Thursday, November 29, 2007

Give A Little

Tis the season - no?

For the last few months, or even a year, we have been hearing about One Laptop Per Child. Or at least I have. Have you?

The idea is to provide each and every child who needs a laptop - regardless of the socio-economic status, but clearly focusing on the underprivileged.

The idea is the brainchild of an MIT professor. Knowing that many of the places these folks live do not have internets access or even electricity, the laptop is built with a generator that kids can wind up to well.....generate power. It also has an built-in antenna for folks to get on-line. The casing isn't indestructible, but they make it as much so as possible.

The other idea was for each laptop to cost no more than $100. They are not quite there yet - but it still is at the somewhat reasonable price of $400. BUT....get this......purchase one for donation, and they send one to you also. So, that makes them like $200 a piece. Wicked!! .....but in a good way.

Denton ordered/donated one. Mostly because he wants to play with it. We need another computer/laptop around here like a hole in the head. I am hoping we only play with it for a bit, but then send it on its way to a family in need. We're not that family.

But I think it's a great idea. Give the gift of education - if you can.



Song by: Nicolette Larson

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Spooky

It may be rude.....it may be crude....but has Eunice Shriver always been the Crypt Keeper's mother?



I guess it kind of makes sense - her daughter is Skeletor.



Let this be a lesson to all of you: THIS is what generations of inbreeding will get you.


Song by: Classics IV

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Perfectly Good Guitar

In a Cleveland Plain Dealer article yesterday about some guy who does a lot of recycling, especially after Browns games.

Yeah - I know, not very exciting, is it? But there was one line in the article that made it stand out. Truth be told, I didn't get that far into the article before losing interest. I have a very short attention span.

However, Denton did and read the following lines to me:

In his off-time, Pickrel can sometimes be seen being pulled down the street on his skates by his dogs. On one leg. While playing his guitar.

It's funny because we saw it. Once.

Denton was wondering what restaurant we might have been at when we saw this event. I had to remind him we weren't out - but at home eating breakfast.....with friends.

It is quite possible probable it was after a night of drinking and we were sitting at the dining room table. Those of us facing the window kind of stopped what we were doing, not sure we had seen what we had just seen. Probably weren't sure if we were still drunk.....though I can only speak for myself, naturally.

It's nice to know that it wasn't an illusion, hallucination or just a drunken figment of our collective imagination.


Song by: John Hiatt

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Popcorn

I know I have a stunted adolescence. There is no shock or surprise with this fact. But I just assumed that everyone else (over the age of say...14) has seen this. Imagine my surprise when the day before T-giving, I got to show one of my brother in laws (brothers in law?) this trick.

I spent a good 3-4 minutes with a sharp knife making just the right cuts and doing the folds in all the appropriate areas to get a most inappropriate joke.

Naturally you have to preface the set-up with - 'Why does the Land O Lakes lady hold her butter there?'

Both he and my sister were in hysterics.

This doesn't actually show it, but what you do after cutting three sides of the held butter is to then fold the cardboard so her knees line up right under that, so she when you pull it down (or up), she exposes her dirty pillows. I like how the shadows of her knees make for a convincing areola.

In my version, the lady doesn't flip up the held butter but pulls it down. I swear it makes all the difference.


Song by: Hot Butter

Saturday, November 24, 2007

What The Fudge ??

Apparently 'WTF' no longer means what I thought it meant. And I guess it's no longer just an abbreviation for a profanity work-around for television censors and a necessary three letter standard for instant messaging or emailing.

Well, actually it is still used for all those things....and now one more. It is the magazine for Finland. I wonder if the folks from Helsinki know it is just a shortcut to the f-bomb?

So on this post, I break my title as being the same as a song title. I could not think of anything good with the word 'Welcome' (...to the jungle? ...to the pleasuredome?), let alone with 'fuck' or 'Finland'.

It's just so hard to be me!

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Eat For Two

Well today is the day - for people who like this kind of stuff. I'm guessing I enjoyed last night more than I will today.

