Thunderball

You know the episode of the Office when Dwight Schrute has his stability ball fitness orb?

It is a fitness orb and it has completely changed my life. Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts. This ab workout is specifically designed to strengthen your core. Numerous health benefits, strengthens your back, better performance in sports, more enjoyable sex. Plus, improves your reflexes. Or so says Dwight.

With that kind of endorsement, why wouldn't a mere mortal like me get one?

It looks large, doesn't it? I got the 65cm one, as it said it was for folks taller than 6'. But it seems a bit on the large size.

I actually got it through PT since Adam thought it would be a good idea for some of the things Dwight mentioned. And while Andy didn't say aloud that it would improve my sex life you know he was thinking it! You know he was thinking it would be "more enjoyable" with him.

But what you see is in my office now. I use it about half the day, so far. I haven't progressed to sitting on it for 10 hours, and maybe I never will. It does indeed improve your posture and stability though. I do feel it strengthening my core and back just because of the way you have to sit. Maybe it's not strengthening, but I'm getting sore doing it.

Positive changes in reflexes? Sports? That remains to be seen.

And on day one, I was sitting in my office someone walked by and goes, "look how big his ball is", to which I responded, without turning around, "that's what she said".

Maybe in hindsight it was unfortunate that I said it someone from HR, but hey - she said it to me first and set me up for it. No worries, it got a big laugh. Someone else came back with "at least it's not blue". HA!!! Blue balls! Get it?

As for Adam and physical therapy, I shan't be seeing him again. At least not until my next accident - or in my dreams. He discharged me from my therapy.

Fully recovered? Probably not, but I'm 95% there and I have a new routine for my workout to keep the back strong - and I can start back to easing into Spin. He was very proud of me - or so he said.


Song by: Tom Jones

Lay Your Hands On Me

Physical Therapy is going fine - thank you for asking.

I'm into my second week and things are better, but I still have some pain or at least tightness. Adam, my big-nosed therapist, has been working one-on-one with me to get me back to "normal".

We are incorporating some yoga moves into my back stretching. Basically we're doing Cobra, and it seems to be working, along with the other few I've been doing. He had me walk on a treadmill for a bit too to see how that goes and so far so good.

I won't say Adam gave me a massage, but I did have to lay face down on one of those benches you see up top and he basically palpated my back and continues to apply more and more pressure to see if it caused any pain. It did not.

"But what nice strong hands you have, grandma...." Oh wait, that's a different story, though he was wearing red, as you can see.


Ok, it might not have been horribly ethical to take pictures of my therapist, let alone post them here, but......

Would you take a look at that schnoz? Isn't it beautiful. ....no, I'm not joking.

The pictures don't really represent well. He is better looking than this, and he's got a great smile. And then there are those strong hands. I'm ignoring that wedding ring - his and mine.


Song by: Thompson Twins

Move to Work

So I finally went to physical therapy. Well, not finally - I mean, the doctor only prescribed it for me less than a week ago.

My appointment was bright and early yesterday. They can start at 07:00, which would be perfect for me, but I could not get in until an hour later. Bummer. But since I wasn't going to BWI, or anywhere else for that matter, it wasn't too much of an inconvenience.

This visit was mostly just my evaluation/assessment, still it took a full billable hour.

Morty and Becca told me what they thought the visit would be like. Words like 'massage', 'heat pads' and 'acupuncture' were thrown around. Lies. All lies.

It was nothing more than questions, sight evaluation of my movements and exercises to do there and at home and in the office.

Mind you when Morty said 'massage', I had to throw in a line about 'as long as there is a happy ending....', and I'm not talking Cinderella or the Goldilocks or the Deathly Hallows.

Let me just say this about "Adam", my new physical therapist: I would have gladly given him the happy ending. End of story.

Adam isn't what you'd probably call classically handsome, but that's not my type anyway. What chance does a guy like me have at classically handsome? Not that I have a chance at this either - or that I'd take said chance had it been offered. But if I have to spend 2-3 hours a week with a therapist, I should at least have some eye candy, right?

First, I've never seen a physical therapist who is out of shape - and Adam is no exception. And his Semitic good looks (ok, his nose) are a huge huge huge plus (so is his nose!). Yet the man was engaging and thorough and that's really what I was there for.

He really doesn't see PT as being long term for me. He saw some great things (his words) with some of the paces he put me through. I'm sure I'm on the low scale of some of the stuff they see in that office. So he doesn't think that there is nothing non-fixable, and he thinks it can all be done in three weeks or so.

Here's hoping.

But he agreed: no spinning. It is an activity that has you hunched over too much and too hard on the spine. He disagreed with the doctor about yoga, within reason. No poses that has me bent over or folded, which does limit somethings that happen in the studio, but the cat-cows, child's pose, pigeon and others that really stretch the back should be just fine and even beneficial to my recovery.

Oddly enough, he thinks weight lifting is just fine. My issue isn't really lifting as much as how to get on and off the weight bench. While I look like a moron doing it, apparently I am doing it the correct way for an gimp.

