Drive

Oooooooh...........I drove my car (or any car) for the first time since mid-August.  It wasn't by choice - not really. 

Yesterday, we were supposed to have arrived in Berlin. Clearly, that did not happen. Still 710 had taken off the time, so he's stuck with me for the next week or so. We took Shep on a pic-a-nic and walked a mile or so and then headed home. 

Unfortunately, a pressure sensor said one of my tires was low. 710 tried to fill it but saw a nail.  Drats. 

He called our friendly neighbourhoold mechanic who was gracious enough to say he'd look at it, and patch it if he could; replace it if he needed. 

So, we had to do the dance of the automobiles. 710 follow me to the guy and then drive me back home after dropping off the car.  

........except.............

We go out to get my car and it won't start. The car we had just been in for a few hours - dead. All the electrical lights came on, but nothing started. Then none of the lights came on. 

Occum's Razor suggested it was the battery, but you just never know. Luckily, it was. And luckily we had jumper cables. After we got her up and running, then 710 followed me to the car fixer-upper-guy. 

Now we wait. 

With my history, it will be a new battery and new tire, but we'll see. 

On a positive note - after 39 days of not driving, I haven't seem to lost the ability to navigate a car from point A to B and not hit anything. Or be hit.   So................silver lining. 

Song by: Joe Bonamass

App of the Month

I'm going out on a limb here. 

Most of my readers are probably of a certain age - give or take 20 years. I mean, that's less than a generation, right?

It is not a criticism but you always seem to get my cultural references I throw out now and again. 

And since you're of that cohort, I'm guessing many of you play Wordle. Like me and my peeps, you might even share your scores with those special someones. At least with ours, it's never really a brag. Just informational.  1. We are alive. 2. We are awake. 3. Our cognitive skills are semi-intact. 

But Don't Wordle is a new game - not NYT sanctioned.  

If you go by the title alone, you just wouldn't play - right? But of course there is more to it. 

I'm just pulling their verbiage from their own site. Why recreate the wheel?

Don't Wordle is just like Wordle but the opposite. 

In Wordle, the goal is to guess a particular 5 letter word in 6 or fewer tries. In Don't Wordle, the goal is to NOT guess the word. 

The catch is that your word attempts must respect the information you have learned in previous guesses.

1. 🟩 - Once you place a letter correctly, then future guesses must contain that same letter in the same position 

2. 🟨 - Once you place a correct letter in an incorrect location, then future guesses must contain that letter in a different location 

3. ⬜ - Once letters have been guessed and eliminated, then you can no longer use them 

The number of valid words remaining appears at the top, and it will shrink with each guess. If the number gets too low, you can use one of your "UNDOs" to reverse course. 

Be careful! If you accidentally enter the Wordle word, the game is over even if you have some UNDOs remaining.

Or in laymen's terms:  to must lose to win. 

This is harder than it looks. 

Part is the challenge of wanting to get it wrong. Your brain is hardwired to solve the problem, not confound it. 

Wordle has a 'hard mode' which limits you from ignoring letters you've used to get to a word more quickly. I'm always in hard mode.........and yes, that's what she said. 

In Don't Wordle you don't have that choice. You can only use the letters that haven't been eliminated, and if they are in the correct place they have to stay there. 

There is a 'cheat' - and that is to eliminate a word you've used that might crush your progress. For this demonstration, I have used it, but I do think it's a cheat. I don't think it should exist.  ....but that's me. 

So I'll show you my game. 

You start like Wordle. But here it tells you how many word choices are possible. 

One word done and my remaining words are almost cut in half. 

The trick is not to use a good start word, I guess. If you choose letters / words that have say a lot of vowels, you might be shooting yourself in the foot in the word elimination sense. 

Again, I tried letters that might not work. I did make the mistake of using two vowels While none of them took, quite easily both could have - again, bring me closer to finding the word. 

Here I tried two of the same vowel. Figuring, what are the chances both would be used. And the placement was wrong, so I think I'm still alive. 

Ok. Ok. Yeah, I have four letters, but do I want that? Most are out of place, but....I have two more tries and only two more possible words. No way to not lose (or win?).   ....so I utilized the "Undo Prior Word' feature and try a different word. 

