Here Is The House

Yesterday, I was on my way to somewhere else in DC when I passed the north side of White House.....when I saw this! Honestly, I have to say I was shocked, but not in a good way.

I usually never venture near that place....as I liken it to the house on your street you avoided at Halloween because of the creepy residents. Maybe the next neighbors will not be the kind who would hide straight pins in the chocolate bars they handed out.

So anyhooo.... I had to stop, doubleback and take the above image. I just had an overwhelming feeling that it was a huge slap in the face to many people in the U.S. who suffer from HIV/AIDS. Trust me, if Shrub doesn't think gays are equal in marriage or benefits (except taxes) or military assignments, then do you really think he gives one turd about them when they are afflicted with any kind of disease?

Oh wait - sure he does. He's a compassionate conservative!! Zoiks!


song by: Depeche Mode

One

I've never been a big proponent of 'days'.

I've never thought 'a day' could or would change the world. I don't know that any disease or issue truly benefits from one single day per annum. I could be wrong. I am sure there are stats somewhere to tell me this.

The only one comparable to World AIDS Day (which is today), would be Breast Cancer - and they have a month.

The one flaw in 'a day' approach is that for 364 sun-ups to sun-downs, most people do not think of it again. Most don't on the designated day. The ones who truly do are the ones affected by it - and think of it every single day....because they have to. Be it they are living with, suffering from or lost someone to, the disease.

Don't make everyday a World AIDS Day necessarily - but be more aware and more compassionate. Be more vocal when you have the chance.

As Bono says (I typed Bobo): "we have to carry each other......carry each other" . Just not for one day. But it's a start.


Song by: U2

Give A Little

Tis the season - no?

For the last few months, or even a year, we have been hearing about One Laptop Per Child. Or at least I have. Have you?

The idea is to provide each and every child who needs a laptop - regardless of the socio-economic status, but clearly focusing on the underprivileged.

The idea is the brainchild of an MIT professor. Knowing that many of the places these folks live do not have internets access or even electricity, the laptop is built with a generator that kids can wind up to well.....generate power. It also has an built-in antenna for folks to get on-line. The casing isn't indestructible, but they make it as much so as possible.

The other idea was for each laptop to cost no more than $100. They are not quite there yet - but it still is at the somewhat reasonable price of $400. BUT....get this......purchase one for donation, and they send one to you also. So, that makes them like $200 a piece. Wicked!! .....but in a good way.

Denton ordered/donated one. Mostly because he wants to play with it. We need another computer/laptop around here like a hole in the head. I am hoping we only play with it for a bit, but then send it on its way to a family in need. We're not that family.

But I think it's a great idea. Give the gift of education - if you can.



Song by: Nicolette Larson

Spooky

It may be rude.....it may be crude....but has Eunice Shriver always been the Crypt Keeper's mother?

I guess it kind of makes sense - her daughter is Skeletor.

Let this be a lesson to all of you: THIS is what generations of inbreeding will get you.


Song by: Classics IV

Perfectly Good Guitar

In a Cleveland Plain Dealer article yesterday about some guy who does a lot of recycling, especially after Browns games.

Yeah - I know, not very exciting, is it? But there was one line in the article that made it stand out. Truth be told, I didn't get that far into the article before losing interest. I have a very short attention span.

However, Denton did and read the following lines to me:

In his off-time, Pickrel can sometimes be seen being pulled down the street on his skates by his dogs. On one leg. While playing his guitar.

It's funny because we saw it. Once.

Denton was wondering what restaurant we might have been at when we saw this event. I had to remind him we weren't out - but at home eating breakfast.....with friends.

It is quite possible probable it was after a night of drinking and we were sitting at the dining room table. Those of us facing the window kind of stopped what we were doing, not sure we had seen what we had just seen. Probably weren't sure if we were still drunk.....though I can only speak for myself, naturally.

It's nice to know that it wasn't an illusion, hallucination or just a drunken figment of our collective imagination.


Song by: John Hiatt

Popcorn

I know I have a stunted adolescence. There is no shock or surprise with this fact. But I just assumed that everyone else (over the age of say...14) has seen this. Imagine my surprise when the day before T-giving, I got to show one of my brother in laws (brothers in law?) this trick.

I spent a good 3-4 minutes with a sharp knife making just the right cuts and doing the folds in all the appropriate areas to get a most inappropriate joke.

Naturally you have to preface the set-up with - 'Why does the Land O Lakes lady hold her butter there?'

Both he and my sister were in hysterics.

