One, I had to do something other than hobble around the house on a cane. Another was to visit my friends. The last was to cheer on folks I knew running the Columbus Marathon.
I thought this would be fun and a way to participate in the marathon season, since I cannot physically run.
This last weekend had the Kansas City, Detroit and Columbus marathons. I knew people participating in all of them, but Columbus seemed more doable to me. And there'd be friends, drinks and friends. Oh, and dogs!
I knew people running the full and half marathon in Columbus, so I had a plan to be near the split to see half folks come in and full to go on their second half. Then I'd head out to mile 23 to see the full folks (again).
There were reasons for this as well. The back half of the Columbus run is sparse with supporters. I ran miles last year without seeing a person not associated with the race. And at mile 23, there was a brewery that was open - so........yay! And a friend of a friend was the DJ at this brewery. I've met him, and I can certainly say we are acquaintances but someone would be there to support him as well.
The weather could not have been better. And Becky showed up at the second stop where we just chilled - and I would clap for the runners. I know, from personal experience, while they don't always acknowledge it, the support is extremely welcome and helpful to the runners. Especially at 23, where people hit walls (metaphorically, that is) and hopefully hear some words of encouragement. That's what I was trying to do for them.
It felt good to be a part of it.
Until it didn't.
Envy and Jealousy started to creep in. And I mean, via a big-assed revolving door.....with a reception inside where they could mingle for hours. And did.
Curiosity got to me for the folks running and I had trackers on multiple racers and races. And then when I was back at Georty's I made a huge mistake of looking at my running peep's FB posts. It turns out you can be hugely proud of people while simultaneously being hugely resentful. (see Envy and Jealousy.)
I finally clicked my lid shut (and took a nap) when seeing a guy in a group to which I belong - the Slow AF Running Group - who had the nerve to bitch about his 4 hr 3 min race. Yes, it's not elite level, but it's not slow either. By this point there was no pride and just resentment.
On the plus side, I knew it was happening and why. I wasn't sure how to regulate it, so I quickly did the My Music Monday post and shut down the computer for the evening. Friends and wine were much better.
My two hour drive home yesterday just kind of was a regurgitation of my internal conflict. I have no great resolution to this - at least as of yet.
Morty and I discussed FOMO - or the fear of missing out - while we sat around. I didn't think for the most part I was one of those guys, but clearly I am wrong. Yes, it might be situational, but aren't most things?
There are a few more races this year - mostly fun run ones - so depending on if I can run, I will have to make some mental adjustments if I cannot.
Well at least I have something to tell my psychiatrist.
Song by: the Bangles
4 comments:
Take care of yourself, take it easy on yourself, be glad for others, be glad for all that you have done.
Hopefully you get resolution of a sort to allow more movement unassisted soon.
You’re surprised running is competitive?
And I would have clapped but I was holding a latte and a muffin!
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