Come

We've all had cringe worthy moments, right?  

Yes, the immediate, but I'm talking when you're going about your daily business and think of something, say 18 years ago, and in your head you do a Homer Simpson "D'oh!".   And that reaction might be the best case scenario. 

Articles call it the "spotlight effect" or "cringe attacks".  I experience them weekly - probably several times. 

One, being a joke I told to my parents I heard on the playground. I doubt I was out of 5th grade - if that. 

I am me, so naturally, I thought I was HILARIOUS.  And I knew I didn't get the joke, even then. But I didn't know the depths to which I didn't get it. 

My initial "don't get" it was just not funny. But as a fourth child starved for any kind of attention, I sold that joke, like I work shopped in the Catskills for an entire season. 

I give it to you now - and you've probably heard it, as it's been a few centuries since I was in 5th grade. 

"Hey mom! Hey dad! - why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle"?

"Because he's not married!!!"     ("Because his wife is dead" is also acceptable) 

So, the pre-not getting it, was, what does bottling have to do with being married?  Like the soda, it left me a little flat. I'm thinking my parents did a polite laugh and probably changed the subject immediately. 

When I was older, I did think to myself, "do guys cum in bottles?"  I don't care if they have advanced or medical degrees. 

I'm 99% sure I never told that joke again - well, except here. 

Flash forward, 50+ years?  I stopped in a sub shop to pick up lunch after the race on Sunday. I don't get fountain drinks - as I don't drink soda, but you know, it comes with a bag of chips and a drink. I was about to go to the cooler to snag two bottles - water (for me) and diet soda for 710. 

.....and then this was right in front of me. 

I literally LOL'd. 

Now, the teen girl behind the counter probably didn't get the post-it. I'm guessing one of the guys who ran the place created it and stuck it there.  And yes, I think it was intentional.  Smiley-face and all. 

....and then I took a picture of it. 

It took 50+ years, but the joke FINALLY paid off. 

No one said comedy would be easy. 

btw.....I know I have a blog style where is almost always an image in the upper left corner. But I had to break that today. It would have killed the piece, and the surprise factor. 

Song by: Fleetwood Mac

Won't Get Fooled Again

I got this pic in a FB feed the other day.

The caption read (paraphrasing, of course): someone had come into our lake front airport and dug up the runways with Xs , as Richard Daly had done in Chicago. 

Cleveland, like Chicago back in the day, has valuable lake front property that can't be used by the public. 

Former mayors have skirted the issue of shutting it down and developing for public use. And we have a new mayor, as the last one who opted not to address it, was in office for 16 years.  The new mayor is very open to closing Burke Lake Front, which only has small planes - and some bands use it when flying into town for performing.  

Oddly, there was an article the day before this in the Plain Dealer, about how to use the land and the controversy of utilizing the acreage. 

Immediately, I sent a screen capture to 710. We ended up discussing it on our evening dog walk. The implications, the felonies, the 'how are they going to the Cessnas out of their now that they can't take off?'. 

Since it was FB, you'd think I'd read the comments, but since it is FB, I didn't. 

Turns out, had I, I would have realized it was an April Fool's joke. And a good one. As this really did happen in Chicago a few decades back, and it has been a topic in the paper the day before, it was certainly not outside the realm of possibility. 

Still, they got me. And got 710 adjacently. 

clap - clap - clap

Song by: the Who

That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore

So I heard my first Caitlyn Jenner joke yesterday. Well.....I suppose it was a Bruce Jenner joke.

I was at the car dealer having my car serviced (don't ask!), and four elderly folks - and I mean like early to mid 60s - were chatting. Two were a couple - man and woman. And then just two guys, one later I would surmise used to be a police officer.

I should probably mention I was a good 25-30 feet from them and heard every syllable they uttered.

So the police guy goes:  Why does Bruce Jenner always have his hands in his front pockets?   

....so he can feel his change. 