This doesn't actually show it, but what you do after cutting three sides of the held butter is to then fold the cardboard so her knees line up right under that, so she when you pull it down (or up), she exposes her dirty pillows. I like how the shadows of her knees make for a convincing areola.

In my version, the lady doesn't flip up the held butter but pulls it down. I swear it makes all the difference.


Song by: Hot Butter

What The Fudge ??

Apparently 'WTF' no longer means what I thought it meant. And I guess it's no longer just an abbreviation for a profanity work-around for television censors and a necessary three letter standard for instant messaging or emailing.

Well, actually it is still used for all those things....and now one more. It is the magazine for Finland. I wonder if the folks from Helsinki know it is just a shortcut to the f-bomb?

So on this post, I break my title as being the same as a song title. I could not think of anything good with the word 'Welcome' (...to the jungle? ...to the pleasuredome?), let alone with 'fuck' or 'Finland'.

It's just so hard to be me!

Eat For Two

Well today is the day - for people who like this kind of stuff. I'm guessing I enjoyed last night more than I will today.

Yesterday, we had my oldest sister and her family over for dinner. Lasagna to be specific....made all by my lonesome. It was ok, but I've done better. Downing a bottle of vino on my own didn't hurt.

But the company was good and the kids were well behaved - though they just loved being upstairs playing video games and then downstairs with Sophie. The cat is very good with them.

Isn't the above image just a tad bit disgusting? I snapped it in the store. A half-cake with a turkey made out of frosting - though to be honest, it looks like pâté. Not horribly appetizing when it comes to cakes.

As for being thankful - I'm not an ingrate: I have a job (and didn't last year at this time), a great partner, two feline friends, many non-feline friends and my health (well....at least more or less). Life is pretty good.

Enjoy the day folks. Happy T-giving.


Song by: 10,000 Maniacs

Basted in Blood

Oh, sure - you'd think the last two days of non-Site of the Month posts would be leading up to an actual Site of the Month. Silly silly people - you!

I do believe I mention this year after year, but I find T-giving to be a bland and boring meal. It's just not for me. ....and let's not even get into the family aspect of it.

I wanted to post a video of a song done on SNL way back, but true to form, much of NBC copywrited material is not out there. The song was done on Weekend Update and sung by Sarah McLachlan & Ana Gasteyer (who went under the guise of Wendy Calhoun). It was a hilarious send-up of a vegan T-giving protest song.

I do not have the video, but I do have the lyrics:

BASTED IN BLOOD

We gather together
For yams, beans, and cranberry sauce
But have you given much thought lately
To the turkey holocaust?

200 million noble birds
Slaughtered every fall
Ain't no difference between Hitler, Stalin
And the folks at Butterball

So set your tables, America
From Birmingham to Branson
But when you carve that turkey
You're a finger lickin' Charlie Manson

Enjoy your pumpkin pie
Your buttery Idaho spuds
Grandma's chestnut stuffing
And a turkey basted in blood

Basted in blood Basted in blood Basted in blood
Enjoy your turkey, enjoy...Basted in blood Basted in blood Basted in blood
Basted in blood Basted in blood Basted in blood


Song by: Sarah McLachlan & Wendy Calhoun

Shakespeare's Sister

All the world's a Blobby
And all the men and women merely players.

Which work of Shakespeare was the original quote from?

Get your own quotes: <

Again, this is a URL I toyed as having as my Site of the Month, but decided if I did, then I couldn't really use the Smiths (g-d, isn't the web address for them great?!!) song for the post title (as those are always headed by: Site of the Month. DUH). What drives me to do such things is a complete mystery.

The reality is, it is not that good of a site. I never went past the first try for this quote and let's face it - it fits. All the world is a Blobby....or at least about Blobby.......or at the very least should be!

Unlike Will, I don't think there is any confusion as to if I write my own work! Sad for him. Sad for me. Sad for you.


song by: The Smiths

Ring of Fire

Alas, this becomes a failed Site of the Month possibility.

If they had more choices in their archives, I am almost sure it would have been a finalist candidate. As it is, the movies they have selected and produced alternate endings for, I either have not seen or just not cared enough about.

If you read this blog in any regularity, you'll already guess that the two that stand out for me are Star Wars IV: A New Hope and the below clip of The Lord of the Rings. ....though the Borat thing is probably as accurate as you can get. There's 90-120 minutes I'll never get back!

If nothing else, I knew Becky and Jon would enjoy the LOTR one....which I've taken the opportunity to post below. The How It Should Have Ended site made me download some new software to play the movies from their URL. I didn't think you all should have to do that.




