COLLEGE. MAMMAL. BEER.

Sometimes I just love advertisers. Especially non-US ones. The things they can get away with in the name of humour....and yet still actually get away w/funny. We (america) just get lame-ass commercials (see 99% of all Uberbowl ads). ...not that one ad has ever ever made me buy anything.

Morty sent me this Molson commercial - so he gets the credit. All of it.

The word always reminds me of a time when my sister Adrienne was on some interview committee while at an all-girls college and how she couldn't stop laughing when screening a male candidate from Beaver College. Even as she relayed the story to me weeks/months later on a drive back from the airport she was laughing so hard she was in tears.

Eventually, "aiming to shed a source of ridicule and boost enrollment", Beaver College changed their name to Arcadia University. Probably not b/c of Ade.

Probably.

THOU SHALT NOT.........um....umm...hang on...give me a minute...

I love the Daily Show. I've said that here before. I loved Steven Colbert. He is great in limited doses, which is why he worked so perfectly on said show. I have not been able to get into his show. (though he was always funny in Strangers w/Candy!)

I have seen something on the web about an interview he had done w/congressman Lynn Westmoreland, a republican from Georgia. Of course, in true GOP fashion, he focuses on things that supposebly tug at one or more of the diversions hot topics that the far right most Americans find to be the biggest issues our country faces : Iraq Flag burning, economy gay marriage and/or national healthcare the 10 Commandments.

As I flipped channels (which I am apt to do), I actually came across the interview I had read about. Dumbass picks the latter topic to sponsor a bill about. Hilarity does ensue! Ruckiry (not Jon's boss), You Tube had it out there.

Enjoy. I know I did.

HI YA HI YA HI YA

....and this is surprising...............................how?

I guess it was a 50/50 shot that I could have been Statler and/or Waldorf!

You Are Fozzie Bear

"Wocka! Wocka!" You're the life of the party, and you love making people crack up. If only your routine didn't always bomb! You may find more groans than laughs, but always keep the jokes coming.

The Muppet Personality Test

SEPARATED AT BIRTH

I swear I've blogged this earlier, but I went back to my last 300 postings and could not find it. Per Per Boy George. The Boy was never a looker, which I guess is why the '80s and the make-up counter suited him so well. And here's what happens when you don't use a good foundation!



btw.....it was kind of amusing to myself to look back over some of those postings. I'm not advocating you all go back and read all of my postings.....however, if you'd like to, who am I to argue?

SHOPPING w/BLOBBY

Yet another installment in the drudgery that is everyday shopping. The camera-phone makes it a bit more fun - though I get looks whenever I take pics of products. Like I care what people think!


"mmmmmmm........it's Crap-tastic......um...Crab-tastic".

SMELL YA LATER

Here is an important Public Service Announcement that everyone should listen to and abide by.

THE PERFECT PROM GIFT

What does one get that prom queen who decided not to wear a skin tight dress to the big shindig? In fact, all of her clothes this last half of the school year have been quite unflattering!

....and what was all that ruckus coming from the last stall? I mean, courtesy flush, Susie!!! If you don't hurry you're gonna miss the last big dance!!!!!! Well, I can't be bothered, Skip and I got a hotel room!



The scary thing is......this isn't even the scariest thing! You MUST look here. Though I debated telling my readers to scroll down to see "Mitchell", I really think you should. No, you must! I insist. If you click on him - it takes you to MORE pictures. EEEEEEEEK. Is this supposed to be endearing in any way???????

My mother always said, there's no such thing as a cute newborn (ummm......thanks (?) mom), but no such thing as an ugly puppy. "Mitchell" has just proved her right!

SITE OF THE MONTH

It's not a great SOTM. It's an ok SOTM.

Actually, it is one for people w/ADD. ...I mean all it takes is 4 Seconds....that is, if you have the time.

FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND

If you're not familiar w/the Elton John song, let me just say I have heard it enough to last a lifetime (pun completely intended!).