Yesterday, we had my oldest sister and her family over for dinner. Lasagna to be specific....made all by my lonesome. It was ok, but I've done better. Downing a bottle of vino on my own didn't hurt.

But the company was good and the kids were well behaved - though they just loved being upstairs playing video games and then downstairs with Sophie. The cat is very good with them.

Isn't the above image just a tad bit disgusting? I snapped it in the store. A half-cake with a turkey made out of frosting - though to be honest, it looks like pâté. Not horribly appetizing when it comes to cakes.

As for being thankful - I'm not an ingrate: I have a job (and didn't last year at this time), a great partner, two feline friends, many non-feline friends and my health (well....at least more or less). Life is pretty good.

Enjoy the day folks. Happy T-giving.


Song by: 10,000 Maniacs

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Basted in Blood

Oh, sure - you'd think the last two days of non-Site of the Month posts would be leading up to an actual Site of the Month. Silly silly people - you!

I do believe I mention this year after year, but I find T-giving to be a bland and boring meal. It's just not for me. ....and let's not even get into the family aspect of it.

I wanted to post a video of a song done on SNL way back, but true to form, much of NBC copywrited material is not out there. The song was done on Weekend Update and sung by Sarah McLachlan & Ana Gasteyer (who went under the guise of Wendy Calhoun). It was a hilarious send-up of a vegan T-giving protest song.

I do not have the video, but I do have the lyrics:

BASTED IN BLOOD

We gather together
For yams, beans, and cranberry sauce
But have you given much thought lately
To the turkey holocaust?

200 million noble birds
Slaughtered every fall
Ain't no difference between Hitler, Stalin
And the folks at Butterball

So set your tables, America
From Birmingham to Branson
But when you carve that turkey
You're a finger lickin' Charlie Manson

Enjoy your pumpkin pie
Your buttery Idaho spuds
Grandma's chestnut stuffing
And a turkey basted in blood

Basted in blood Basted in blood Basted in blood
Enjoy your turkey, enjoy...Basted in blood Basted in blood Basted in blood
Basted in blood Basted in blood Basted in blood



Song by: Sarah McLachlan & Wendy Calhoun

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Shakespeare's Sister

William Shakespeare

All the world's a Blobby
And all the men and women merely players.

Which work of Shakespeare was the original quote from?

Get your own quotes: <

Again, this is a URL I toyed as having as my Site of the Month, but decided if I did, then I couldn't really use the Smiths (g-d, isn't the web address for them great?!!) song for the post title (as those are always headed by: Site of the Month. DUH). What drives me to do such things is a complete mystery.

The reality is, it is not that good of a site. I never went past the first try for this quote and let's face it - it fits. All the world is a Blobby....or at least about Blobby.......or at the very least should be!

Unlike Will, I don't think there is any confusion as to if I write my own work! Sad for him. Sad for me. Sad for you.


song by: The Smiths

Monday, November 19, 2007

Ring of Fire

Alas, this becomes a failed Site of the Month possibility.

If they had more choices in their archives, I am almost sure it would have been a finalist candidate. As it is, the movies they have selected and produced alternate endings for, I either have not seen or just not cared enough about.

If you read this blog in any regularity, you'll already guess that the two that stand out for me are Star Wars IV: A New Hope and the below clip of The Lord of the Rings. ....though the Borat thing is probably as accurate as you can get. There's 90-120 minutes I'll never get back!

If nothing else, I knew Becky and Jon would enjoy the LOTR one....which I've taken the opportunity to post below. The How It Should Have Ended site made me download some new software to play the movies from their URL. I didn't think you all should have to do that.




Personally, I like Boromir mooning Sauron. ...and the taunt of 'your mother has cataracts'.

So, it's not technically Site of the Month material - but it has its moments.


Song by: Johnny Cash

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Everything Is Coming Up Roses

It's not the national championship, but there's no real shame in going to the Rose Bowl.

Yesterday the Buckeyes all but sewed up going to Pasadena on the first day of 2008. I know - you're thinking this is a sports thing and why am I even chatting about it. I can hear you out there ya know!