 

Better odds at 19 remaining words. 

Crud. Not good. One more chance. One more available word. 

It's like chess. You see the checkmate coming and nothing you can do. 

Though technically I could have used the 'undo' thing again.  ...but....cheating.

Blobby loses.....because he guessed the word. 

I don't know it will be a mainstay, but it's something slightly different. And it takes (me) way longer to do than Wordle. If it staves off dementia even a little bit, maybe I'll continue. 

Housebound

I have nothing. 

Well, not true. I just am not delving into anything political. It's not fun to witness. It's not fun to write about and it certainly can't be fun to read - even with my clever / funny spin on things. <eye roll emoji>. 

I'm into week 6 of being housebound - for the most part - and it's getting tedious. 

My routine has changed in one way: I have not been out of bed before 07:00 since the day I tumbled 4 u. There's no reason to. 

It's not to say I'm not awake. I do most of my NYT games before then. I do a set of PT exercises while I curse, not as much under my breath as you'd think. Then if it's a prime number day, I'll shower and then 710 helps me get downstairs where I will spend the rest of my day. 

Weather permitting, I am starting to join him and Shep on evening walks. Luckily, we have a hound who stops to smell everything, so I can almost keep up. They're not huge walks, but it gets me out. Unfortunately, it also gets neighbors to stop and take pity upon me.   ......but it's the first they've seen me in a month. Maybe they thought we go divorced - who knows. 

Four or five more days and I go to cane and things will be easier for me. In theory. 

I'm still achey here and there. I didn't ask anyone how long that would last. Or should. As I do, I overthink and wonder if I've hurt myself in my progress somehow, or if pushing six weeks still normal for even low level pain. I don't remember 1993 in regards to that.  ......and I'm 33 years older than I was back then. I could throw out my back just brushing my teeth these days.  ......and that's with an electric toothbrush!

After I start outpatient PT I know I'll ache, but that's for a working out reason. 

Either way, I'm not taking pain meds anymore. Tylenol included. Sleeping is still the most uncomfortable I get. 

710 is off the next few days, so I'll be able to get out more. That is something to which I'm looking forward. 

.....and let's be honest: while I couldn't quite find a good 'hip pain' image, the above pic could suffice though technically it's for lower back pain - and not farting lightning out your ass.  Because we all thought it. 

Song by: the Specials

Nothing Compares 2 U

Comparison is the thief of joy - or so they say. 

Last Thursday my brother-in-law had a right hip replacement. 

Unlike mine, his was planned. 

Unlike mine, he didn't have a bunch of hardware that had to be removed and have to be rebuilt from the ground up. 

My surgery took close to five hours.  His? About 85 minutes. He went into OR at 07:30 and got a text from my sister at 11:36 that they were on their way home. Well that's slightly different than my six days in the hospital. 

Oh, and was able to give up his walker after five days. I just finished week five and have another seven days to go. 

They went out to lunch two days afterwards. I spent three days in my bed without even making it downstairs. 

Yeah yeah - I get it, mine was more traumatic and everything. And I am extremely glad he doesn't have to go through what I did. 

When I had lunch with him less than a week prior to his surgery, I think he was worried he'd end up like me. I mean, not gay, but a "differently abled" guy - which I guess could be considered gay. 

While my sister hasn't measured his scar, he had minimally invasive surgery, so it's going to be a fraction of my maximally invasive one. 

He doesn't run much, but allegedly can be back on the golf course and tennis court in like two months. That's pretty good. 

I'm also guessing his bill will be a lot less than mine. That hospital room, two CTs, two xrays, some scan to make sure I didn't have DVTs, the morphine and fentanyl really add up. 

A while back I guestimated my bill would be $210,000.  I don't think the full tally is in, but so far my latest EOB has it at  $155,565.02. 

This does not include my $43 outpatient pharmacy cost or the Rocky River Ambulance Ride for another $1,246 and change. Nor does it touch my outpatient PT. I still think I can hit my goal. 

There is no joy to be thieved here. I get I'm comparing apples and kumquats. But my brother-in-law is totally crushing this one. 

Song by: the Family

Quiet

My lord, I couldn't be happier than a pig in mud. 