We both agreed: no sit-ups, inclined or otherwise.

Adam wouldn't look up my radiology exams, at least in front of me, as he didn't want to tell me something that he feels would label me. He said it better than that, but I get it. If I can move and he can fix me, what is the point of saying x, y or z. His rationale is that the two of us could have the exact same film (the tease!) and yet we could still respond differently to any therapy.

I ran into a guy from my yoga class at PT. He knew about my fall and my absence from the twice a week class. He's been doing PT for a while and had nothing but great things to say on how far he's come (I don't know what his issues were, nor did I ask, and he didn't offer).

So I will see Adam 2-3 times per week for the next 2-3 weeks. Not only will I see him, but I will keep looking at him too.


Song by: Fine Young Cannibals

I'm Looking Through You

So, the doc appointment is over. But then again, it's not. C'mon - no one thought it would be, right? One appointment? Get over yourselves.

No news is good news - right? Probably. And wouldn't you know it - the day of my appointment and it was the best day I had since the fall. Yeah, that should be great, but I wanted the doc to see the extent of my damage. I mean - I'm paying for this!

She put me through a series of evaluations of walking. Well, walking, prancing, mincing dancing ....you know, the standards.

At one point she had me sit on that exam table and flex my feet. Oddly enough, that hurt my back. Nothing else did.

When going through my medical history she became very concerned about my "cured" cancer (is anyone ever really cured?). It never occurred to me that somehow the cancer had returned - 15 years later - and spread to my spine. Oddly enough - it did to her. It's great she's looking out for me that way, but in reality, I had to talk her through what kind of cancer it was, as she had never heard of it. ....but let's panic the patient anyway. Oy.

So, she came to the conclusion that it was probably not cancer related. Duh.

She offered me stronger pain meds that were not narcotic based, but I didn't bother with those. What was the point? Maybe I'll reconsider if the pain goes back to where it was and continues on. If not, then I'll do OTC stuff.

She prescribed x-rays (see image above) and physical therapy. I did the first task immediately. I let them irradiate my insides, just to continue my on-going sterilization process. But I didn't immediately bite at scheduling PT.

Personally, I would like to know what we're working with here. I think physician and the therapists would too. You can treat the ache, I suppose, but don't we really want to know the cause so we can tailor that to the targeted problem?

I'm supposed to go back in three weeks. Until then - I'm not allowed supposed to Spin or do Yoga. Pffffffffffffttt


Song by: the Beatles

Heal the Pain

It has been one month and four days since I fall down and go boom. The pain in my rear has neaped and ebbed, but mostly it neaps and stays neaped.

I'm not complaining exactly, I'm just saying.

I've cut down on my gym routine, but I have not abandoned it. Since I don't know what in that routine continues to aggravate my back, I'm weeding things out of said routine and at one time or another scaled back on either cardio, spinning, lifting or yoga to see who/what the culprit might be. It is now safe to assume all of it complicates the back in one form or another.

So what's a guy to do?

Oh yeah. See a doctor.

That happens today - at 07:40. I'm headed to the Spine Clinic to see what can be done with my sore, aging body. My guess is nothing other than physical therapy, but we'll see. We'll see.

But as I was lifting yesterday (yes, I was. shut up), I thought to myself: maybe this is it. Maybe I'm of that age where I just have a bad back. Forever.

In certain ways, I'm a realist or fatalist. But in this regard, I had this minor-epiphany. This had never crossed my mind. Then I thought to myself, 'crud' ....and then finished my workout, showered and drove to work.

All day, my pain had ebbed. I kind of want it to hurt for the doc, but that's just crazy talk.



Song by: George Michael

Like a Stone

I feelin' bad for one of my sisters and brother-in-laws. They can't seem to catch a break when it comes to their kids.

You might remember me mentioning my nephew's thoracic surgery in December. Well, his sister went back to college and on day three of the new semester, fell out of her bed - which happened to be the top bunk.

Unfortunately, she was asleep when it happened (and no, she was not drunk), so she didn't know to try to break her fall - and didn't.

The description of it made me cringe - I can't imagine it actually happening to me. Well, I guess I can, which is why I cringed.

That in itself would have been bad and painful enough, but it doesn't end there. In the fall, she dislodged a kidney stone. Can you believe that?

She was so incapacitated when it was realized, she had to be taken by EMTs from her class the next day. From the school infirmary to the hospital. With a week of being no better and with the stone around 5mm, she was back in the hospital yesterday. A stone that size is too big to pass.

The doctor and staff have been great and did extracorporeal shock-wave lithotripsy on her. Within an hour, she was back in her dorm. The stone hasn't passed as of this morning, but probably will in the next 24 hours.

I feel bad for her for any number of reasons. One is that she had to go through this alone, basically. Her RA and friends at school have been with her throughout most of her ordeal. My sister owes them big time. iTunes gift cards and cookies/brownie packages. I know the head of Residence Halls got a nice letter about the RA.

In a way, it's a good thing. She has learned to deal with something like this on her own. She's growing up fast and in touch circumstances.

