Save Me

May is Mental Health Awareness Month - if you didn't know. 

I didn't. 

At least until last week. 

I thought I'd touch on it before the month slips away. 

A while back, I vowed (maybe too strong a word) to try to break the stigma on mental health issues, but documenting some of mine. I feel I have been only semi-transparent - which makes me believe I have my own stigma with which to deal. I'm trying to change that. Good of place to start as any is right here. 

Did you know when you call to make an initial appointment with a psychiatrist or psychologist, the first question they ask isn't what your name is?  Nope.  

"Are you having suicidal thoughts?"

Depending on your response, the second question is: "Have you made a plan to harm yourself?".

Yes, you should be able to deduct how I know the second question. 

As odd as it might sound, the question, and my answers, were a little jarring. Even to me. And I was experiencing these first hand, but never had to verbalize anything outside my own skull. It is a weird mirror that is held up - and an uncomfortable one at that. 

At least for me. 

And since I called a number of places, these questions seem to be the standard. 

I am coming up on two years since those phone calls. I had some low-lows and some stability. There are, as of yet, no high-highs. There might not be. It's all a metaphorical dance. If I can stay away from the low-lows, I call it a win. 

I've made no secret that my lows as of late come from this administration. Vile. Cruel. Destructive. I guess I didn't know or think I'd see evil coalesce like this in my lifetime. I am flabbergasted daily and daily I'm surprised that I'm surprised. The hole, the evil, is just never-ending, and they just keep digging. 

The post image was of my monitor at work. And yes, I had a post-it with 988 on it staring back at me daily. It wasn't like I needed to remember the number. It's not even necessarily that I needed the number. The post-it did keep me in check though. Just an important remembrance that there was someone should I ever need someone. 

That post-it looks like it is hanging on a thread. Somedays I know how it feels. 

BLOTUS and RFucKer Jr were planning on defunding the the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. 

Seriously. 

Just do away with 4-1-1 while you're at it. Actually, I don't put that past them either. 

As of a few days ago, funding for 988 seems to be secure (breath is not being held). However, they are looking to shut down a specialized line for LGBTQI youth this upcoming October.  You know, National Coming Out Day. 

I shit you not. 

America has a youth mental health crisis, and LGBTQ+ youth are four times more likely to attempt suicide than their peers. 

Honestly, I'm surprised it's only 4x more likely. 

In theory, 988 could (and would) take those calls, but counselors for this at risk youth population have specific / deeper training. It would be nice if all counselors could be trained to this level, but who knows. 

Naturally there is no surprise that this administration would target anything gay to just be that much more hurtful. That they are youths is just a plus for them. They do like easy targets. And do hate the homos. 

You can understand how this country, as it stands now and the direction we are going, is making it necessary for this service. I get "they" don't care, which is why it is doubly important to have such a phone line. 

Song by: Fleetwood Mac