While clearly that is a wild exaggeration, still there is some internal satisfaction that all major new organization's tv pools have - at least for the time being - refused to cover the White House. 

I really hope it is more than for just one day because then.......why bother? 

For historical purposes - when this blog is combed over by archivists - BLOTUS banned CNN and a few other new organizations from the White House and the press corps. He all but violated the first amendment - you know, that thing in the Constitution which he held up his hand - twice! - and vowed to protect - twice!!!

Mind you, this is the same turd who, when asked on Meet the Press asked......"don’t you need to uphold the Constitution of the United States as president?”

And he replied: “I don’t know.”

Now let's be fair, I am totally surprised it has taken well into his second term to ban free speech.  Make no mistake - that is what it is. 

If he can banish three new organizations, he can banish them all. And then - poof - no free speech. 

But..........he is just an egomaniac, that once he sees yesterday's footage where there were zero microphones on him and no one hearing a fucking syllable he said. But lord, what fucking bliss. His lips moving and not one fucking sound. 

........I'm guessing he might rescind his little tirade. 

Though it's him. He could just as easily double down and hire his own media crew. Pravda II. 

To be honest, I am a bit surprised that CBS and FOX both landed on the side of not covering. Bari Weiss must be fuming and firing people right and left. 

This action doesn't work if it's for a day. It has to remain in place until he caves. Honestly, it can't be like a senior high school class walk out to protest something and they're back in the school the next day with nothing changed. 

For that, I do not hold out hopes. But for the moment, I'll take what I can get. 

Song by: Paul Simon

My Music Monday

If I'm being honest, I'm doing today's selection "can't wait" by ANDY (yes, upper and lower case mean nothing anymore) for the video, not the song. 

I was hoping it would be for the song and what was supposed to be a eye raising and potentially controversial video. 

I'm not sure it's either. 

It's Heated Rugby. 

The same stealthy moves that imply things more than shows anything. 

The locker room scene makes little sense. People dressing to play, undressing to shower, lifting or biking in the middle of the room?  The guy taking a selfie of himself is the most realistic thing about that first part. 

As for the Heated Rivalry parts, you know, lots of good lighting where you almost see something but really do not. 

All could be forgiven, and could have worked well, if the song wasn't so lightweight and forgettable. 

I guess that's why ANDY (whomever he may be) needed a good video. 

Beast

It's a sad day when your older sister has to send you a text about the FBI and bestiality. 

There are some words you just don't want to hear come out of a relative's mouth. 

I thought she was joking with whichever meme was sent, but she went on to try to tell me something about Kash Patel and not discriminating against FBI agents (or applicants?) and bestiality. 

I am SO in the dark here. 

How does this even come up?  Like............ever? 

Is this on their annual performance reviews?  The FBI application?  Their background checks? 

And if it is on the application, are there check boxes to designate what kind of animal(s) with which you've had "relations"?

I get that this FBI is now competing for people who normally would be working the afternoon shift at Popeye's, but I think you would want agents who, I dunno, aren't violating laws in multiple states. But again, this is a BLOTUS FBI. Rules don't apply - as long as you ignore January 6th. 

J. Edgar Hoover wearing an a-line dress is nothing compared to what we are seeing today. I mean, unless it was with a wedge heel, of course. 

The predictions of Rick Santorum* have come home to roost......and Ghostbusters**.  Rick just didn't think it would be with his own party. 

I dunno - is this another distraction from what else is going on?? 

At this point I don't know what isn't a distraction from the Epstein files. War. The Kennedy Center. the Reflecting Cement Pond. The East Wing. That female diaper cleaner-upper lady that he may or may not be fucking (as if he could still have "relations"). 

On an unrelated note:  if the BLOTUS family is so wealthy - why would anyone from Russia be paying for BLOTUS Jr.'s wedding?  

Oh yeah, add that one to the distraction list. 

Have I mentioned how much I hate this place? 

*"In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be."

**"Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... MASS HYSTERIA!"

Song by: Karen O

Standing on the Edge

This mostly housebound thing is getting really really really old. I finally went out on a partial walk with 710 and Shep. The sidewalks around us are more uneven than the ones on which I tripped and fell - but now it's with navigating a walker over them. 