One of the two summers I worked at Sea World (yes, keep laughing.....get it out of your system) at a beer stand that was strategically located between two open-air auditoriums. One was the Shamu pavilion - w/their Jaws 3D show. Going back in the time/tie-in machine - Jaws 3D was partially filmed at the Orlando Sea World. The other shell had the seal & otter show: Clyde and Seymour's Spooky Kooky Castle. The show began w/Elton's song, but in the middle of the show, they played "Puttin' on the Ritz", the one from Young Frankenstein, b/c if Clyde (or was it Seymour?) had the ability to sing, presumably he would sound like Peter Boyle's monster.

Number of shows per day were based on park attendance. The shows alternated (i.e. not on at the same times), sometimes up to nine times per day! Needless to say, I knew every word, every pause, every sound effect and could countdown the seconds till there was a splash of Shamu and/or Namu hitting the water (side note: 'the breeding pool' really wasn't. Shamu and Namu were both females!). Janine, the girl who worked at the gift shoppe across from my stand, and I would take parts and mouth out each performance. During shows we were pretty fuckin' slow.

But I digress. I didn't really plan on blogging on Sea World.

Yesterday, as I sat in Temple-Tifereth Israel, at the funeral of a great aunt, I reflected on death as one will in these situations and other funerals I had been to. Martha was a kind and accomplished woman - not that the rabbi seemed to be able to convey that. At least one of her sons did - and the eulogy came out quite nice. Quite the turn-out too. I'd estimate 400-500 people.

I didn't reflect on how many would show to mine (22), but just how funerals say they are to celebrate the life of the deceased but inevitably they end up just mourning it....or themselves.

As they took the casket out to the hearse, I had what has become a recurring thoughts of some of the previous funerals I'd attended:

The tainted memory of my grandfather's funeral. One of my uncles insisted that I be a pall bearer. I was in 6th grade!!! No kid should have to do that. And those caskets are heavy! I wasn't doing my part - there's no way an 11 year old could. It warped me for all other funerals. I was however fascinated that the backs of hearses have little rollers. Who knew?

Or Mitchell's funeral. Maybe I hadn't developed any more upper body strength in the 20 yrs after my grandfather's funeral - but that casket was just as heavy. The weight I really carried was that of guilt. My lack of contact w/Mitchell the last month of his life was unconscionable. For my own fears and inability to look in that mirror (so to speak), I couldn't be there for someone I cared about and with whom I shared so many things. His 'wife', Midge, forgave me - but I've never forgiven myself.

At a cousin's funeral, my mother and I had a little row about her wanting me to go up to the open casket. I had no intention of kneeling in front of the coffin and looking at a body that didn't barely resembled the woman who was my cousin. In the middle of the funeral hall she told me to 'grow-up' and just do it. My response was that I was a grown-up and had made my decision.

I'm not afraid of seeing a corpse - but it is not the last memory I want to have of someone I know. The old adage of 'they look so natural' or 'they look at peace' if just hooey. Maybe others can talk themselves into that - I can't.

At my brother-in-law's mother's funeral (following me?), I really don't think anyone gave a second thought to playing Frank Sinatra's "My Way" at the end of the service. I'm sorry - but it was all I could do not to burst out laughing. I know Denton got it b/c we exchanged glances as the Frank began w/the lyrics: "....and now, the end is near, and so I face the final curtain..." Oh l-rd! I know they were trying to say that she did things her way......but really people, listen to the lyrics!!!!

But in temple, I had this recurring realization: I'm no longer the youngest person in the room. Perhaps mentally I am. I keep thinking, for whatever reason, I don't look/feel as old as I am. And that I'm not as old as 'them'. But in truth, I am 'them'.

DANCIN' 'CROSS THE USA



create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

I've never had the ambition to visit every state in the U.S. like some people I've met.