It wasn't as much about the game or the outcome as it was spending the afternoon with two friends watching the game.

Tom G - whom has been mentioned many a-time here - was coming to Cleveburgh to watch the game with his 'special friend' (not me). I got an invite to join. It turns out it was just at a gay bar we were going to. Oh well. How bad could it be at 12 noon on a Saturday?

Tom doesn't need to prompt me to not act my age, but it's nice to have the encouragement.

He is the master of the prop - be it for parties, story telling, sporting events or the possibility of stalking a porn star (that's another post). Jack (his 'special friend') wanted us to wear tiaras, but instead we traded the above homemade headband. You might have to click the enlarge the image (camera phone, no flash and bad lighting) to see what it is. Go ahead - sound it out. It's like live pictionary.

Each time we were not in possession of the ball, one of us was required to wear it. We did it willingly and proudly. Oddly enough - we did not get one look from the other patrons. With the pom-poms (g-d, they smelled like my high school gym locker, but worse!) and noisemaker, we tried to draw attention - but to little success.

The Woody cap is mine. It's my second. Morty got me my first when I was in the hospital with my appendix. I wore that thing all the time, it fit like a second skin. I lost it a dozen or so years ago when Tom and I went to the OSU - Michigan State game in East Lansing (home to one of my most favourite Tom G stories!). I left it at the hotel in a post-drunken stupor. The hotel claims to have never have found it - but you know they just tossed it when they saw the Block O. Fuckers!

Putting on the headband, I told the crew I felt like Patty Duke. Jack asked if I meant 'Cathy', but no....it was Patty and I told him it was because 'a hot dog makes me lose control'. I love when I never ever have to explain my jokes to people.

After the game, we hung out and I dropped money in the jukebox. I love taking over the music at a place where Whitney Houston is the standard. Ick. They had an ok selection, but I made it better just by my choices: Garbage, the Smiths, Eurythmics, Weezer & a few others.

While making the selections, I had to endure Russ. No, I don't know him. Just a bar patron who decided to come up and ask me what my favourite songs and bands were. ...and then how he should leave because he had just broken up with someone who was expected at the bar and how he shouldn't be there....or should he just not run away. Oy. I felt like I was pseudo-being hit on and yet asked to be Ann Landers. I wanted neither. Double Oy.

But on this cold, rainy day - I took in warmth by just being with friends.



Song by: Black

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Devil Does You Dog Bite?

No real reference to dogs in this post - other than the fact that I've been working like one.

I've wanted to blog and not only have I not found time to, I haven't even been writing in my head before I commit it to paper screen. That is usually my M.O.

The job is getting me up to that 50% travel time they mentioned when I started. But until the last month or so, I've really been at maybe 30%. After T-giving, I'll be gone at least 50% until the December holidays. I think the opportunity for a vacation has passed us by - again.

Ruckiry (not Jon's boss), my vacation time rolls over for a year - though I don't know if it is a rolling year or a calendar year. I guess I should find out. My personal days I lose at the end of the calendar year, so I'm already planning on taking those. One of them is in two weeks!!! The other will be right before the holidays to extend my already long weekend....and to prep for the holiday party/dinner we have been hosting for the last few years.

I really don't know what to do about the party or dinner. We now have the flatware to host more folks - but still are lacking a good table to get too many folks around. So, that leaves us open (again) to the possibility of just doing casual stuff where folks load their plates and mingle.

Getting drunk is really a prerequisite. I almost insist on it. Most people who attend don't really have to be talked into it.....though at least half of them will be our house guests, so no driving for them.

There is absolutely no religious significance to the holidays for me, I'm in it for the cookies and the booze.

song by: Tom Tom Club

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

I Drove All Night

I left for a client site this morning before 5:00 a.m. A pain? Yes, but certainly not undoable. I should mention that it was a driving visit. The sun does not rise until 7:00 a.m., so it was pretty much two hours of total darkness.

I worked until the sun went down and made yet another trek (not all the way home) in the dark back to my hotel - 90 minutes away or so.