Bother. 

So, while I offered to watch Bailey while my brother-in-law got a new hip - like I said, it's contagious - I thought I'd get pics of their dog at our house. No such luck. 

Due to that, it's just a Shep day today. 

Happy Dog on a weekend car ride. 

Lake view. 

Blobby was planted at a picnic table while 710 and Shep hiked the ridge. 

Daycare pick up with 710. 

Hanging with pops #2. 

And a rare IG appearance at daycare. 

He IS in the Goodest Boy Club! Founding member!

Song by: Paul Young

When I Grow Up (to be a Man)

Do I care that Chris Gallant, a democrat running on Long Island, posed consensually years ago for some adult-like photos? 

I do not. 

Should I?  

A better question. 

I've made tons of fun of Melanoma showing her beaver to the world in her nudes.  ......though Gallant isn't nude. And she wasn't running for anything. So it's a little hypocritical of me to say nothing here.

But - the GOP thinks she the classiest first lady ever and has never given her public guff for those images, so they seem - shock! - a lot of hypocritical of Gallant. 

And this is Long Island who brought the GOP George Santos - in drag. And his 1,097 lies.  .....that we know of. 

I'll give Gallant this, he's not backing down and addressing it head on. 

What I haven't heard him say is:  at least I didn't sexually traffic or rape underage girls, nor have I been accused of it - unlike a lot of other people in Washington that the DOJ is doing absolutely nothing about. 

Honestly, why not?  Draw a line in the sand. 

If they're bringing up "unsavory" things, then fuck:  fire back. Even if it's just calling others out for being complicit in covering up for sex offenders and rapists.  

My biggest problem with the picture is the collar and leash. 

I don't want some fucking sub to be my rep.  I need a leader. 

Song by: the Beach Boys

My Oh My

Kind of sucks to be Ed Sheeran right about now. 

....and I kind of don't care. 

One, I'm sure I've heard a song of his, but couldn't tell you what it was titled or could identify one if my life depended on it. He reaped what he sowed. 

Mind you - he's blaming the cancelling of Macklemore on the promoter, and while that might be true, had he stepped up the promoter and fucking sex trafficker wanna be, Robert Kraft, would have backed down. 

OR, Ed could have picked up his marbles and told Kraft to go fuck himself.   .....but he didn't. 

.....and then Sheeran's own band quit and all his opening acts did the same. 

Again, don't know his music, but him alone there with a guitar and a stadium full of people seems like an underwhelming performance. 

And all because Macklemore supports a free Palestine. 

That's it. 

He did not say he supported Hamas. He did not say anything antisemitic - at least that I have heard. 

I truly don't get this and I've said it before.  You can be pro-Palestine and anti-Hamas.  You can be pro-Israel and anti-Netenyahu.  

Zionist / Zionism is also tossed around a lot. There are enough branches of that as their political parties in Israel. 

Zionism is political and ideological movement advocating for the self-determination and existence of a sovereign Jewish state in Israel. Some factions welcome and honor a two-state system. Some would like to take back all of the land. 

To lump Zionists into a single pot is exactly what just about everyone is doing with Palestine, Israel and Jews.  ....and you can't. People and beliefs don't fit neatly into one bucket. That's not how it works. And this is where the line gets very blurry on antisemitism. 

I believe both Israel and Palestine have a right to exist. And except for hundreds of years of being butt-hurt on both fronts, why they can't do it side by side. 

Yes, I'm a dreamer. 

What Palestine should be pissed about is that we, the US, funds Israel and their war effort. We have taken sides - if nothing else financially, which equals casualties.   ....and we are about to provide them 60,000 (!!!!) MORE 1-ton bombs. 

Without our funding and weapons, Palestine and Israel would almost have to get along. Neither would have the resources to actually fight. 

But anyway - Sheeran could have done something good with all of this. Instead, he said nothing at all, except to call Israel - Palestine a "conflict". 

Honey, a conflict is what your band had with you before they walked out. That he couldn't stand up to a promoter who would have lost everything if he said he won't go on, it would have been a blip in the news paper. 