Cue the non-laughter........well except from these four.  Oh yes, there were a good 6-7 other people in the area as well - not including staff that was going to and fro.

I suppose these four laugh at Clint Eastwood-told Caitlyn Jenner jokes too.

Well "Bruce Jenner" jokes, I guess. Not once did any one of them call her by Caitlyn.

Mind you, I already had to endure West Virginia and sheep / bestiality jokes prior to this one. So, you can see the crowd we're dealing with. Not what I'd expect from the Mercedes Benz buying crowd.

I suppose these folks just lease.


......and then it deteriorated from there.

The woman (who has a daughter who is a nurse and two sons who are going through nursing school - oh yes, they talked talked talked talked talked) said - and I'm not kidding:

"we (meaning women) have the opportunity to wear pants. You guys can't wear dresses. I suppose he was just interested in that......but he went too far."

I actually looked up from what I was doing and looked straight at all four of them. None of them looked my way or noticed.

The words / phrases "what a shame", "waste", "unnecessary" came up.

Now, I know you know that I'm not always the most PC guy around. I like a good laugh - but it does have to be a good one. Or at least make a good logical point. This was not. And let's face it, my moral compass doesn't exactly point due north, so if I think you're wrong and insensitive, well........wow - you must really be off base.

Now, I kind of thought that police officers went through sensitivity training. Ok, I know they do. I suppose it doesn't mean they have to practice it, because clearly he took nothing away from his class. The married couple "looked" educated, but clearly it might just a look. I suppose education is an applied science.

I actually talked myself out of a learning moment for these folks. I was there first and had been waiting a half hour just to get my loaner. I didn't know how long I'd be there - or how long they would. I weighed the opportunity to give them a little 4-1-1. And while they'd probably have been stunned that someone stopped them in their tracks, I wasn't sure I could keep my outrage hidden.

I probably would devolved into questioning their son's masculinity for going into nursing. And yes, I know one doesn't have to be a gay male to be a male nurse, but if they want to work off perceptions and stereotypes, I can do that - and hit close to their glass house as I went along. Not that they'd get that was what I was doing.

And if I couldn't contain myself (and we all know I'd have gotten more and more worked up as I went on.......and on) .......I'd be forced to sit in that stupid small waiting area for what I now know would have been another 30 minutes. It would have been awkward for all involved.

I'm still kicking myself for not doing saying something...........anything - awkwardness or not.

The thing is, I don't mind with them even disagreeing with the transition, assuming they had actual facts with which to work. But Hon - Caitlyn didn't transition because as a man he couldn't wear a Lily Pulitzer dress or skorts while still having a penis.

The only shining light was when their service guy came out and told the married couple it would be better to go out to the showroom and buy a new car because they screwed theirs so badly. I don't know what they did - but it was costly. Maybe it was immediate karma retribution.

As I relayed the story to 710, he just shook his head - not so much at me, but not knowing exactly how the right way to 'confront' someone. But he also made me see, that while we are not trans, we know more about it than the average Joe - and conversations like the one I heard is where more people's heads are at than we can ever imagine.

I guess he is right. I thought (hoped?) people outside of deep red states are more enlightened than what I came across, but now I know better.



Song by:  the Smiths

South of the Border

When we went to see Avatar on January 1 (the same day I fell down and hurt my back), we were sitting waiting to see the Navi try to fight off those nasty miner/soldier of fortune types, my friend James sat there and told us a joke.

James is a great guy, and an outstanding neurosurgeon, but joke telling wouldn't be what you would call one of his strong suits. But he pulled it off flawlessly. One I had never heard and it made me laugh and laugh - perhaps due to my pain, perhaps just due to the fact I never expected him to tell a joke.

So fast forward eight months later, and I'm in Joseph Beth Booksellers and there it is: James' joke.



....and since I had nothing else to blog about today - there you go. Now it's yours to tell.



Song by: Chris Isaak