If I never make it to Idaho, the Dakotas or Nebraska, I somehow think I'll live. Most of my undone travels are a little 'red' for my liking...and I'm a little too 'blue' for theirs. They are probably just as happy to see me not cross their borders anytime soon (though I bet they'd welcome any tourism revenue I'd throw their way!). I'm sure they all have something to offer, but I think there are other destinations I'd rather see than hitting the Circle K in Montana.

Of the other 36% of the states I have not stepped foot in, I would still like to see New Mexico, Washington, Alaska and Hawaii though.

...and at least I can name/place the correct state on the map, which more than I can say for most americants.

THE CONCERT

I can finally post about the Rosanne Cash show.

Being a free concert in the park, I had no idea the size or type of crowd that would attend. Even w/name recognition, since the late 80s, she just doesn't move that many albums. She also has only toured twice in the last 15 yrs - and only a handful of dates at that. We arrived in mid-performance of the horrible horrible opening act. It was seemingly a good space.

It didn't take us long to figure out why the space was probably left open. Two....um.....well.....dorks. Drunk dorks. Drunk dorks w/lots of missing teeth. Possibly hillbillies (honest - I learned from a doctor from Kentucky who was one, that to true hillbillies, this is not a derogatory term). Right in front of us.

You know the kind of guys. Claps to the music - but not in time. Hoots and hollers at all the wrong times. Screams out things almost in a Tourettes-like fashion. ...and probably not showered in days.

For those who don't know - I really like music. I go to concerts for the music - not the event. So Blobby gets annoyed at the talking, cellphoning, or worse - the utter lack of knowledge of the artist or their work by the people who attend. Once at concert by a then unknown Sarah McLachlan, I told the people standing next to me that I didn't pay $16 a ticket to listen to them talk. They looked at me and then just walked out of the venue. Score one for me!

Oddly enough - no beer or alcohol with them, but clearly drunk drunk drunk. Now, I could put away the beer - and lots of it, but I swear I was never a bad drunk. Denton will say 'how would you know' - which is legit, but I knew. Ecstasy?.......well, that's a complete different story! But we/they sat there for a while and I kept thinking - 'how long does this kind of drunk last?'. I seriously considered moving to a less desirable position - but figured it might be a crap shoot (is that one word?) on what other kind of patron of the arts was sitting there. I also thought I'd bide my time thinking they'd go looking for hootch. ...at first the prospects looked grim b/c they ran into Mr. Kunkle - their old high school shop teacher!!!! Great!

Things looked up when in a drunken misunderstanding between the three of them, Mr. Kunkle didn't understand not to hold their seats while they went to get......(say it w/me).......beer! Mr. Kunkle held on to em, and for a long time we had no one in front of us. (Later that woman in the pictures from yesterday's post would claim a seat.)

Behind us we had two college aged guys. Maybe just post college. I had a real low tolerance at this point (I know...I know......but it's true), but every sentence had the words 'sweet' or 'that's cool....that's cool'. For the record - Nicholas Cage movies are not 'sweet'.

The concert itself was great. She did an outstanding job. Granted Rosanne is not that smooth w/the stage moves when she's not playing guitar, but for her lack of touring, it's acceptable. Her voice I swear was strong that it is on her recordings. There were three other musicians and one backing vocalist. No drums. If I have a complaint it's about the material being too heavy from her new disk. Yes, I know she's out promoting it to sell. But when one tours so infrequently, throw in something for the fans. But the group was so tight and the sound so good, it could make a good live recording (and I'm not a big fan of those).

Perhaps the reason she doesn't do older material is b/c she forgets the words. On 'Runaway Train' she completely started the song on the wrong verse - and caught herself....a line or two into it. After being able to settle her laughter and some funny stage patter, she finally got into it.

I might be getting old, but it was nice to have a concert start while it was still light out - and end just after sunset. Here's a setlist (as if anyone cares):

• Black Cadillac
• Radio Operator
• G-d is in the Roses
• Burn Down This House
• September When It Comes
• I Was Watching You
• Tennessee Flat Top Box
• Dream Are Not My Home
• World Unseen
• Runaway Train
• House on the Lake
• Sea of Heartbreak ( a good, Don Gibson Song I've never heard of)
• What We Really Want
• Seven Year Ache
• Big River (encore)
• Wouldn't It Be Loverly (encore)

C'MON - GET HAPPY!