What dawned upon me (pun fully intended) was that driving in the pitch black in the morning seems so much different than doing the same at night.

Perhaps it is the promise of daylight that makes that drive a little more bareable. Or maybe it's the get up and go without thinking that has its advantages. The lack of any traffic is a certain plus.

But after a 14 hour day, the prospect of getting back in the car isn't all the appealing. Maybe that is why the night drive is less palatable. The possiblity of light seems so less certain, even though it will invariably arrive in 10 hours or so.

One minus about it all is the things you cannot see. You'd think I'm meaning cops who lie in wait for speeders, but you'd be wrong. I count myself lucky that though I've been stopped a few times, I have never been ticketed.

No....the things you can't see are the roadkill. Today there was a deer that had to be freshly hit. ...and it had to be hit by something big, like an 18-wheeler. A huge bloody mess - and one I missed by inches while attempting to change lanes. Had I hit it, I would have absolutely ruined my car.....and got my dress shoes all digustingly full of blood and fur as I would have had to exit onto the carcass.

No one (and I do mean no one!) laughed later when I called it the Nicole Brown Simpson of roadkill. ...but that was the first thing that came to my mind.

Yes, I know I'm twisted.



Song by: Cyndi Lauper

Monday, November 12, 2007

RECORD OF THE MONTH

I figured I'd do a monthly 'what I'm listening to' kind of thing. This could be viewed as a lame placeholder kind of post. And probably it is. But it's my blog! So there!

These may or may not be newly released disks. They might not even be a good disk - just what is been in heavy rotation in my car (as usually the iPod is playing anywhere else).





At face value, Raising Sand could be one of the more unusual pairings in recent musical history. Not as odd as say, Tom Waits & Crystal Gayle (seriously - you must pick up One from the Heart soundtrack!). This is more along the lines of Mark Knopfler and Emmylou Harris.

Like the latter grouping, Plant & Krauss don't really perform that many duets. Sometimes I swear they don't even appear on each others songs. To be fair - there is nothing on the external (or internal for that matter) packaging that says they do - it is just implied.

When they do perform duets (or at least harmonize more), it usually works. I really enjoy "Rich Woman", "Please Read the Letter" and "Gone Gone Gone". It would have been nice to see more of it.

There are duet missteps: "Killing the Blues" for instance. It seems Alison & Robert have drained the entire life out of this cover. If you want to hear a good take on it - check out Shawn Colvin's version from her Cover Girl disk from 15 years back or so.

I cannot say I have ever been a big fan of Robert Plant. I was the odd man out in high school - preferring Nick Lowe or the Clash to Led Zeppelin. My coolest high school friend, Colin Greenan, (here's hoping he Gooogles himself and finds this) used to play bass guitar and sing Zeppelin covers in a band, and because of him, I only had a fondness for "Communication Breakdown". But I digress.....

Plant doesn't seem to stretch that much on this outing - but what do I know when it comes to this. He's had a few different lives since Zeppelin, so did not start out as reigned in.

Krauss however finally gets to break free from the Union Station mold which has grown a little stagnant as of late. Technically the band is great, but are caught in a formulatic rut. "Sister Rosetta Goes Before Us" has influences of Greek music and she take the masculine lead on Mike Campbell's (from Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers) "Let Your Loss Be Your Lesson".

But the most mesmerizing and possibly annoying thing about the record are actually one in the same - Krauss' take on Waits' "Trampled Rose". I cannot quite explain it, but the continuous climb to and fall from the high note is a major focal point of interest to me.

For good or bad, she's slightly out of her element and I find it welcoming. She stretches her boundaries and that can only help her work with Union Station down the line.

Overall, I say it is an ok disk, but nothing more than that. I will not go as far as to say it is a wasted opportunity but perhaps a missed one - as there much more they could have done with it. When their voices do blend, it proves to be an interesting dynamic.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Mouth

Yesterday was my semi-annual dentist visit.

Yes, you all know what a baby I can be when it comes to anything teeth related. I mean, I've been much better over the last decade or so, but for some reason I was dreading this appointment.