Personally, I like Boromir mooning Sauron. ...and the taunt of 'your mother has cataracts'.

So, it's not technically Site of the Month material - but it has its moments.


Song by: Johnny Cash

Everything Is Coming Up Roses

It's not the national championship, but there's no real shame in going to the Rose Bowl.

Yesterday the Buckeyes all but sewed up going to Pasadena on the first day of 2008. I know - you're thinking this is a sports thing and why am I even chatting about it. I can hear you out there ya know!

It wasn't as much about the game or the outcome as it was spending the afternoon with two friends watching the game.

Tom G - whom has been mentioned many a-time here - was coming to Cleveburgh to watch the game with his 'special friend' (not me). I got an invite to join. It turns out it was just at a gay bar we were going to. Oh well. How bad could it be at 12 noon on a Saturday?

Tom doesn't need to prompt me to not act my age, but it's nice to have the encouragement.

He is the master of the prop - be it for parties, story telling, sporting events or the possibility of stalking a porn star (that's another post). Jack (his 'special friend') wanted us to wear tiaras, but instead we traded the above homemade headband. You might have to click the enlarge the image (camera phone, no flash and bad lighting) to see what it is. Go ahead - sound it out. It's like live pictionary.

Each time we were not in possession of the ball, one of us was required to wear it. We did it willingly and proudly. Oddly enough - we did not get one look from the other patrons. With the pom-poms (g-d, they smelled like my high school gym locker, but worse!) and noisemaker, we tried to draw attention - but to little success.

The Woody cap is mine. It's my second. Morty got me my first when I was in the hospital with my appendix. I wore that thing all the time, it fit like a second skin. I lost it a dozen or so years ago when Tom and I went to the OSU - Michigan State game in East Lansing (home to one of my most favourite Tom G stories!). I left it at the hotel in a post-drunken stupor. The hotel claims to have never have found it - but you know they just tossed it when they saw the Block O. Fuckers!

Putting on the headband, I told the crew I felt like Patty Duke. Jack asked if I meant 'Cathy', but no....it was Patty and I told him it was because 'a hot dog makes me lose control'. I love when I never ever have to explain my jokes to people.

After the game, we hung out and I dropped money in the jukebox. I love taking over the music at a place where Whitney Houston is the standard. Ick. They had an ok selection, but I made it better just by my choices: Garbage, the Smiths, Eurythmics, Weezer & a few others.

While making the selections, I had to endure Russ. No, I don't know him. Just a bar patron who decided to come up and ask me what my favourite songs and bands were. ...and then how he should leave because he had just broken up with someone who was expected at the bar and how he shouldn't be there....or should he just not run away. Oy. I felt like I was pseudo-being hit on and yet asked to be Ann Landers. I wanted neither. Double Oy.

But on this cold, rainy day - I took in warmth by just being with friends.



Song by: Black

Devil Does You Dog Bite?

No real reference to dogs in this post - other than the fact that I've been working like one.

I've wanted to blog and not only have I not found time to, I haven't even been writing in my head before I commit it to paper screen. That is usually my M.O.

The job is getting me up to that 50% travel time they mentioned when I started. But until the last month or so, I've really been at maybe 30%. After T-giving, I'll be gone at least 50% until the December holidays. I think the opportunity for a vacation has passed us by - again.

Ruckiry (not Jon's boss), my vacation time rolls over for a year - though I don't know if it is a rolling year or a calendar year. I guess I should find out. My personal days I lose at the end of the calendar year, so I'm already planning on taking those. One of them is in two weeks!!! The other will be right before the holidays to extend my already long weekend....and to prep for the holiday party/dinner we have been hosting for the last few years.

I really don't know what to do about the party or dinner. We now have the flatware to host more folks - but still are lacking a good table to get too many folks around. So, that leaves us open (again) to the possibility of just doing casual stuff where folks load their plates and mingle.

Getting drunk is really a prerequisite. I almost insist on it. Most people who attend don't really have to be talked into it.....though at least half of them will be our house guests, so no driving for them.

There is absolutely no religious significance to the holidays for me, I'm in it for the cookies and the booze.

song by: Tom Tom Club

I Drove All Night

I left for a client site this morning before 5:00 a.m. A pain? Yes, but certainly not undoable. I should mention that it was a driving visit. The sun does not rise until 7:00 a.m., so it was pretty much two hours of total darkness.

I worked until the sun went down and made yet another trek (not all the way home) in the dark back to my hotel - 90 minutes away or so.

What dawned upon me (pun fully intended) was that driving in the pitch black in the morning seems so much different than doing the same at night.

