Wednesday, September 08, 2010
It's been forever (years?) since I've done snippets from the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Yes, they have a weekly section called: Monday Moaning. It is where basically all the Grandpa Simpsons of the world, or at least Northeast Ohio, write or call-in to complain about the most inane things - ever!
It used to be that each one was a gem. Now, only 1-2 a week are good. Maybe I've become jaded and cynical. Yes! Become!!!!! Shut up - all of you!!!!
I'm going to go back over the last few weeks and pull some of my faves. And even out of these, there are only a few good ones. Yes, I know it's not Monday, but help me out here.
"I see men with half their undershorts hanging out. Where are the police when you need them?" -- Cleveland
"Why don't all the cereal box makes finish cutting the slit where the tab goes?" -- Cleveland
I was at Calvary Cemetery last week to visit my cousin's grave. He is in section 95, and they only had one section marker. They used to have more than one." -- No city
"Regarding the new Cedar Point ride: If I wanted to swing 301 feet in the air, I'd get paid to be a window washer. That's just crazy." -- Fairview Park
"I really resent paying a lot of money for cable TV when, at 6 a.m. Saturday, the only things on hundreds of channels are infomercials. They really suckered the public on this." -- North Olmsted
"People: He throws a ball into a basket. Get a life."-- Lakewood
“When making a phone call, it is simple courtesy to let it ring 10 times. Older people need more time to get to the phone.” -- Euclid
“I am sick of seeing these Bodies exhibition billboards and advertisements. They are disgusting. God said bury the dead. That’s what they should do.” -- Cleveland
"We have a married woman on our street with two little children that she walks up and down the street with in her skimpy two-piece bikini. Please stop doing this. You're a grown woman, not a 12-year-old, so please dress your age. It looks awful to be running around the neighborhood half-naked." -- Brook Park
"Ohio needs rail transportation. I am 75 and visit my grandchildren in Columbus. It is difficult to drive Interstate 71, and I cannot drive at night. Buses are confining, and I need to walk to avoid cramps. Flying is too expensive. I know parents who have to drive to pick up college students. Why is Ohio always behind other states?" -- Rocky River
I wish a few TV meteorologists would learn how to dress professionally. The men do a terrific job, with shirt, tie and jackets. There are a few women who like to wear miniskirts, and how can we concentrate on the forecast when that's what they are wearing?" -- Avon
"In response to last week's moaner about being tailgated, he's probably being tailgated because he's driving too slow. I can't tell you how many times I have tailgated myself because people can't manage to get up to the speed limit. If you don't want people tailgating, drive faster." -- No City