Back Stabbin' Betty

Betty gives zero fucks. 

I love Betty. 

Song by: Cage the Elephant

Ides of March

 Because it never gets old.

Song by: Silverstein

Lover Girl

Bad editing (read; no editing), a big carbon monoxide leak, or a Heaven's Gate kind of ending? 

I'm going with the first option - though one can never really be sure. 

Now and then, I grab screen captures when I see something funny or absurd. This one kind of straddles both those lines. Some of these I hold on to........in case I want to use it for something. Others I hold and then drag to the trash. 

For months - longer than normal - I've let this languish on my desktop. I'd want to 86 it, but kept reading it and smiling at how stupid it sounded and me think I'm the only one who reads the obits who picked up on the poorly crafted final notice. So, the item kept getting a reprieve. 

It's quite possible, I'm the only one who smirked at this. Or ever will. One can never be srue. 

I don't know - maybe Tina Marie died of embarrassment.  I'm not sure about her parents. 

Song by: Teena Marie

Punch Bowl

Honestly, I have nothing. 

Well, little.  I've been holding on to a screen shot I took a month ago. It made me laugh. Not out loud or anything, but you get the idea. 

I think I'm most stumped at the "in Texas" part. 

Song by:  Punch Brothers

Lucille

 Oh no, Lucille I has passed. Poor Jessica Walters. Poor us. 

 It is a shame of course, but I'm not sure I would have guess she was 80.  

If you have not seen Arrested Development - and it is a show that is an acquired taste, and you really have to watch for content. There are no pauses for laughs, no laugh tracks and jokes / storylines that come back from episodes or seasons later or before. 

And while everyone on the show was integral, Walters really made the show. Her Lucille (I) was caustic and hilarious. 

FYI. Lucille II, was her next door, vertigo-impaired neighbor played perfectly by, believe it or not, Liza Minelli. I've only seen Liza in like three things  (though I'm not sure she's been in much more - and yes, the Sex in the City movie does count..........and yet it doesn't), but is the best thing she has ever been in. 

Here are some of the clips with Walter from Arrested Development. 

I personally like the Banana one, the Jimmy Kimmel one and the SeaWard (read: C-word) one. 

  

Song by: B.B. King

Death at One's Elbow

I won't lie. I was a little miffed at the lack of response my last Facebook post received. One like.  ONE!  Not even a 'love. I post so little - compared to most - that when I do, and I think it's funny, I like to semi-resonate. Bother. 

While some people use the platform as VagueBook, I try not. I post funnies mostly - or at least things I THINK are funny, but I try not give the folks lobs I do want them to think about it, even for a nanosecond. 

Two days ago was the one-year anniversary of our shelter-in-place order, and nothing was the same again. One thing being: no more handshakes (which I do NOT miss). But I thought of our now 'elbow greetings' - or my faux elbow greeting (show my elbow from six feet away, but still no need to touch me!)

But I thought of Young Frankenstein and posted the above .gif with:  I cannot believe that for an entire year we all haven't been saying: "Taffeta, Darling"........."Taffeta, Sweetheart".

I know my demographic. These people wouldn't (or shouldn't) be associated with me if they didn't get the association.  

Oh wait - I just got a laughing thingy. Yay me!

Well, in the meantime, enjoy Madeline Kahn. 

Song by: the Smiths

PMS

Last night, on our weekly Zoom / Happy Hour call we went over our hour time limit.  I think no one but Morty went over the two drink number, but hard to say. Had I not had to walk down two flights have stairs, I might have had another. 

BTW, we switched to Saturday nights, because Sunday nights backed us up to a school day. 

During these calls we discuss many things - and we've known each other so long, no topic is off limits. I mean, yesterday some of it was about vaccines, fashion schools, our mutual dislike for Billy Joel and power bottoms. Not necessarily in that order. 

I was going to tell you how the topic of the video below came up, but you know, I'll forgo that. 