Perhaps it is the promise of daylight that makes that drive a little more bareable. Or maybe it's the get up and go without thinking that has its advantages. The lack of any traffic is a certain plus.

But after a 14 hour day, the prospect of getting back in the car isn't all the appealing. Maybe that is why the night drive is less palatable. The possiblity of light seems so less certain, even though it will invariably arrive in 10 hours or so.

One minus about it all is the things you cannot see. You'd think I'm meaning cops who lie in wait for speeders, but you'd be wrong. I count myself lucky that though I've been stopped a few times, I have never been ticketed.

No....the things you can't see are the roadkill. Today there was a deer that had to be freshly hit. ...and it had to be hit by something big, like an 18-wheeler. A huge bloody mess - and one I missed by inches while attempting to change lanes. Had I hit it, I would have absolutely ruined my car.....and got my dress shoes all digustingly full of blood and fur as I would have had to exit onto the carcass.

No one (and I do mean no one!) laughed later when I called it the Nicole Brown Simpson of roadkill. ...but that was the first thing that came to my mind.

Yes, I know I'm twisted.



Song by: Cyndi Lauper

Record of the Month

I figured I'd do a monthly 'what I'm listening to' kind of thing. This could be viewed as a lame placeholder kind of post. And probably it is. But it's my blog! So there!

These may or may not be newly released disks. They might not even be a good disk - just what is been in heavy rotation in my car (as usually the iPod is playing anywhere else).

At face value, Raising Sand could be one of the more unusual pairings in recent musical history. Not as odd as say, Tom Waits & Crystal Gayle (seriously - you must pick up One from the Heart soundtrack!). This is more along the lines of Mark Knopfler and Emmylou Harris.

Like the latter grouping, Plant & Krauss don't really perform that many duets. Sometimes I swear they don't even appear on each others songs. To be fair - there is nothing on the external (or internal for that matter) packaging that says they do - it is just implied.

When they do perform duets (or at least harmonize more), it usually works. I really enjoy "Rich Woman", "Please Read the Letter" and "Gone Gone Gone". It would have been nice to see more of it.

There are duet missteps: "Killing the Blues" for instance. It seems Alison & Robert have drained the entire life out of this cover. If you want to hear a good take on it - check out Shawn Colvin's version from her Cover Girl disk from 15 years back or so.

I cannot say I have ever been a big fan of Robert Plant. I was the odd man out in high school - preferring Nick Lowe or the Clash to Led Zeppelin. My coolest high school friend, Colin Greenan, (here's hoping he Gooogles himself and finds this) used to play bass guitar and sing Zeppelin covers in a band, and because of him, I only had a fondness for "Communication Breakdown". But I digress.....

Plant doesn't seem to stretch that much on this outing - but what do I know when it comes to this. He's had a few different lives since Zeppelin, so did not start out as reigned in.

Krauss however finally gets to break free from the Union Station mold which has grown a little stagnant as of late. Technically the band is great, but are caught in a formulatic rut. "Sister Rosetta Goes Before Us" has influences of Greek music and she take the masculine lead on Mike Campbell's (from Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers) "Let Your Loss Be Your Lesson".

But the most mesmerizing and possibly annoying thing about the record are actually one in the same - Krauss' take on Waits' "Trampled Rose". I cannot quite explain it, but the continuous climb to and fall from the high note is a major focal point of interest to me.

For good or bad, she's slightly out of her element and I find it welcoming. She stretches her boundaries and that can only help her work with Union Station down the line.

Overall, I say it is an ok disk, but nothing more than that. I will not go as far as to say it is a wasted opportunity but perhaps a missed one - as there much more they could have done with it. When their voices do blend, it proves to be an interesting dynamic.

Mouth

Yesterday was my semi-annual dentist visit.

Yes, you all know what a baby I can be when it comes to anything teeth related. I mean, I've been much better over the last decade or so, but for some reason I was dreading this appointment.

This would have been my first one since my periodontal surgery. And because of said procedure, I have been a wuss about flossing the back teeth. Afraid I would upset the new tissue, I have not been that aggressive in my getting in there and stimulate my gums (yes, flossing isn't really for getting food out between your teeth - though I use it for that act).

I prepped for my visit by proxi-brushing, tongue scraping and a quick tooth brushing. I also performed a bilateral boogerectomy. Let's face it - you're tilted back in that chair, those people don't just have the ability to look in your mouth, but up your nose too. They do not want to see any bats in the cave.

Whatever flossing I was doing was a-ok with the doc. She thought my gums looked better than ever (phew). ..and she liked how the graft was coming along.