So a little about Pittsburgh. Technically we went to see Rosanne Cash - as it was the closest she was coming to Cleveland while she tours. ....more on that in the next post. This one is about Pittsburgh.

Other events were happening in town that weekend too - so we had 'opportunity'. One being Pittsburgh Pride.....which we didn't know about until after it was over. The other being the Three Rivers Arts Festival.

I've determined if you've seen two arts festivals, you've pretty much seen them all. Half of what they exhibit is stuff that restaurants buy and throw a bunch of crazy crap on the wall and call it kitsch. It's not. It is usually crap. There are only so many colour-tinted black and white pictures of neon signs or adobe doorways that one can stand. Half the stuff we saw a week ago at the Chagrin Falls arts festival. Have shit will travel! (more on this in a future post.)

Invariably I make a comment about the art (or lack thereof) and find the artist sitting not in the booth - but directly behind me. I can't believe they haven't heard it before.........and worse.

The hotel should have been nice, sitting directly across from a park at the confluence of the three rivers. The same park where Rosanne's free concert was to take place. We really figured it would be decent since as we were checking in, overheard a promoter/manager making Cash's arrangements to stay just two floors above us. I'm not one for being starstruck - but I really thought it would be neat to run into her (it didn't happen).

The room and floor are ok, though quite dated. But on a return trip after walking around, the entire floor was odorous. I says to Denton, I says: "did the entire Partridge Family get rooms on this floor?" This being a less than vague reference (to those old enough to remember anyway) to the episode where a skunk gets on their bus and sprays them all. Hilarity ensued (at least to an 8 year old). Yes - the entire 22nd floor smelled of skunk! Denton thought maybe it got pulled in by the HVAC system - but aren't those usually on the roof?

...and yes, I will go low here, but say it as nice as possible: people of Pittsburgh are not attractive.

I do not say this lightly. I clearly have my own issues w/self-presentation, but save one crown, I at least have my own teeth. Or, I have teeth. A surprising number of residents don't even have any.....let alone their own.

I remember eons ago when Morty and I went out in Pittsburgh and I mentioned that I never felt so attractive. It was a joke. Kind of. But as years went by and I remembered that 'joke', I chalked it up to being young. No longer young - I realize I stumbled upon a horrible realization that I was right the first time.

For whatever reason, this 'arts fest' had booths for Sensodyne toothpaste and Lady Shick. The latter being a huge pink semi. I wasn't sure if they were shaving everyone's legs and pits or not (I mean, it was pride weekend!) - but they kept saying they were giving makeovers.

Below is one proud Proud PROUD makeover 'victim'. How do we know? She told anyone who'd listen. For the record, I'm not making fun of anything other than how she dressed - which well.....is suspect at best. I don't know what they did during the 'makeover', but clearly it had nothing to do w/apparel or appropriate use of.














The faux embroidery on her pant leg is a nice touch - but personally, the peach Hanes Her Way panties really make the outfit.....which of course, is off-set by the (b)acne!

The funniest thing actually came from Denton himself. He turns to me and says: "remember in the Simpsons when Patty or Selma sees Homer naked?" (it was Patty) ..and it was all he really had to say b/c I knew the follow-up line (DUH): "There goes the last lingering shred of my heterosexuality . "

PRE-POST

Listen, it's Sunday night. It's been a rougher few days than it should have been. A whirlwind trip to Pittsburgh (which are going to culminate in a good three posts.....not necessarily three good posts. But until then, this is what you get.

We're back. Well, I'm back - Denton is off to someplace equally as hot as Cleveland is today (92f).....Gainesville, FL.