The only great thing about it is - Kraft is back to being tied to Jeffrey Epstein in the news. Silver lining people........silver lining. 

Song by: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

Dead Man Walking

Well, I stand corrected on Moscow Mitch being dead..........

.......or do I? 

I don't even think it's an animatronic version of McConnell. The imagineers at Disney could have easily built something much more lifelike with smoother human movements than what we see here.

Do we think Mitch really had the ability to vote for anything??  Do we truly think he even has the cognitive ability to understand whatever the might might have been for?  I don't know if they press buttons for their votes or if they're verbal - but either way, he can't do it. I'm not quite sure a proxy can move the levers and such for him. 

The man has voted against paid time off and healthcare access. In theory (ha!) he should be ashamed to show his face at the Capitol. But the GOP doubles down on hypocrisy so I don't even know why I'm remotely surprised. 

Well, I hope whatever he has is painful with every breath and every movement. I hope he shits himself in that chair as often as BLOTUS does - and I love that one of his staffers has to clean it up. 

FUCK HIM. 

Song by: Mary Chapin Carpenter

Predictable

My lord - there is always a tweet. 

Always the telling, hypocritical tweet. 

First - I want to say, save for a reference in my 9/11 post and 12 of 12, I really haven't done a political post for over a month. 

That might be the upside to my accident and subsequent surgery. Silver lining, and all. I still feel I should be commended. 

I've only seen the headlines of BLOTUS' not so secret bribe to the American people. And I only 0% believe him. But the intent is there, even if the $5000 goods are not. 

Listen, I'm still waiting for my DOGE check and some other bullshit stimulus one too. I've based my entire retirement years on those two checks!   ........said just about everyone in Mississippi, Arkansas and Alabama. 

But since the GOP is so adamant about fiscal responsibility, they'd be willing to add over a TRILLION dollars to an already increasing debt. 

Granted, headlines are just that, but I have yet to see one from any Republican saying 'we can't / shouldn't be doing that'. 

It doesn't really matter, as I assume beside it wouldn't be paid no matter what, but that there is fine print somewhere? 

What I saw was "if Republicans win", US adults would get 5k. 

It didn't say if the majority wins. Or if they keep the House and Senate. They said "if Republicans win".

I'm guessing a big fat fucking asterisk will show: if one state representative, who is republican, doesn't win their seat, there are no checks.  One dog catcher loses their race, you're not getting the check you weren't already getting anyways.  They now just have justification for it and then still keep the House and Senate due to a pseudo bribe. 

BLOTUS is saying paying for votes doesn't need congressional approval. And who knows - is that a thing, that rigged elections need congressional yays and nays? 

We are less than two months from the mid-terms and I have no inkling one way or the other that things are going for or against us. 

On an odd note, Ohio's Secretary of State mailed out our requests to do a mail-in vote. 

The odd thing?  Usually you have to request those and then they send them out. And what red state is unsolicitedly offering you to do mail in voting? HE is against mail-in voting. It all seems fishy. 

Don't get me wrong, we will get our absentee ballots, but we physically and personally drop them off. We don't put a stamp on them. I'm not trusting the postmaster general to help anyone out when it comes to democracy. 

Since polling is just down the street, I'm considering not doing mail in and just walking down and casting my ballot. Not that it is any less rigged. 

I'm so disillusioned, I just don't trust the system. 

Song by: the Kinks

My Music Monday

Whoo-Hoo......new music. 

The War on Drugs has a new song out, which precedes a new album in the near future. And it's about time. 

"Who's That" (there was no question mark in the title), came out this past Wednesday. 

Big fan of the group and I haven't played the song a lot. It doesn't stray far from their style. 

I say "their", but Adam Granduciel is the face, voice and writer of the group. Technically there are others, though this video won't prove that. 

They are indie rock for sure, usually with some interesting guitar work behind it all. 

Granduciel has a bit of a Dylan thing going on vocally - Bob, not Thomas. Even for him, "Who's That" the vocals are a bit muddied. I wish the mix were better. 

Granted it is new to me, so we will see how it grows on me. 

12 of 12

So I'm doing my 197th 12 of 12.