This would have been my first one since my periodontal surgery. And because of said procedure, I have been a wuss about flossing the back teeth. Afraid I would upset the new tissue, I have not been that aggressive in my getting in there and stimulate my gums (yes, flossing isn't really for getting food out between your teeth - though I use it for that act).

I prepped for my visit by proxi-brushing, tongue scraping and a quick tooth brushing. I also performed a bilateral boogerectomy. Let's face it - you're tilted back in that chair, those people don't just have the ability to look in your mouth, but up your nose too. They do not want to see any bats in the cave.

Whatever flossing I was doing was a-ok with the doc. She thought my gums looked better than ever (phew). ..and she liked how the graft was coming along.

It was also picture day. Well, x-ray day. I got cleared on that too - no cavaties. So it was a good check-up. The above image is not actually of my teeth. All that money my parents put into orthodontia paid off, to a degree.

I always make my next appointment before I leave - and I was floored when in six months, it will be May!!! Winters here always seem to last so long, that it is hard to believe in half a year it will be warm again.

Naturally, before I walked out the door, I got my 'free' toothbrush.


Song by: Bush

Thursday, November 08, 2007

SHOPPING w/BLOBBY MORTY & GEORGE

Yet another installment in the drudgery that is everyday shopping. The camera-phone makes it a bit more fun - though I get looks whenever I take pics of products. Like I care what people think!


I secede this month's shopping event to Morty & George. I cannot thank them enough for allowing me to co-opt their vacation photos (or, photo - singular - as the case may be) for my own purpose.

As they trek (and marathon) across Australia and New Zealand., they have been finding things just a bit different than in the States - driving on the other side of the road non-withstanding.

I don't know what they call 7-11 Down Under, but the road snacks they sell, according to Mort, are fizzies, lollies and chippies.

But noooooooo - they just can't have sour cream & onion chippies. They have to sell these disgusting morsels tasty edible treats!!!!!

As the tagline on the bag says: It's a Matter of Taste.

Lord, it must be.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

It's a Laugh

You've seen the Naked Gun movies - right? You know - the one when "Enrico Pallazzo" sings the national anthem? Also in that movie, Frank Drebin goes to the bathroom where everyone hears him.

Comedy? Sure, I guess. Reality? Apparently.




I was presenting the last few days at a conference and eventually had to use the facilities and saw the above (and clearly took the pics too).

Ruckiry (not Jon's boss), as I've said before, I've been "blessed with a voice that carries", so I did not need a microphone - let alone a lavaliered one. No humming and urinating sounds eminated from the lav. ...as in lavatory. At least by me.

The afterwork event for this conference was dinner and a comedy club - which is almost always sure death.

Do I think I'm funny? Yeah. Yeah I do. Do I think I'm stand-up funny? No.

So it's even more painful when you see three (count 'em, three) guys who get up in succession that I think I can do better than. ....and off the top of my head. Horrible anecdotes they've been practicing and performing for years - you just know it - and still they can't make it work.

I should say, this was my perception. I saw people from my group actually wipe tears away from their eyes. They probably think Larry the Cable guy is funniest guy on earth. Or worse, Jay Leno. Afterwards, one of my docs says to me she says, "wow, you didn't even give any of them a nervous or sympathy laugh".

...and I didn't.

It baffles me: How didn't these guys know they weren't funny? And how is it the bathroom sign guys probably don't think they themselves are hilarious?


song by: Hall & Oates

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

If

It doesn't paint a thousand words, so that's why you can't paint me. ....or me you.



The Wonder Bread sign still lives!!! ....and we used to live under it - for about three years. The product it hawks hardly epitomizes something that should be in the heart of a place called Italian Village.

When looking at the apartment, the owner noticed me noticing the word 'FAG' spray painted on the side of the house. He claimed it was his ex getting back at him. I should have known better. Balls made of ice hit the door in the winter evenings when we were eating dinner or watching televison. And the same word that adorned the side wall eventually made its way to the bumper of my car. Though to be fair, it looked more like 'FAC'. I'm assuming the hooligans who lived down the perpendicular alley did not got As in penmanship. Another failure of the public education system.