One of my sisters rang my cell right as we were walking out to breakfast. No, I didn't tell anyone I was going out of town. I'm forty-frickin-two years old. Did I have leave an itinerary? Apparently I might have to (though I kind of thought that's what cells were for).

Dad is back in the hospital w/pneumonia. Still as to unsure how he got it, but he does. I have to say, he looked the best he has in months - since before his heart attack. Go figure. We drove from PGH to the hospital. 1hr 50min. Ok, I sped. Big whoo!

So, I let my youngest sister know, but only b/c I really called w/another question. Mind you it's 1p at this point. She gets all bent out of shape b/c my mother never called her to tell her. I ask if she was coming over to the parent's house today and she says she has other plans.......w/a cook-out at her house (she lives 25 minutes away - and that's driving IN the speed limit).

After the call I got my panties a little bit in a wad. She's upset that my mother didn't call? She has other plans for the day. Father's Day! ...and it's 1p. umm..........had she bothered to call (or try to) to wish her father his wishes, maybe she'd have procured some of this information. But no........she feels inconvenienced that no one told her.

...and this people, equates to the grown-up reason I chased her around the house w/a butcher knife. I'm just sayin'.........



But Dad is doing good. He's in only for the night (supposebly). IV antibiotics. He's 85 and let's face it, pneumonia is right up there w/the top reasons the elderly end up dying. Better safe than sorry. He was glad to see us - and in good spirits. Wait till he sees the wireless network I set up in his house this afternoon for when he gets home!

FROM THE DOCTOR'S DINING ROOM...

The other day while eating in the physician's dining room w/two co-workers, I heard a brief, yet (to me) exchange:

Kathy: "Is tonight 'date night" for you still?"
Mike: "Yeah. What are you doing?"
Kathy: "I have to go to Carol's and sit Shiva then go get new tires"

(pause)

Mike: ".....what kind of tires?"


I started laughing...I couldn't help it. On so many levels this was funny. Mike never inquired about the deceased or this Carol person. Just knowing what I knew about these two - neither could possibly know what Shiva was in the first place. I would have assumed that would have been THE follow-up question.

But most of all - Mike's delivery was flawless.

ANN....YOU IGNORANT SLUT!

Ok, you have to love Henry Rollins.

I mean - you do! And for sooooo many reasons. I'll be the first to say I'm not a huge fan of Black Flag or the Rollins Band. I'd say his acting is ok, but in reality the only thing I've truly seen him in is in some horrible movie that "starred" (and I use that term loosely) Charlie Sheen and the chick who played Buffy (the movie Buffy, not SMG-Buffy).

Rollins' spoken word tours are great. Those spoken words that have turned into books are good. We no longer get the Independent Film Channel, where Mr. Rollins has his own show, but ruckiry (not Jon's boss), you can few shorts/clips on-line. This one segment of Letter from Henry made me smile/laugh/feel good.

I'd say it's work-friendly, and for the most part it is - but in truth, he drops the f*bomb a few times.

GO JAKE, GO!

I cannot stand to read that Shrub went to Iraq or how his polling numbers are up slightly b/c of a bombing that took out al-Zarqawi. I can't stomach that Rove got off when we all know he's guilty as sin.....and about so much more than the Valerie Plame leak.

...so I have a better news item I'm psyched about. Jake! He's a 15lb tabby who protected his territory / yard by chasing a black bear up a tree. Twice.

You won't find my cats doing that. They look at squirrels and yawn.

In the attached pic - you can see little Jake at the bottom of the tree looking up.

ALL OVER THE PLACE. again.

As loyal-ish readers will know - whenever I wake up w/a song already in my head (not one I think of after I'm up - but already playing), well...I blog it.

This morning: Hey St. Peter. I didn't even know who did it. I had to Gooooogle it. Turns out it's Flash & the Pan. Imagine MY surprise!

True to my split personality.....once again, I'm all over the place musically. Yeah, I probably still listen to more "good......but down" music - and probably even still gravitate towards the female.