The video is from David Letterman's first David Letterman's Film Festival (I think he only ended up having two). A series of artists made a 5-10 minute 'film' - one being Bette Milder, one Diane Sawyer and the one below by Catherine O'Hara and Andrea Martin.  

The film's title?  PMS. 

I have a feeling I featured it in the blog before, but I'm honestly that lazy to not go check. And if it turns I did, then I got nothing for today. And in reality, none of you remember in the first place, and in second, I'm pretty sure I have a few new readers who haven't read 5,922 posts. 

Enjoy the film. 

btw.........the guy playing Andrea Martin's husband is actually Catherine O'Hara's brother.  Fun fact. 

 

Song by: Mary J. Blige

She's a Lady

Yes, this video has more than hints of misogyny, a big dose of homophobia and some downright Tom Jones mocking.

And yet I cannot stop laughing. 

Funnier is when I played it on my laptop, 710 not being able to see a thing, and he says tom me he says...."Lindsey Graham?"

HILARIOUS. 

Song by: Tom Jones

She Makes Me Laugh

 I honestly have nothing. 

This might not be a bad thing. As I mentioned yesterday (?), with no past administration currently in power, my writing topics have dwindled..........almost overnight. 

Nothing in the news seemed up there in terms of something. 

But I was watching Family Guy the other day and this clip just made me laugh and laugh and laugh. And since this blog's subtitle is 'Stuff & Nonsense' - it's time to interject some of that here. 

It's 21 seconds.  Deal with it. 

Song by: the Monkees

Open Up

I wasn't sure I'd do another one of these.  First it was Covid only.  Then Covid - Political. It's skewing a little more Political - Covid this time. And it would all be funnier if they were all so fucking spot-on.

Hilarious!

You gotta believe that had to hurt them. 

COVID finally catches up with the daily paper cartoons. 

....and I do believe this is the last one of these I'll do. 

Song by: REO Speedwagon

No Scrubs

This might be the last one I do of these.  The previous ones were all funny*, but this one has a few observations that aren't necessarily meant to tickle your funny bone.

Yes!

This is SO spot on, it is frightening. 

Yes. x 8. 

😂😂😂😂

This kind of made me laugh. 

This really made me laugh. 

This is perfect !!!

*it's all relative



Song by: TLC

Stepping Out

Well, that was another debate gone wrong. Well, I assume. I did not watch, but by all accounts it was a shit show. While I don't have another solution for whittling down candidates, this seems like the worst job interview ever.

My ballot should be arriving any day now, and honestly, I'm not 100% sure for whom I'm voting. I've narrowed it down for sure, but I'll have to do some soul searching (first, finding out if I have one), to make my final selection.

But dating is like a job interview, no?  Someone on Twitter wraps up in word each candidate as if  they had gone on a date. She's not entirely wrong on any of them.



I have not displayed these in any particular order.  No lie: the Tulsi Gabbard one made me laugh out loud.

Song by: Joe Jackson

Shake it Off

I cannot stop watching this.

Two things strike me with this entire clip / scenario:

1. Moscow Mitch honestly can't believe someone would think so little of him, that they'd out and out ignore his hand.
2. Moscow Mitch turns to Chuck Schumer, almost in disbelief. I'll give Chuck this, he didn't burst out laughing, as I would have. 

But this also tells me that Chuck is probably way more compassionate to Mitch than we'd like to believe. It's the same stories as Ruth Bader Ginsberg actually being friends with Scalia.  Washington DC is all very incestuous that way.

That said - I'm glad for the mourner to not be polite to a man who has thwarted so many things in DC, especially to the people of colour and the impoverished.

I am equally committed to giving $$$ to the person who will be running against Moscow Mitch in 2020......and I don't even fucking live in Kentucky.

He must go.




Song by: Taylor Swift  (ok, I don't own this, but I had nothing else to go with the post so effectively)

Dead

How much more can I milk my mother's death for a blog post.

I'm gonna see how far I can stretch this sucker.

Last night, my cousin Billy texts a seemingly simple message:

"How's life?"

....and we'll let the below image take it from there.  Before you you read, Billy lives in the Pacific North West, so no longer local.