The second reason it sucks is that she will have kidney stones all her life. This is just the first go-round. Her father has them and I have seen him in excruciating pain. When one stone passed, it is amazingly no larger than a grain of sand. Stone, my ass! But you'd think someone was stabbing him over and over.

Unfortunately, Katie has seen her father in this state too, so she knows what is to come for the rest of her days. That's a horrible thing to live with.

But she's good....or will be. She's surely better than she was.

And now she has the bottom bunk.


Song by: Audioslave

Boys Don't Cry

I just want to go on record: I did not cry.

I did not cry when I fall down and go boom almost a week ago. I did not cry when I worked out for the first time since that ass to ice/pavement incident.

That is not to say I didn't cross my mind, even if only for a fleeting second.

Then I figured: what good would crying actually do?? The last time I cried is when we had to have Kylie put to sleep, and I will go on record again - I have never bawled like that before.

But as I mentioned yesterday, come hell or high water, I was working out today. I just didn't figure hell and high water would prevail....in a way. Let's just say: ouchy.

I almost always start out with cardio. I find it easier to lift after I've got my adrenaline going a bit. I mean, it is 05:30 and you need something to start your day. Yesterday, it was the elliptical. It wasn't great, but certainly not horrible. After I got into a rhythm, I completed my 3o minutes on level 15 (out of 20). Sure I was sore, but I wasn't feeling it too much by the time cool-down came.

Normally after that, I do abs, on both an incline bench and one of them big balls (hehehe, I said 'big balls'). Let's just say, as I went to go sit and then lay on the bench, I knew this was not going to happen. I didn't even attempt the ball. The pain was pretty severe considering I'm a week in to this injury.

So it was down to the weight room with lowered expectations. This being optimistic just isn't paying off for me. I scaled down whatever weight I was going to try to bench, but the joke was actually getting on the bench......and then off. I was like an 84 year old man with scoliosis who was stricken by nerve gas. But just so you know I am a total moron - I did this two more times, so I could get three sets in, butt spasms aside.

As my friend Jon pointed out to me, something I already knew - I need to see someone about this, it can't really go on. Not like they can put it in a cast or anything. Naturally, while I have insurance, my current carrier will have me seen at one place and the new plan I get in 20 days will have me seen somewhere else. So what to do? What to do?

I'm hoping in two weeks I can do SpinFest II - but I'm trying to be realistic here. I don't know that is going to happen.

I won't cry over that either. .....not that I cried. I did not cry.



Song by: the Cure

I'm Hurtin'

Not much to say today. I'm late for a post, as I normally post a few hours earlier. But hey, it keeps you on your toes. Ya gotta want it!

But fall the other day has caused repercussions throughout my body. I should have assumed it would, but there is that optimist in me (or king of denial) that thought maybe the pain would be localized to my tush-area.

My cousin, David, left a Facebook message for me that had the word 'coccyx' in it. The man is just looking for that edge to get a rise out of me, or to spur some downward spiral conversation for all to see. He does this a lot. I'm not biting.

However, he has a point. I'm 94% sure that's what I've hit and it has reverberated up my spine in the last day or so. Yes, my tailbone area is still very very sore, but not as sore as my shoulder blade area and neck. Whatever trauma I did to that butt-area did a nice job up the spinal column.

So, I'm a bit out of sorts. No gym yesterday or today. No lifting. No sit-ups (ouch!). No two hour spin class (OUCH!). Just resting. My big plans to de-holiday-ize the house are out the door right now. I can't lift that much or travel up and down stairs easily with full boxes - and someone else isn't home this weekend. It'll have to wait until he gets home.

And there is supposed to be like 6" of snow today before he gets home. He's frickin' nuts if he thinks I'm going out to the driveway to clear it for his return.


Song by: Roy Orbison

Chunk of My Lung

Yesterday, my 16 year old nephew had thoracic surgery. This was mainly due to two separate spontaneous pneumothoraxes. Obviously, everyone was hoping for some non-surgical fix, but it was not to be.

So, he had minimally invasive surgery - three holes on the one side of his body, one being for the camera. Cool. I told him "chicks dig scars", but I don't think he cares - and clearly I have no real way of knowing this.....not first hand.

Actually he was so calm about the entire thing, I was quite proud. He was way more freaked out by the idea of getting the IV. I used to be that guy way back when too.

They took him in and removed a part of his lower lobe and then stapled something to something. Two hours later he was in recovery. He was out but not out. Couldn't open his eyes (or wouldn't) but could hear most everything and would pipe up with a comment now and again. I used to be that guy way back when too.

He doesn't know it, but I snapped some pics of him while he was out. They'll be fun to torture him with later. ...and no, I will not post them here.

He'll be fine. He'll be in mucho pain the next few days, but he's getting quality drugs: dilaudid for starters! NICE! He won't realize that until later, if he's anything like me.....and he is.


Song by: Jennis Joplin

The Trick is to Keep Breathing

So on Tuesday I made my way to an otolaryngolgist. ....or as you might know of them, an Ears, Nose and Throat guy.

