Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Glamorous Life

I love when people lament that air travel is no longer glamorous. As if these folks were around when it was to begin with.

As if being able to sit between 100 chain smokers on a plane was glamorous. Like non-pressurized cabins and seats that could not act as flotation devices was glamorous.

Flight is a means to an end. It is quicker than driving, but as SNL said it 30+ years ago "you'll feel like you've never left the ground - because we treat you like dirt".

The old greek guy who sat next to me on one flight yesterday annoyed the ever-loving crap out me - the amount of times he performed the sign of the cross as we flew. Yeah, because g-d is keeping a few ton piece of tin in the air.

On the second leg, there was an old man in his dapper suit along with his Michael Caine glasses. As I sat down he pulled out his inhaler and used it continually until we took off. His regular breathing sounded like Denton's snoring (sorry honey), and I couldn't wait till we got to 10,000 feet (or whatever that magic number is) so I could put in my earbuds.

I did look around and there was not another seat to be had. Not so much that I wanted to move seats, but I figured he'd eventually go into cardiac arrest, and they'd unsuccessfully perform CPR on him in the aisle. Of course, they'd have to prop the corpse somewhere and since his seat was next to mine, I'd have to hang out with him until landing. Not only that, his passing would have made him poop his pants and I'd have to smell that the rest of the flight.

Then I thought how much Morty and Tornwordo would have liked me writing something like that, since they're both so fecal-oriented. And it put a smile on my face and I was able to enjoy the rest of the flight..............glamorously.

Song by: Sheila E.


Morty said...

hee hee - poop his pants. And sometimes corpses get raging stiffies.

anne marie in philly said...

well, if it isn't little mary sunshine writing today's blog entry (snark).

sweet FSM, and people wonder why I don't wasn't easy back in the 80s either.

personally, I don't know how saint lewis and blair keep their sanity in the air!

tornwordo said...

You'd have all been in poo prison if that had happened. Oh and little trick - you CAN listen to the plane's music channels during takeoff - just plug your earbuds into the armrest.