One might find Billy's .gif comment crass.  Blobby is not one of these people. I literally laughed out loud. Not figuratively.

Billy can be perfectly inappropriate, which is category in which I'd like to place myself.

And to be fair, Billy is correct. I then searched for a good - or any - dead mother .gifs, and all I found was the one you see as the title image. There's an untapped market there that probably cannot be monetized.

I certainly didn't mean to exclude Billy or some of the cousins. Half are west coasters and while I'm sure they'd share their condolences, I just felt odd about keeping having to repeat the story. I kept feeling like Jackie in that one episode of Roseanne.



I know I'll miss my mother, but I also know that laughing isn't a bad thing.  Lots of people made me laugh last Friday and I them. Billy made me laugh last night, and he will for years to come. I hope it's not all about my mother.  .....but one can never be sure.


Song by: Pixies

Skeletons

I had nothing planned.  I could have written about Pelosi in the Oval, but then I'd have write about Pelosi.  I don't see that meeting as the big take-away for the Dems as they think.  Sure, there is now a clip of BLOTUS saying he'd take credit for the government shut down - which he'll deny later, and even with the multiple clips being played, his supporters will see it as "fake news"

So - today you just get this A+++++ tweet.

I could not stop laughing.



Song by: Rickie Lee Jones

Twin Skeletons

Years ago - like 30 - my friend Jon and I were sitting at the bar of a hip little place called K2U. Sitting near the corner, we had our back to the front door, but had a great view of all else.

Near us, sits a man and his friend. The man talks to me, very nice, but mentions he's seen me out at the Garage - which was, and now is again - a gay bar. This is while we lived in Columbus.

While he was being nice, I wasn't. I was, but I wasn't. I decided to play a game and knew Jon would automatically back me up.

I told this guy I had never been to the Garage. He insisted he has seen me there often {ouch}.  I cop to the fact that my identical twin is gay, so it might be him he has been seeing. This bit of fake news, intrigues the guy. One straight twin, one gay.

While I don't remember it now, I am certain I provided many details about "my brother" and how he goes out a lot with his friends. And while I support him, it's not to the level that I've ever joined him out at a gay bar, nor would he go to a bar like K2U with me.

Jon chimed in at the appropriate points in the conversation, helping me keep my tall tale all the taller.

Suffice to say two to three hours later it all fell apart, while making the rounds at the Garage, with Jon and in the same outfit I was wearing at K2U, we came upon our new 'friend' from K2U.

Oddly, he was not as amused as I  / we were.

I only tell you all of this because of an interaction I had last night. As I was not home all day, I went out to pick up dinner for 710 and myself. Upon obtaining said food, I walked to the door and passed by a man I somewhat know from work.

Ryan is, by some accounts, a devastatingly handsome man. He does posses model-like characteristics. My best description is he's "shiny".

So, he pretty much walks right past me and I said, "Hey Ryan, how are you tonight?".  He turns around and just looks at me. Now, he knows me but doesn't KNOW me, so I can see the wheels turning.

"I'm Rob.  Ryan's my brother".   (and clearly an identical twin brother at that.)

I counter with, "really?  Really?  This isn't a joke? Because I've played this joke before" - to which I got a really befuddled look.

He goes on to say he gets called "Ryan" all the time and so he just answers to both. I clear up for him that I work with Ryan - so he tells me, "Ryan just moved back here....", which I knew because, well, I work with him.

Me and my fictitious twin were not has handsome at Rob and Ryan (assuming they are two different people!).  I can only imagine what fantasies people conjure up about those two...separate and together.  Not me, of course.  I'm speaking of others.





Song by: Fall Out Boy

the Trial

I am DYING watching this Judge Morty clip.

To be clear, like the fact that Bud Cort didn't really have a show called Bud Court and Judge Reinhold didn't really have a show called Judge Reinhold, my friend Morty doesn't have a show named after him.

Judge Morty: State of Georgia v Rick Allen is real.