Normally it is 12 pictures taken on the 12th of the month. Since I only post once per day, you get my images the following day. All pictures taken with my iPhone. Click images to enlarge, if you choose.

Created by Chad Darnell and picked up from, what I can tell, any number of random bloggers who then link back to him and vice versa. Chad is no longer doing this, nor is successor coordinating the linking of other 12 of 12'ers anymore

07:01. Wake-up. 

To be even quasi-comfortable, I have to sleep with a pillow between my legs. 

07:32. Walker and Crutch. 

How Blobby navigates the stairs. 

07:38. Only so much oatmeal I want. Some days I have to switch it up. 

09:21. PT session avec dog. 

11:46. Yes, for the next two weeks I still need a shower chair. 

Actually, probably eight weeks.  I can't bend more than 90 degrees for 12 weeks total. 

12:02. Sneak Peak. 

Top of my scar. 

12;37. First time out of the house in SEVEN days. 

We met my sister and brother-in-law for lunch. It was great. Just forgot to get a pic. 

14:39. We stopped at Penzey's Spices on way home. 

They cost more, but they troll the fuck out of BLOTUS so I will pay more. 

This was a free spice kit they sent back with us. Read the red text. 

14:58. Oh - 710 forgot to load the walker into the car on the way to lunch. 

It was leaning against the car when we left, this is where it was found upon getting home. 

15:44. Reading one of two books. 

I should know better than to try two books at the same time. Both very different. 

17:50. Shep gets fed by the grabber. 

20:08.  P.M. Dolls

Hey, it's down from 11 to this. More go away in a week. 

So Tired

Better pics this week. Still only one by me, but that's ok. 

Being at home almost 24 / 7 is kind of a pain. Monday - Friday from 08:00 - 16:00 is a bit lonely, but I'm surviving. I can't keep Shep home because I can't walk him and lord knows I am not allowed to bend down to pick up his poop. 

Two more weeks and two days.  ......but who's counting???

This about sums it up for me these days.  Dog and my walker. 

Bailey after being boarded for five days. 

It's difficult to catch her when she's quiet. 

I miss having a cat. 

Lord that tongue. 

Song by: Eric Clapton

Lies

I had to check, but it's been five years since I touched on 9/11. 

It is not that I care to just because it's the 25th anniversary of. 

It is fucking BLOTUS. 

You know I'm not reading or watching news, but I've seen the social media shit about him saying something about how he was down at ground zero....rescuing people, or was rescued, or both or some such bullshit. 

I guess I want to know - as ANY new organization called "bullshit" on this?  Big or small outlet - I don't care. 

I know this is nothing new - he says outrageous things and people either don't challenge him or start to take it as "it's just him" which morphs into: it's a fact. 

I would LOVE someone in the media to say "liar".  ANYONE.  I'm kind of relying on you for an answer, because I don't want to do an Alta Vista search. 

The second part is Mamdani. 

Honestly, I might marry that man if I could. 

Do people really think out of the 2700+ people who died on 9/11 that the hijackers were the only Muslims who died? Out of all the people in the towers, the planes, the Pentagon or on the ground that no Muslims were killed on that day?  And that because Zohran is Muslim he has no right to be there? 

Again, if we are stereotyping all religions, then aren't all Catholics pedophiles? With that logic, it stands to reason. People are fucking loons.

Guliani, who I thought was supposed to be on death's door, has come back to ridicule the mayor?  But holy fuck - 170,000 released pages on Guliani and Bloomberg scorching the earth from where they stood regarding known (and surppresed) air quality issues in Manhattan after 9/11 was his response!  Taking zero prisoners. 

Again - can I marry this guy?  He is my fucking hero. 

I had to lay off social media (I know, I keep trying) only because the feed brings so many plane / twin tower shots and aftermath. I can't really deal with it all. 

I shan't turn on the tv to watch any might be televised ceremonies, but I am glad Manmdani isn't backing down and going. I have no skin in this game, but I am all for it. 

....though honestly, I'd give him $1,000,000 that in the middle of any speech he gives to yell "Allahu Akbar" just to fuck with everybody.    .....and then go, "jk". 

Song by: Linda Ronstadt

Inside My Head

I admittedly am not timely sometimes about reading my comments. 