Really, I only went for the nose part, since I've got a big schnoz and all. It's not that I want to reduce it, I like it the way it is. But for as big as it is, it would be nice to actually be able to get air through it. ...at least the left side. My left, not stage left.

This is not a new affliction - it's been constant for as long as I can remember. I'm just considering fixing it now. Well.....reconsidering it.

I'd say about 20 years ago, I went to an ENT in Columbus and the old coot physician said he could fix it, but there was only a 70% chance it would be better. I needed better odds than that. At that time, after the procedure, your sinus cavities were packed with gauze and only one way to take it out. My understanding was, that was more painful than the surgery itself. "Blinding white-hot pain" was the description. I was out.

Now it is two decades later and technology, success rates and NO packing have come a long way. So, I'm back to checking it all out.

The appointment / evaluation was quick. I snapped a quick pic of the instruments he might use on me.

He only used the three from the left. The one on the far left made me feel like I was probably looking like Link Hogthrob. Oh, how I wish. It was probably more like Dr. Strangepork. As ridiculous as it may have looked, for the time he had me pried open, I could breathe.

One instrument not pictured was also used - a fiber-optic camera that went right up my nostril. It didn't hurt, but it sure felt weird. He talked about how far back the deviation actually was, but it is fixable - with surgery, obviously.

A 45 minute procedure. No packing. One stitch.

The surgery cannot replicate my current nighttime breathing mode: sleeping with my thumb pulling along my sinus to keep it open. Oddly enough, that is more effective than the surgery can do. More odd? I can pretty much do that through the night....or most of it. I've trained myself well.

There is a huge downside to the procedure though: no exercise for 10 days!


Song by: Garbage

Stuck

So on Friday I got my H1N1 vaccine. Score!

I know there are a few out there who are skeptical of either the vaccine itself or the over-hype of the flu itself. I get it. I respect it. But respect me my views too.

I work in healthcare and I see its impact. I see how it is affecting healthcare workers, who would normally be taking care of ill non-healthcare folks. I see how our ICU utilization is through the roof and if you are in need of a ventilator due to respiratory illness (say, like due to H1N1) you might not be getting that cubicle/room.

My frustration lies with the vaccine distribution. Grocery stores and community centers got it before hospitals - at least here. We would get only enough that it would be gone in 45 minutes - and that was just for the direct patient care folks. Yes, workers got it before patients, because, if there is no one well enough to take care of the patients - everyone is kind of screwed.

Finally at the end of last week, we got a huge shipment - but not without our Chief Medical Officer traveling to Columbus and DC to basically beg for it. Since we got so much, they relaxed the tiered approach. Technically, I am not in the first three tiers. But enough came in where it was allowable for any hospital employee who wanted one to get one.

And for all the hoo-ha of low supply and high demand - do you want to know how many people were waiting to get inoculated when I was there at 14:00 on a Friday?

Me, myself and I. That's it. No one in front of me, no one behind me.

It took longer to complete the paperwork than it did to get the shot.

I'm not over-hyping the flu, but it's one of those things I do not need. So, I got my seasonal and H1N1 shots. I wash my hands - a lot - and I really am watching what I touch (do I really need to grab the hand rail on a public stairwell? Je think not).

So all I have left to do is make sure Denton gets it - the shot, not the flu. Me getting the shot only covers me so far. ...and let's face it, it is all about me!


Song by: Stacie Orrico

Piggies

It's here!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it's been around for months, but it is here and it is here now! H1N1.

Unfortunately, for most, the vaccine has not arrived. It has become problematic.

In Northeast Ohio, we have already hit what would normally be the peak of regular flu season, when you're looking at confirmed cases. ....and we are 3-4 months away from when the height of normal flu season hits. Pandemic, indeed.

Friends have already contracted H1N1 (right Dith?). Some of my clinical staff has gotten it too - which is very problematic when trying to remain operational to take care of patients.

Our place actually got about 1,000 doses of vaccine yesterday. FINALLY. It is clearly not enough, but it's a start. It is being administered in a tiered fashion. I'm not in the top tier to get a shot. I probably could have pulled some strings to get one, but I didn't. And I won't.

....at least for the time being.


Song by: the Beatles

Gimme Stitches

Finally, I can post pictures of someone else's surgeries besides mine! ...and I have permission!

I told you last week that Morty had sugary on his Achilles tendon. He finally got to see what was under his dressings - and thanks to his almost brand spankin'-new iPhone, so do we.

I'm not squeamish about these things at all - I've had enough cutting done on me to be one Froderick Frunkenshtein. But if emails were to be believe, Becky made fake fainting noises while Dity claimed to vomit.

You've been warned.


Jon and I both agreed this looked like a stump, but it is just the angle Mort took the picture. That is the back of his ankle and down to the bottom of his foot (to the right). Isn't that great?

I told him: chicks.dig.scars. !!! I guess he'll have to take my word for it. Poor guy. Like I'd know in the first place.

