Asleep

In hospital, understandably every day would start and end with a medical professional making me move my toes, making me push back against them with my feet and then run their fingers on the bottoms of my feet. All while asking if anything was numb or tingled. 

I get it. It was a rough fall. But they were looking for any kind of nerve damage or paralysis. 

All is good on that front. 

But day 4 I started to get some tingling in my right hand. 

The right side of my body took the brunt of my fall. So fucked was I that I didn't notice I cut my hand, elbow and part of where my abs should be.  Still you gotta figure, human nature had me put out my hand somewhat to break the fall. 

In the ED, they xray'd the wrist and nothing was broken - which is kind of a minor miracle in its own way. 

Day 4 though was a reckoning day in a way. One day post op. The pain meds, what little they did, had being moved to non-narcotics and the trauma pain replaced by post-op pain. That trauma pain also covered up all those other injuries I sustained of which I had not yet been aware.  I mean, I knew my hand, because it had been caked in blood and they had to pluck stone out. 

All the other aches came to the surface. All minor. Except for the hand. 

There was a bruise below where you see the cut. No more bruise, but it still hurts. And it is my "launching" hand from when I have to get up to a walker. 

While I told "my team" about the tingling - which really feels like it is in a perpetual state of being asleep - it was always a 'let's wait and see'. 

I get it. There was trauma to the hand. It will take time to heal.......hopefully. 

It does not hurt, per se, but it is annoying. There aren't peak or lull times. It is 24 / 7. I find myself stretching my hand or shaking it trying to "wake it up", all to no avail. Today it will be two weeks since the symptoms appeared - so far no sign of ebbing. 

My first follow-up isn't for another week, so we'll see what the doc says though he is not a hand guy. 

To be honest, my bigger concern is this is just how it's gonna be forever. Like the tinnitus that came into my life 14+ years ago and decided to squat in my head forever. 

I get I'm damanged, but I am really hoping I don't have to live with neuropathy for the rest of my frickin' life. 

Song by: the Smiths