Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Loud and Clear

I know you've all been sitting on the edge of your chairs, anxiously awaiting a medical update. Relax - just like Frankie say.

I received no call from the doctor's office, just an email telling me they released results on my electronic medical record.

I knew if the doc ok'd that to be shown without calling me, she was either a total idiot or I would be in the clear. ....and it seems that I am.

While the continual high pitch ringing in my brain - yes, it is not really in the ears (or so that key-uuute resident confirmed) - is still there, it's not a tumor.

I'll repeat.  No tumor. No cancer.

Nor is there really an explanation of the hearing loss and the now constant ringing.

As you can see from the report below, nothing is going on upstairs. Yes, let the obvious jokes begin. I'm not breaking HIPAA if I am the one to release my own medical information.

The brain is within normal limits of signal intensity and morphology. Specifically, the brainstem is normal in appearance. There is no evidence of a mass in the region of either IAC or elsewhere in the posterior fossa. No abnormal enhancement is noted in the basilar cisterns, along the course of the 7/8 cranial nerve complexes, or in the region of the inner ear complexes. No abnormal parenchymal or leptomeningeal enhancement is noted following gadolinium administration. There is no evidence of an acute ischemic event on the diffusion study. Inner ear structures appear to be within normal limits on the high resolution axial CISS sequence. No clear evidence of vascular compression. Normal flow void is noted in the major dural venous sinuses suggesting patency by spin echo criteria. There is no evidence of an infiltrative process in the visualized skull base. The mastoid air cells and paranasal sinuses are grossly clear.


So the impression is that I'm Normal. Not Abby Normal. (key word? 'impression'.)

No ischemia (phew!) - at least that is acute. Ears are normal. No compression. And most importantly, I have grossly clear (oh, those frustrated diagnostic radiologists who want to be writers) mastoid air cells and paranasal sinuses!!! I was losing sleep over that one.

I could let Dr. Spo interpret for me. Yes, otolaryngology is not his speciality, but I'm assuming he had to do a rotation back in his Grenada Med School. He really does not have to weigh-in, as it seems I won't have to have Obama and his death panel decide on my fate anytime soon (that is a joke, people!!!).

I suppose I should talk to the doctor anyway to wrap this up. A week into taking zinc and co-enzyme (the latter of which stinks to high heaven!) and no change in the tinnitus. She didn't promise it would help, but she thought it might. But she also didn't say after how long it might take to make a difference.

With white noise I'm ok, but left alone in bed or with quiet and the ringing noise just permeates my being. It is quite annoying. Still, it's better than anything Katy Perry has ever done.....so I just have to think of that.

The downside of not having the big brain C? Nothing to lord over 710. I can no longer say, "...only 8 more months to live, don't you want to buy me dinner??" I guess I'll have to pay my own tab. Bother!

Also, how easy would have surgery prep been?? - it's not like they would have had to shave my head and you know my thinking: chicks. dig. scars. !!!

I've also been paying into Short and Long Term Disability for years! WHEN do I get to finally use it???

Not having a tumor also throws a wrench into my plans. You've all heard my idea that I get to go first. Well, in the last week or two, I thought I had that all wrapped up - lock, stock and teardrops. But now all bets are off. And if genetics factor in, I'll be hanging around and writing this blog for the next 38 fucking years. ...though my caregiver might have to transcribe it after a while.

Bother, indeed.

Song by: the Cranberries


anne marie in philly said...

happy to hear the good news! but why is homer simpson's brain scan showing up on your blog? HIPAA violation indeed! bwhahahaha!

Cubby said...

Did you ever think about just taking a Q-tip and digging all of that shit out of your ear? I mean, that's what I would have tried first before sticking my head in a giant magnet.

So they ruled out the three most obvious guesses: cancer, syphilis, and alien impregnation. Now what?

Upon turning to the source of all wisdom, the internet, I found this: The number one cause of sudden onset unilateral hearing loss is overdose of sildenafil citrate used to treat erectile dysfunction. The internet sez if you just lay off the Viagra for a while, your hearing should return. Yay! Problem solved!

You're welcome.

Erik Rubright said...

Yea for you leaving normal impressions! Who would have ever guessed that were possible?

Brettcajun said...

Well, there went MY theory of your hearing loss. (sigh)

don said...

Yay! Mo Blobbieness

Birdie said...

I laughed out loud at first glance of the graphic. :D

So your ailment remains a mystery. While the big stuff has been eliminated, your hearing loss remains a major life change if it's permanent. Here's hoping it returns just as mysteriously.