Mistaken For Strangers

I know I have blogged about this before - but it's time for an update.

In the past, I've let you know of some sap who doesn't know his own name and continues to use an older email address of mine. Back in 2010 I replied to one of this guy's ex-girlfriends. And just a little over a year ago, I replied on an e-vite for all to see why I wouldn't be coming to a party.

I've tried to be "nice" - honest. It hasn't worked.  I've tried to be rude - still nothing. I even pretty much ditched Yahoo - though I haven't deleted the accounts. I just moved everything over to gmail. Yet on at least a weekly basis, I get email for this guy.

So I'm taking another approach. Instead of being rude, now I'm just being a dick.

He signed up for flying lessons at a certain date and time. I got the confirmation. And I waited. Weeks, even. Until two days before his lesson - then I replied back to cancel it. I wanted to wait until there was too little time to contact him another method, hoping he'd just show up and they'd given his time away and hopefully still retain his deposit for late cancellation.

Today, at 12:30 he has an appointment with a decorator. He had the choice between 12:30 or 16:30. I assumed he might be able to cut his day short if he had the 16:30 and meet with her. But 12:30 would be inconvenient and right in the middle of the day. Mind you - he doesn't even know about the appointment times let alone the one I confirmed. So she'll be waiting there for him. And waiting.....and waiting.

I got actual legal paperwork on expanding his property lines and asking if everything was in order. I ok'd it and said to just charge him whatever the going rate was - hoping the specifications on the deed were inaccurate, but he'd be stuck with it.

I've gotten a $200 Amazon gift e-card sent my way.  ...and was nice enough not to use it.  (so I'm not pure evil - am I?)

I got a work presentation from him boss - his fucking boss, who doesn't know his email address - asking for him to make changes to the presentation. I replied I would if I could find the time. I can only imagine how that follow-up conversation went.

Apparently he's looking for a new car. Should the dealer contact me, I will tell him the make and model for him to order and I'll be in to sign the paperwork when it arrives. Obviously with no intention of doing so - and not just because he lives in Texas.

And still - not a peep from one person. Off all the times I've fucked with these people, or asked them to contact this guy,  another method to say he was providing the wrong email - I got zero responses. ZERO.   (Ok, maybe one from a Mercedes dealer - who apologized then immediately put me back on their mailing list.)

So now I got actual bank documents on all his fucking financials and two account numbers. Emailed. From the bank. Unencrypted.

This is where I was rude and a dick.  ....because the two aren't mutually exclusive.

I actually replied - and cc'd all, since a number of bank personnel were included - and let forth a revelation, a request and a diatribe, all sprinkled with a load of expletives.

I told them THEY might want to reach out to their stupid fucking customer to let them know he's giving out the wrong email address. I let the bank themselves know that I was pretty sure they released information I'm sure their client wouldn't want someone else to have - and that I had opened and viewed all material.

I have to believe a few bank employees on that email took at least a small dump in their pants.

No, mind you, they're not about to admit fault to me, least of all in print, but all I got back was a comment about my 'colorful choice of words' and an apology that they must have mistyped the email address.

I did one more follow-up with them - restating (because I already had mentioned) that this was more a case of their customer not giving them proper information and to let him know since I didn't have his contact info.

But to do that, they'd have to admit to their customer the breach in personal information. I never got another response back from the bank, nor have I heard from the dickweed himself.

Honestly, I have no idea how to get to a guy like this.

So - let's break it down:  Bank. Property. Investment Property. Utilities. Church. High School. College. Friends. Weddings. Bachelor Parties. Parties. Hobbies. Hired Vendors.

All I need now are his medical records (though I do have their OB/GYN info) to make my - uh, I mean his - identify theft complete.

But they don't care. No one cares.

Forget about government oversight / spying. Forget about Target, JP Morgan, etc. These people are just handing me the info - no effort required.


Fear me.




Song by: the National

Send Her My Love

I am so over Yahoo.