I'm the actor who says he doesn't watch his own movies. I'm the musician who claims to never to go back and listen to their music. I don't often go back and read my own posts after I draft them. I probably should - I'm sure I'd catch a ton of typos. 

But I did read the comments yesterday about my mental health. 

I want to assure you, it's at the top of my mind. Probably 710's too.

Besides seeing my ortho-oncologist the other day, I also "saw" my shrink. 

That is in quotes because it was just an audio call. Due to my lack of mobility, driving a half hour to see him seemed impractical and he agreed to a video session, but he couldn't get his end of zoom to work, so we just talked. 

Correction: I just talked. 

Correction: Babbled. 

g-d love him, but he starts each session with "what's going on......?".  He opened the barn door, so this is kind of on him. 

Though I messaged him while still in the hospital, it was just a head's up that I would probably bottom out about not being able to run. That was the last he heard of me. He didn't know until two days ago about the panic attacks, the conversations I was having with no ones,  my inability to focus or anything. Trust be told, he didn't even quite know about why I was hospitalized. 

He didn't know about my inpatient psych consult. 

So it was a Blobby free-for-all. 

I acknowledged this, the babbling. The stream of consciousness. It was more about my current feeling of inadequacies than my inability to run. While I am contributing a bit to the household, it's not a lot. I found ways to make my grabber be able to feed the dog, so.....one less thing on 710's list. I can shower on my own, freeing him up a little.  If he brings me all the implements and ingredients, I can at least prep dinner. 

Some normal behaaviour is returning, so he (and I) thought this would help with things. He told me what almost every single person in the hospital told me:  breathe. 

During so many tests, procedures and moving me, I literally held my breath thinking it would help. They'd literally notice I wasn't breathing and have to talk me through it. He was telling me to do the same - literally and metaphorically. 

I thought the panic attacks had stopped as it had been a week or more after getting home. But I had three in quick succession a few days prior to the call. None since. 

While I have joked about this making me feel and look older, from my ramblings the other day, I think it unlocked some issues on aging with which I've just kind of buried. The joke is, it might not be a joke.  ....and no one is laughing. Least of all me. 

Don't get me wrong, I'll still joke about it, just know it's probably deep seeded fear about my mortality, or something like that. 

To be good, we are moving sessions closer together for the time being, which is fine. I think things will be better once I can do some work or get off the fucking sofa. 

As I told my doc, I still think the shoe about not running and possibly the inability to run will drop at some point. I think there are too many balls in the air with recovery to be at that place just yet, but I know it will happen. 

Hopefully we will both be ready for that thud.

Song by: Radiohead

So Hip it Hurts

"There he is - the man, the myth, the legend who walked down Lake Rd on a broken leg......"

....said my doctor as he came into my exam room yesterday. 

I corrected him. "For alliteration sake, I believe you mean, "the man, the myth, the moron'".

He didn't correct me. Nor should he have. 

I had my three week post-op visit with my surgeon. It went ok. Nothing completely out of the ordinary. I'm not exemplary in my recovery, nor am I a cautionary tale - except for maybe how to run. Or how not to. 

My dressing came off permanently. Yay. One less thing to worry about or to get in the way of showering at the very least. Disposable stitches will disappear on their own over time. 

He likes where I am in range of motion at this point and time, though I told him how sore I am with my latest physical therapy exercises. So he had me do some, but man they hurt. 

He went on to tell how shocked the muscles are from the fall. The impact went through the muscles, the cartilage, fascia and then bone and back out the other side of those layers. He said it will take some time to "wake up" the muscles. 

I had started to go over my surgical notes, and while I'm not squeamish, I opted to pause reading when they said something about using a "band saw".  I'm sure at some point I'll go back and read it all. Right now, there is too much PTSD for me. 

That OR must have been like an auto body shop - me up on the lift with drills, saws and whatnot working away on me. And a robot. I know some of the surgery was done robotically. 

Not that it crossed my mind or worried me, but after taking out the nine screws they did do pathology on them. It never occurred to me why. Since they had them, they looked for any sign of cancer that might have returned. It has not. All clear. 