Here he is after he uncovered the wound and then put a more temporary cast on his leg, so he'll be able to get around easier. It's orange.

Apparently, like braces on your teeth, you can now pick the colour of your cast. Who knew? I've only broken one bone in my life and that was like 36 years ago. You only got plaster - off white. Morty went with the autumnal /halloween / thanksgiving motif.

Here's wishing him good thoughts and a quick recovery. George should put peanut butter on Morty's toes so the beagles can lick it off and just tickle his feet, and there's nothing he can do about it.


Song by: the Foo Fighters

Achilles Heel

Poor Morty.

Today he's having surgery on his foot. Or 'sugary', as he calls it. And yes, it is on his Achilles area.

Mort said it better when he got descriptive: They will cut me open, move my Achilles out of the way, remove the bone chip, shave part of my heel off (he says I won't miss it), re-attach the tendon, and sew me back up.

I think they use a Ped Egg to have off the heel.

For as long as I have known him - this might be his first sugary - and yet he's endured many a cut to my flesh and bone over the years. Unfortunately, I no longer live close enough to him to help him out fetching him jell-o, toast and tea. Thank g-d for laptops, iPods and podcasts to keep him busy. I believe Geo might be praising the heavens too.

He'll tolerate the surgery just fine. He's a tough guy - one who has taken on at least two dozen marathons, a few triathlons and one iron-man. ....and I've known some of the guys he has dated. As he says that Lance Armstrong says: It's gotta take ball.

I think Morty will be a good patient...........initially.

His inability to run for a few months will drive him batty, but I'm guessing he'll find other things to focus on. He'll finally get around to all the crocheting he's been putting off.......since birth.

But my thoughts are with him and I'll give him a day or so to recover before I give him a call. Naturally, they'll be emails awaiting him when he wakes up and checks his laptop when he can watch no more Judge Judy.

Surgery is no fun, for sure, but he'll be better than he was. Better. Stronger. Faster. ...and it won't take Six Million Dollars to do it. (insert your own healthcare reform joke here.)


Song by: Marti Jones

Long Shot

btw....I'm just blogging away in the hopes of one day all my back-logged posts get published. It's a blissful, if unrealistic world I live in. My own private universe.

I got my flu shot of the season. My first one that is.

As you hopefully already know, it is a potential two-shot season for you. But don't fret, it's been downgraded from a possible three-shot season.

The first shot was a breeze. It didn't hurt at all. And you should get one. Don't give me this bull that it gives you the flu, it does not. It cannot. It's a dead virus going into you. What you react to is a needle in the arm and all that goes with it - regardless of the serum (tetanus, pneumovax, etc).

And once again, this isn't about YOU. Hard to believe! You can be a carrier and never exhibit symptoms, but you can pass them along to others. Do you need/want that on your head?

The second shot would be for the H1N1 flu. The one that is estimated to off about 90,000 people in the U.S. this year.

You may or may not even be a candidate for the shot. Pregnant women are first in line - as they are the most at risk group. Children ages up to 24 are the next category, as they are usually in large large groups and do things like lick each other or stick tongues down each other's throat. Then there are healthcare workers and those who have chronic illnesses.

You healthy 25 year olds and up might get a chance at the vaccine if there is enough.

And don't pay for it. It is supposed to be government supplied - as that is how bad they think a pandemic flu will be for the country. Yeah - you might have to pay your co-pay or possibly an administration fee, but nothing for the actual serum.

The shots really do not hurt. It's not a kitten licking you, but you've had worse (and bigger) pricks in you. At least some of you. I'm not pointing fingers - just callin' 'em as I see 'em.


Song by: Aimee Mann

Fingers of Love

Actually 'love' has nothing to do with it - to bastardize Tina Turner. Fingers do though. Oh yes indeed they do.

September is National Prostate Health Month. Did you know that? You probably should if you're over 50. Oh, and a male. That last part if very important.

I'm not over (or even at) 50, but it seems I've had my share of prostate exams. Legitimate ones. From licensed physicians. I suppose I've had others - but they weren't professionals. Or doctors. They didn't even play one on TV. Nor was it for anything medical....but I digress.

I think I've mentioned that with dentists, Becky recommended getting a female one, as their hands are smaller and gentler. I took that advice and it has worked well for me.

The same cannot be said for urologists. I have had a woman who had done this exam on me - a few times. I think Linda Blair had it easier in the showers when she was in Born Innocent. (now there is a cultural reference that will be harder to get for most....I'm assuming...)

Talk about the need to take me to dinner and movie next time!

The next time I got one was from my regular doc. A male. When I mentioned to him afterwards how much better that was than Dr. H's exam, he laughed and said: "well, they don't have one, so they don't know how to do it correctly."

Yes, that could come across as a little misogynistic, but so far (in my experience) he's right on the money. Gals - you might say the same thing about male OB-GYN Kenobis. Maybe they are not as sensitive as you think they could be.

So where I work is providing free prostate screenings this month. I'm not sure how expedited they are. I'm not sure I want Wham-Bam-Thank You-Man. Can't we talk and just get to know each other first?