Well, the facts and the transcript are real. The video clip is just the reading and animation of the real life event. It just happens to be done by the people at Adult Swim's Rick & Morty. 

Yes, the video is 11 minutes long, but after you get past the first minute or so, it is fucking hilarious.



To be clear - I know this isn't my Morty because he wouldn't tolerate a defendant saying he "jacks on white boys".

Well. Probably.



Song by: Pink Floyd

Pony

Clearly, what you're about to see is one of the most fucked up things I have seen in a while. But fucked up in a weird way, not in a Final Destination XIII or Hostel IX kind of way.

Yes it is over four minutes long. And yes, you have to watch all of it.

It would help if you got extremely high first. I wish I had.

This is brought to you, via me, but via friend and former blogger Glenn (it seems I know a lot of former bloggers.....which probably says I've overstayed my welcome).

Glenn says this is now his favourite song of all time. I half-believe him too. And you'll hate yourself (or him....or me) as the tune, if not the words, might stick with you for a little while.


Lesley the Pony Has an A+ Day! from Christian Larrave on Vimeo.


You only think it gets weird at the 1:11 mark......but keep watching. And keep an eye out for thole lyrics later on in the song.....or at least the words printed on the screen....along with some of the visuals.

Sweet Dreams, folks.




But I can't leave it at that. Well, I mean, I can, but I'll send it out on a good note.  ....and another 'pony' note....though probably not one called "Lesley".

I've never been familiar with Ginuwine's song, "Pony", but apparently every stripper and every guy who has been to a strip club is.......if YouTube were to be believed.

There are so many video homages out there to this song it is frightening.....and all of them creepy. Save one. (well........kind of.)

One called 'Kitchen Grind' has been floating out there for a few years. I can't remember on which blog I first saw it, but it has made the rounds. I'm more surprised it has less than 75,000 views. The guy is more than a little handsome......and he kind of has the moves.

Kind of.

Ok, he's got a great beard...and wears fuzzy pants well....and knows how to treat a stability ball.

It is the semi-antidote to Lesley's A+ Day.







Song by: Ginuwine  (even though, I don't actually own the song)

Walking on the Moon

The holidays can be tough on folks. Sure there's the family dynamics, and the juggling of friends & parties. Add travel and weather in there and it is just stress upon stress.

One should not forget the amounts of food that is consumed. The yummy, not very good for you entrees, plus all those sweets. Those luscious luscious sweets.

It can just pack on the pounds. And not in a carry-on, but more like in a steamer trunk.

Naturally, I'm not talking about me!!!  No no no!! I'm still the slim trim guy you've come to know and love. The lbs just fall off me by opening the ice cream container or peeling back the paper from a chocolate fudge cupcake.

mmmmm....cupcakes.........

Anyways, I digress. Or do I?

A friend of mine was lamenting on the holidays and the damage done. I let him prattle on, never once mentioning that he never truly replied to my post-holiday email to see how his holiday was, how he and his family were doing - and let it be known I never inquired about his weight. But since he brought it up - how could I not run with it???

Well....it's not like he was going to chase me. Or could.

Ooops. There I go again. I can't help myself.

Naturally, I asked him to send me a picture of him on the scale. Unfathomably, he did. That silly silly boy. I MIGHT have gone too far to ask, after seeing the number, if the image was taken on the moon.

Sometimes I really don't know the line from funny to cruel, though I'm afraid I might have crossed it, like Dennis Rodman into North Korea.....and I'm afraid I hurt feelings.

Personally, I don't think he is overweight at all. He's a tall gentleman. I have no doubt he thinks he put on a few, but it probably isn't as bad as he thinks. The earth hasn't been knocked off its axis - as far as I know. I haven't heard the Ministry of Magic put out any memory charms on Harry Potter's Aunt Marge.

Though my title image does look like a cross between Harry's Aunt Marge and any number of Wallace & Gromit characters.

Honestly, I don't believe he's mad at me, just play-acting. I hope that's all it is. We'll see after he reads this. I mean - I'm assuming he's still coming back here - it's an awesome blog.



Song by: the Police