Sunday, January 02, 2011

Here for the Party

Yesterday was the every other year New Year's open house event hosted by our friends Chef Bob and Nurse Matt. Ok, he's not a nurse, it's an inside faux pas from Rebecca.

Poor Matt was maligned for being a gay man in a hospital setting. "Someone" assumed if he was gay and male, he must be a nurse.....or murse, if you will. He isn't. He's a surgeon. He was miffed - but that's just Matt. Everyone but Matt found it somewhat amusing.

Anyhoo - they have their open house on New Years, but only every other year. It's still nice to be on the invite list. It's a nice house and with a chef as one of the hosts, you know good food will be involved. I had Bob cater my parent's 50th anniversary. ....and it has to save them a boatload of cash when doing this party.

While certainly a gay friendly event, it's not a gay party - except for the hosts. It is equal part work event - mostly for Matt. I ran into many a physician or hospital staff that I know/knew from back in the day.

Normally, we run into a number of homos that we know or at least see at places like this. Not so much this year. Yeah there were a few - and one couple we know well, so that was fun. But another couple that was is a reason I get stymied by socializing.

One of them I know fairly well. His partner of 3-4 years not as much, though I've met him a dozen times. It's not that he doesn't remember my name - which he doesn't. It irks me that he doesn't remember me at all.

I'm not sure if this is his issue or mine. Well, clearly it is mine, I'm just not sure if it mine alone.

Maybe his memory sucks. Maybe he just doesn't care to know me, so why bother remembering my name of if he's ever met me. Naturally, I told one of my friends this little tidbit and when they approached, said, "well you remember Denton and Blobby". Of course, he replied in the affirmative, even though I don't believe him for a nanosecond.

And yes, I know I'm seemingly hypersensitive about a couple I really don't care about in the big picture. But I remember them and make them feel welcome, is it that hard to do the same? It's Cleveland and being gay - the community just isn't that big. Make a fucking effort, I say.

I've mentioned my lack of self-esteem in these issues over the years of this blog. I pretty much remember most folks, but always assume no one remembers me. Or I like to use it with self-deprecating humour - but it happens more than I care to believe. It sets off all kinds of triggers that dig in deeper that lack of self-esteem.

Am I not memorable??

Please, discuss amongst yourselves.

Song by: Gretchen Wilson


Breenlantern said...

you are extremely memorable. In fact, I think about you more often than I should


Happy New Year stud.

Birdie said...

You are quite memorable. But I will tell you now that I will forget almost all of what we talk about (in person) and even your name once in a while. I once forgot my mother's name when introducing her to a friend (whose name I remembered).

Please be kind to those of us shrink from social settings for exactly this reason. It is a synapse misfire that I loathe. I've known people for years from seeing them at church and I still don't know their names. I'll bet I've heard it a few times, too, but if I don't READ it and see their faces, it's a lost cause. So too for conversations. Go ahead and tell me a story I've heard; I'll love it as though it's the first time I've heard it—because it probably will be. And forgive me, because it will happen again, in a totally random and selective pattern.

I don't know if it's the ADD or Asperger's, but there it is. I know I've hurt feelings, and I've tried to warn people, but they think I don't care enough to remember. I'd give anything if I could.

Buddy Bear said...

Don't worry about it! Some people are the centre of their own little universe and don't notice anyone but themselves or are just plain clueless.

brian said...

As a native,I can feel your consternation.
My problem is the exact opposite, people who do NOT know me and have not met me, yet create a fiction about me.
I long for your problem!

Cubby said...

I feel a lot like Birdie, although I'm not as bad as she described.

I've seen plenty of pics and vids of you (having never met), but that won't really mean anything if we pass each other on the street.

First, I probably won't recognize you unless I got a good look at your eyebrows and chin (your most distinguishing features). Second, even if you stop me and say hello, chances are I still won't know who you are, at least not right away.

I'd wonder if we went to high school together, then wonder if it was college, then wonder if maybe it was work. All the while I'd be making chitchat and nodding my head, trying to fake it while having no idea who you are.

Then you would leave, no doubt thinking I was a complete asshole, or in my own little universe or just plain clueless as Alan said, or thinking I don't care enough to remember you as Birdie said.

Only after you were long gone would I think of who you were, then spend the next few hours mentally beating myself up over my failure. But like Birdie implied, by this point it's too late. The damage is done. Feelings would be hurt and relationships would be harmed.

don said...

I am not going to say "it gets better". My experience has been that once you you turn 50 then you are totally dismissed by most gay men. That was very difficult to get used to. It forced me to redefine my social encounters so that I sought out people that were more accepting and supportive of my personal situation.

Ur-spo said...

I think you are a marvelous man; I want you to remember this and don't fall for any internal BS that tells you otherwise. Enough said.