It was also picture day. Well, x-ray day. I got cleared on that too - no cavaties. So it was a good check-up. The above image is not actually of my teeth. All that money my parents put into orthodontia paid off, to a degree.

I always make my next appointment before I leave - and I was floored when in six months, it will be May!!! Winters here always seem to last so long, that it is hard to believe in half a year it will be warm again.

Naturally, before I walked out the door, I got my 'free' toothbrush.


Song by: Bush

SHOPPING w/BLOBBY MORTY & GEORGE

Yet another installment in the drudgery that is everyday shopping. The camera-phone makes it a bit more fun - though I get looks whenever I take pics of products. Like I care what people think!


I secede this month's shopping event to Morty & George. I cannot thank them enough for allowing me to co-opt their vacation photos (or, photo - singular - as the case may be) for my own purpose.

As they trek (and marathon) across Australia and New Zealand., they have been finding things just a bit different than in the States - driving on the other side of the road non-withstanding.

I don't know what they call 7-11 Down Under, but the road snacks they sell, according to Mort, are fizzies, lollies and chippies.

But noooooooo - they just can't have sour cream & onion chippies. They have to sell these disgusting morsels tasty edible treats!!!!!

As the tagline on the bag says: It's a Matter of Taste.

Lord, it must be.

It's a Laugh

You've seen the Naked Gun movies - right? You know - the one when "Enrico Pallazzo" sings the national anthem? Also in that movie, Frank Drebin goes to the bathroom where everyone hears him.

Comedy? Sure, I guess. Reality? Apparently.

I was presenting the last few days at a conference and eventually had to use the facilities and saw the above (and clearly took the pics too).

Ruckiry (not Jon's boss), as I've said before, I've been "blessed with a voice that carries", so I did not need a microphone - let alone a lavaliered one. No humming and urinating sounds eminated from the lav. ...as in lavatory. At least by me.

The afterwork event for this conference was dinner and a comedy club - which is almost always sure death.

Do I think I'm funny? Yeah. Yeah I do. Do I think I'm stand-up funny? No.

So it's even more painful when you see three (count 'em, three) guys who get up in succession that I think I can do better than. ....and off the top of my head. Horrible anecdotes they've been practicing and performing for years - you just know it - and still they can't make it work.

I should say, this was my perception. I saw people from my group actually wipe tears away from their eyes. They probably think Larry the Cable guy is funniest guy on earth. Or worse, Jay Leno. Afterwards, one of my docs says to me she says, "wow, you didn't even give any of them a nervous or sympathy laugh".

...and I didn't.

It baffles me: How didn't these guys know they weren't funny? And how is it the bathroom sign guys probably don't think they themselves are hilarious?


song by: Hall & Oates

If

It doesn't paint a thousand words, so that's why you can't paint me. ....or me you.

The Wonder Bread sign still lives!!! ....and we used to live under it - for about three years. The product it hawks hardly epitomizes something that should be in the heart of a place called Italian Village.

When looking at the apartment, the owner noticed me noticing the word 'FAG' spray painted on the side of the house. He claimed it was his ex getting back at him. I should have known better. Balls made of ice hit the door in the winter evenings when we were eating dinner or watching televison. And the same word that adorned the side wall eventually made its way to the bumper of my car. Though to be fair, it looked more like 'FAC'. I'm assuming the hooligans who lived down the perpendicular alley did not got As in penmanship. Another failure of the public education system.

The apartment was ok - but I'm drawn to the area most times I pass through town, not that I always act on it. Add-ons and crappily built fences make the place look like than desirable.
No one ever seems to put away their trashcans after pick-up. No pride.

The place it self had some good memories: we got Tovah when we lived there. And Tom G and I watched the 1995 World Series together there too.....even though we lost that one. Becky making her oranges with cloves in them during one sparse holiday gift giving time. I'm sure there were other good times, but I'm blanking on what they might be.

Back to the image: Only about half the time we lived there did the sign work 100% of the time. More often than not, it read 'Wonder B ad' or 'Wonder Br a ' or 'Wonder B ead' and my favourite, it sometimes even shined out 'Wonder Br ad'.

I never remember the word 'Wonder' ever having burned out letters.



Song by: Bread (get it? get it???)

The Devil Inside

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Of all the on-line quizzes I have taken - and really, there have not been that many - I have to say this might be the most accurate. Not so much about persuasive or powerful, but it's a little hard to argue with the 'temptation and addiction' part of it all. Perhaps the enslavement too - whether it be work, relationship or lifestyle.

song by: INXS