I wasn't sure why I should make it a big deal.

Pat clearly loves his kids, but again, not much about the Mrs. Actually, not anything. And while we talked about his kids, he made an off-handed comment that he wouldn't be less happy not having any. Is that the ugly truth about parenthood?

So while the visit was fulfilling in some ways, it seemed empty in others. I feel I got to catch up with Pat, but not have him do the same with me. I didn't want to force the issue, if there even was an issue.

It was great to see him and have him catch me up on his brother too. Maybe next time I'm in the city or he's in Ohio, we can have that conversation. It had been a long time between visits and a short time to catch up. I guess you can't expect to have it all in a two hour period - right?


Song by: Death Cab for Cutie