And these are the posters that hang in every elevator. I'd be more than happy to let two of these three doctors give my exam. Bet you can't guess which one would come in third.

Turns out - you don't have to really bet at all. They're not doctors. They are fucking models - so even they don't play one on TV. We didn't even have the smarts to feature our own staff docs. WTF!

Oh well, I think I'd still rather have one of these two or three give me my exam. It's free - so you get what you pay for.


Song by: Crowded House

The Air That I Breathe

Cold-wise, I thought I was doing so much better the last two days. I was a little congested, but only a little and even had long periods of dryness. And nothing had turned into the heavy heavy chest that would turn into cough.

That was then. This is now.

I'm still don't really have a runny nose, but I woke up this morning gasping for breath. Somehow the manual override to switch from nose-breathing to mouth-breathing didn't automatically kick in.

So, there I lay - struggling to breathe in bed figuring this is how, one day, the end would be.

If so, at least I'll have the cats next to me making it for an easy transition to death's door. They loved having a dad awake who'd pet them in the early early morning.

It's odd, because other than that whole "breathing thing", I don't really feel bad at all. I'm a little sleep deprived and my throat is a bit dry due to having to mouth breathe, but other than that.......

I'm not sure it helped my sleep habits that I dreamed about vampires most of the night. I distinctly remember waking up at one point thinking I no longer ever had to read or see that Twilight / True Blood stuff because it all just came to me in my dreams. Then I realized they weren't actually the same thing - and still realized I didn't need to see or read either of them.

But of course, they live in coffins (ok, at least Barnabus Collins did!) and not sure how much air they need to get through the day. Just a pint of B+. Right now, that seems totally like an option!


Song by: the Hollies

Tymps (the Sick in The Head Song)

Lovely image, huh?

Well, I'm not feeling lovely or even can muster up the energy to pretend that I am.

When it comes down to it, I'm probably a lousy patient. At least on some levels. I'm a great surgery patient, but when it comes to aches and pains and sniffles, the world should revolve around me.

Oh who am I kidding? I'm a Leo. The world does revolve around me. What was I even thinking?

But to be frank, I cannot control everything - as much as that pains me. This cold has got me by the balls, so to speak. It's not allergies and yesterday I ruled out H1N1. It's just a summer cold. And there ain't nothing I can do about (whoa-whoa-whoa.....).

So I got into the family medicine clinic where I work. That will be the last time I do that. I believe Emma Lazarus wrote a poem about this place.

It was the dregs. I was the only one there who didn't bring my kids or parents. Oh, and the doc to see me happened to be the chairman of the department. A guy I interviewed with over a year ago and he turned me down. Awkward!!! (say it in that gay sing-songy voice. you know the one.)

Even more awkward was giving him my entire medical history and coupled it with the thought that if I had to run such a department that was so heinous, I would have jumped off the nearest bridge.

So - what did I get from this experience? Zilch. Basically.

It's a cold. Nothing they can do. It has to run its course. It's going to be a miserable week - for me and all who come in contact with me.

Fairly be warned! Arrrrgh.


Song by: Fiona Apple

The Pain That I'm Used To

My timing for illness is uncanny.

Rarely will you find me getting sick on a Monday-Thursday. No, any symptoms have to wait to manifest themselves on a Friday where you always assume there is some hope they'll pass. When they don't, you're well into Saturday or Sunday. And you're fucked.

I guess I could have gone to the ED to get checked out, but it's a bit pricey. Though Saturday and Sunday mornings at 03:00, I was actually considering it, as I could not sleep and each contraction of my throat sent me to new waves of pain.

Pain that I'm eerily used to - hence the title of this post.

This affliction does not happen often, but when it does, initially getting it resolved took eons. There are tons of bad doctors out there who never ever diagnosed the problem correctly. I've spent tons on incorrect antibiotics that never did the job. They'd mask the symptoms for a week or two, sure - but then BOOM!, everything was back with a vengeance.

Even one time I went to the Keys with this problem and ended up blowing out my ear drums on the plane - the little commuter one from Miami to Key West. I heard nothing for 3-4 days of that "vacation". A vacation I sat in a local doctor's office three times during that time away from work.

It was one man who put me on the path to better health - in more ways than I can say. I knew he would be my PCP when he walked in the exam room and had - gasp! - already read my chart. He didn't come in asking, 'so tell me what's going on'. He actually read ahead.

And while some could call it bravado to not really check with the patient, I found it refreshing.

All other docs were trying to treat me for a strep infection that was never there. Not because my culture came back positive, but because all the symptoms were there. The pain I had, to me, was in my throat - seemingly.

Dr. Graman told me otherwise. Before even examining me he said it was my Eustachian tubes. Looking over my chart and what I had been given in the past, he gave me one last antibiotic. He warned if this did not work he would have to aspirate my ear drums - which is just a more controlled way than putting me up in a plane to the Keys and letting an unpressurized cabin do it for me.

