Thursday, January 28, 2010

Two Little Feet

This is going to be an icky post. One of those, Blobby doesn't wear deodorant, posts. You've been warned.

From my mother, I've inherited bad feet. Not like pigeon-toes or like I'm polydactyl man or anything. No, we (well, I) always made fun of my mom because her feet were so disgustingly dried and cracked.

Well folks, karma is a bitch.

Fast forward a few dozen years later and my heels are shot to shit. They have been for about I'd say 6-8 years. I pumice daily and, yes, get this, use Miracle Foot Cream almost daily. For a while these things helped. However, I've hit some kind of plateau on this "treatment" and I'm back to square one.

Q: What's a boy to do? I mean, one who is to embarrassed to go get a pedicure.

A: Get a Ped Egg, of course!

I know what you're thinking, that it's a fly-by-night gizmo like the Buttoneer II or the Egg Wave. I probably would have dismissed it entirely except that it got a more than decent write-up in Consumer Reports. Go figure.

So, while at Blood Bath & Beyond, I plunked down the $10 for the right to microplane the heels of my feet! Make no mistake, that's all it is - a mircoplane. But one in the form of an egg that catches your foot shavings.

Allow me to demonstrate:

This iPhone shot doesn't begin to detail how deep those crevasses go into my heels. Or how dry they are. But it's a good starting point.

You kind of get a glimpse at the same foot with icky skin in this shot, though it was just meant to demonstrate the Ped Egg itself.

Yeah, this is what it took off in just a few passes on one foot, nay - heel, alone. It is not grated parmigiano reggiano. I went a few more rounds and got equal, if not greater amounts off.

Honest to g-d: less than two minutes later, this is what my heel looked like. It looks a little red, but why wouldn't it be? It doesn't and didn't hurt in the slightest. And if you go to the first picture, the heel was a bit red to start with anyway.

It's not completely fixed of course. This was only my first shot and I'm sure I'll still pumice and moisturize, but maybe there is hope for me yet.

...and perhaps for my mother as well.

Song by: Karen Savoca


Birdie said...

If you remove too much, your body will build up even more callous. The trick is to remove only the roughness and then moisturize the heck out of it. Most moisturizers contain alcohol, which ultimately makes your skin drier than before. Check the ingredients and find one with no cetyl alcohol. Use it immediately after showering, when your skin has absorbed moisture. Voila! Soft heels.

A Lewis said...

Okay, I can stomach the pics simply to get down to this little comment box in which I am definitely going to leave a comment or six. I take care of my feet daily. And they look pretty great. I too use the Ped Egg.
1. Some of the white scrapings that end up in the egg are from using lotions and white creams. I use special creams too...but typically lean toward Vaseline and clear stuff. And then put my socks over that.
2. I also have a pumice stone in the shower which is used very very often.
The key is to do all of this whole regimen often, daily, regularly. never let it get to the icky point.
And, besides, I'm a total foot whore....and always check out a dude's feet in the summertime to see if he's as sexy on the bottom as on the top. I'm just sayin'

Larry Ohio said...

Thanks for the Ped Egg idea. I need it.

anne marie in philly said...

man, the things you learn about on people's blogs...

I too could use one of these...even with a monthly pedi, I still have rough heels. thanks, blobby!

rebecca said...

It's true, I've seen the Miracle Foot Cream in his bathroom!!

Just nut up and get the pedicure, for heaven's sake!!