We didn't even bother talking the future that wasn't my next visit. Three weeks before I can drive. Three weeks before I can give up the walker. Three weeks before I can work. Three weeks before I can start outpatient physical therapy. Then another three months of that - and still limited movement until December. 

Most likely at beginning of next month I will move to a cane, but only for a short while. The cane doesn't make me look nearly as addled as a walker. At least I don't have tennis balls on the walker.............yet. 

Today is my last home PT. I'll still do exercises twice per day until outpatient starts. I move better than I did. I ache less than I did. There is still weird transitions on the stairs from walker to crutch and back. 

I do reflect back on how worse this all could have all been. While I'm 97% sure I didn't lose consciousness, it could have been easy to do - along with a concussion and losing some teeth. It's the silver lining, I guess. The idea of oral surgery is much worse to me than a new hip. 

So........progress, I guess. 710 loves how far I've come, but I feel he's just placating me to a degree. He's trying to keep my spirits up - and for that it's appreciated. I'm not saying it's doing the job, but I recognize the effort. 

Honestly, this first three weeks have kind of wizzed by. I'm hoping the next three do as well. 

Song by: ABC

Shakin'

Technically summer is not over. 

But to many, Labour Day equates to summer coming to an end. These are not glass half full people.

My summer ended a few weeks back, so what the fudge do I know.

710 is good about getting me out and about. Weekends we get in the car - he is driving, so no worries - grab the dog and go somewhere. 

At first it was just for a drive. But then we started getting out of the car. He'd walk the dog while I walk / rolled to a bench to sit and wait for them. I'd get some "walking" time in, get some vitamin D - which MyChart says I'm below normal - and watch the world go buy until their return. 

Labour Day weekend here has been about perfect. Mid-70s. Few clouds. Little humidity. Good time to be out.

Yesterday we were out close to my parent's house. It is the closest I'd been that way for almost seven years. I had to do the math. Hard to believe my mother has been gone that long already. Je had no desire to drive by the house or anything, but I was in the mood for Dairy Island. 

As you can see, it's a bit more than a hut that operates May - September each year. It's been like that for 60 years. I'm 90% sure the only updates they've done is maybe a GFCI outlets. Though logic dictates at some point in six decades they had to repair the roof at least once. 

While it is 1.5 miles from where I grew up, I can also tell you it's the first time in 30 years (at the very least.....possibly 40) that I've stopped there. As a child I remembered loving their vanilla milkshakes. I'm guessing their biggest seller was the swirled soft served dunked in fast drying chocolate fudge. I was never a fan. 

Shep and 710 had hiked a bit in the woods beforehand, while I did some parking lot walking waiting for them. Afterwards, I said, "let's stop and Dairy Island" and 710 almost never denies my request. I didn't need a milkshake for sure, but I wanted one. 

Part of me was hoping they'd already be closed for the season so I wouldn't induldge, but they weren't, so milkshakes were obtained. 

As a youth - you had your choice of chocolate or vanilla.  Dairy Island was not 31 Flavours. They didn't even have strawberry. There weren't a ton of choices this go round either, but more for sure. I settled on a cookies and creme. 

Obvi - 710 had to go order and get it, while Shep and I waited in the car. 

The thing was well priced for the size. It was pretty big (that's what she said!). Honestly, I finished half of it before I was full. 

Not to worry, the rest went in the freezer for a later time. I'm not a monster. 

But this might have only been my first or second shake of summer. 

So.......maybe it is over after all. 

Song by: Eddie Money

My Music Monday

Maybe I should have a music theme for the month. 

New music is too unreliable due to release dates and me actually stumbling across them. What little time I was spending in my car and listening to XM has been reduced to 0. 

So we are still on iTunes Roulette.  

10th song that pops up is what you get. And this time it's the Watkins Family Hour and their take on Warren Zevon's "Accidentally Like a Martyr".

Zevon wrote great music. Linda Ronstadt has said it is one of her biggest regrets not recording the song when given the chance, but I swear I heard a version by her well before hearing Zevon sing it on his 1978 disc, Excitable Boy. 

Either way, the Watkins Family Hour has a nice take on the tune with its stripped down style - Americana or Bluegrass.......whatever you want to call it.