Ruckiry (not Jon's boss), the drugs did work. But here I am again, with the same problem - but at least I recognize it. And now I can steer whatever new doc I will see today (since Dr. Graman no longer practices in Ohio) in the right direction.

I should be happy that we were not on vacation when this happened (three more weeks people!), or in a plane.



Song by: Depeche Mode

If I Were a Weapon

I know you've all been wondering, but I'm still battling that wart on my thumb that I wrote about months ago. I'm on my seventh (!) treatment. And so far, not much has happened.

The doc, whom I really like, said I could continue treatments if I chose to do so. And then he followed that up with a lame joke you know he's been using since residency: hey, it's no skin off my back! I called him on it.

But on the way to the appointment, I overheard two female hospital employees:


Girl 1: So what was yours?

Girl 2: A weapon. A DEADLY weapon. But I got away with it.


Yikes!


Song by: Suzanne Vega

Fill Me Up

I don't think I mentioned that last month I had my semi-annual teeth cleaning.

If I didn't, I know I didn't mention that I had a filling that needed to be replaced. Or as Dr. Dorothy said, "....or possibly fit you for a crown. I'll know better once I get in there."

Yikes! I mean - you all know how I love the dentist (sarcasm, people). Ok, I don't mind it as much anymore because I'm anal about my oral hygiene, but there was a time that made me squeamish to go.

Most of that was due to my original fillings all being done without Novocaine. Including this one, which contrary to people saying - "oh, they were probably just little pits which is why you got nothing" - Dr. D said, "it's a really deep one" (that's what she said!").

But like a trooper, after spin class on Saturday (and before Rosanne Cash - man I had a busy Saturday), I trekked to the dentist office and reclined back in that chair for 35 minutes of drill and fill.

I walked in and said, "numb me within an inch of my life" - and they did. I always hear people complain about the shot, but they don't bother me. Yes, the one in the palate hurt a little, but hardly unbearable. After that, I just let them do what they had to do.

Actually, what I also said was: "just because it is a downward economy, don't just be putting a crown in me to get extra cash!". She laughed. I was only half kidding.

I only took one picture - as ugly as it is. ..and it's not even of my mouth.

I wanted one of my mouth but it was too hard to get. Tooth #14 sits in the way way back. Though she did insist on showing it to me via mirror after the filling came out, but before it was refilled. HUGE hole....for a tooth, I guess.

She wanted to make sure I knew that the tooth would be filled with a combination of regular filling stuff and some super glue kind of stuff....so the tooth would hold together! Nice!!!! With that much drilled out - along with additional decay, though the tooth was saved, there is just a lot less of it for structural support.

I love getting older (oooh. sarcasm again!)

But the filling was about 32 years old, so it was time, I guess. That is two new fillings in as many years. I have six others from the same era. Maybe five. That one crown I actually do have might have been a filling long ago.

Oh - and they couldn't do an off-white colouring. Like I care. If anyone can see that far back into my mouth, I should give them something to actually see!

I got out without any blood, sweat or tears. And didn't use the iPhone for music. Nothing seems to cut through that drilling noise, so why bother? Someone would make a fortune designing a silent dental drill. That's 86% o the anxiety anyway.

Oh, btw....I used yoga to my advantage during this too. You involuntarily find yourself tensing up during these kinds of sessions and I just used some stuff to really relax my neck, face and inside of my mouth.

Seriously - one of the things I love about yoga is how much tension we carry around in our face and mouth. If you can relax the latter, the former follows. It helped immensely in the dental chair.

So now I have additional metal in me, which means I weigh more! Bother!



Song by: Shawn Colvin

Cure for the Itch

It turns out - you don't have to be a jock to get jock itch.

I know this to be true, as I am not a jock. But I got the itch. I got it bad. Ok, not sooooo bad. It's just annoying.

Honest to g-d, I've never had it. Maybe it is because I never really sweated that much - let alone, down there. And of course, I've never been that much of a jock.

I attribute it mostly to spinning. I sweat the most during that - and even though I shower well after it, clearly I'm not doing something right to not grow some fungus among us.

And let me tell you - nothing is more suave than to be in a locker room with other guys there, as you slather your nut sack, crotch and/or taint with lotramin or spray it down. Of course, if you use spray you're supposed to wait for it to dry. I feel a bit perv-ish putting on my shirt, tie and socks on and then still hanging around for my balls to dry before putting on my briefs and suit pants.

Eh! Whatta gonna do?



Song by: Linkin Park

It Hurts Me

If only my back and shoulders looked this way. ....if only.

But they don't. Maybe the red part.

While I know the my exercise routine is good for me overall, it has been taking a toll here and there on various body parts. I suppose that is bound to happen, not only with jumping into it, but continuing to add to what I do.

Weeks ago I complained mentioned to you all about a hurt left shoulder, which is why I supplemented my weight routine with yoga a few times a week. Eventually my shoulder got better and I thought I was in the free and clear.

Silly silly me.

