Pour Me a Drink

Can I just say, I had a faboo time at a holiday party this last weekend?

I did. 

I mean, I might not have, but since I had more booze than blood in my system, I at least felt like I had a good time. And isn't that really the same thing? 

With my depression it is easier to cancel on events and just stay home and not socialize. But for these hosts, they are ones for which I always want to be present. They know my current state of mind, so it makes it easier (for me anyway) to show up and just kind of let go. 

It was not a large gathering, which is good and bad when also having anxiety. Other than the hosts, I knew I'd know three people, not all of them well, but it would give me some comfort level. Still, it's harder to blend in.

Oddly, in the Myers-Briggs world, I'm an I with E tendencies. I used to be firmly in the E category, but that has morphed over the years. 

As it would turn out, I'd know a few more folks than expected. Not well - but we'd been introduced before - not that any of them could have ever actually recalled meeting me prior, but that's all well and good and expected. I don't always make an impression. 

Oh. It was all dudes. A veritable sausage fest, though I saw no sausage, though the charcuterie board did have salami, but that's not quite the same even though it was good - and the only protein I had all night. 

There was good conversational exchange with new acquaintances and lots of laughs. There was a pocket of folks that somewhat devolved into some political talk but both guests and hosts tried to tamp that down, which was appropriate and welcome. 

Many in attendance were newly retired or soon to be. So, it was a gathering of men of a certain age. That made it easier too. The three young 'uns I was introduced to, but didn't really have any discussions, were pretty to look at but they were out of my league. And it was a 98% chance they'd never get any of my cultural references to streetcars, tooth polish, the talkies or rotary phones. 

Without any discussion starting from me, I was a bit surprised to hear how many people said they stopped watching and reading the news. I know others here have said something similar, but it felt affirming that I'm not quite the odd man out. 

I don't know I made new friends per se but the only time phones came out was to exchange contact information with two other people. 

I noted to the hosts, afterwards, that it was incredible that phones weren't out. No one was checking a thing. No one took any pictures - no one was Instagramming or Facebooking a thing. Everyone was engaged in their surroundings and with the other guests. I honestly cannot remember the last time that happened. It felt so great.

Probs a good thing phones were not out. I was over-served. Mostly by me, but there were enablers. New folks who'd refresh my drink or a host who would top me off as they walked by. Or just me, getting up to get a refill. Or 10. 

I can honestly say I had more to drink at this party than the last 18 months combined! 

This is not a boast. 

There was a time I was well used to binge drinking - mostly because I used to do it several times per week and for years on end. Those days had been behind me, but man, it is super easy to revisit your past and fall into that behaviour. It was as easy as breathing. 

You'd think the morning after would have been horrific, and it should have. But that's another thing that came back easily. I was tired and groggy for a bit and my voice was sexy as fuck, but I wasn't nauseated or headache-y or anything. But I was always good at that in my "youth" (read: 18-48!). I bounced back easily - which is a hidden problem. If there is no deterrent to that kind of consumption you don't think there is a problem. 

And I'm not saying I have a problem. Which is probably what most alcoholics say, but one recognizes the path.

Now, I think I was a delight at this party. I don't think wasn't sloppy. I'd say I wasn't "loud" but as my mother said, and my friends still remind me, "I've been blessed with a voice that carries".  That was as close to sugarcoating it was it comes. I'll just assume I was loud.  But I had people laughing and joining in our conversations, so I'm taking it as a win. 

That'll be my big and only drunk of the holiday season and the rest of the year. The rest of the celebrations are lunches and brunch types of things. 

My bigger take away was: I had fun. I don't feel a lot of that as of late, so it was nice to be outside my current nature and truly soak it in. 

Song by: Post Malone