Monday, September 14, 2009

Fingers of Love

Actually 'love' has nothing to do with it - to bastardize Tina Turner. Fingers do though. Oh yes indeed they do.

September is National Prostate Health Month. Did you know that? You probably should if you're over 50. Oh, and a male. That last part if very important.

I'm not over (or even at) 50, but it seems I've had my share of prostate exams. Legitimate ones. From licensed physicians. I suppose I've had others - but they weren't professionals. Or doctors. They didn't even play one on TV. Nor was it for anything medical....but I digress.

I think I've mentioned that with dentists, Becky recommended getting a female one, as their hands are smaller and gentler. I took that advice and it has worked well for me.

The same cannot be said for urologists. I have had a woman who had done this exam on me - a few times. I think Linda Blair had it easier in the showers when she was in Born Innocent. (now there is a cultural reference that will be harder to get for most....I'm assuming...)

Talk about the need to take me to dinner and movie next time!

The next time I got one was from my regular doc. A male. When I mentioned to him afterwards how much better that was than Dr. H's exam, he laughed and said: "well, they don't have one, so they don't know how to do it correctly."

Yes, that could come across as a little misogynistic, but so far (in my experience) he's right on the money. Gals - you might say the same thing about male OB-GYN Kenobis. Maybe they are not as sensitive as you think they could be.

So where I work is providing free prostate screenings this month. I'm not sure how expedited they are. I'm not sure I want Wham-Bam-Thank You-Man. Can't we talk and just get to know each other first?

And these are the posters that hang in every elevator. I'd be more than happy to let two of these three doctors give my exam. Bet you can't guess which one would come in third.

Turns out - you don't have to really bet at all. They're not doctors. They are fucking models - so even they don't play one on TV. We didn't even have the smarts to feature our own staff docs. WTF!

Oh well, I think I'd still rather have one of these two or three give me my exam. It's free - so you get what you pay for.

Song by: Crowded House


cb said...

What a coincidence, I am also offering free prostate screenings.

Larry Ohio said...

As I was reading this I imagined you and dozens of other men naked and on all fours, riding on an elevated conveyor belt, hairy asses up in the air, serpentining through the building while all sorts of people wait to jam their fingers in places they don't belong. Ewwww. Don't do it Blobby! Just say no!

tornwordo said...

The last time a (doctor's) finger was up my ass was when I was 19 and got prostatitis. I don't remember it fondly. Anyway, can't you do it yourself like girls can check their breasts for lumps?

Blobby said...

As lovely as a picture as that is Larry - ewww.

And Torn - one can do it themselves, but I don't think it's called an 'exam'.