You Never Give Me Your Money

You know how I said last week that I wouldn't commit to being a victim of identity theft?  I think I can erase all doubt - you know, the way someone would like to erase my credit. 

Motherfuckers.      ......and that's the nice version. 

So, since that last post, I got someone applying for a $10,000 consolidation loan (yeah, because they were stealing money for me to pay off their credit card!) and two credit cards. All of them turned down, which is good. 

Or is it?  I mean, my credit score is hovering at 780. How the fuck am "I" being turned down for a Discover card?  DISCOVER!  While I'm glad no one is actually getting to my credit, I think I should be a little offended that "I" can't get a card one had to go through Sears to obtain. 

For those who don't know - Sears used to be a department store like JC Penny, but with a hardware. 

For those who don't know - JC Penny was a department store like Montgomery Ward. 

.....for those who don't know - Montgomery Ward..............   well, you get the idea. 

For the bank loan - the rep was pretty nice and gave me a buttload of info. They clearly had my SSN and partial address. Oddly, the rejection letter got to me - without any 'forward' info, but it had the road name misspelled and a very very wrong zip code. She is the one who told me how much the loan request was for. They did not use my phone number, but she wouldn't tell me the area code even used on the one they had. I thought that was a weird bit of info to withhold considering everything else she gave me. 

So yes, I reached out to each of the credit bureaus - one was great. one was fair. one suuuuuuuuucked. 

Yes, I'm talking to YOU Equifax. 

I was locked out of my log-in. While I knew my log-in and password, it did not recognize either. So much so that when I asked for a new user ID, this pops up:

Yeahhhhhhh.......that's not my email address. 

Turns out 'proton' is used to encrypt any and every thing - you know when you don't want to be found. So, when you think about it - someone got in, changed my log-in and contact info. And now that I asked for a new sign-on, Experian sent that notificaiton to the perps, who now know someone is on to them.   So......yay!

It gets better.   But not in that gay teen kind of way.  Sarcastically. 

None of Experian's 800 numbers - and there are many - allow you to talk to an actual human being. None. I had to do some internet searches to find any number get a person. The first guy was nice, the second guy extremely snippy - because he was the wrong department, like it was my fault I got transferred to him. The third guy - "Sebastian" was good. 

I say that in quotes because it is highly doubtful there are a lot of "Sebastians" in Bangalore. 

Sebastian went through all the verifications, but then it got to security questions - and lo and behold the answers were different. So someone had been in and changed the answer to my first car name and my oldest sister's middle name.  

So, the case is being escalated. But clearly, Experian is the weak link of the three. I know how they got in, I'm assuming. 

That said - my credit was all locked / frozen at all three credit agencies. Do smart criminals relock the info after obtaining / changing it? 

The reality is, they still got my SSN from the government info that was absconded with years back. From there, they probably got into a lot of other shit. 

So - no one can seemingly get to syphon off all my tens of dollars, but damn if they're not trying - and taking down my credit rating in the process. And wasting a few hours per week of being on calls and on hold. 

Motherfuckers!

Song by: the Beatles

Stolen

Do you know how I have been lamenting that there was nothing to write about?   Well.....be careful what you wish for, or so they say.

I didn't bother mentioning it in my 12 of 12 yesterday, but none of that post was done on my MacBook.  Why, you ask?

Oh, because during the daylight hours, while I was working at home, someone came into the house and stole two MacBooks, an iPad and a GPS.  THAT is why.

It was this weird confluence of events.  A mid-afternoon power outage (that ended up lasting almost 12 hours) and someone walking into the house, ground and second floor, all while I was in my office, which is above the garage. Connected to the house, yet separated at the same time.

Totally ballsy that they got through the locked front door, then into another door (unlocked) and free to roam the house.

The "joke" is, I didn't even notice.  I went about my day, and when the power and internet went out, I was kind of stymied doing work. I did what I could in the office and then I went out to the end of the drive and talked to neighbors.  With the doors locked, I sat outside, as it was lighter out, than in. 

Denton came home he wanted to look up why the power might be out but his iPad wasn't where he normally leaves it.  I tell him to just use his MacBook.  It's not there either.  I look for mine and it too is gone. 

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.  x 100.

It's like losing my iPhone all over, but billion times worse, and no, that is not hyperbole.  There is nothing worse than hyperbole!!!!   (oh hey, I still have a sliver of a sense of humour, who knew?)

I was figuratively sick to my stomach over all of this.  And not for the immediate reason you'd think.  It wasn't that someone was creeping around the house while I was there.  It was that I had somehow failed.

Were the outside doors truly locked?  Did I forget to do to something?  Why weren't the devices hid more effectively? What could/should I have done differently?  Because now, it wasn't just my stuff, it was Denton's stuff too.

Not only that, we all know it's not about 'stuff'.  It's about the loss of security and feeling safe in your home and that has been violated. Yeah, the thought process of what if someone had been hurt and thankfully no one was, but that wasn't it...........it will be, but I haven't started down that path yet. I'd have felt horrible if something had happened to Sophie.

For a few hours, I thought they stole my wallet too.  I realized this after we did our bad Scooby-Doo bit. 

Sitting there, Denton thought 'do we think they are still in the house?' , because at some point I did lock the inner door.  So off we went with Coleman lanterns in hand like Velma and Alan (you decide which one is which) - and a wrought iron bar - announcing ourselves and whipping open closets for "surprise" when clearly the only one's who'd be surprised is us. 

As we were each on the phone furiously cancelling my credit and bank cards and fuming over having to stand in the DMV line, the perfect end to the day:  the cat ralphing right there in the kitchen and then loud knocking on our door at 22:00 - in the pitch black.

It was the cops.  Police had been called.  Police arrived and were nice (one was cute....so, there's that), and very helpful.   Hint:  write down your serial numbers of all your electronics - don't store them electronically - because if they find stolen stuff and they don't have those numbers, you don't get those items back.  Oddly enough, we had the numbers for the report..

After assessing that no prints could probaby be taken, not only by what might have been touched, we went through everything to see what was missing, effectively wiping out any useable fingerprints.

I hate to say it, but one thing went silently through my mind:  we should get a gun. 

I've always been a big non-believer in firearms. I know it was a not-so-fleeting thought and a reactionary one. And then out of Denton's mouth, he said something similar.  At least mine was in my head, but I immediately felt better for thinking it. 

Yesterday, in our email group, when I mentioned a dog or a gun, Morty mentioned the gun would be less messy, that is until I used the gun.   True.

But the blood splatter is only one clean up.  The dog barfs, sheds, poops and pees daily.  And I don't have to walk the gun.  The reality is, I'd have to be packin' and come across the perp (yes, I'm using Law & Order lingo) for that gun thing to work.   ....and it's a five day waiting period and I'M MAD NOW!!!!

So I have yesterday I emailed all neighbors (I head that list) to let them know to be vigilant.  Naturally, a few stepped up to say the same thing happened to them over the last week, but never bothered to say anything.  UGH!  Then I spoke with the police again and our insurance agent, so all those wheels are in gear. 

And to add insult to injury, I can't go to iTunes today to purchase Blondie's new release.  That will have to wait until we get clearance (Clarence) from the insurance company and then make a trip up to Apple to make one heck of a purchase that should pay their mortgage for next month. 

So, we are safe.  I can't say we are sound, because sleep did not come Monday night and doubtful it will tonite.  Each sound has my ears pricked up.  I snap at little things and it's only day one.  I still have like 4.5 more stages to get through until acceptance.  As if!

There. I have something to blog about.  Happy???                 I'm not.




Song by:  Dashboard Confessional