The apartment was ok - but I'm drawn to the area most times I pass through town, not that I always act on it. Add-ons and crappily built fences make the place look like than desirable.
No one ever seems to put away their trashcans after pick-up. No pride.

The place it self had some good memories: we got Tovah when we lived there. And Tom G and I watched the 1995 World Series together there too.....even though we lost that one. Becky making her oranges with cloves in them during one sparse holiday gift giving time. I'm sure there were other good times, but I'm blanking on what they might be.

Back to the image: Only about half the time we lived there did the sign work 100% of the time. More often than not, it read 'Wonder B ad' or 'Wonder Br a ' or 'Wonder B ead' and my favourite, it sometimes even shined out 'Wonder Br ad'.

I never remember the word 'Wonder' ever having burned out letters.



Song by: Bread (get it? get it???)

Monday, November 05, 2007

The Devil Inside


You are The Devil


Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.


What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.


Of all the on-line quizzes I have taken - and really, there have not been that many - I have to say this might be the most accurate. Not so much about persuasive or powerful, but it's a little hard to argue with the 'temptation and addiction' part of it all. Perhaps the enslavement too - whether it be work, relationship or lifestyle.


song by: INXS

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Mad About You

I don't know what happened, but last night I just melted down.

It couldn't not really have been over undelivered pizza - but that was clearly my breaking point.

We had a decent day of looking at granite and then visiting one of my sisters. She has a new kitten and well, I just cannot not go visit that. I also love her dog, Petey.

For those who do not know, picking tile for our last house could have caused divorce, or at the very least, justifiable homicide. That bitch, Nancy Grace would have even let me off the hook with a, 'yeah, he had it coming' comment. So looking at granite could easily have been putting me back on the singles market. Ya just never know.

So the evening plan was to go out for a nice dinner. But that plan go downgraded to ordering in pizza. Already we were off on the wrong foot.

I should have known - and even said - that when ordering went so smoothly, something would be fucked up. We live in a place where the best delivery folks could never find us.

Naturally we order when we're already hungry and know it will be a 45 minute wait to actually get the food - so the cards are stacked against us. Or at least me.

75 minutes later, no delivery, so we call. There is no record of anyone putting in the order. I'm breaking. The bf almost almost almost lets them off the hook because they give us a $20 credit on our next order. BFD.

Personally, I want the asshole fired - or worse. He remembered the conversation and the order, but has no idea whey it is not in the computer. A major mistake of the partner at that point is - "let's just make something".

At this point it is pushing 9p. From going out to dinner - to ordering in - to making dinner, I am finally broken. ...and I act out. And I know it.

I throw on my work boots and say I am getting the fuck out of here. I'll assume I was acting irrational enough that I was not even attempted to be talked down from this....or reasoned with. He was probably smarter than I was - but let us not kid ourselves - I was hoping to be talked to, so when it did not happen, just sent me that much farther over the edge.

I did indeed hop in my car and leave....with no direction. When I worked at a hospital, I had a place to go to 24/7. I don't have that now. So I drove blasting music in my little car. It helped.

But I also ended up at a frickin' bar too: downing more than a few Blue Moons, listening to and watching bad music. Then just watching some guys play pool, while I silently mapped out their ill-fated shots and knowing the ones they were designating to sink were the wrong ones.

I had all their problems figured out - why not mine?


song by: Belinda Carlisle

Saturday, November 03, 2007

High Dive

It all happens in such slow motion - yet at the speed of light.

She is standing on a train platform with her back to the tracks. I am approaching, but still at a considerable distance. People are scattered at the large outdoor station on the slight hill - waiting for their morning transport.

With no one seemingly around, she falls. Backward. U-shaped. Almost like a reverse jackknife, but not as severe in the bend of her back.

I arrive at the platform and walk to the edge, just as others do at the same time - though oddly not as many as you'd think.

She is there - the small of her back, broken on the closest rail, as her body lays across it and spills into the space between the second one. She doesn't move - nor will she ever again.