I've really liked Nelly Farturdo's song Promiscuous. I think anyone who knows me would say it's not my style - and I love it. ...and her voice is incredibly weak on the recording. It really could be anyone.

But I stumbled across Sam Bush this last week. His song "The River's Gonna Run" is a great folk/country diddy. I love Julie Miller (who wrote it) and Emmylou Harris who sings/plays on it.

Joe-Blob says check 'em out.

.....and would you believe.............?

it's not even a gay bar.

This almost beats Tom Green's idea for a gay bar at the Grand Canyon:

Boy Gorge

ka-CHOW

We went to go see Cars over the weekend. The plan was to take some of the nieces and nephews, but they went out of town w/their parents. But we still wanted to go and decided that maybe going by ourselves first and taking them later isn't such a bad thing. When taking them to Finding Nemo, the squirming, the trips to the bathroom, etc - well I never even knew Nemo was missing, let alone needed to be found. This way we'd actually get to see the movie.

As Pixar movies go, it was pretty good. It is not as humourous as Toy Story 2 or as clever/engaging as The Incredibles (I never really cared for Nemo and definitely not for, as I call it, Monster's Ball Inc). Though Cars' storyline could have been beefed up a bit, I guess you have to appeal to the masses (i.e. the tots) and not get into something they don't understand and has to be explained. As it is, at two hours in length, the last twenty minutes had almost every kid in the place losing interest and chattering out loud.

The good thing about going to the movies w/out the kids is to be able to enjoy them for the little things: the quick references that make me laugh (the verbal and non), or that NPR's Click and Clack make an appearance that most would overlook. Though there are so many quick/missed references, it make the movie ripe for DVD viewing/pausing.

There are a lot of bad movies out there - so Cars was good fun. If you can overlook Owen Wilson's (shock!) mediocre voice acting (yes, acting! see Holly Hunter's performance in The Incredibles) it's probably even better. For what it's worth - Jeremy Piven and Tony Shaloub were great. ..and I somehow found the ability to separate Mater, the tow truck, from Larry the Cable Guy (who actually pretty much steals the movie). Even Sheryl Crow's song didn't suck (!!!) (and lately, that's not a small thing!. Though the Randy Newman penned/James Taylor sung, what I dubbed the "Love Theme from Cars", is a blatant blatant blatant bid for Oscar contention.

Joe-Blob says check it out.

MISSED EVENTS

The weekend brought some missed events:

No Kidding - which is a group for childless and (more importantly?) child free people/couples. NPR's Weekend America had an interesting segment on a couple who had known they had no parental tendencies and opted not to have children. The man, amazingly enough, had a vasectomy at 23 years old, he was so sure.

Of course, that always brings thoughts of my choice never to have kids. I know...I know what you're thinking.....but it's not because of my sexuality that I don't have kids (well, it's ONE of the reasons). I feel like I've relayed this story somewhere in the blog before, so suffer through it again.

At 16 I had to babysit my sister, 3yrs younger than myself. She got on every frickin' nerve I had. The straw breaking my hump was putting a pack of cream cheese in the microwave....in its foil. For those who might not know the outcome, this causes a fire!!! She just refused to assist in doing anything about that or take any responsibility. I snapped. There was a butcher knife handy. Fortunately she was quicker than I was. Honestly, I could be cellmates w/Charles Manson had I caught her.

...but after she locked herself in her room and as I was cracking her doorframe trying to bust in, I had an epiphany: "I am never ever ever going to have kids! (That really sounded more violent and icky than it really was - or that I remember.)

(BTW....if you Goooooogle 'no kidding' and go to Images, one of the first images is of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman! LOL!!!)

The other event was the YearlyKos, a liberal blogging conference/convention/gathering in Las Vegas. I think it would have been an interesting, fun and frustrating time. This blog isn't reaching the audience of DailyKos, so I don't really know how or if they incorporate the small blogs into this event. Maybe it would be fun to go next year.

....and so you know........what happens in Vegas is immediately blogged from Vegas!