Thursday, February 08, 2007

Dear Kitty.....

Ok, so this isn't Anne Frank! Like I could live in an attic or be quiet for two minutes, let alone two years!

I've been majorly distracted over the last few days (or has it been weeks?). This post isn't completely throw-away, because if nothing else, I found it funny. Denton's brother-in-law, Mike, sent it to us. It should be known, his family only have cats, as we do.

The cat portion is all very Stewie, dontcha think?

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about "what a good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort a assemble of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.

However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means,and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released-and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe........for now.....


Sue said...

This is so funny. You should point it out to David at SIAT. He would just love it!

dpaste said...

Thanks for the heads-up. I have seen this before but it is one of my favorites. I also like the cat diary where every entry for the week is listed as "Today!"

Anonymous said...

I am a true blue dog lover, but this is brilliant.
great post.

Anonymous said...

I had not seen this before.

Very funny!