'tis sad, I still have a Yahoo account which has acted as my primary personal email address since the mid-90s. Oh sure, I have others - one for professional correspondence, and because I'm a schmuck, I wasn't about to let anyone get my name in Outlook before me, so I snagged that too.

Not that I've ever used the Outlook account, but that's not the point now, is it?

I did not snag my preferred-name gmail account when I had the chance, so I got a lesser version of that - and it's been a problem. But so had my Yahoo account email.

First off - Marissa Mayer & Co have really done nothing to improve the mail system. They tried to mimic certain gmail aspects, but have failed miserably. Also, often - several times per day - things just clock trying to get into an email, let alone to craft a response or send. I'm done.

...or on my way to being done.

Also, I've mentioned, way in the past, of some of my email accounts getting a stream of messages meant for another guy. No, I have no idea who said "guy" is. Or guys.

It's possibly two different ones.  Or one guy has moved between Texas and Connecticut.

The best I can come up with is his name is Richard.  The email mistake might be explainable if my email address were just my first initial and last name, but it's not. It's my full first name - which, by the way, is not Richard.

Sure I've been called Dick....or "a" dick...often, but it's not my given name.

I've had water bills forwarded to me. I've had church bbq invites sent my way. I've seen his notification of his rental property being flooded. I have gotten high school reunion announcements. I have seen major planning for a bachelor party for a cabin in the Rockies.

There is maintenance to be had on his Mercedes (the only thing in common we share besides a Y chromosome). There are school functions for his kids that need tended to. And if I'm getting this right, another kid on the way - if the OB/GYN emails are any indication.

Years ago, "I" even had an ex-girlfriend try to get back together with "me". I think that's the one I wrote about here years ago - as clearly they were so close she didn't even have his correct fucking email address.

That last one was my first breaking point. "Richard" might have emailed her back saying "he" wasn't interested in her anymore, as "I" was now into guys.  ...but if there were any brothers like her at home....

"Richard" never got another email from her again.....unless she got his new address.

It should be noted that I have tried doing the noble thing and emailing the school, the car dealer, the bank, the water company, the rental manager, the OB - all for nothing.  The car dealer was the only one to respond, said they'd fix the problem and then promptly restarted their chain of shit for service.

My second breaking point might have been a week or two ago and it might have been in the form of the e-vite you see in the upper image.

Oh, I was going to ignore it. Honest.  But then two or three more emails for him showed up, about lord knows what, just tipped me over the edge and I replied to the e-vite.

I responded that I would not be attending with the added comment that may have gone something like: "fuck no, I would NEVER attend. I've always hated that bitch!"

What? Too harsh?

Once again, no one ever responded.  What does a boy have to do to garner some (any) kind of response from people?  I'd at least expect a "fuck off" - but no. Nothing.

Anyhoo - I've secured a new, better gmail address. I just have to import my contacts over and start transitioning things as needed.  g-d, I hope it goes smoothly.   ....and then the slow dumping of Yahoo. For good.



Song by: Journey

Thin Man

So, lucky me, I was the subject of an email exchange yesterday between "our group".

Jon started it with: Does anyone else think this (illegal) Steve Jobs action figure looks a little too much like Blobby?

This is the (in)action figure.

Poor Mr. Jobs. Look at those arms and wrists, he must have been a Thalidomide baby. So, that's one difference have. That and about $7 billion dollars.

Morty's reply was: Skinny and holding an iPhone - duh!

It's true, I have my iPhone most everywhere I go, save the gym shower. And depending who is in there, I'd consider taking it.

Becky immediately chimed in with: Not nearly skinny enough.

And just to include Meredith in this, because she loves to be in the blog, she says: Good point.

Jon remained mum on my weight - the bastard!

So I am at, or about, my optimal weight. 182. Or 183. I could go down to 180 and feel good about myself - and I think it helps with the definition I'm trying to achieve. Less fat, more muscle. It's science!

