Monday, March 26, 2007

Cuts You Up

Is it any wonder I'm not straight?

I loathe to shop (unless it's electronics). I don't garden. I'm not a great cook. I wouldn't keep a Cher song on for, say, more than 2.3 seconds...and that's if my reactions are slow.

Let's face it - except for my liking to have sex with men, they'd kick me out of 'the club' altogether. ...and somewhere in upstate New York, my sister just blanched.

Now imagine my pseudo-shame when Rebecca was so appalled at our lack of matching flatware that after the holidays a few months ago, she actually sent us a set from Amazon. It's true. We've mixed and matched pieces from about 3-4 different sets - and we still didn't have enough.

Normally, gay couples would be flocking to Crate & Barrel to fix this post-haste. We never cared that much. We cared - but not enough to make a career out of finding the right set. We'd look. We'd discuss. We'd leave.

Becky kind of forced our hand. The set she sent was 'ok'. She said if we didn't like it to exchange it for something we would - so there were are again, at step one. To be honest, I didn't really like it. What we didn't realize until later was, what she ordered and was on the slip was not what Amazon sent. Phew! She didn't have bad taste after all.

But Amazon was out of what she did select. And if you start looking at their site, MANY people are shipped the wrong flatware than what was ordered. The stuff we did like has been back-ordered forever....or 3 months...with no sign of coming in. We went to another choice.

We also got it over the weekend. We like it - and we seem very grown-up....for men in their 40s.

But please, look at this Amazon review of the product? I wish I could make this stuff up, but I can't. And less you believe me, feel free to go here and see that it is indeed posted as such. Clearly the man (?) is off his anti-psychotic meds. (click to make image/review bigger.) I could not stop laughing at this.


RJ March said...

"I just get this uncomfortable air of confusion and uncertainty whenever I feed myself a spoonful of soup or cough medecine."

I feel the same way about shower curtains.

Now, I'm way gayer than you, but R and I also suffered from mismatched flatware. We have since purchased a new set and have thrown away all the offending old ones. I can't tell you how grown-up I feel now. Unfortunately, the new flatware is from Ikea-- nice to look at, but not so cool to use. The forks have these unfortunate dull tines that resist poking themselves into meat and things. Theses tines are obstinate. Now, I don't want forks to double as fencing weapons, but how about the ability to spike a slab of steak?

And here's my OTHER dilemma: we only got a set for four, and clearly we need another set-- what if we want to give a dinner party? Do I hate the forks that much where I would be willing to go out and buy a setting for eight of a different style? I do and I don't.

I'm going to write a poem about it.

rebecca said...

LOL -- and you're not gayer than Blobby, really, you couldn't be!

I don't know where to about with "TO BE HONEST, I REALLY DIDN'T LIKE IT"!!!

But I'm vastly relieved to hear that they sent you something crappy that I didn't choose, rather than the something crappy that I DID choose.

Can we see what you went with? Is it the one pictured at top? OH, and can we see what you THOUGHT I chose for you?? Did it have pictures of naked men on it, like the flatware in Birdcage? (Okay okay, I KNOW it was the bowls... just picture Diane Wiest squinting at them and humor me...

Anonymous said...

You're already a poet, just don't knowit. It's all about the beat...


These tines are obstinate
We need another set
Buy a setting for eight
Spike a slab of steak

Blobby said...

well Gark - IF we get to vote on who is the gayest of them all.......

don't make me vote!