The train will not come this morning.



....such is my dream.

song by: Maria McKee

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Drunk Again, Naturally

Ok....today's header is not really a song title...just a take off on a Gilbert O'Sullivan song(and if I have to clue you in to who that is - I'm way too old for you to be reading this blog probably.

Tom G got me drunk two nights ago.

Yes, it is always easier to blame someone else for these types of things. In reality, I have no one to blame but myself......and Tom G. Oh yeah, he's going down!

Ok, I paid the tab, so maybe ultimately I take the responsibility.

I was doing some work travel in-state this week and ended up staying over at my old stomping grounds (sorry Ditto). The plan was to have dinner with Mr. G. And we did - that is, if you consider eight or nine drinks and a half-eaten salad "dinner".Actually, I may have been on my second drink by the time he showed up. It's not that I'm a lush (it's not that I'm not), but he was late! What's a boy to do?

As we caught up, joked around, traded stories, sports chat and funny tales. The drinks just seemed to keep coming. I swear sometimes we did not even request them. It's
not that some chivalrous gentleman was buying us rounds - I think the waiter was just trying to pad the bill. I'll get back to him in a minute.Tom is one of those people I just love being around. We totally get each other without having to explain ourselves, or our jokes. We can also trade the bawdiest of stories (mainly about ourselves) without the slightest inkling of judgment from the other.

I was relaying a story about my ex-gay boss (he's still gay - just not my boss) and talking about drag performers and he mentioned one: Miss Sonya Ross. David said (s)he was from Cleveland, I said from Columbus. He/She used to tend bar (as a man) at Trends back in the day. ...but my story was really to lead up to how my ex-gay boss had seen Mary Ann Brandt and how I know Mary Ann.

But we barely got past the name association of Sonya (call her 'Ms. Ross'), because who the frick would have thought that after 12-15 years that not only was she still around - but sitting RIGHT NEXT TO US!

Neither Tom or I know what got his/her attention - my 'voice that carries' or his cackling guffawing about her. I don't know had I been dead sober if I would have been embarrassed by this, but at this point, I was long past being either.

I should mention that we were having dinner in a gay establishment. Albeit, a nice one with a good menu, but we were eating in the bar. Plasma televisions everywhere playing 'two for Tuesday'. Which meant having to sit through two crappy Beyonce videos (is that redundant?), then two crappy P. Diddy vids, etc. Is this really what gay men listen to?

Ruckiry (not Jon's boss), they then switched to '80s videos. Yes, it was good and bad. For every Bow Wow Wow song, you had to endure Ray Parker Jr.!!!! eeeeeeeek. For the joy of getting to see Pat Benatar's "Love is a Battlefield" ("leave me alone!") - you had to sit through the 18 minute Michael Jackson "Thriller" video. Early MTV was a blessing and a curse - wasn't it?

At the magical hour of 8p (or was it 9?), the videos switched off and on came "Dancing with the Stars"!!!!!! Jebus Fucking Christ! Tom axed the bartender if he could put on a Joan Crawford movie - to which I immediately added that it 'would be less gay than what you're showing right now'.

Yes, we were endearing ourselves to patrons and proprietors alike. Including the waiter. I told you I'd get back to him.

Man, was he snotty. And just not good enough of a waiter to back up the snob with. When we actually ordered beers and water - IF they came, he'd say, oh they had to tap a new keg. Honestly, I wasn't drinking that much! But I also had to come back with something snide like 'are you tapping a new keg for the water too???'. Miss Thing got all bent out of shape.

Naturally, the closer the time came to cash out, the nicer he got. He wasn't fooling anyone - least of all Tom and myself.

I finally I got up to break the seal and noticed it was 11:36! P.M.!!! Not only way past my bedtime, but I had been there "having dinner" for five hours. Not only was Tom late for dinner - I arrived early, so.........

We got out of there (not before me running my hand through some guy's beard)and headed our separate ways. Him to his house - me barreling down I-670 to my hotel. Drunk. Again. In Columbus.

Some things never change.