Then it went to an issue with the left palm of my hand. I attributed it spinning and how hard I pressed on the handle bar. I'd done it before in real biking - so I just broke out my biking gloves and used those in class. Yes, I was the only one who wore them and yes, I looked stupid....but you gotta do what you gotta do.

That pain didn't go away so easily. And it became more aggravated when lifting. Honestly, it felt like a shard of glass going into my palm. I eventually cut down on some of my lifting and/or the amount of weight I would lift. ...and as luck would have it, I sat next to an physical therapist at a meeting last week and he gave me some advice.

Oh - and somewhere in all of this, between spinning a few times a week and having to sit on a block in yoga, I really hurt my tail bone. I would literally wince anytime I thought about sitting down - for work, for car, but especially for spin or sit ups. The pain was excruciating. But one cannot stop sitting so I just worked with it. I did have to skip one yoga class because the thought of being on that block was too much.

And yes, when stuff started all feeling better, I ended up putting all that weight back into my routine - which is where I now have an aching back and yes, my left shoulder is sore yet again.

I am just venting here. I know this. I don't want to stop my routine and feel I have a good thing going over all. It is just my age - I know this. Men of a certain age can only do so much so often. I'm not built for this - though I'm trying to get there. I think I will, but the reality is, I'm old(er).

You know those disclaimers on if you start a new exercise routine to consult your doctor? I didn't. Does anyone?

Maybe I should have. But at this point, I'll just put those co-pays into PT.



Song by: the Lynns

Smoothie Song

It's happened. I have started..........eating better! I know, right? I've always tried to eat somewhat ok, but never gone out of my way to eat..................healthy! ewwwwww.

Hey, I like cheese and I have no issues with mayo. Sorry Becca, but it's true. And of course, I like alcohol, cookies and chocolate too. But I do try. I also like salads. The other day, this found its way to my desk.
The few times I've eaten sushi, I think it will never be enough - and it always turns out six pieces are more than enough. It's all that bed of cold rice that fills you up. It's ok, but not my favourite of foods. But it sure is better for me than the fried chicken tenders in the cafeteria.

Then at home, I started making these.......

Yup. Fruit smoothies. In this blender, I got a little OJ (not the alleged murderer), fresh strawberries and b-a-n-a-n-a-s. Also included is frozen blueberries, red raspberries, black berries, and yogurt. Oh and some ice cubes to thicken it up a bit. A little frappe and you get............

.......this. Ok - yes, it made a lot. A LOT. But you know, you just throw it into a container and put it in the freezer or refrigerator. I have a little when I get home and it keeps me till dinner. Or I take some with me on the way to work or the gym. It beats the other crap I used to eat. Well, I still eat. But less of......and fewer times.

Doesn't it look refreshing?

I really wasn't planning a lifestyle change when I went back to the gym, but it seems to be happening. Slowly. Nothing extreme. It's not like I want to be Wynonna or Kirstie Ally. ....except for maybe spending time with Parker Stevenson, of course.

I seemed to have gotten off topic. As usual.



Song by: Nickle Creek

Disease

First off, let me tell you how disappointed I am in the lack of good images from Pigs in Space.

The likenesses of Link Hogthrob, Dr. Strangepork and Firstmate Piggy are beyond bad. The best I could do was get a shot of the Swinetrek!

But my post isn't really about the Muppet Show.

No, it's about pigs. Or Swine Flu. Or H1N1.

From NPR to my friend Jon to any number of bloggers (many of them queer - but not you Torn, never you), folks have been reacting to and questioning the reaction of this outbreak. Mostly that the information is overkill. I hear them, I really really do. But only to a point. At first it seemed like a slow news day when this broke last week(end), but you know it is all valid.

Let's forget that the WHO (no, not Roger Daltrey & Pete Townsend) upped the level to orange, or moved down to Defcon 2 or whatever they call it. Yes, the perception that there is too much information is partially due to a 24 hour news cycle that somehow must employ Dr. Sanjay Gupta 13 hours per day (how do his patients in regular hospital-land ever see that man?), but I like to think that all the info is just and needed.

There are even certain gay bloggers who talk about the hype. They are also the first ones if this "flu" killed 16 gay men and no one did anything about it, they'd be all over that shit (no Torn, not you). As well they should. But 91 (or whatever the number is now) of others who died of Swine Flu are no less important than us gay men. Depeche Mode even said, "people are people".

And no offense to the people who expired from this flu, but now this situation is about containment. It's good places like the CDC and WHO have learned from past experience. SARS, Mad Cow, and let's not forget GRID back in 1981.

Having worked in Emergency Medicine and disaster preparedness for a decade, I am really ok with this exposure - of the media, that is. I think it's important that the word gets out. Sometimes you need a 2x4 to beat the public into listening - and this is one of those times.

Cough and sneeze into your sleeve, folks. And for g-d's sake people, wash your fucking hands!

Not that I'm asking you to loiter in public restrooms (unless of course you're Larry Craig), but stand there for 5 minutes and watch how many people don't wash - it's disgusting. And it's no wonder illness is spread so easily. They are the pigs!



Song by: matchbox twenty