For the record, I do wear my glasses, the readers anyway, a top my head the way the left Steveo is doing. I do own a black mock turtleneck and jeans, but I don't remember ever wearing them together. And if I did, I wouldn't wear white tennis shoes with them. I see that look and feel like doing Johnny's lines from Airplane. "Ohh...those shoes! And that dress!!!

I also don't pace and talk at the same time.

I also don't have that much hair and I'm not that grey.............yet

And yes, I might be thinner than I was, but no one is mistaking me for "skinny" - and I achieved it by not getting liver cancer! So there!

Yeah, Stevie J was a Buddhist, so there's a chance he might be reincarnated and come back to torture me for that last jab. I'll take my chances.


Song by: Suzanne Vega

Don't Toss Us Away

No, I'm not being evicted or foreclosed against. g-d, that would be horrible, no?

Well it is going to be horrible for someone in Texas.

Remember a while back when I told you all about the emails I've been getting by all these folks who think I'm someone of a similar name, who resides in TX? Apparently my cruel note - to um....whatever her name was - didn't make it over to Charlie Someone who clearly manages properties for "me". ....at least that's my take away.

If you do remember from a my previous tale, I would get notes about water leaks and such, so I think "I'm" a landlord of some kind. ....and apparently Kevin W on Pearl Street has not kept up to date on his rent or utilities. Tsk tsk, Kev.

These transgressions are going to find you out on the streets if you don't pony up the $756.71 you owe "me" by COB on the 12th of May. You've been an iffy tenant since last August and it looks like you're gonna lose both your apartment and $1000 security deposit.

I suppose "I" could notify Charlie, the property manager, or "me" and let them know that "I" don't know this is going on. But again, my take on it is this: if you had half a brain in your head(s), you'd know this wasn't getting to "me" time and time again.

Since this is the way "I" run my business and relationships, "I" kind of have what's coming to "me".


Song by: Lone Justice

I'm Not the Man

I almost typed, "I'm a patient man....", but then I caught myself and started laughing.

While it is a great opening line, it couldn't be farther by the truth.

I have my moments, I'm sure. Take the last three or four years. I continue to get emails to my non-Blobbysblog address for someone of a similar, but not same exact, first name. To be clear, my first name is in the email address.

This guy alter-ego of mine lives in Texas. I get his invites to Baptist BBQs. I know that he has a water leak in one of his properties that is causing havoc. I (he) have been asked to attend reunions, parties, events and outings.

His (my) non-response to these events must either be making him horribly unpopular for not participating, or they all think he's got some dementia going on with not remembering getting an invite they know they had sent.

Before you condemn me, I have sent a number of responses back and number of times each - and never once got a "oh sorry..." or "thanks for letting me know....". Nope, I just continue to get his emails.

So imagine my glee when he (I) got a new email the other day that I've been sitting on - not 100% sure what to do with as of yet. I think I'm going to play the role of troublemaker. First, let me give you some snippets of the email:

When they spilt, they stopped talking hanging out or being apart of each others lives …it made me sad because it made me think of us, naturally seeing as our recent situation, and how I missed us being friends. You have been a big part of my life since I have been in college and have been a great friend to me. I know things have to be different now that we aren’t dating....,

and

Lately, people having been asking me if we are getting back together—and I’m sure you have gotten this too—but I simply don’t have an answer for them.

I think I (he) might reply to Caroline, who is so close with her ex-boyfriend that she doesn't even know his correct email address. And he (I) might have an answer for 'them'.

Caroline, while I have enjoyed the time we spent together, I realized that you are just not the one for me. I don't see how we can ever date again, nor even be friends. Each relationship comes with an expiration date and ours has long since passed. And while this is no reflection on you, I wouldn't feel right not telling you that I am currently seeing someone else. In another setting, I really think you and Hank would get along - as you are so much alike.

Take care and be happy in all you do.


I'm guessing that will either stop all the emails in the future, or completely flood my mailbox. There's probably no in between.


Song by: 10,000 Maniacs